Pain & Pleasure: Why Many People Are Curious To Try BDSM

BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism, and for many these terms cause an array of emotions from curiosity to pleasure, to shame. BDSM engulfs many different sexual practices and has even found a spot in the new consensual sex movement. This article explores the reasons why people engage in BDSM and its benefits.

Why do people want to try BDSM? The most common reason is “pleasure.” We’re all a bit hedonistic, and the pursuit of pleasure is usually a top priority. BDSM offers some of us the ability to experience joy thru a myriad of practices once thought of as taboo. In the public “vanilla” world, we may have to wear masks, but in BDSM, we can let our true carnal urges take center stage. Whether you a masochist wanting to experience painful sexual stimulation or a sadist looking to inflict that pain, BDSM can provide the fulfillment you crave.


BDSM is not just about pain. Many participate in BDSM for mental play. Dominant and submissive dynamics allow us to play a role that we would not otherwise be afforded. Participating in a BDSM is also an excellent way to release pent-up emotions, such as stress.

Sadism vs. Masochism

The main difference between sadism and masochism is that sadism often involves imposing pain. This can be physical pain, such as hitting someone else, or psychological distress, such as humiliation. Sadists can give hardcore demands with the punishment for disobedience involving an assortment of BDSM tools. Sadism in the bedroom might include rough sex, takedowns (as in primal play), choking (breathe play), spanking, and much more.

Alternatively, we have the masochist (sometimes called a pain slut). As you can imagine, the masochist finds pleasure in receiving pain. Often, the masochist is looking to push their limits, a sort of edge play. They crave the excitement of the slap or the degradation of a humiliation seen. Masochists also tend to be more submissive; pleasing their master is their ultimate goal, and they are punished for disobedience.

The pairing of the sadist and masochist can be largely beneficial when they find their BDSM partner. By feeding each other desires, thru what some would not be able to handle, they can amplify their sexual pleasure. These two roles may or may not always be sexual in nature, but typically that’s the case.

Bonus: Sadomasochism

Sadomasochism is the practice of obtaining pleasure by inflicting pain on oneself as well as having pain inflicted on oneself. Sadomasochism is almost always sexual in nature. In the BDSM community, this person might be referred to as a “Switch.”

In Closing

Sadism, masochism and sadomasochism are three words that are often confused. But they have very different meanings. If you fall into one of these categories or are interesting in learning more, checkout Pleasure Uncensored. And if you’re one part of this duo looking for your match join several others on Foxtail.

How To: BDSM Sex Tools for Beginners

Were you thinking about spicing up your sex life? We are here to support beginners like you as you explore the wonderful world of BDSM. Since the realm of BDSM can seem overwhelming, it is best to start with understanding what does BDSM means. BDSM is an umbrella term for Bondage and Restraint, Dominance and Submissive and Sadism, and Masochism.

On the surface, these terms might sound daunting and scary. However, the BDSM culture and lifestyle are safe and consensual. The goal is to boost pleasure and to make your partner feel happy.

BDSM is erotic and adds spice to the bedroom. Incorporating aspects of this into your bedroom doesn’t take much effort or money. The Fifty Shades of Grey franchise shined a light into this world, and it was a success. This movie showcases a variety of BDSM sex tools and shows how to use them.

We’ve listed some recommendations for you to tiptoe into the BDSM world! Ready?

Quick BDSM Tip:

BDSM kits

If you are a newbie, you might want to do some homework first. Research some BDSM tutorials and articles from our blog that can help you understand how BDSM works. Aside from that, look out for sex-positive workshops and events.

Scenarios and boundaries require a discussion with your partner before you start this play. It is essential to examine the intensity and extremes you want to experience and the safe words you want to use.  Before entering this kind of activity, you and your partner needed to understand each other’s perspectives, reactions, and feelings towards this session.

Blindfolds

blindfolds

Recommendation: BDSM Sex Tools for Beginners | $2.90

If there’s one thing all sensation sluts in BDSM love, it is the blindfold. Blindfolds are one of the many things that come to mind each time anyone hears the word submission. A blindfold helps to maximize a sensual experience. Experts say that restricting one’s senses opens doors to the other senses.

Collars and Chokers

collars and chokers for BDSM

Recommendation: Genuine Leather BDSM Bondage Set | $26.38

Collars are part of a visual accouterment of BDSM, Submissives usually wear these to show they are owned. Dominants use this as a symbol of ownership similar to wedding rings ;). A Submissive that wears a collar signifies consensual ownership between a dominant and a submissive.

Unlike collars, chokers do not symbolized committed relationships. They signify a dominant or a submissive relation. Chokers are often used to create a specific physical sensation around the neck.

Gags

gags

Recommendation: Breathable Open Mouth Ball Gag | $9.75 – $15.15

These are great for people who have oral fixations. Gags are often combined with bindings during BDSM play and are often used by the submissive to give the dominant partner more control. Dominants are using gags to make the submissive feel more helpless or as punishment or humiliation.

Pro Tip:  It is essential to establish a safe word gesture when using gags. A safeword gestures such as snapping fingers or giving an item to hold that they can drop in case they needed to speak.

Restrainers

restrainers

Recommendation: Soft Adjustable Erotic Bondage Rope Handcuffs | $12.25

Restrainers are perhaps the bread and butter of the BDSM world. Restraints can range from simple to complex. If you are a beginner, you should start with a simple tool like cuffs. Cuffs are a great introduction to constraints. Keep the cuffs loose in a way that you can slip them off without the keys.

As you gain experience, confidence, and trust in your partner, ropes are excellent in BDSM play. Don’t go into rope tying before proper instruction as it can lead to permanent damage.

Floggers

floggers

Recommendation: 7-18 pcs Premium BDSM Set | $28.25

These add a bit of versatility to BDSM play. Floggers are made of multiple strips of fabric, commonly leather or suede. These are used to gently stroke your partner and increase the intensity of play. Floggers are an excellent tool for beginners because the multiple strips help dull the impact.

Pro Tip: Test the flogger first onto your skin before you do it to your partner. In that case, you will know much impact you can only inflict on your partner. Avoid flogging near the face or genitals.

Nipple Clamps

Nipple clamps

Recommendation: Magnetic Ball Nipple Clamps | $2.48 – $3.98

Just like the name implies, these are used to stimulate sensation on the nipples. These are good for people who associate pain with pleasure. For starters, be sure to look for adjustable clamps. You can start on the lowest pressure by placing the clamp on the base of the nipple.

Pro Tip: You feel the most pain once you take it off. Monitor and minimize the time you have them on. For starters, it is recommended to clamp nipples for a few seconds then continue with 15-minute intervals.

Explore the world of BDSM to spice up your sex life. Do not settle for vanilla; enjoy other flavours too!

Have you chosen a suitable BDSM toy for you and your partner? Feel free to check our shop, where you can find various items for your BDSM play tonight!

Discussing Kink: 3 Steps To Bring up Kink To Your Partner

Kink is one of those topics that can be uncomfortable to talk about with your partner, right? You may find it embarrassing to bring up the subject even when you are trying to seduce them. However, since you really want to learn how to talk kink with your partner, here are three straightforward steps that can help you.

1. Open up and talk about kink with confidence

Both you and your partner must be comfortable talking about kink with each other. If you can’t be comfortable with your partner who else will you be comfortable with? While there is no right or wrong way to talk about kink, a few tricks can kick you off. Once you have mastered these techniques, you will know how to talk kink with confidence. The first thing to talk about is what kind of kink you are comfortable with discussing. This means that you need to tell your partner if you want them to wear a t-shirt that says “bondage,” “wet dream,” or similar phrases. Maybe something a bit more extreme like needle play. If you do not know what your type is yet, that’s okay. You can ask your partner for help as you explore your options. Once you realize what works for you, you can begin to discuss what kind of clothing or role-playing activities you would like to engage in with your partner.

2. Talk about situations that might trigger kink fantasies

Everyone with a kink has their own triggers. For instance, your partner loves to make love as a couple but feels trapped in the matrimonial bed. You can talk about ways to make them more physically vulnerable. You might want to float the idea of having sex on the kitchen counter, while you make them a snack. If your partner is okay with it, discuss how you might explore the different positions that turn you on. A change in environment and thinking outside the norm may be what you need.

3. Acknowledge your own sexuality

Although this is the third point, it is the most important step. Both you and your partner must be comfortable with each other’s sexuality and your own. Being comfortable with each other’s sexuality is very important because of the many kinky sexual fantasies and practices that people may be unaware of. When you and your partner are comfortable with each other’s sexuality, you will be able to discuss kink more comfortably.


One of the biggest problems people have when talking about kink is they get defensive. This can come up whenever you feel that your partner is uncomfortable with their own sexuality. Instead of talking about kink with your partner, you could first start by getting used to talking about kink yourself. In other words, if you find that your partner is uncomfortable with talking about kink, consider simply not mentioning it directly. Example: “how do you feel about being choked, does it excite you?” However, this may backfire if you and your partner are not open to discussing your sex lives. Remember, there is no shame in acknowledging your own sexuality. After all, your sexuality is important to your relationship, so it would be a good idea to at least try to talk about kink.

Finally


By learning how to talk kink with your partner, you will both experience more open and honest communication within the relationship. Who wouldn’t want that? This is important because it can help to foster a more loving and understanding relationship. When you talk about kink with your partner, make sure not to come across as insecure. This is why it is very important to accept yourself before bringing up the topic to your partner. Don’t pressurize them either. This can come up because you are projecting your insecurities on your partner. Instead, be open and honest with one another and yourself about your own experiences with kink and how you can help your partner experience kink.

That’s it from me. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. If you and your partner talk about kink comfortably, we’d love to know how you got to this point. Leave a comment below on how you brought the topic up for discussion. Sign up on Foxtail to have discussions with people with the same kink interests as you.

For more on this checkout: Discuss Kink With Your Partner 101: The Essential Guide

9 Ways to Enhance Intimacy in BDSM

The concept of intimacy in BDSM is the desire for two people to be sexually intimate and it is not limited to sexual intercourse. In a vanilla relationship, intimacy means being passionate with your partner. However, in BDSM, it often means being more intimate with your partner than with just your body. This can be dangerous because you are playing with your partner’s feelings and violating their trust. You must carefully choose intimacy in BDSM if you want to experience this type of relationship play.


Both you and your partner must be comfortable with being intimate. The person who initiates intimacy must know that their partner will not like the new intimate behavior immediately and may even react negatively. Don’t force the issue if they don’t want to, or you will end up hurting your partner emotionally. If you are having problems initiating intimacy in BDSM with your partner, you need to work on these nine communication issues before proceeding further.



1. Be Patient.

This may take time, and it can be hard at first to let go of your inhibitions and fears. However, it would be best if you become comfortable with sharing your feelings with your partner. When you feel safe enough to talk about your feelings, you can share deeper, more intimate thoughts and feelings, which result in stronger intimacy.


2. Be specific.

Always tell your partner what exactly makes you happy and satisfied. This will help you avoid engaging in intimate behavior that you are uncomfortable with when you are not sure that your partner’s desires are the same as yours.



3. Be vocal.

This means that you must let your partner know what you are feeling and thinking, and you must be vocal about it. Being a silent partner is often a key to avoiding boredom and can cause your partner to become frustrated with your lack of communication. Also, part of the appeal of role-playing games is the ability to express your sexuality while having fun with your partner. Be vocal about your desires and your needs. Let your partner know what is happening in your head and on your body. Allow them to experience what you are feeling.


4. Learn to listen.

This is often one of the most challenging things to do when one is involved in an intimate relationship. However, learning how to listen properly is a skill that will significantly enhance intimacy. By listening to what your partner has to say, you will become a better lover because you will pick up your partner’s needs.



5. Use the space around you.

BDSM practitioners often find that their relationships grow stronger when they can give time to each other. By giving yourself time to listen to your partner, your feelings, and your own needs, you become more tuned in to each other, and the process becomes less complicated. As a result, intimacy is more easily developed and maintained.



6. Never discount your feelings.

Your emotions are valuable, they are essential, and they should never be ignored or passed over. When you are actively engaging in sex, your feelings and desires will be genuine to you. Be sure to share them with your partner. Remember, emotions are integral to intimacy.


7. Explore fantasies.

The most exciting aspect of role-playing is finding ones that you can engage in together. Find fantasies you’d enjoy engaging in with your partner and start exploring those together. By sharing these fantasies, you will increase your passion for each other and will have more fun when you make love to each other.



8. Take a role.

Some people assume that when they engage in a BDSM relationship, their partner will automatically take on all of the responsibilities and skills associated with such a lifestyle. This is not the case. Take on some of the responsibility yourself. When you are enthusiastic about your sexual relationship, your skills will grow, and you will better meet your needs.


9. Develop boundaries.

If you both have a strong sense of boundaries, you are less likely to experience non-consensual sex or “rape.” When there is no clear sexual boundary, there is a greater chance for things to get out of hand. Take a role in how much of the physical intimacy you share. It will make your relationship stronger in the long run.

Would you like to meet more sex-positive people around you? Click here to join our growing community today.

Busting 5 Common BDSM Myths

There’s a lot of common BDSM myths found in fashion magazines and movies. Those new to the lifestyle often have these wrong beliefs about BDSM via their exposure to pop culture. This article will explain some of these common BDSM myths. To fully understand these myths, one has to understand what BDSM entails.

If you are new to BDSM and want to try kinky stuff, be sure to read this post.

What BDSM Stands for?

BDSM is a short form that can be divided into three main subgroups

The first term is BD. It stands for bondage and discipline. BD involves tying up or cuffing individuals, restricting their movements, establishing rules, and inflicting punishments.

The second one is DS. It represents dominance and submission and is all about power dynamics. Here, the submissive person grants the dominant one physical and/or emotional authority over them.

The last one is SM, which refers to sadism, the desire to inflict pain, and masochism, which is the desire to receive it.

BDSM Myths: Misconceptions And Wrong Beliefs About BDSM

Let’s look at 5 most common and prevailing BDSM myths and fact-check each one of them.

BDSM Myth #1: It’s strange and only practiced by few

FACT: This is the most common myth about BDSM. People who know little about BDSM often believe that only a tiny segment of the population has these desires. Is that true? Obviously not. Humans have long held a fascination with sex. Moreover, sex specialists or experts frequently encounter huge curiosity in BDSM when dealing with clients.

The Journal of Sexual Medicine research in 2014 found out that 65% of those who took part in the survey desired to be submissive, while 47% wanted to be domineering. Also, 52% of participants wanted to be restrained or tied up with restraint kits. BDSM fantasies are natural and acceptable. Thus, some individuals turn to BDSM for sexual release.

Experts advise that there is no need to feel guilty or ashamed of having such fantasies. In fact, they think that it is healthy to have these desires and that they are worth exploring.

BDSM Myth #2: Players must have experienced physical or emotional trauma

FACT: This is another common misconception about BDSM. The myth says that individuals who engage in it have past traumatic experiences. As a cathartic practice, they get involved in BDSM.

This belief spread due to the popularity of the inaccurate portrayal of kink in the Shades of Grey books and movies. BDSM is not a mental disorder. A 2013 research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that BDSM enthusiasts were just as much, if not more, psychologically sound than those who weren’t.

The authors researched BDSM and discovered that it was a recreational activity despite deviating from social norms.

BDSM Myth #3: It causes emotional harm

FACT: This third myth about BDSM highlights the emotional breakdown and negative effects on those who practice it. In truth, BDSM creates a stronger bond between partners when managed appropriately.

Some sex experts frequently suggest BDSM therapy for their “vanilla couples”. These couples find it very beneficial, especially if they are struggling with power and control in relationships. BDSM has strengthened relationships by allowing individuals to experience what it’s like to take turns being in control in the bedroom. This power exchange also flows onto other areas of the relationship.

Wrong Belief About BDSM#4: It’s all about sex

FACT: The fourth misconception about BDSM narrows it down to just sex. BDSM play occurs in consensual circumstances. If both partners agree that sex is part of the contract, then it will happen.

However, BDSM is not always sexual. Some individuals enjoy it only for the power play. It is possible to experiment with BDSM without having sex, but adding sex to the mix drastically raises the ante. For instance, some people prefer pain because it is more cathartic. At the same time, others prefer nonsexual options such as performing menial tasks. Therefore, BDSM can take many forms.

BDSM Myth #5: The woman has to be submissive

FACT: This fifth wrong belief about BDSM says that women are always submitting to men. BDSM supports a Dominant/submissive dynamic. There is no gender preference in BDSM. It is always about consensual pleasure and sex-positive play. Consequently, everyone is equally in charge. Both roles can also be interchangeable! Partners can switch roles as they like, depending on their agreement.

It’s all up to you! And your partner(s)…

Remember that you have the freedom to decide which role in the scene is most appealing to you. You are encouraged to experiment before making long-term decisions about your parts when playing in kink and BDSM. Now that you know the 5 common BDSM myths, you are more equipped to decide your kinky future. If you want to explore more about BDSM, Sign up to connect with our community or check out our new posts! Share your comments with us. We would love to hear from you!

BDSM Contracts And Negotiations: The Basics

Have you ever wondered if you really need to bother with a BDSM contract? Do BDSM contracts guarantee a healthy relationship?

Regardless of who you are playing with or if sex is a component of your playtime, BDSM contracts make relationships more manageable. These contracts have principles that can guarantee a healthy relationship. In reality, the notions of health, safety, and consent are the foundations of BDSM. These three values need to be constantly present to sustain a healthy and pleasurable BDSM relationship. Here’s why…

Importance of BDSM Contract

RACK is commonly found as the foundation to negotiating BDSM play. RACK stands for “risk-aware, consensual, kink.” Some prefer RACK over SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) since it emphasizes that whatever safety precautions you take to play responsibly, BDSM still carries some risk factors. Whichever principle you follow, safety is non-negotiable.

BDSM activities commonly occur in a scene with a specific starting and ending point; however, some components of BDSM play, such as serving your Master/Mistress, may be added to your everyday sex life. Before and after discussions about scenes, ensure you and your partner know what to anticipate and offers a means for you to reconnect and recover after a physically and emotionally hard session.

BDSM Contracts and Negotiations

The notion of consent is something that the casual viewer may not see, but safe, healthy, and agreed-upon practices defines limitations before the scene— clearly outlining what you are and are not ready to do. Although a submissive may experience pain that seems to stretch them to their boundaries, a good Dominant understands the limitations, and both of them communicate the expectations ahead.  Clear consent is a key factor in a working partnership in BDSM contracts.

Hard and Soft Limits in BDSM Contracts

You don’t have to negotiate your scene very formally. If you prefer, you can also mention that paddles are all right, but you’re not ready for canes. In BDSM contracts, hard limits are known to be things you never want to try, while soft limits are considered things you might want to try or try with caution.

BDSM Checklists

A BDSM checklist is a helpful tool to consider. You may use it to demonstrate an interest (or disinterest) in specific BDSM categories and determine where your likes intersect with your companion. You may also use the checklist to reference items you will do to your partner throughout a scene or vice versa.

Negotiations entail the signing of a contract for certain persons. The notion of a contract may seem too formal or absurd, however, some people prefer it. Your contract can also state how much time you and your partner wish to spend with each other and even outline expectations for aftercare. Some people make temporary or short-term contracts for a single play session, while others accept them for years while agreeing to review the contract when necessary.

Safe Words, Nicknames, and Health-Restrictions

The contract may also include a safe word, nicknames or titles, any restrictions, and essential health-related information. You can talk about Aftercare Practices and Safe Words in contracts. For instance, you may include any STIs, allergies, injuries, or diseases that may influence how you play, such as arthritis, anxiety, and low blood pressure.

Of course, to define some aspects, especially for basic or casual scenes, you don’t particularly need a written contract. However, you may verbally apply the contract and checklists to create more solid rules and prepare in detail ahead of your scenes.

Want to explore more what does BDSM entail? Sign up to connect with our community and check out our other posts. Share your comments with us. We would love to hear from you!

The Benefits Of Kink To People With Disabilities

Our culture implies that people with disabilities shouldn’t be sexual beings. The public sees them as objects of sympathy and not allowed to be overly sexual, sensual, or domineering. The expectation is for them to be quiet, constrained, and meek. They shouldn’t be assertive, open, or even human, but the world of kink treats them with embracing difference. BDSM and can be inclusive spaces for folks with disabilities to also be sexual beings with unique needs and desires.

Kink + Accessibility Go Together

Kink is all about informed consent and getting your needs met. Whether that’s having an extra pillow under your knees for comfort or tying the rope tighter for more enjoyable pressure, kink relies on clear communiation to work well. People with disabilities are constantly having to advocate for their needs even though they may not get them from their schools, work, etc. Since kink already prioritizes needs, it is a naturally healing space for people with disabilities to be heard and actually get their needs met.

Kink Builds Confidence

Kink assists people with disabilities in building confidence through role play. The act of role-playing allows people to experience the feeling of power, surrender and even control. Seeing your own power or even ability to surrender in a scene can help a person feel good about themselves and build confidence. Kink can help to overcome the feeling of not being enough. It also gives people with disabilities the chance to be free and explore themselves without the confines of societal expectation or misgivings of others.

Kink is Cathartic

Some folks report catharsis and pain relief in – get this – impact play! Some people who live with chronic pain report feeling a sense of release and a reduction in pain when participating in pain-related play, which is likely due to the rush and release of dopamine, seratonin and adrenaline. Other people find it therapeutic to express intense feelings in scene they have difficulty expressing in vanilla life. Kink provides a safe, private space to express and release things carried over from the day to day lived experience without repercussions.

Anyone interested in kink has the power and right to learn kinky practices and benefit from it’s healing. Never forget that you are the only one who sets your limits! Society doesn’t get to dictate the pleasure and fun you get to have. You do.

Check out our blog for similar posts. Connect with other kinksters who want to play with you in our sex-positive community here. What’s the fun if you don’t socialize? You can also leave a comment below. We appreciate your views too.

Kinky Relationship Tip: Talking About BDSM With Your Partner

Though wanting a kinky relationship may be a daunting subject, there are ways to talk about BDSM with your partner discreetly and comfortably. If you are a big fan of BDSM or just curious about how hardcore sex could feel. You are probably aware of how difficult it is to talk about your sexual preferences in a relationship. Especially if you have never breached the subject before. Talking about it will be something new and uncomfortable, but a step in the right direction. Additionally, if you have been exploring the world of BDSM and are already experiencing kinky fantasies talking to your significant other about your desires could be a way to further enhance your sexual desires.

What Kind of Kinky Relationship Do You Want?

First, before you talk about BDSM with your partner, you need to be clear about what exactly you are wanting for yourself. Are you looking for a casual sexual encounter between two consenting adults? Or do you want to explore the more intense side of this lifestyle, involving sadism and domination? Or what most people think of when it comes to BDSM, “bondage play”. You might be looking for to show your dominate sire and take control of your partner’s body. Many people with too much power in their vanilla life, look to be submissive in BDSM. Whatever your desires, be sure to talk about it.

If you are looking for sadism or domination, make sure you discuss if this is something you want only in the bedroom or a 24/7 dynamic. A 24/7 D/s (dom/sub) dynamic can be taxing and requires both parties to fully invest. Imagine what kind of play you would like to engage in and ask yourself ‘why’ first.

Once you know exactly what kind of kinky fantasies you have, it is time to set up a time to talk. Pick a time that’s outside of the bedroom that’s still private. Start by asking about things that excite them sexually. Hopefully, they reciprocate by asking you the same. Obviously, this would be the best time to speak about your desires.

It is critical to create a safe space to discuss your intimacy in general, especially if you are experimenting with new approaches to intimacy. Establish open communication about this subject and suggest that you discuss it regularly. While you may start with one conversation. You should expect and encourage multiple discussions and feedback as you explore new sexual curiosities and kinks. Continue to express gratitude to your partner for being open to discussing how new sexual experiences feel and make changes as needed. Be willing to compromise with your partner if they are not as open to sexual experimentation as you are. Ask frequently, “How does this feel to you?” and be willing to adjust expectations as needed. Remember that consenting to these sexual experiences is critical for all partners.

In Conclusion

Kink and BDSM have a basis of honesty and openness by nature. Talking about what you want can be daunting, but with proper preparation, your anxiety will lift. Some guides on the internet can give you more ideas and provide a deeper look into the kink you’d like to pursue. You’re always welcome to explore here at Pleasure Uncensored, or if you need to meet others who share your kinks, consider joining Foxtail. This sex-positive community has made many kinky connections possible. Good luck!