40 and Sexually Active – Taking Care of Your Sensuality

Age is just a number! Just because you’re 40 doesn’t mean you aren’t sexy anymore! 

So what if you’re pruning a bit? Your wrinkles are a testament to your experience and life! It’s a call for celebration! And what better way to celebrate life than to do the deed that gave you life?

Intertwined lovers’ feet

But the thing is, sex at 40 entails a lot of new considerations that weren’t present in your youth. Menopause/Andropause might be in your near future (if it hasn’t claimed you already); its tell-tale signs are now starting to show – like being dry down there, some mood swings, or being unable to hoist up the little general for a quickie.

Although it can get distressing to accept your body, don’t let that discourage you. The changes that you’re experiencing are all part of aging. Besides, modern technology has made it possible for people to relish in pleasures of the flesh (I’m looking at you Viagra and Lube) no matter how old you are.

Aged Like Fine Wine

The 40 and sexually active terrain is a reawakening of your sensuality. Think of it as the second coming of your virginity because, let’s admit it, at some point, your raging libido mellowed down either when you had kids, when your job demanded more overtime, or both. Your priorities just changed, and getting off seemed like the least of your worries. It doesn’t help your case when you’ve stopped doing your self-care rituals; the shedding of your public persona as you build a comfortable home tends to decrease your time and energy maintaining things that make you feel confident. It’s one of the main contributors to the lack of confidence that many men and women approaching 40 or are in their 40s experience. They feel desexualized and out of touch with their sensuality. 

A glass of red wine

By choosing comfort over wellness, they let themselves go. It’s not a crime to have a break from all the fuss. However, a lasting positive relationship between you and your body requires you to get reacquainted with your ability to love yourself in all shapes and forms. 

Sexy Has No Standard 

Wellness is attained through consistency. As we age, it becomes increasingly difficult to be consistent about things you can put off, like going to the salon, the dentist, getting waxed, and so on. While these may seem like trivial things, they are contributors to your self-perception. This is why Body Positivity is so hard to manifest. The media is purposive in feeding our brains with the ideal body type across ages. Unnecessary pressure is placed on everyone to look a certain way to be called sexy, think Jennifer Lopez and Channing Tatum. Although you’re not expected to be like any of them, it makes you feel futile for even trying to take care of yourself. 

Sexy has no standard, though. All bodies are valid, and we should accept them for how they are. You’re not getting anywhere moping around about your fading youth. Think of yourself as a deliciously aged fine wine. Sure, you’re getting up there, but that doesn’t lessen the quality and texture of your person. Sex appeals are subjective. If you feel sexy, it emanates! 

Sensual Sensibilities: Taking Care of Your Sensuality at 40

Taking care of your sensuality or desire to feel and express sexual pleasure takes effort. A sexually active 40-year-old isn’t a leprechaun. But the sexual routine of an old married couple may make you think that spice is off the table. Remember that sex should always be consensual and enjoyed by the participants. You shouldn’t feel obligated to have sex. You should want to have sex.

So how do you take care of your sensuality and become an invigorated sexual being at 40?

Here are a few things you should consider:

1. Self-Care Regimens

Saddle up and Spa! 

Self-care regimens such as skin care routines, mani-pedis, waxing, or shaving are trivial rituals, but these things help make you look and feel your best! 

Woman indulging in self-care

I know, I know, it can certainly be a hassle to maintain frivolous activities like these. Basic grooming can transform into a thing of the past when you’re too comfortable with your partner, but we all know it shouldn’t be. 

Self-care is important. You need to establish a good relationship with yourself to better connect and relate with another person. So don’t hesitate! Make an effort to hold a spa day at least once a month! It’s not a girly thing to use clay masks! Involve your partner in this monthly spa day! Do it for the team, guys! 

Another great self-care regimen would be exercise! Apart from it being good for your body, it’s also a mood enhancer like sex. Research shows that people who regularly exercise are happier than those who aren’t. It can promote good mental health and improve your self-perception – this allows you to feel better about yourself and, in turn, sexier. 

2. Indulge in Romance

Couple kissing

When was the last time you and your partner had a night out or adventure? If you can’t remember, then you’re in serious need of a romantic getaway. 

Indulging in romance is a great way to boost that libido! Your connectedness with your person is an undeniable feeling that can stir fire in your heart and loins. Book a nice restaurant for no apparent occasion! Have a moonlight walk! Do the things you used to do when you guys were dating. It’ll surely bring back fond memories!

Meanwhile, for all you single 40-year-olds, go out and meet people! Stop sulking in your nice apartment. There’s a whole world outside that couch of yours. Sign up on a dating app! Ask a friend to hook you up on a blind date. Casual relationships don’t end in your 20s. You can still play the game even if you’ve been benched for years. There are a lot of singletons out there ready to bang one out! You could be one of them, too!

3. Masturbate

Masturbation is the definition of sensuality. 

Hands and a vibrator

You can totes masturbate at 40 or older, and you don’t have to be shy about it! Owning your pleasure is an empowering feeling. It basically says that you don’t need anyone else to make you feel good.

Though you can also share this experience with a partner with mutual masturbation, it’s still a comforting idea that you can own this sex act by yourself. Many people find that possession of something which cannot be taken away boosts their confidence off the roof. 

So don’t wait up! Masturbate at will! 

4. Get Kinky

Sexy Secretary Role Play

If you’ve lived all of your sexually active years without getting kinky, now is the time to try. 

There is a whole community out here that is open to new sex-periences. Try out kinks and look for something that fits you and your personality. Buy toys that would make you giggle at the thought of using them. I guarantee that trying out different kinds of play would excite both you and your partner. 

To avoid being overwhelmed by the vast roster of toys and play, try buying something basic like toy hand-cuffs and blindfolds, try out cosplay sex, or role-playing. The choices are endless! 

Keep In Mind

As a sexually active 40-year-old, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for loving the deed at your age. You can even enjoy sex when you’re 80, and it’ll still be a valid form of self-expression and self-pleasure. You can even feel pleasure without sex, and it’ll still be valid.

Owning your sensuality and taking care of it is an ongoing process. Even at 40, your sexual nature is still evolving. You might not feel sexy all the time but you should aim to feel sexy most of the time.

Want to get a head start in your sensual journey? Read more sex positive and empowering articles on Foxtail! Or you could meet people from our community!

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