Checking In: Ongoing Consent and Ways to Ask for It

Can I touch you? 

This is only one of the most underrated ways to ask for Consent when you’re feeling a little bit of a vibe from this person you’re seeing. 

Someone’s finger touching a man’s face

You may think that this woke society has the art of checking in pinned down, but you’ve never been so wrong in your whole life. Granted that Consent has been thrust in the forefront of the conversation, it’s still miles away from being commonplace, which sadly says a lot about our evolution as a race. 

Consent isn’t just a one-time thing, though. It’s an ongoing process that caters to different levels of intimacy. A person might be into some hand-holding with you, but that doesn’t mean that they’d be into kissing you.

Consent, by definition, is permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. Simple, right? Yet, some people still struggle with the notion that it can easily be taken away just as it’s easily given.

ALL 👏 THE 👏 DAMN 👏 TIME.

There are no ifs or buts in this matter. You better ask for permission before you get up on anyone’s business. It’s not just in sex but in all aspects of life. It’s a sign of respect to others and yourself that you’re willing to go through the trouble – and the risk of killing the mood – to ask for Consent. And it doesn’t take much of you to have the courtesy to do so.

No Means No & Yes Means No

Consent and Sex come hand-in-hand. You can’t have Sex without Consent: that’s rape! Many skirt around this topic because it’s uncomfortable, but we need to educate people that you should always consider the feelings of others. No means No, and Yes (sometimes) also means No

Asking for Consent? Answers come in No or Yes.

Does this mean that you’ll stop having Sex altogether because Yes, apparently, means No as well? Of course not! We’re establishing the fact that when you ask for Consent, you should always make sure that it is freely given and without force

There will be times when you’ll be forced to say Yes even if you aren’t fully into it (DANGER ALERT). So it’s important to acknowledge and practice consciously checking in with your partner/s as an equally conscious participant in any sexual activity.

Pleasure from Permission

Besides, isn’t it more pleasurable to have relations when Consent is given?

When you check in with your partner/s before, during, and after Sex, it gives you a heightened feeling of trust and confidence in yourself – a pleasurable kind of validation that someone else liked what you did to them. Someone liked your touches enough that they allowed you into their body and enjoyed it.

There is pleasure from permission – remember that.

Checking In: A Questioning Art

But how do you check in without seeming like a mood-killer? Interrupting mid-kiss just to ask if you can touch a boob doesn’t sound hot, does it?

Checking in doesn’t have to kill the heat, though. It should amp it up! Asking for something from your partner/s, especially if it’s sexual in nature, should actually turn you on. They value your feelings and opinion, and that is why they are asking you if it’s go or no.

So, here are ways you can artfully ask for Consent and continuously do so during:

1. Just Ask

Explicitly ask for what you want. It doesn’t get any easier or more artful than that.

Couple in bed talking

Sometimes bluntness is hot, and you don’t have to overcomplicate everything in your head. Do you want to have Sex? Just ask. Do you want to try new kinks? Just ask. Do you want to try a new sex trick? Just Ask. You’d be surprised at the response when you ask for what you want. Do you want me to continue giving you head? Just freaking ask.

Of course, asking for sexual Consent should be because you have a current relationship or dynamic established; if there isn’t, then that’s just creepy.

2. Say What’s on Your Mind

Be upfront with what you’re thinking. Sometimes, all it takes is a few delicately chosen words from your pretty little mouth to ignite the flame. By saying what’s on your mind, you’re literally giving the other person the signal to kiss you, touch you, hug you, and a whole lot of other things. 

Here are some Subtle and Indirect Verbal Signals: 

  • Your lips look so soft. 
  • You smell really nice. 
  • You look sexy today. 

Here are some Explicit and Direct Verbal Signals: 

  • I want to kiss your sexy body. 
  • You look so hot in that shirt but even hotter when it’s off. 
  • I’m going to hit the shower, and I’d like you to join me. 

These are just some of the things you could say to your partner that would instantly turn them on and Consent to some steamy loving. 

3. Body Language

Woman leans into man (positive body language)

Verbal cues are no-brainers. Any person can ask or tell someone they like what they want to do in the sack. Now, reading body language is a different story. It takes time and patience to master this skill but considering that we’re talking about asking for Consent with a person you’re acquainted with and have that undeniable vibe, then this might be a little easier.

It’s like when you’re playing poker with your friends; you’re trying to find their tell. Think of this other person and their tells – it can be a pat on your arm, a hair flip, or a wry smile. Hey, when you know, you know. But the most obvious body language tells that you can spot are longing stares, lip biting, and being grabbed by the collar for a full-on make-out session.

Again, when you know, you know. Then again, if you suck at reading non-verbal cues – please refer to the previous entries before this one.

Let’s double back on Consent being ongoing – just because you’re half-naked and ready to seal the deal doesn’t mean one of you can’t back out.

Consent is reversible. It can be withdrawn at any moment a sexual participant chooses to do so. It can be mid-orgasm, and it’ll still be a valid withdrawal of permission. What everyone needs to get into their heads is that no one owes anyone their Consent. So if you’ve ever been turned down after they’ve undressed you, don’t go being an ass about it.

Your body is yours to give and take, just like everyone else. And if someone makes you uncomfortable, you don’t owe them politeness.

It’s important to remember that checking in exists to protect you from doing something you’ll regret or something distressing. Don’t ever feel ashamed for withdrawing Consent. Do it when you need to. Do it when you want to.

All You Have to do is Ask

Many people have a hard time verbalizing their desires and just assume that the other person is on the same page. And when you look at things with rose-colored glasses, signals get confusing from they want to be kissed to they’re just being polite and vice versa. 

It may not be easy to discern which is which, and that’s normal. But to make sure that you’re not going to step on any toes or boundaries – ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK. It’s the most effective way to rid yourself of inhibitions and fear of causing harm. 

Are you lusting for more Sex positive content? Read more on Foxxy articles here!

Must Read Beginner’s Guide to Electro Sex

Must Read Beginner’s Guide to Electro Sex

Do you want an electrifying orgasm? Electro sex toys could be just what you’re looking for! If you want to increase the intensity of your pleasure, this beginner’s guide to electro toys is a must-read.

Electro sex uses an electric current to excite the nerves of your genitals and skin surfaces. The human body is mostly water, making it an excellent conductor of electricity.

You can insert electro sex toys or use them on body surfaces for an orgasmic experience. 

A Word of Caution…

Electro sex toy for conducting electricity thru the body

Electro sex is completely safe; most devices use low limits of electricity. Here are a few things to remember:

• To increase sensitivity and avoid skin tenderness, use a water-based lubricant or electro-conductive gel 

• Do not use E-stim devices above the waist – electricity should never pass through your heart, so do not place devices near your nipples.

• If you have heart problems or have a pacemaker, do not use an E-stim unit

• Pregnant women should not use E-stim devices

• Do not use electro sex toys on broken or irritated skin

• Always turn off the power when inserting a dildo or butt plug.

• Take off all jewellery before you start experimenting.

Some may enjoy the new sensations, while others may find them too intense. Experiment with lower intensities before turning up the dial!

Let’s Start with Lube

Electrastim Sterile Lubricant Sachets

Lube makes sex and ElectraStim play more pleasurable and safer.

Cover your toys liberally before inserting them; lube makes them glide in easily and sterilizes them.

Medical professionals use this sterilized lube to ensure a clean and exquisite experience, knowing that you will be infection-free!

Electro-Conductive Electrode Gel

This conductive gel will make all your toys come to life. Clear and water-based, it’s safe to use with all your toys. This lube is fantastic. A little goes a long way.

Let’s Power Up the Toys

electro sex toys

*Not all toys include a control unit or power supply

https://shop.foxtailapp.com/product/bdsm-electric-shock-twilight-stick-wand-sex-kit/

BDSM Electric Shock Sex Kit

This kit includes everything you could need to get started.

The 3-inch probe for anal or vaginal play, two adjustable cock loops, sticky pads for intense sensation, conductive lube, water-based lube, a storage bag, and a three-year warranty!

If you’re new to electro play, the Flick has 24 intensities, allowing you to start low and gradually increase your intensity. It also has a whopping seven patterns!

The Stinger Electro Play Wand by Doc Johnson

This wand in cattle prod style is certainly exciting. This wand is safe, exciting to use, emits noises, and visibly sparks.

Two AA batteries power the wand. Grab the insulated hand, press the button, and the tip will send amazing sensations across your skin!

Electrastim Electros Silicone Kimodo Dildo

Are you get tired of electro sex? Grab the 6-inch dildo; use it with any harness that has a 1.5-inch O-ring! It does not come with an E-Stim unit. 

The dildo easily reaches her G-spot or his prostate for hands-free orgasms. Bi-polar contacts ensure intensity during masturbation, foreplay, and sex.

Uni-Polar Metallic Adjustable Cock Loops by ElectraStim

These electric cock loops adjust from 0.25 to 1.75 inches to fit most penises. Use the insulated grips for imaginative play.

Wear both simultaneously or share them with your partner, resulting in orgasmic experiences.

*ElectraStim power unit not included.

Toys For Both of You

The Zeus Palm Powerbox

The Palm Powerbox puts all the pleasure you need into a palm-sized device. Take it wherever you go! New to electro-sex, this Powerbox is perfect for you.

Apply the pads to your body for an exhilarating experience. Powerbox has six pulsation modes, multi-level settings, and two pads with leads for instant play. This Powerbox redefines the term “charge”!

Flogger

Zeus’s Twilight Violet Wand

This decadent wand provides a unique sensation with a dazzling light show for the eyes and senses. It includes four glass wands that send arcs that dance across your flesh! The electrifying base has an intensity-adjustable dial. 

Extreme Twilight Silicone Flogger E-Stim Attachment 

This Violet flogger made for impact play! Every touch of the flogger sends shockwaves through your partner’s body. Each sensual stroke conducts the electric current perfectly, charging each tail with electricity for many zapping bites. Let the sparks fly!

Ending Our Session…

Electro sex toys are an amazing way to spark new life into your sex play. Used alone or with a partner, they add a new and intense level of pleasure. Remember to use lots of lube, start on a low setting and enjoy the new sensations. No time like now to start your electro sex toy collection!

Want to enjoy playing with your entire body? If you’re looking for something to charge up your sex, the world of Electro is the place to start. Arc over to Foxxxy and start your electro sex collection today.

The 10 Best Femdom Sex Toys For Your Femdom Fantasy

Female domination. If just the sound of that excites you, you’ve come to the right place.

So, you’re attracted to strong, female figures, and you want someone to show you who’s boss. Or you want a more nurturing but still strict authority. Someone who can make you cry, beg for it, and punish you if you’re up to no good; maybe even outside of sex. Even if pain and humiliation aren’t your cup of tea, there’s also sweet, affectionate, gentle femdom that might just be the scene for you.  

With femdom, there can be a harder aspect of power exchange and gender role-reversal coming into play. And BDSM already has a reputation for having a lot of rules. But if this isn’t your first rodeo, you’d know a little control and a bit of restriction can go a long way to giving you (or your sub) the ultimate sexual freedom.  

Photo by Adéọlá Adérè̩mí on Unsplash

Whether you want to dominate or you want to be dominated, read on for an extensive (and alphabetized!) list of ten of the best kinds of sex toys that can help you achieve your hottest femdom fantasies.  

1. Butt Plugs

Who doesn’t love a good butt plug? They come in all colors, shapes, and sizes. You can get yours fluffy, bejeweled, or with a tail at the end for some bunny, puppy, or foxy cosplay. Up the ante with a vibrating butt plug or one that can transmit a (safe) electric shock.

Recommended: Metallic Butt Plug with Flower

2. Bondage Ropes

A staple of BDSM, don’t try these unless you’re confident you’ve practiced your girl scout knots. There are plenty of helpful instructions and rope play tutorials online. Once you’ve gotten the hang of it, you might even get creative with some more advanced rope play, like tasteful shibari. Good quality ropes are worth the investment – make sure you get one with a good diameter (over 5mm) and a safe-skin material that won’t chafe.

Check out a great comprehensive on the ins and outs of rope play here.

Recommended: High Quality Japanese Bondage Rope | Doc Johnson Soft, Skin-Friendly Cotton

3. Chastity Belts and Cock Cages

     If you want to be free, you’ve got to give up control. Chastity play with cages or belts might seem to land on the more advanced side of BDSM. But once you’ve mastered the logistics, it can be the perfect femdom tool for denying orgasms and getting your partner to fully submit.

Recommended: Stainless Steel Cock Cage

4. Cock Rings

          Cock rings are great for training naughty boys who come too quickly.  Pair them with some nipple clamps or get the kind that vibrates for more of that sweet, sweet stimulation to torture your subs with.

Recommended: Vibrating Cock Ring

5. Electrostimulation

     Wands, cock rings, cock-shockers, and nipple clamps: if you’ve ever been curious about sex toys for e-stim, the time to explore is now. Adding these new sensations to bed might even be the key to hands-free orgasms.

Recommended: BDSM Electric Shock Twilight Stick Wand Sex Kit

Safety Tip: Make sure to only ever use electroconductive water-based lubes, as silicone or oil-based lubes can act as insulators. And never go homemade.

6. Gags

Photo by Екатерина Мясоед from Pexels

The perfect femdom sex toys for mouthy sex slaves, gags can make your sub feel helpless by forcing them to surrender. Ball gags can help with establishing dominance by increasing anxiety and tension. But they also add a sensory element. On top of making your sub’s mouth feel full, gags can also make it harder to swallow. Spit kinks are a thing.

There are different types, too. Bit or cylinder gags are great for beginners, and o-rings are always popular. Dildo-shaped gags can be introduced for more advanced gag play.

Recommended: Breathable Open Mouth Ball Gag

Safety Tip: don’t leave them on for more than twenty minutes to give your sub’s jaw muscles a break.

7. Handcuffs

Stick ‘em up. Wrist or ankle cuffs are perfect for when you want your sub humiliated on the floor or pretty and all trussed up in bed, begging, waiting, and completely under your control. Restricting your sub’s movements can leave them at the mercy of you and your favourite femdom sex toys.

Recommended: Genuine Leather BDSM Bondage Set

8. Riding Crops

Photo by Maria Vlasova on Unsplash

Thwack! And the smell of leather. If you want to really immerse yourself in the role, a fine riding crop for some satisfying impact play can really help set the mood for your scene.

Recommended: Bondage Boutique Slim Leather Riding Crop

9. Strapons

Perfect for good, old-fashioned pegging. A beautiful strapon can be the magical union of a sexy harness for you and a good-sized dildo for your sub, ideal for stimulating their g-spot or their prostate.

Recommended: Bullet Vibrator Strap for Penis Double Penetration

10. Whips

These are for when chains and whips excite you. Whips and other floggers are fantastic for warming up the skin to prepare for more impact or sensory play.

Recommended: Fetish Black & Red Faux Leather Whip Flogger

The Bottom Line

When practising any kind of BDSM both doms and subs should always remember that sex must be SSC — safe, sane, and consensual. Femdom can be a wonderful opportunity to let go of not just your physical but also your emotional inhibitions. Female domination can also free yourself from the sexist expectations and constraints society may have set on you.

If you’re a beginner, there’s more to read about BDSM on our blog. You can learn all about why you should try BDSM to what makes BDSM fun. There’s even a handy guide on how to handle sub drop and aftercare! Happy reading!

Why Leather Culture is Here to Stay

Fur-lined leather cuffs

When you hear “Leather Culture,” do you picture a dominatrix cracking a whip, wearing leather from head to toe? Two men in “Puppy play” or a dom head-to-toe in black leather? It is all of these and more. So let’s take a look at Leather culture and why it’s here to stay!


“Leather” is a catch-all term for a diverse range of sexual preferences, identities, relationship structures, and social organizations that are loosely linked by the thread of sadomasochistic sex.


Leather culture is most visible in gay communities, where it is most often associated with gay men (leathermen); it is also reflected in various ways in the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and straight communities. Many people associate BDSM practices with leather culture.

The History of Leatherfolk

The subculture is thought to have evolved from the post-World War II biker scene, characterized by uniforms, buzz cuts, and military honor codes. It was an aesthetic that gay men who couldn’t identify with the more pretentious stereotypes of the time found appealing.

‘Leather’ was a code word for men in the 1940s; it meant, are you into rough sex, bondage, S&M?’

Those men formed motorcycle clubs and dressed in leather, adopting a look of masculine independence popularized by Marlon Brando’s look in 1953. In 1958, Chicago’s Gold Coast was the first gay bar to cater to the leather scene.

Leather as Self-Expression

Men dressed for Puppy play

Leather has a practical purpose. It’s an excellent material for making durable clothes, restraints, and other sex objects. Leather pants also repel odor-causing moisture. High-quality leather wicks moisture away from your body, keeping you dry and comfortable while also preventing bad odors from forming (Sweaty Sex, Mmmmm!). It is multifaceted and leaves a lot of room for interpretation. You’re creating your look and your sex life at the same time by choosing what pieces to wear and use.

Leather is a tool for expressing toughness and invulnerability through its functions—an indestructibility to its reputation fused by the people who use it.

Leather’s traditional description of toughness, vigor, and masculinity has been reimagined as light, subtle, and sensual.

Leather’s Role in BDSM

Leather and BDSM are inextricably linked. The leather community has engaged in BDSM practices since its inception, which is a big part of why we associate them with each other. For many people, regardless of sexual orientation, leather has become a symbol of kinky sex.

Leather is used to make impact toys such as whips, floggers, and paddles. Each one bringing a new sensation. People spend a lot of money on beautiful black leather BDSM accessories.

The Subliminal Power of Leather

Leather has a well-known presence in the kink community. Unlike other kinks, it is visible to passersby; if they’re walking around in a crowd wearing a harness, people in the leather community don’t mind wearing it with pride. It’s also popular because it’s all around us. Anyone involved in bondage wears leather restraints, wearing a sexy leather thong may turn on their partner.

Wearing leather can make you feel more powerful, sexually appealing, and dominant. Leather can put you in a dominant mental state, which can lead to rougher, more exciting sex. For instance, when your dom puts on their boots and harness, they become a different version of themselves, allowing you to let go and serve them. You can also grovel while wearing a leather ball gag or restraints made of leather.

It can function as a second skin. Wearing leather can make you brave to be yourself in a new environment, such as a leather bar, or to ask someone to dance in a typical club. On the other hand, it makes you more dominant even outside of a sexual situation, so you might be able to apply it to one. All of these types of leather fetishism are legitimate, they are all represented in the leather and BDSM communities.

Leather mask, belt, and cuff

Leather Defines A Culture

The leather culture refers to sexual practices and dress styles centered on leather garments such as leather jackets, vests, boots, chaps, harnesses, and other items. Wearing leather clothing is one way this culture deliberately distinguishes itself from mainstream sexual cultures. For many, wearing black leather clothing is an erotic fashion statement that expresses heightened masculinity or the appropriation of sexual power; a love of motorcycles, motorcycle clubs, independence, or sexual kink.

Leather Culture Principles

The principles of trust, honor, and respect are a common foundation upon which the leather culture is built. In addition, leatherfolk believe that by implementing these principles in their daily lives, they will become role models for both conventional and leather families.

Leather is associated with brotherhood, self-discipline, and honor. There is a tradition of self-respect and respect for others who deserve it, an open exchange of ideas and information, and active participation in the community.

Many people believe that their involvement with leather culture has made them better, stronger, safer, more ethical, and more connected. A culture founded on these beliefs is here to stay!

The Takeaway

All of these types of leather fetishism are legitimate, they are all represented in the leather and BDSM communities.

When we bring our kinks and fetishes home at the end of the day. It’s about consenting adults elating in one of the many ways people experience their sexual identities and connecting with others who share their beliefs. There is a significant difference between those who want to spice things up and those who are part of a culture that has been around for decades; Leather Culture is here to stay.

If you want to be a part of the leather culture or if your kink is leather toys and you’re looking for a partner, Foxtail is the place to be.

Triptastic Sex on Psychedelics

A couple having psychedelic sex on the back of winged beast

Do you ever feel that your sex is lacking something? Have you ever experimented with psychedelics? Have you ever considered having sex using psychedelics? People are increasingly interested in chemsex. Let’s look into psychedelic sex and see what all the hype is about.


The use of drugs to intensify sex is known as party and play or chemsex. It has been associated with gay men and the use of “Poppers,” but couples have been having psychedelic sex for years. While this isn’t for everyone, there are some compelling arguments for it.

The Beginnings of Psychedelic Sex

Sex and drugs are cultural taboos on their own. Understanding how sex and drugs are linked is not something we should be afraid of or dismiss as deviant.

For centuries, people have used drugs to facilitate and enhance their sexual experiences. To increase sexual desire, the ancient Egyptians used extracts from the blue lotus flower. Before the ban in the 1940s, Peyote/Mescaline was used in Native American sex rituals.

The Most Common Drug, Alcohol

Most people are familiar with alcohol, many using it to unwind before having sex. Drugs are used to enhance the experience of sex, whereas alcohol is used to facilitate it. Some people will use a combination of drugs rather than a single substance.

Alcohol and cocaine are used together because cocaine, as a stimulant, counteracts the depressive effect of alcohol. Cocaine, like other stimulants like methamphetamine, extends the sexual experience.

Female on a bed with drugs on breasts

A Case for Pychedelics

Psychedelics influence the brain’s “me” regions, dampening the ego’s constant criticism. Allowing people to unwind and lessen anxieties that are known to stifle sex. Psychedelics are an excellent choice for sex as they reduce insecurities and increase physical awareness.

Frequently the user gains personal insight, has a new experience, or sees themselves from a new perspective, which can significantly impact a sexual experience. Every sexual experience has the potential to teach us something about sex, just as every drug experience has the potential to teach us something about sex.

Ecstasy

A couple having sex on psychedelic drugs

Ecstasy/Molly causes a surge of serotonin and dopamine, the brain’s “feel good” chemicals, releasing it all at once, resulting in a rush of bliss and happiness. Ecstasy can make people horny and increase the sensation of touch. It can also make getting a hard-on or cumming difficult.

Ecstacy increases emotional intimacy, making touch feel sensual and love feel ecstatic, but it can be difficult for some to maintain an erection or reach climax.

Be aware that most dealers selling illegal “molly” or “ecstasy” dilute it with other substances such as cocaine, heroin, or synthetic Ecstasy, all of which can cause seizures and death. Be cautious when using this drug!

Magic Mushrooms

Psilocybin mushrooms/Shrooms can have an effect similar to LSD. For most people, sex isn’t even a consideration when it comes to mushrooms. Most people prefer to cuddle rather than have sex with their partners. There is a sense of intimacy and sensitivity, whether cuddling or having sex. A significant benefit of using mushrooms is the emotional connection they provide.

A lower dose of mushrooms is likely to make you horny. Higher doses will make you so distracted that anything remotely sexual will be impossible to focus on. Shrooms can be difficult to dose at times since different strains have different concentrations.

LSD

Having sex on LSD/Acid is said to be the most pleasurable experience you can have. LSD can make you feel horny, increase the sensation of touch, and cause erotic hallucinations. Sex on acid can appear to last much longer than it does.

Many people regard it as the number one sex drug, with no way to tell your body apart from your partners’. The sensation is amplified, the emotional connection is intense. LSD lowers your inhibitions and alters your perception of reality, making it easier to act out sexual fantasies. Lower inhibitions can also cloud your judgment when it comes to safer sex.

Caution should be used when using any drug; inhibitions are reduced while tripping, and there is always the risk of a bad trip; sex on LSD is best done with someone you know well and trust.

Shrooms and LSD work together, creating heightened sensation and awareness, allowing users to be less self-conscious about their performance and appearance while also strengthening the emotional connection with a partner.

Who you trip with is more important than the substance. Depending on the circumstances, any psychedelic can improve emotional intimacy.

Preparing for a Trip

Drugs scattered on a table

Regardless of which psychedelic you use, set and setting are important factors in your sexual experience. To get the most out of the experience, you must feel completely safe. That safe space should exist in your surroundings, with your partner, and in your mind.

Prior to having open conversations, it’s necessary to feel calm and clear-headed. Start low and gradually increase your dose. A sexual experience will be impossible if the dose is too high.

Psychedelics, like any other substance, can impair your ability to consent. The same rules for non-altered sex apply here: enthusiastic consent, birth control, and protection against sexually transmitted infections.

Negative Views on Psychedelic Sex

Very little is known about the relationship between sex and drugs. In the past, we focused on the links between drug use and “risky” sexual behaviour, such as not using condoms or orgies.

Drug use has also been linked to “impaired” sexual function, such as difficulty maintaining an erection or achieving an orgasm. This paints a negative picture of chemsex.

Ending the Trip

You can only imagine the different experiences you could have if you mix sex and drugs. Psychedelic sex can heighten the emotional connection, intensify senses, cause a loss of time comprehension, and give you the enlightened sensation of losing yourself in another person. Be safe; we can’t stress that enough.

Do you enjoy sex while high on psychedelics? Does it freak you out? I’d like to hear your thoughts on the matter. Do you want to learn more about this topic? Leave a comment below, then head over to Foxtail to see what’s new.

40 and Sexually Active – Taking Care of Your Sensuality

Age is just a number! Just because you’re 40 doesn’t mean you aren’t sexy anymore! 

So what if you’re pruning a bit? Your wrinkles are a testament to your experience and life! It’s a call for celebration! And what better way to celebrate life than to do the deed that gave you life?

Intertwined lovers’ feet

But the thing is, sex at 40 entails a lot of new considerations that weren’t present in your youth. Menopause/Andropause might be in your near future (if it hasn’t claimed you already); its tell-tale signs are now starting to show – like being dry down there, some mood swings, or being unable to hoist up the little general for a quickie.

Although it can get distressing to accept your body, don’t let that discourage you. The changes that you’re experiencing are all part of aging. Besides, modern technology has made it possible for people to relish in pleasures of the flesh (I’m looking at you Viagra and Lube) no matter how old you are.

Aged Like Fine Wine

The 40 and sexually active terrain is a reawakening of your sensuality. Think of it as the second coming of your virginity because, let’s admit it, at some point, your raging libido mellowed down either when you had kids, when your job demanded more overtime, or both. Your priorities just changed, and getting off seemed like the least of your worries. It doesn’t help your case when you’ve stopped doing your self-care rituals; the shedding of your public persona as you build a comfortable home tends to decrease your time and energy maintaining things that make you feel confident. It’s one of the main contributors to the lack of confidence that many men and women approaching 40 or are in their 40s experience. They feel desexualized and out of touch with their sensuality. 

A glass of red wine

By choosing comfort over wellness, they let themselves go. It’s not a crime to have a break from all the fuss. However, a lasting positive relationship between you and your body requires you to get reacquainted with your ability to love yourself in all shapes and forms. 

Sexy Has No Standard 

Wellness is attained through consistency. As we age, it becomes increasingly difficult to be consistent about things you can put off, like going to the salon, the dentist, getting waxed, and so on. While these may seem like trivial things, they are contributors to your self-perception. This is why Body Positivity is so hard to manifest. The media is purposive in feeding our brains with the ideal body type across ages. Unnecessary pressure is placed on everyone to look a certain way to be called sexy, think Jennifer Lopez and Channing Tatum. Although you’re not expected to be like any of them, it makes you feel futile for even trying to take care of yourself. 

Sexy has no standard, though. All bodies are valid, and we should accept them for how they are. You’re not getting anywhere moping around about your fading youth. Think of yourself as a deliciously aged fine wine. Sure, you’re getting up there, but that doesn’t lessen the quality and texture of your person. Sex appeals are subjective. If you feel sexy, it emanates! 

Sensual Sensibilities: Taking Care of Your Sensuality at 40

Taking care of your sensuality or desire to feel and express sexual pleasure takes effort. A sexually active 40-year-old isn’t a leprechaun. But the sexual routine of an old married couple may make you think that spice is off the table. Remember that sex should always be consensual and enjoyed by the participants. You shouldn’t feel obligated to have sex. You should want to have sex.

So how do you take care of your sensuality and become an invigorated sexual being at 40?

Here are a few things you should consider:

1. Self-Care Regimens

Saddle up and Spa! 

Self-care regimens such as skin care routines, mani-pedis, waxing, or shaving are trivial rituals, but these things help make you look and feel your best! 

Woman indulging in self-care

I know, I know, it can certainly be a hassle to maintain frivolous activities like these. Basic grooming can transform into a thing of the past when you’re too comfortable with your partner, but we all know it shouldn’t be. 

Self-care is important. You need to establish a good relationship with yourself to better connect and relate with another person. So don’t hesitate! Make an effort to hold a spa day at least once a month! It’s not a girly thing to use clay masks! Involve your partner in this monthly spa day! Do it for the team, guys! 

Another great self-care regimen would be exercise! Apart from it being good for your body, it’s also a mood enhancer like sex. Research shows that people who regularly exercise are happier than those who aren’t. It can promote good mental health and improve your self-perception – this allows you to feel better about yourself and, in turn, sexier. 

2. Indulge in Romance

Couple kissing

When was the last time you and your partner had a night out or adventure? If you can’t remember, then you’re in serious need of a romantic getaway. 

Indulging in romance is a great way to boost that libido! Your connectedness with your person is an undeniable feeling that can stir fire in your heart and loins. Book a nice restaurant for no apparent occasion! Have a moonlight walk! Do the things you used to do when you guys were dating. It’ll surely bring back fond memories!

Meanwhile, for all you single 40-year-olds, go out and meet people! Stop sulking in your nice apartment. There’s a whole world outside that couch of yours. Sign up on a dating app! Ask a friend to hook you up on a blind date. Casual relationships don’t end in your 20s. You can still play the game even if you’ve been benched for years. There are a lot of singletons out there ready to bang one out! You could be one of them, too!

3. Masturbate

Masturbation is the definition of sensuality. 

Hands and a vibrator

You can totes masturbate at 40 or older, and you don’t have to be shy about it! Owning your pleasure is an empowering feeling. It basically says that you don’t need anyone else to make you feel good.

Though you can also share this experience with a partner with mutual masturbation, it’s still a comforting idea that you can own this sex act by yourself. Many people find that possession of something which cannot be taken away boosts their confidence off the roof. 

So don’t wait up! Masturbate at will! 

4. Get Kinky

Sexy Secretary Role Play

If you’ve lived all of your sexually active years without getting kinky, now is the time to try. 

There is a whole community out here that is open to new sex-periences. Try out kinks and look for something that fits you and your personality. Buy toys that would make you giggle at the thought of using them. I guarantee that trying out different kinds of play would excite both you and your partner. 

To avoid being overwhelmed by the vast roster of toys and play, try buying something basic like toy hand-cuffs and blindfolds, try out cosplay sex, or role-playing. The choices are endless! 

Keep In Mind

As a sexually active 40-year-old, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for loving the deed at your age. You can even enjoy sex when you’re 80, and it’ll still be a valid form of self-expression and self-pleasure. You can even feel pleasure without sex, and it’ll still be valid.

Owning your sensuality and taking care of it is an ongoing process. Even at 40, your sexual nature is still evolving. You might not feel sexy all the time but you should aim to feel sexy most of the time.

Want to get a head start in your sensual journey? Read more sex positive and empowering articles on Foxtail! Or you could meet people from our community!

How to be Bad and Be Perfectly Good At It: An Intro to BDSM

The blockbuster Fifty Shades trilogy introduced BDSM to the general public. However, the movie only covered a small aspect of what it really is. If you and your partner are interested in engaging in new kinks, this may be the right choice for you. Here is your fool-proof introduction in this form of kink.

What is BDSM?

The acronym “BDSM” stands for bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism and masochism (S&M). It is an umbrella term encompassing a range of activities and dynamics covering the three erotic practices.

Furthermore, sadomasochism enthusiasts explore by eliciting a physical or psychological response, or a combination of both, to their partner. BDSM is based on trust, control and consent. It also uses power play to elicit pleasure. Both parties negotiate and agree on the terms.

Its History

For several years now, only few people know about the kink. However, its modern culture developed from “The Leather Movement.” After the second world war, soldiers embraced the biker style of dressing and lifestyle. They wore leather clothing, thus the term.

The old movement spread only around gay men and selected women in large US cities. Since then, the world has accepted the kink as a mainstream practice.

The Stigma from its Past

Surprisingly, the sadomasochism kink is an early practice seen in 5th century BC relics. However, the stigma attached to its history was a cause of serious concern.

Seeing the Kink as a Mental Health Issue

For several years, the BDSM kink was a mental health concern. Society branded partakers as mentally ill. People wanted to commit participants to mental health institutions.

Conversely, mental health professionals at present refuted this stigma. The sadomasochism kink shows good correlation with a healthy well-being. People nowadays see the kink as a form of therapy.

BDSM is Not Abuse

A lot of people misconstrue BDSM as violence, pain, and abuse. They even equate a sadomasochistic relationship as a toxic and unhealthy one.


In reality, this type of relationship involves intricate planning, deep trust, and gentle care. Both the dominant and the submissive agree on all terms of the play. Thus, we can surmise that a sadomasochistic lifestyle is a form of a healthy relationship.

The Kink Dictionary: BDSM Terms You Should Know

Top and Bottom

The top and bottom refer to roles used in BDSM. The top role is the dominant one in the relationship. They are also the one giving stimulation or pleasure-pain to the other.

In the same manner, the bottom role is the submissive one. They are the receiver of pleasure, pain, and stimulation. As mentioned, both roles agree upon the terms of the sadomasochistic practice.

This term refers to the agreement and trust given when participating in certain acts. Consent separates BDSM from abuse.

Safe Words

Similar to consent, safe words ensure that both parties are comfortable in the kinky activities being done. During the planning phase of this lifestyle, couples must agree beforehand on the safe words during activities. Safe words establish the limits and boundaries that the person has when engaging in sadomasochistic activities.

Scene

Similar to safe words, partners establish a scene to be followed in the BDSM event. It is a previously planned situation, complete with roles that both parties will partake.

Aftercare

Since BDSM involves some measure of pain, partners must establish aftercare practices. The term refers to a “cool down” period where physical and emotional care is given, usually to the submissive.

Examples of aftercare include tending to wounds, cleaning up each other’s bodies, or a simple cuddle time. It is a must-do after every activity.

Trying Out the Kink

Are you now intrigued to follow the BDSM lifestyle? Here areimportant things to consider before engaging in this kink.

1. Talk it out at length.

Before trying BDSM, couples must first talk at length if both are willing to start this type of relationship. Moreover, they must discuss which kinky acts each one is comfortable with doing.

2. Engage in intensive planning.

Like previously mentioned, sadomasochism involves intensive planning. Establish your boundaries, safe words, and aftercare habits so that everything goes without a hitch.

3. Plan your kinky scene.

The scene is the main event. Carefully plan your scene to express fetishes, test your boundaries, acknowledge the risks, and go over each term of your sadomasochistic event.

Furthermore, it is highly essential to practice good communication skills, especially when in the actual scene. Always start slow since both parties are beginners in this scenario. Let the tension build up over time.

BDSM highly values the consent and comfort between two parties. It is a healthy relationship designed to explore a couple’s sexual desires. However, it involves careful planning and effort. This is why both parties must be prepared both physically and emotionally.

It is an exciting new kink to partake. Are you itching to explore more intense fetishes? Head on over to our shop to cop the best sex toys and tools to use in BDSM!

10 Unpopular but Oh-So-Worthy Sex Toys You’ve Never Heard Of

Human creativity knows no bounds. We will always find new ways to do things – even when it comes to sex. Even if you use your trusty vibrator regularly, there is a whole array of new sex toys out there you may want to explore.


This article introduces sex toys that are not commonly known but would be amazing options to diversify your collection.

1. Babeland Pinwheel for BDSM Nights

A pinwheel as a sex toy? This is pretty unconventional, but the Babeland Pinwheel is an interesting choice to add to your sex toy collection. The pinwheel is made up of twenty-two points that are used to run all over the skin.


Use it over legs, neck, breasts, or genitals for increased pleasure. The toy is also an awesome BDSM tool as you can increase pressure for that eye-rolling pleasure-pain combination. Purchase other excellent BDSM sex toys in our shop now!

2. Jimmyjane CONTOUR M Ceramic Massage Stone to Release Body Tension

This ceramic stone does not look like your run-of-the-mill sex toy. This ceramic figurine look-alike is a renowned massage item that is effective in removing tension from the body. As a foreplay item, this stone, coupled with oil, brings both pleasure and relaxation in the bedroom.

You can soak this stone in warm water or pop it in the freezer for a satisfying full body massage. Also, you can use large strokes to cover more areas or use small movements to focus on one area. Cop your own Jimmyjane through their Amazon shop now!

3. The Pleasure Chest Nipple Bulb as a Compact Toy

For its friendly price, this small item packs a punch in the pleasure department. The Pleasure Chest Nipple Bulb is a new sex toy perfect to add to your collection due to its compact size.

Do you want more sex toy options for teasing and added pleasure? Click on our shop and choose your weapon of choice.

4. Libido-Booster Fiera Arouser For Her

Ever heard of a libido-boosting sex toy? Neither have we. This personal care device aims to help women with sexual issues enjoy sex and relink with your sexual partner.

Before engaging in any sexual activity, use the Fiera 10 minutes prior. The toy increases blood flow and sensitivity in your intimate areas. Also, it prepares women to be more excited and aroused before sex due to enhanced lubrication. Shop Fiera at Amazon now.

5. Mystim Tickling Truman for a Boost of Sexual Sensation

The Mystim is now your usual vibrator. It offers both vibrations and electric stimulations for a more satisfying sexual experience. User reviews state that the electric stimulations help them reach their orgasm easier.

Looking for exciting vibrators? Shop alternatives from our Foxxxy shop!

6. Jimmyjane HELLO TOUCH X Gives Electric Fun

The Hello Touch is a fun mix of electric stimulation, vibration, and sci-fi roleplay styling. It also comes in various modes for a more curated sexual experience. You may shop for alternatives in our online sex toy shop.

7. GentleJetSpa Mastex Luxury Bath Spa for Nights of Luxury

Relaxation is best done with a sexy twist! The Jet Spa has an adjustable nozzle that you can use to direct water flow in more interesting areas of the body. Shop now on Amazon.

8. Babeland Mood Powerball Stroker for Male Sexual Needs

We can’t forget a toy for men on this list. It’s an awesome hand job in a ball. This squishy and textured ball is something your penis would surely thank you for. Shop alternative enhancers from our shop!

9. Sportsheets Bound To Please Adjustable Spreader Bar for 50-Shades Action

You may have seen this leg-spreader bar in the 50 Shades of Grey movie franchise. It also doubles as a restraint when you’re in the mood for some BDSM action. Interested? Cop your own in their Amazon shop.

10. Screaming O Fingo Nubby Finger Vibrator for Finger Play

Strap this sex toy in your or your partner’s finger to take finger play action to the next level. It’s both comfortable and powerful – perfect for spicing up intimate moments. Purchase this sex toy on this link.

These ten uncommon but very interesting sex toys are amazing options to try if you want to explore sex toys better. It’s always a good idea to diversify your sex toy collection.

Intro to Prostate Massage-Health Benefits and Pleasure

what is prostate massage?

Prostate massage is a procedure that involves inserting a finger into the rectum to stimulate the prostate gland. The goal is to empty the prostate gland’s ducts of excess seminal fluid (the fluid that combines with sperm to form semen)

The prostate is a small gland located between the base of the penis and the rectum. It produces fluid, also known as semen, which aids in the movement and survival of sperm. The prostate gland also known as “the P-Spot” is a highly sensitive body area that can provide intense pleasure and orgasm when stimulated. The prostate contains a large number of blood vessels that swell in response to increased blood flow. The increased blood flow makes the area more sensitive, which can increase pleasure.

Here, we will explore some of the potential benefits, risks, and how to perform a prostate massage.

The Health Benefits of Prostate Massage

Some of the health benefits of prostate massage include:

1 It Improves the Flow of Urine

Complete or partial obstruction of the urinary tract prevents urine from flowing normally through the tract. When the prostate is swollen or inflamed, it can irritate the bladder. This can cause urine flow through the urethra to be slow or even cut off. Prostate massage may reduce swelling in the area, relieving pressure on the urethra.

2 It Could Help in the Prevention of Prostatitis

Prostatitis is an inflammation and swelling of the prostate gland caused by a bacterial infection. It can cause symptoms such as pain when peeing and pain around the groin and pelvis. Prostate massage relieves pressure and swelling by releasing fluids stored in the prostate. 

3 It May Helps Improve Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction is the inability to get or maintain an erection for sexual intercourse (ED). ED can be a sign of a physical or mental illness or a side effect of drugs. Prostate massage improves erections, reduces premature ejaculation, improves overall sexual performance, and produces a more intense orgasm.

4 It Relieves the Symptoms of an Enlarged Prostate


It is fairly common to have an enlarged prostate, also known as benign prostate hyperplasia (BPH). Similar to prostatitis, the most typical symptoms are painful urination, urine retention, and frequent urination. In addition to medication, a frequent prostate massage can help reduce symptoms.

5 It May Aid in the Relief of Painful Ejaculation

Painful ejaculation can be caused by infection or inflammation in the epididymis, prostate, seminal vesicles, or urethra. Excess fluid might cause pain or discomfort while ejaculating. Prostate massage therapy can help to reduce or eliminate pain and blockages during ejaculation.

Pleasure: Sexual Pleasure Derived from Prostate Massage

Prostate massage can increase sexual arousal, improve erection, or relax the rectum before anal sex. It can be a relaxing experience because it contains thousands of nerve endings, which makes stimulating it feel good.

It is worthy to note that stimulating the prostate may result in a more intense orgasm during ejaculation. You can also use sex toys such as vibrators, dildos, and plugs to stimulate the prostate.

Prostate milking is the term used to describe the act of massaging the prostate for sexual satisfaction. Massaging the prostate causes, it produces a thin, milky fluid known as prostate fluid. The main goal of prostate milking is that it feels good. It has the potential to improve sexual pleasure and partner closeness.

Before You Start

If you are the recipient of a prostate massage,

Before you begin, first use the restroom. Anal penetration can cause the sensation of needing to poop, while prostate stimulation can cause needing to pee. 

It is important that both you and your partner are comfortable and turned on. Masturbation or foreplay will help you get there. You must be calm and aroused for prostate massage to be easier and more pleasurable. A relaxed anus is an easy anus to penetrate. If you’re feeling relaxed and turned on, your chances of getting intense pleasure and enjoying yourself increase.

Finally, apply a generous amount of lubricant to your anal region. When stimulating your prostate externally, using a lubricant will allow for easier penetration and gliding.

<img src="http://blog.foxtailapp.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/close-up-portrait-young-half-naked-man-1024×683.jpg" alt="<a href='https://www.freepik.com/photos/water'>Water photo created by drobotdean – www.freepik.com

How to Massage the Prostate

If you are the partner performing the massage, 

The first step is to wash your hands with soap and water.

Cut and file your nails and wear a glove before inserting a finger into the anus. Wearing gloves can help to make the insertion go more smoothly. It may also be a good idea because it prevents bacteria from entering the rectal passage from the hands.

Apply a good amount of lubricant to your finger. Once your finger is lubricated, slowly slide it into your partner’s anus. Gently push on the front wall of the rectum, which may feel slightly bulged. Begin by massaging the prostate in a smooth, pleasurable motion. Gradually increase your speed as the pleasure grows. Stroking the penis while massaging the prostate can increase pleasure and cause your partner to orgasm more quickly. Not sure what lube to use? Consider Mizzzee Golden Lubricant

You can opt for a sex toy to boost pleasure. Use sex toys designed for anal play, such as those with a flared base. Look out for dildos that have formed to hit “the P-spot.” Vibrating dildos, on the other hand, can make your prostate explorations more intense. You could try the Anal/Prostate Vibrator, which has a unique shape that stimulates the prostate. Or Anal Plug Vibrator for Prostate

The Underlying Risks of Prostate Massage

Some of the risks of prostate massage include:

  • It may result in bleeding around the prostate if not done in the right way.
  • Prostate massage may cause cancer to spread if the receiver already has cancer.
  • Excessive pressure on the prostate may damage the rectal lining.
  • If the recipient has an infection, such as bacterial prostatitis, they should avoid prostate massage. It could cause the infection to spread to the bloodstream, resulting in blood poisoning.

Summary

Proper stimulation can result in prostate orgasm. Incorporating prostate massage into your sex life can be a fun way to connect with your partner. However, it is highly recommended that you use a lot of lubricants that are fragrance-free while you are doing it. If you have chronic bacterial prostatitis, you should avoid getting a prostate massage since it can worsen your condition.

Do you want to explore your sexual life? Feel free to join our community to connect with like-minded people.

5 Things About BDSM 50 Shades Got Wrong (And What It Got Right)

When Fifty Shades of Grey first came out, the book topped almost every Bestsellers’ List. The first out of three hugely successful movies broke records. Fifty Shades of Grey is still among the most-watched R-rated movies of all time.

Even now, it’s still an immensely successful franchise. It may be far from the first novel to center sex in its themes. But whenever BDSM comes up in party conversation, it’s the title on the tip of everyone’s tongue.

It was only to be expected that more conservative consumers would slam the book. But here’s the funny thing. Despite the promo and the branding, Fifty Shades of Grey wasn’t exactly claimed by the BDSM community, either.

“Not BDSM at all,” and other bad press

Photo by Dollar Gill on Unsplash

Early on, critics, evangelists, authors, actors, and even a few plucky DJs from Wisconsin who threw a “burning book party” would decry E.L. James for ‘glamorizing abuse’ and ‘promoting sexual violence.’

The kink community itself would be used to and bored of these accusations. But that’s because prior to the pop culture movement Fifty Shades would trigger, it was massively misunderstood.

Whether the creators intended to be accurate or not, BDSM practitioners had good reason to fear its popularity. They were worried Fifty Shades would perpetuate harmful ideas and negative stereotypes that were already circling BDSM.

Debunking Misconceptions

1. BDSM scenes are not always extreme.

BDSM is not a catchall phrase for everything sexual that’s nontraditional. What does belong under the umbrella are Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism — which means it deals with physical or psychological control, power dynamics, and giving or receiving pain.

That said, while BDSM as a keyword would conjure up all manner of bondage and fetish gear from ball gags to whips, BDSM is still BDSM without props. If you’ve ever gotten turned on from being spanked, tied up, or called a ‘bad girl,’ congrats. You’ve dipped your toes into BDSM.

In the first book, there’s a part where Christian ‘gives in’ to being gentler with Ana because she was a virgin. This scene completely runs afoul of the fact that (a) dominance doesn’t automatically equate to rough, and (b) ‘vanilla’ sex is in any way inferior to kinky sex.

2. BDSM doesn’t always involve physical pain.  

BDSM is an umbrella term, but that doesn’t mean one size fits all. Everyone has their own set of preferences and kinks. Respecting those of your partner’s is the key to a healthy relationship — D/S or otherwise.

There’s a psychological element almost always, especially when power dynamics are involved. Take bondage, for example. Even the simple act of handcuffing someone, which may seem purely physical at first, requires trust and giving up control.

There are other nonphysical ways to be submissive, such as performing a service or following instructions. Unless you’re intentionally exploring it, scenes don’t ever have to include inflicting or receiving pain. 

Photo by Emiliano Vittoriosi on Unsplash

3. Doms are always on top.  

The terms ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ were originally used to differentiate positions in gay sex. But in BDSM, ‘top’ refers to who controls the scene, and ‘bottom’ refers to who receives the action. In bondage, for example, the one getting tied up would be the ‘bottom.’

BDSM, in reality, is incredibly LGBT+ friendly and diverse and not the heteronormative picture Fifty Shades of Grey wound up portraying. Doms can be masochistic and prefer to receive pain. There are ‘service subs’ who ‘top’ because it’s their kink to follow instructions and be of service.

4. BDSM is not an effect of childhood abuse. 

One of Fifty Shades’ biggest sins is how it contributed to the unfair linkage of BDSM to child abuse. Around the second book, it’s a major plot point that Anastasia meets up with Christian’s old domme Elena, who seduced him when he was only fifteen.

While there are people who engage in BDSM as a means to explore their own trauma, they’re the exception, not the rule. There are many different and varying reasons to try BDSM, and the truth is that — and studies can back this up — BDSM and other kink practitioners are not significantly any more likely to have experienced child abuse.

On the other hand, much of what adult Christian does to 21-Year-old Anastasia Steele is scarily downright abusive behavior. From breaking into her home, ignoring her objections, to touching her without consent. That brings us to:

5. Consent should always matter.

It doesn’t matter that Anastasia signed his ‘sex contract’ at the beginning of the book. On the one hand, sex contracts as legally binding documents are not a thing. On the other, she was sexually inexperienced and wouldn’t have been able to give informed consent.

Furthermore, a good dom should know better than to ask for blanket permission. Circumstances can change, and it’s impossible to gauge whether your partner is ready or prepared unless you ask.

The difference between sex and abuse is clear, explicitly communicated consent, whether it’s vanilla sex or extreme BDSM. It’s even a draw for many people that BDSM comes with strict rules, guidelines, and clear negotiations. For them, the only way for them to truly consent is to be 100% aware of what they’re getting into.

Now, as much as I want things to be black and white. There was one thing I felt the novel tried to say that I would agree with. If only it had been a little better expressed.

BDSM can change you.

At the end of the third movie, a shirtless Jamie Dornan says ‘”You’re topping from the bottom, Mrs. Grey. But I can live with that”.

I think it was trying to show that they’d both grown and that their relationship had evolved. Ana’s more confident, and Christian’s more open. While I don’t particularly appreciate how the franchise portrayed it, BDSM can absolutely be that transformative in real life.

Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

There’s a lot BDSM can teach you about how and when to communicate your needs or desires. Whether negotiating a fantasy or knowing when to stop (or add to) a scene, it’s paramount that everyone involved is on the same page.

Second, the emphasis may be on the dom being in control. But scenes are built around what the sub can and can’t handle. It’s about giving the sub what they want — even if it’s for pain or to be punished. 

Sometimes there’s no just better way to explore your own limits than to (safely) experience them.

How did you feel about 50 Shades of Grey? Leave a comment below to share your thoughts with the community. Or sign up on Foxtail now!