Increased Libido: Why do I have a high sex drive? And ways to control it.

There is no definition of ‘normal’ sexual drives such as libido or sexuality. There is a range of libido levels, from having no desire to have sex to engaging in sexual activities regularly. High sexual intensity does not cause problems in people; it only affects their thoughts. Alternatively, someone who suffers from excessive sex driving may want to improve it for daily living tasks. People desire sex at various stages of their lives. If a person wishes to reproduce or has a desire for sexual activity, they must feel a sense of normalcy that anyone can feel.

Changes in libido, or sexual drive, are normal. However, having a high sex drive can become a problem if it interferes with daily functioning.

It is important to note that there is no such thing as a “normal” sex drive, and what one person considers to be a high sex drive may appear normal to another.

Many people are interested in their sexual drive. Changes in hormone levels, your age, or an increase in exercise may all contribute to a high sex drive. Reduced stress or discontinuation of certain medications can also result in increased libido. This article will look at some of the underlying causes of a high sex drive and offer advice on controlling or reducing it…and if interested, raising it even more!

What exactly is a sex drive?

Sex drive, also known as libido, is a desire for sexual activity that stems
from the fundamental biological need to reproduce.
It is a natural feeling that anyone can have, whether they want to reproduce or
not.
Libido levels range from having no desire for sex to wanting to engage in
sexual activity frequently.

Scientists are still baffled as to why sex drive occurs. Other factors, both
social and mental, contribute to the development of my libido. Hormones play a
role, but it’s not always clear how much of a difference they make between men
and women.

Is there such a thing as “normal” sexual desire?

Some people may want sex once a day, while others may not think about it at
all. A variety of factors causes individual differences. Even minor differences
in nature can have a positive impact. Some people, for example, have more
testosterone than others, which may affect their sex driving. Some males have
higher levels of testosterone, which influences their sexuality. These side
effects have an impact on their libido as well.

Your sexual drive is complicated, and there is no such thing as normal when it
comes to libido. While some people crave sex several times per day, others may
not think about it at all.
Many personal differences exist due to a variety of factors ranging from
culture to diet, from exercise to mental health, and age. Simple biological
differences can also have an impact. Some men, for example, have more
testosterone than others, which may influence their sexual drive.

increased sexual desire

What can cause a sudden increase in libido?

Do you have a high sexual appetite? There are a few common reasons for this:

  • Your stress levels have decreased.

This is a significant one. “If you’re in a low-stress period, your libido will likely increase,”

That, is why “vacation sex” is so popular.

Your mental health is better than it has ever been.

Being raised in a sexually-repressive household or religion, according to clinical sex counselor Eric M. Garrison, author of “Mastering Multiple Position Sex,” can train people to “turn off” — or at the very least disconnect from — their libido.

Going to a sex therapist, tantra therapist, or a mental health professional to work through this shame can result in these people reconnecting with their sexual desires.

He claims that this can make people feel as if their sex drive is increased.

  • You’re having a good time.

The more you have (good) sex, the more your body craves it, thanks to hormones.

So, if you’ve recently started sleeping with someone (or a new sex toy!) who makes you happy, it’s natural to crave sex more frequently.

  • You’ve been working out more.

“Some people find that when they exercise regularly, they want sex more often,”

  • This could be attributed to a number of factors, including:
  • increased self-assurance
  • stress reduction
  • better sleep
  • You changed or discontinued certain medications.

Certain medications, such as antidepressants, SSRIs, birth control pills, and beta-blockers (to name a few), have been shown to suppress libido.

Finally, according to some doctors, adjusting to these medications can result in an increase in libido.

And so can discontinuing these medications. A friendly reminder: do not discontinue any medication without first consulting with your healthcare provider!

  • You’ve reached the “horny” stage of your menstrual cycle.

Most menstruating women have a “horny” phase of their cycle, which occurs just before, during, or after ovulation.

So, if you or your partner is ravenous a few times a month, blame it on the hormones!

Is having a high libido a good thing?

There is no universal “normal” when it comes to sex drive. Regardless of gender, the desire for sex is influenced by a variety of factors other than hormones. Gender stereotypes about libido are false; in fact, people of all genders think about sex frequently, which is completely normal.

How do I deal with a high sex drive?

When one feels strong sexual urges, one can do a few things to deal with them. Talking is a good place to start, but keep in mind that your partner may not feel the same way you do. Keep in mind that not all of those desires must be satisfied; it is sex. Finding’satisfactory sex’ can also help to reduce a constant desire – and there are ways to meet people for casual sex that may help you scratch that itch. Consult a doctor if you have hypersexual or sexual issues. If you require assistance, they will be able to refer you to an advisor.

Some strategies may be useful for anyone concerned that their sex drive is excessive and needs to be addressed.

Some things to try to reduce sex drive are as follows:

  1. Consider talking therapy.

If a person’s high sex drive makes them unhappy, a counselor can help them explore their sex-related thoughts, feelings, and desires.

They can assist the individual in determining how to manage their sexual desire and any issues that may arise due to it.

  • Experiment with distraction.

Sexual activities, whether with a partner or through masturbation, will keep the desire for more sex alive. So, if a person wants to reduce their sex drive, it may be worthwhile to try not to act on every sexual impulse.

Distracting the mind with physical exercise or an absorbing task may assist a person in channeling this energy elsewhere.

  • Make time for your relationship.

People with low sex drive may misinterpret any intimate gesture made by the other as an invitation to have sex.

It might be beneficial to agree to be intimate without having sex. For example, go on a date or give each other a massage to show that you care about the other person, not so that they will agree to have sex.

  • Take into account medication.

If other strategies do not appear to be effective, it may be worthwhile to consult with a doctor about possible next steps.

Certain medications, such as antidepressants, have been shown to reduce libido. A doctor may also advise you to change or reduce any current medications if they are causing the increased arousal.

Anaphrodisiacs, such as soy, licorice, hops, and various herbs, may also be recommended by doctors to help lower libido.

Hypersexuality

What exactly is hypersexuality (hypersexual drive)?

Hypersexuality, hypersexuality disorder, or sexual addiction are all terms used to describe compulsive sexual behavior. It is an excessive preoccupation with sexual fantasies, urges, or behaviors that are difficult to control, cause distress, or hurt your health, job, relationships, or other aspects of your life.

Compulsive sexual behavior can include a wide range of commonly pleasurable sexual experiences. Masturbation, cybersex, having multiple sexual partners, using pornography, or paying for sex. Compulsive sexual behavior occurs when these sexual behaviors become a major focus in your life, are difficult to control, and are disruptive or harmful to you or others.

Untreated compulsive sexual behavior, no matter what it’s called or the exact nature of the behavior can harm your self-esteem, relationships, career, health, and others. You can, however, learn to manage compulsive sexual behavior with treatment and self-help.

The lack of control over sexual urges to act can be defined as compulsive sexual conduct disorder, hypersexuality disorder, or sexual addiction. Some people with the condition have more sexual desire than others, but this does not guarantee that you will be diagnosed. CSBD is also known as sexual addiction. Other manifestations of CSBD, such as sexual remorse accompanied by feelings of guilt or disdain, are also common. People diagnosed with CSBD should be unable to control their sexual urges for at least six months.

At what age does a woman’s libido peak?

While there is no age limit for being active in bed because several factors determine sex drive, research indicates that libido in women is highest between the ages of 18 and 24. One in every four women said they had the best sex of their lives between the ages of 18 and 20.

women in 20s

Women in their twenties

If you’re between the ages of 17 and 18, you’ll be much more fertile than later in life. This makes you pickier about when you have sex, though the reason for this is unclear. According to experts, women’s desire may increase as their fertility declines in their later years.

Women’s sexual activity in their 30s and early 40s

Men between the ages of 18 and 24 were more prone to female sexual obsessions than women. They also had more sex, and they had it earlier in the relationship. Women were found to have higher intensities among groups aged 26-45 years than their younger counterparts in previous years.

Women in their fifties and beyond

As you approach menopause, your estrogen levels drop, which reduces your libido. Hot flashes, anxiety, weight gain, and sleep problems may all help to lower your mood. Inquire with your doctor about medications, hormones, lubricants, and other treatments. Inquire about medications for vaginal dryness and headaches, or contact the National Suicide Prevention Association if you’re pregnant.

When does a man’s libido peak?

Men’s sexual satisfaction peaks in their twenties, with men in their fifties coming in a close second.

Your twenties, gentlemen.

Erectile dysfunction was reported by 8% of men over the age of 30. This condition can occur unless the condition is properly treated and prevented by treatment. If you are experiencing sex-related anxiety, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or go online.

Men in their 30s and early 40s

Many men retain a strong sex drive during this period, despite the fact that testosterone gradually declines until the age of 35. The annual average decrease is around 1%. Some men may be able to digest this more quickly. Many men do this because there is work to be done and a lot of commitment required to have sex. This may have an impact on your sexual desire.

It isn’t just testosterone.

Most men with low testosterone levels have normal sexual drive, whereas men with higher values have sexual problems. Other considerations include psychological well-being and psychiatric health. Your sexes will decline as you age, but doctors are still interested in how this affects sexual drive. It may differ from person to person, but it is unknown how much testosterone is required to be aroused.

What boosts sex drive the most?

  1. Control your anxiety

Exercise and open communication can help prevent libido loss due to anxiety.

High anxiety levels are a common impediment to sexual functioning and libido in both men and women. This could be anxiety caused by life stress or anxiety related to a specific sex.

People who have a demanding work schedule, caring responsibilities, or other life stresses may experience fatigue and, as a result, have low sexual desire.

Anxiety and stress can also make it more difficult to obtain or maintain an erection, discouraging a person from having sex. According to a 2017 review of erectile dysfunction in young men, depression and anxiety can lower libido and increase sexual dysfunction.

People can do a variety of things to manage their anxiety and improve their mental health, including:

  • Observing good sleep hygiene
    • Making time for a favorite pastime
    • Regular physical activity
    • Consuming a nutritious diet
    • Working to improve interpersonal relationships
    • Consultation with a therapist
  • Many people experience a lull in sexual desire and frequency at different stages of a relationship. This could happen after being with someone for a long time or if they believe things aren’t going well in their intimate relationships.
    • Improving the relationship can boost each partner’s sex drive. This could include:
      • organizing date nights
      • doing things outside of the bedroom together
      • open communication is practiced
      • setting aside time for quality time with one another
  • Pay attention to foreplay.
    • Better sexual experiences may increase a person’s desire for sex, resulting in an increase in libido. Touching, kissing, using sex toys, and having oral sex are all ways that people can improve their sexual experiences. These actions are sometimes referred to as “outercourse” by some.
    • Foreplay may be especially important for women. According to a 2017 study, only about 18 percent of women orgasm solely through intercourse, while 33.6 percent of women report that stimulation of the clitoris is required for them to orgasm.
  • Get adequate rest.

A good night’s sleep can improve a person’s mood and energy levels, and some research has also linked sleep quality to libido.

A small-scale study conducted in 2015 on women found that getting more sleep the night before increased their sexual desire the next day. Women with longer average sleep times had higher genital arousal than women with shorter sleep times.

  • Consume a balanced diet.

A nutritious diet can help people’s libido by promoting good circulation and heart health and avoiding foods that can lower libido.

Physical and sexual functioning can be impacted by metabolic syndrome and cardiovascular disease. In addition, the polycystic ovarian syndrome can affect hormone levels, which can interfere with libido.

A diet high in vegetables, low in sugar, and high in lean proteins can aid in the prevention of libido disorders.

  • Attempt herbal remedies. There has been little research into how effective herbal remedies improve sexual function in both men and women, though some people may benefit from them.

According to a 2015 review study, there is limited but emerging evidence that the following herbal remedies may improve sexual function:

  • maca
    • Tribulus
    • gingko
    • ginseng

People should be cautious about using herbal medicines without first consulting their doctor. Some herbal medicines can interact with existing medications, and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in the United States does not regulate them. As a result, their quality, purity, and safety are unknown.

  • Exercise on a regular basis.

Regular exercise can boost libido in a variety of ways. Regular exercise helped men cope with body image issues, low libido, and relationship changes, according to a 2015 study of men undergoing androgen deprivation therapy, which lowers testosterone levels.

According to a 2010 review of women with diabetes, exercise may help reduce diabetes-related symptoms in women. The study emphasizes that doing pelvic floor exercises may be beneficial in women who do not have diabetes.

  • Maintain a healthy body weight.

Overweight and obesity, according to some researchers, are linked to low sex drive and other factors associated with decreased fertility. This is linked to hormonal factors such as low testosterone levels.

Overweight people may also experience psychological effects such as decreased body confidence.

Maintaining a healthy body weight can improve a person’s sex drive on both a physical and psychological level. Eating a healthy diet and exercising regularly can help achieve this and increase a person’s overall energy levels.

  • Consider sex therapy.

Sexual desire is a complex phenomenon that includes both psychological and physical components. Even if a person has a physical condition that impairs libido, such as diabetes, improving one’s emotional and psychological response to sex can improve libido and sexual functioning.

Therapy is an effective way to boost low libido. Individual counseling can assist in addressing negative attitudes toward sex, self-esteem, and secondary causes of low libidos, such as depression and anxiety. Some people can benefit from relationship counseling to help them work through issues affecting their sexual desire.

Mindfulness therapy, in addition to talking therapies, may be beneficial. According to one 2014 study, just four mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapy sessions in a group setting improved women’s sexual desire, arousal, and satisfaction.

Search the AASECT directory for a suitable therapist in your area.

  1. Give up smoking.

Cigarette smoking can be harmful to a person’s cardiovascular system. A healthy heart is essential for sexual function.

People who used to smoke may notice an increase in their energy and sex drive after quitting.

discuss sexual impulses

Discuss it.

Inquire about your partners’ needs and desires, and converse with yourself. It would be best if you were not afraid to try new things. Tell me about your feelings of fulfillment. It might even be a good idea to set aside specific times for intimacy in bed and sex.

Takeaway & Advice

Your age, hormone levels, and level of physical activity are all factors that may increase your sex drive.

While there is no such thing as a “normal” sex drive, if it is interfering with your life, work, or relationships, consider seeing a sex therapist or consulting with your doctor.

If you’ve got a high sex drive, chances are someone shares your feelings. Foxtail is a sex-positive community for meeting others who may share your kinks as well.

Tentacle Sex More Than Just A Fetish

Tentacle Sex More Than Just A Fetish

When I say tentacle sex, do you say, YES! Do you fantasize about tentacled creatures forcing you to submit? If you dream of submitting and multi penetration, a tentacle fetish may just be your kink. Tentacle sex is more than just a fetish; let’s take a deeper look.

For the record, octopuses don’t have tentacles. They have arms, six to be exact though two are technically legs. There are no suckers on them! Squid have tentacles with suckers but are too small and painful to be a sexual choice(unless you are a squid). Despite all this, one of the most fascinating fetishes involves tentacles!

Tentacle fetish is a sexual fascination with tentacles and the creatures that have them. Tentacle fetishists dream about tentacles, consume books, photos, and movies depicting tentacle sex. Tentacle porn refers to this form of material as a whole. While tentacle porn is a suitable outlet for many tentacle fetishists, various sex toys may also satisfy their fantasies.

Tentacle Fetish Origins

Octopus with tentacles


Tentacle fetish is defined by a sexual attraction to tentacles and any entity, imagined or real, that makes them ideal for sexual activity. The most popular picture associated with the tentacle fetish is the huge octopus. Which is frequently represented in an erotic anime-style known as hentai.

Hentai is an abbreviation for “hentai seiyoku,” which translates as “perverse sexual yearning” in Japanese. In an international context, hentai has evolved to refer to any sort of sexual or pornographic anime, manga, or other Japanese media content.

Hentai may range from the legendary Urotsukidji (an erotic horror anime released in 1986 that included the first animated tentacle rape sequence) to Hokusai’s The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife. The two perspectives are similar but quite different.

Rape Fetish

Rape fantasies may frighten some individuals. It does not signify a desire to be raped or rape someone. Rape fantasies are among the most popular types of fantasies.

People do not want to be raped; they want to experience the power dynamic. Having control taken away (or imposed upon them) by a dominant force in a safe, within their control (in their mind). When seen in this light, rape fantasies are just a complex way for people to gain control over something that would otherwise leave them absolutely powerless.

It encompasses a BDSM aspect. Consider a naked woman on her hands and knees, her ass in the air. A dominating octopus is spanking her while tying her ankles and piercing her ass and pussy. Is this not the most erotic image? Tentacle bondage, impact play, suction, and rough fucking all rolled into one.

Tentacle rape gives an intrinsic element to the dream by including culture. Shunga masterpieces, such as Hokusai’s The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife, are about reciprocal enjoyment from a woman’s point of view. The sea creatures involved being sufficiently inhuman to change emphasis allowing for a thorough look at the subject. Because it is voluntary, it is not tentacle rape.

Toshio Maeda, the designer of Urotsukidji, said he employed the contemporary tentacle rape to get over severe Japanese censorship restrictions. A restriction that forbade depicting penetration from a penis but not anything else.

Some persons who have a tentacle fetish are drawn to the idea of being penetrated. Usually involving something more animal than human, an entity that does not talk and has no morality. Others find the fact that organisms with numerous tentacles, such as octopuses, attractive. Some people may want double or triple penetration, maybe while being held down or bound by tentacles. Their tentacle fetish may be a sign of their inherently submissive nature. Now you can see why tentacle sex is more than just a fetish. Most people appreciate the content and settings created by tentacle porn, resulting in a fetish that typically includes goo.

Mental Components of Fetish

Tentacles with silver balls

The fact that most tentacle porn features women as the human aspect explains why we are so obsessed with it. Unfulfilled sexual urges contribute to some of this fantasy. There was a time (and still is in some areas) when women were not permitted to enjoy themselves sexually. It is slutty, disrespectful to the chosen deity, and might bring dishonor to a family. If you are can’t act on your sexual cravings, you must rely on imagination to satisfy your needs.

Many women I know have a desire to be penetrated in more than one hole at the same time. However, imagining a guy in a sexual dream may generate emotions of shame or guilt in a virgin or married woman who is not sexually open-minded. By removing the human factor and focussing on a mythical creature that penetrates every hole, the brain is able to cope while knowing that this is just fantasy. A non-human transforms the hypothetical scene from real and shameful to fantasy and enjoyable. Some women want to have sex with an octopus, while others want to be exploited by an extraterrestrial or plant with tentacles.

Tentacle penetration is a fantasy shared by both men and women. Gender and sexual orientation aside, being kidnapped, especially by a nonhuman creature, has a significant effect. Because it’s banned, the forbidden is hot!

There’s a domination-submission component at work here; a person is being pampered by numerous appendages at the same time. People mention a lot of physical stimulation, such as being the focus of attention in an orgy. Tentacle fantasies are sometimes accompanied by a pregnancy fetish.

For many, the fetish represents a desire to be humiliated and subjugated by something that isn’t even human. The need to be physically used by a creature with no repercussions makes tentacle sex is more than just a fetish for some people. For women, the fetish appeals to individuals who have always secretly desired to have sex with an octopus-like entity.

Slippery, Slimy Fun

Woman wrapped in tentacles

The allure of tentacle sex is undeniably sensual. In terms of sensation, an octopus arm is a sensuous limb. Begin with a tapered tip for ease of entrance then expand to provide a girth factor. The suckers’ ability to provide the sensation of something grasping at the skin with various sucking motions is enough to entice anybody. Leading one to acquire the many silicone or glass suction cup sex toys available for purchase online.

The viscous nature of tentacles plays a big role in tentacle fantasies. Tentacle hentai situations become slick quickly. This fluid is thick and sticky, and it looks very messy. As a result, the link to goo or slime fetishes is formed.

The sensation and experience of being slathered in or coated in a slimy material are central to such fetishes. Sometimes this entails penetration, other times its entails full body contact, and times both.

Slime-like lubricants available for purchase online, like tentacle dildos, provide some messy fun. This is where you want to utilize the rubber sheets—allowing you to forget about real life and engage in some kinky cephalopod action.

And Then…Arousal

Nothing elicits a stronger emotional response in humans than sex or violence. A combination of the two is quite effective. This is reflected in tentacle fantasies, whether you’re a spectator, a subject, or the tentacle beast itself. Violence and erotic needs have entwined their tentacles around our subconscious.

The thought of physical harm is not arousing: they want rough treatment, not injury. It’s about powerlessness in the tentacle fantasy, as it is in many rape fantasies. The inevitable coupling serves as the catalyst for a total loss of physical control.

A battle of wills has a lot of appeal, the thrill of being at the mercy of something so strong, so hideous, something driven by its sexual impulses. It removes all hesitation and allows one to concentrate exclusively on the anticipation of pleasure. Although the penetrations are theoretically consensual, they are virtually always forceful.

Nothing excites you more than the danger of what you most fear. The thing that both tempts and frightens us. Something we are so afraid of that we will not go to it, hoping and dreading that it will come for us. If tentacle sex is more than just a fetish would both the fear and anticipation be as titillating? What better place to experiment with the forbidden than in a fantasy about something that isn’t real.

Submission and Sensation

Purple tentacle

Being taken brings us to the subject of consent. When you are unable to consent due to shame and guilt, fantasies tend to emerge. It’s one method of dealing with emotional distress. It’s simpler to envision having sex against your will than it is to admit you can’t have it. Choosing a tentacle porn scenario and thinking about force helps us to believe we did nothing wrong. Who knew tentacle porn could be so complicated?

The fantasies are intertwined with a reoccurring theme of forced impregnation. Captivity fantasies and rape fantasies are frequently intertwined. While this subject is likely to make individuals uneasy at first, its origins are not difficult to understand. Forced incubation of an extraterrestrial creature’s offspring is a constant and brutal bodily violation. Fear is what makes the horrible irresistible, what gives it that emotional drive.

The idea of such odd and strong feelings is enticing. It is what helps to make tentacle fetish more than just submission. To be held fast, caressed everywhere, impaled in every orifice, to be seized from a reluctance and pushed roughly. Reaching a frenzied sexual peak that the human body and mind were not designed to sustain… that’s a compelling fantasy. It crosses gender and sexual orientation, denying their existence. This is the ultimate penetration fantasy, and the fact that it’s forbidden adds to the thrill.

That desire is the same fantasy shared by everyone who has ever fantasized about being taken away by a Davy Jones(Pirates of the Caribbean). Being ravished into a state of mounting pleasure, the same passion shared by the pirate’s orgasmic embrace, a shapeshifter’s bestial lusts, and so many others. The tentacles are unusual, yet the subject is well-known.

Erotic, unusual sexual fantasies are sometimes regarded as pitiful, as a sign of inferiority. This gets more true the farther the dream deviates from normalcy and truth. People are quick to pass judgment, implying that your life is so boring that you think about such things. It’s a derogatory label. Fantasies are a component of a person’s sex life, and having a good real-world sex life does not mean that individuals do not require fantasy. Yes, we do. We absolutely need it, and there is nothing sad about that. It’s a really human and very imaginative thing to accomplish.

Because of the power dynamics and non-human components of tentacle play, I advocate exploring it with a new partner with caution and respect for their boundaries. Emphasize that tentacles and slime provide tactile satisfaction, answering whatever fears (or assumptions) people may have. Make it clear that this is a dream in which control is stripped away. So both partners eventually have the same level of consent and autonomy as in any other sexual setting. It’s BDSM with a tentacle kink, consent, submission, force, rough sex, and octopod release.

Wrapping It Up

Fancy tentacle

Whether you imagine, a huge squid or a similar tentacle-based monster as a sexual partner, the goal is sexual fulfillment. Whatever the cause, the concept of a creature who can fill all holes at once and move each tentacle in unison is just fucking hot! There is a big contrast between conscious and primordial needs, and tentacle porn taps into the primal side of pleasure.

It’s no surprise that so many anime characters are inhuman. You may be the bear, the tigress, the fox, the octopus, the fairy, or the pony while playing out your primitive side since these basic impulses aren’t founded on rational reasoning but on a deeper, richer desire.

If a little bit of fantasy and a lot of tentacle is what you need to orgasm, knock yourself out! Fantasy is an inventive and imaginative way to incorporate a deep base desire into your play. While tentacle sex is more than just a fetish. It can trip triggers you may not know you had. Everyone needs something, and a tentacle fetish just maybe yours!

Are you looking for someone who shares your fetish? Then, head over to foxtail and find some like-minded partners to spice up your play!

The Vanilla Guide to All Things Kink — Part One

Believe it or not, you don’t even need to have the terminology down to indulge in kink.

There comes a time in everyone’s sexual education (and search history) when one must eventually encounter and confront the big, wide world of kink. Pop culture might lead you to believe that kinky sex is all about cock and ball torture, extreme bondage, diaper play, and weird, off-the-wall fetishes, but we’re here to tell you — kink is a lot more common than you think.

So… what is kink?

Photo by RODNAE Productions from Pexels

          The word ‘kinky’ is an adjective in its own right. It’s also a verb. Outside of a sexual context, you say something is kinky when you are describing something curled or twisted — in other words, not straight and narrow. When it’s a verb, it means to bend or twist.

What does kink mean sexually? Within sexual context, kinky refers to any sexual behavior or practice that deviates from the convention. ‘Convention’ here refers to the picture of heterosexual, monogamous, conservative, or ordinary, plain Jane, ‘vanilla’ sex.

If you think that definition’s too broad, that’s because what falls under the umbrella of kinky sex runs the gamut. From voyeurism and group sex to roleplaying and fantasizing about tentacles, kinky sex is both as weird as you can imagine to so mainstream, you’d argue it’s white ice cream.

What sex act qualifies as kinky?

Gay sex, group sex, anal sex, using sex toys, scratching, biting, pain… even if those things don’t seem of unconventional sexual taste to you, what’s considered kinky is very subjective and varies from person to person. Different cultures have different social conventions, so your ‘taboo’ kink will look very different from somebody else’s.

Another thing is that deriving sexual pleasure from kink can be tied to its mental aspect. Performing a sex act on a dominant partner that you view as an authority figure can feel very different from doing sexual things with a perceived submissive partner. This kind of thing is a common theme in both age play and consensual power exchange.

How old is kink?

Kink is as old as sex. Any ancient culture out there that still has traces and remnants surviving to this day cared about sex culture in much the same way that maybe you and I do. From the 9th century Khajuraho temples of the Chandela dynasty to the richly recorded sex parties and practices of the ancient Greeks.

 Archaeologists constantly find ‘fertility’ statues, erotic figurines, and even tools that might have been sex toys on digs and excavations. There are also preserved texts and erotica depicting kinky encounters and illustrations of sex scenes — from the 3rd century Kama Sutra to the even older Turin Erotic Papyrus.

As for modern kink, some people attribute it to the pinup culture of the 1950s. Bettie Page was considered the first BDSM model, featured in photoshoots and short films that portrayed what we now call BDSM sex scenes. This was followed by the massive sexual revolution of the 1960s that forever changed the way media approached and presented sex.

Bettie Paige, photographed by Irving Klaw, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

How many people are into kink?

More people than you realize probably are into kink.

EdenFantasys is an almost twenty-year-old adult store and pleasure sex toy brand. A study they commissioned back in 2018 surveyed at least 2000 American men and women for some cool stats about sexual behaviors and perceived or reported interest in kink and sex toy use.

Some of the results: 40% claiming to be kinky, 37% having had kinky experiences, and 36% possessing a specific kink or fetish. 29% wanted to try anal sex, 24% reported some level of interest in Role Play, 22% wanted to try bondage, and 8% were interested in S&M.

On the other hand, this Canadian survey published in 2016 looking at ‘desire for and experience of paraphilic behaviors‘ found that nearly 60% of men and 47% women respondents (out of a population of 1040 surveyed) derives sexual Pleasure from or at least fantasized about dominating or being dominated sexually.

But you don’t actually need surveys to tell you that enjoying kink or having unconventional sexual taste is pretty common even in the general population. Japan has an incredibly developed fetish and pleasure culture. It’s the home of Shibari, a form of advanced rope bondage widely considered a sophisticated art form. And their many variations of literature and pornography — from short films and movies to manga and anime — are popular and consumed worldwide.

What does “That’s my kink” mean?

If you’ve ever heard anyone say, ‘that’s my kink,’ it just means that they know what they like, sexually. It doesn’t even necessarily mean that they only do kinky sex all the time. ‘Having kinks’ just means someone has researched or is at least aware of what unusual thing they like to do in bed. It can either be weird because it’s unusual or unusual because they like something normal so much it becomes weird.

Take, for example, feet. Feet are very normal body parts. Most people have them; everyone knows what they are. It’s actually one of the most common fetishes you can have. But people who do have foot fetishes might be aroused by or derive sexual Pleasure from just looking at feet, and enjoying themselves in bed could involve incorporating foot massages, footjobs, or foot worship.

Are fetishes the same as kinks?

What’s the difference between a kink and a fetish? Kinks are sexual things you do, and fetishes are sexual things you like. For example, someone who likes the look of nylon stockings or pantyhose can develop a nylon fetish.

By definition, all fetishes are kinks — as in they are considered nonconventional sexual stuff— but not all kinks are fetishes. For example, spanking in bed (impact play), sexy librarian (roleplay), risky sex (exhibitionism, voyeurism), or blindfolds (sensation play) — these are all kinks you might find in ‘vanilla’ sex.

Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels

What does it mean when a girl is kinky?

Well, if you’re interested in her, it just means you’ve got to broaden your horizons. I’m speaking from personal experience here, but kink is by no means one size fits all. Two different people will have two different life experiences and, therefore, interests and favorite activities in bed.

There’s no way to guess what someone’s into, no matter how experienced they are. So, don’t feel bad if someone you didn’t expect has more than a few kinks between the sheets. The key to good sex and better relationships is always clear communication. Ask them what they like. Tell them what you like. Talk about how to make things more comfortable for everyone involved.

The worst thing you can do is pretend to be experienced and assume your partner’s kinks. Surprises aren’t always enjoyable (or) safe when it comes to having sex.

What does having a kink say about me?

What does it mean if you have kinks? Nothing bad. Preferences and interests are normal to have, inside and out of sex. At the end of the day, whether it’s vanilla or kinky sex, pain or Pleasure, sexual arousal is triggered by stimulation — and our brain sometimes doesn’t discriminate about the associations it makes.

Everyone has fantasies. Your fantasies come from your desires. Your desires can come from what feels good. And it’s natural to look for gratification.

However, the thing with your brain is that it likes to take scenic detours. Even if the starting point and destination remain the same. That’s why some kinks seem ironic at first glance unless you uncover the motivations behind them. Someone who likes to be submissive in bed, for example, might be looking for a sense of control they don’t find in their work or social life.

Another example is watersports. If you’ve never heard of a golden shower, it’s part of urolagnia — a sexual fetish involving pee. In fact, it was voted one of the most common sexual fetishes in Britain. One reason this could be is that everything that happens in the bathroom is considered private and personal. Exploring the thrill of a taboo is very common in kinky sex.

What are kinks in a relationship?

‘Kinks in a relationship’ means ‘stuff to work out.’ Sexually or otherwise. Every relationship takes work, and with sex and intimacy in the mix, there will always be logistics to work out. It doesn’t end at ‘your place or my place.’ Cuddling, or no cuddling? Who gets the wet spot? Kissing after oral sex — yes, or no?

Spontaneity can be great, and sometimes, there’s just no helping chemistry. But if you or your partners are interested in exploring kink, always remember — the golden rule is consent. Specifically, informed consent.

How do I talk to my partner about my kinks?

People photo created by tirachardz – www.freepik.com

The most important thing is to speak as honestly and as simply as you can. Especially when it comes to intimacy.

First, pick an appropriate moment to start the dialogue. Don’t do it when you’re about to have sex and hormones are high. Find a common time and a private place where you can talk to each other comfortably.

Second, don’t use big terms, overly complicated definitions, or new words if you think that would confuse your partner. You can even use real-life examples. Try saying, ‘Last time we had sex, I really liked when you ___. I think I would enjoy more ___ in bed.”

Finally, be clear about rules. Soft limits, hard limits, safe words. Even if you and your partner have agreed to try out a certain kink, you might still have very different ideas about how far to take it or how much you can handle.

Even if you think spanking is harmless, catching someone unawares can, at best, kill the mood, and at worst, cause pain and injury. The same goes for bondage. Whatever you’re attempting, it’s good to do research. Bonus points if you can google safety tips in advance.

Is kink bad? Am I dirty for liking kink?

Kink isn’t inherently bad. Kinks are normal. Kinks can be compelling ideas, fixations, or fantasies, or even just extensions of your comfort zone. If you’re used to being told what to do in real life, maybe being told what to do in bed can make an exciting situation like sex feel less stressful (and, therefore, more pleasurable).

But is kink dirty? It can be… if you want it to be. All things taboo and ‘forbidden’ is a pretty common kink to have. During sex with a partner, you can trust and be vulnerable around can sometimes be the safest place to explore a fascination for the taboo.

Can you mention that you’re kinky on dating apps?

Absolutely! At the end of the day, what information you put on your profile is up to you. You don’t have to list all your fetishes one by one (unless you think that would get you the results you want). You can put it succinctly with ‘kink friendly’ or ‘kinkster’ or ‘open to kinks’ anywhere on your bio.

But unless you already have a partner, dating apps might be a good place to bond and connect with people who share the same kinks as you.

What kinks are considered common?

According to this survey from the kink dating app Foxtail, the ‘most practiced kink’ during COVID lockdown was virtual sex.

Virtual sex encompasses phone sex, cybersex, and even sexting. That makes sense, considering the separation quarantine created plus the increasing sophistication of apps and social media. Therefore, it’s not surprising that people might discover themselves able to derive more Pleasure from virtual sex acts than solo masturbation.

What are other common kinks? The rest of the top ten included dom/sub, orgasm control, bondage, anal play, foot fetish, role play, voyeurism, and pain, or sadism/masochism.

Ever heard of those before?

How do you know what your own kinks are?

There are quizzes online if you’re into that sort of thing. But really, the best way to find out about your sexuality and what your kinks could be is to question your own exposure. Ask yourself. What activities do you enjoy in bed? Are there any sex acts that you love to ask your partner to do with you? What kind of porn do you gravitate towards? What sexual acts and fantasies do you think about when you masturbate?

Also, read, read, read. If a kink or a sexual term jumps out at you, there are plenty of great, free resources online that can help you figure out how you feel about something.

Can you ask someone else what their kinks are?

That depends on how close you are to that person. If yours is the kind of relationship where sex stuff and sexuality wouldn’t be out of the blue in a conversation, then go for it. But more conservative or private people might find it an awkward or invasive question, so calculate your risks accordingly.

Unless you’re at a sex party, maybe don’t ask strangers.

What is kink community culture?

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

What is kink culture? Kink is a big community — one made up of people who are practicing, learning about, studying, and most of all, celebrating every definition of kink. There’s a body of knowledge, different expressions of art, and a set of shared values. These are radical honesty, communication, enthusiastic consent, safety first, trust, risk awareness, body positivity… the list goes on. Kink is so big; it’s its own culture.

Kink culture encompasses everyone from furries and hardcore BDSM practitioners to the kind souls on the internet. They spend time conducting research, doing surveys, and writing books about their experiences with kink or what they’ve observed about kink. Other people hold parties. Some people plan conferences. Conventions, talks, meetings, and fun, low-pressure social gatherings to sex parties are hosted by and for people interested in kink.

The Kink Community holds plenty of kinky skills workshops. Some kinks, like edgeplay, choking or sensory deprivation, are riskier than others, and the community can help you figure out how to enjoy the things you enjoy safely and comfortably. If you’re into bondage, you can take advantage of a rope class, where you can learn the fundamentals of how to tie knots or what kind of materials (chains, ropes, etc.) are friendly to bare skin. People who like rough body play (RBP) or play fighting can join specialized fighting classes where they can teach you how to grapple or punch for stimulation and not damage.

What does it mean to be ‘kink positive’?

Calling yourself ‘kink positive’ is a short and sweet way to broadcast that you know what kinks are and that you’re open to discussing them. This term can be especially helpful on dating apps where bios have character limits.

Also, personally (this is my opinion), I think normalizing discussions around kink and sexuality is important because it’s so good for communication. Between partners, at the very least, talking about and exploring kinks together is a good way to ensure that everyone’s needs — physical or emotional — are being met in a sexual relationship.

Not to mention that knowing about kinks, specifically your own, is also a great way to be more you. Knowing what you like in bed means knowing what you want from relationships, and this can help adjust how you approach potential dates or sexual partners. Lots of people out there use kink as a way to bond and as a form of self-expression. Who knows? It could even be yours.

If you want to read more about kink, head on over to Pleasure Uncensored for more interesting reads about Fetish, BDSM, and relationships. And don’t be shy to leave your comments or questions below!

Tantric Healing- The Healing Power of Tantric Massage and its Essential Benefits

Tantric healing is also known as sexual healing. It aims to discover and remove energy knots holding back a person’s ability to fully experience and express their sexual energy. These knots result from negative emotional and sexual trauma caused by betrayal, abuse, molestation, or murder. Releasing these knots brings back to the subject an incredible amount of sensual transfer of energy and self-actualization, as well as a healthy mind-body connection and sexual confidence.

Tantric massage is the most common method of tantric healing. It is a therapy for discovering the body, removing blockages, healing sexual traumas, and reaching a greater level of pleasure. It’s also a very sensual and sexual massage that focuses on the body’s arousing areas, such as the mouth, ears, breasts, nipples, inner thighs, penis, and anus, among others. Not all tantric massages involve the receiver’s genitals, but the results can be amazing when it does.

A tantric massage’s healing effects stem from touch, inner experience, and balancing the body’s energy. Therefore, it gives you a sense of oneness with your surroundings and a sense of well-being.
Repressed emotions and experiences retained in the body are weight that affects daily interactions with others. Tantric healing certainly unblocks repressed emotions. It helps the body to relax, feel secure and create a path to happiness and pleasure.

Related: The Exceptional Experience of Tantra and the Sexual Healing Massage

Essential Benefits

Tantric healing helps boost self confidence.

Regular tantric massage can be quite beneficial to those who have difficulty with touch and sexual expression. Getting naked and putting your body in the hands of another person can increase your confidence in the bedroom. Confidence in the bedroom helps to build self-confidence in other areas of life. Healthy self-esteem is crucial. And without it, we have a negative self-perception and are less likely to realize our potential.

Tantric massage restores sexual dysfunction.

Tantric massage activates sexual energy and distributes it through your whole body. Therefore, tantric massage can treat sexual dysfunctions such as premature ejaculation, low libido, etc. It can also improve your sex life as well. You can control premature ejaculation with regular sensual massage and breathing exercises. This makes a person feel more vibrant, but it also helps cleanse the body. The end result is that it greatly boosts a person’s libido and sex life.

Tantric massage helps in increasing orgasmic pleasure.

It’s not uncommon for many people to think of sex as only a fleeting pleasure or a moment of instant satisfaction. But, if you let it, sex has the potential to be so much more than it appears to be. It can evolve completely into a feeling of ecstasy for hours.

Your sexual energy is the one factor that will determine how long and how intense your orgasm will be. To make sex more than just a genital satisfaction experience, sensual massage helps distribute the sexual energy throughout the body. It improves sex and delivers waves of pleasure through the whole body.

Related: Tantric Sex: A Sensual Way to Rediscover Pleasure

Tantric massage improves both mental and physical wellbeing.

Tantric massage therapy reduces stress and increases well-being. It can serve as a treatment for a variety of chronic medical conditions. The most common benefits of this massage are increased strength and wellness. Touch is an excellent cure for anxiety. This is because physical touch from another person releases pleasure and happiness hormones. Regular tantric massage relaxes the mind and body, allowing you to sleep better. It can be used daily to reduce body and muscle pains, alleviate depression, increase relaxation and overall happiness.

It can help you in discovering yourself and finding fulfillment.

This amazing massage helps purify the mind and heart of fears by removing emotional and mental toxins. So that people can have a greater understanding of who they truly are and redefine the person they aspire to become. Tantric massage may bring about freedom from previous mental enslavement and welcome insight for the future. This can create pure happiness and fulfillment.

Tantric massage is enjoyable.

Yes! Tantric massage is blissful and pleasurable. Who does not like an amazing sensual massage that relaxes the nerves and gives incredible pleasure? An additional bonus could be orgasm! Above all, the after-effect makes you feel relaxed, re-energized, and confident.

In conclusion, Tantric healing has the potential to be a life-changing therapy, particularly for survivors of sexual abuse. A physical release of that pain can occur, allowing your body to finally feel free of the memory that comes with that trauma. It fulfills an important purpose and is known for its truly amazing effects. If you are looking to get a tantric massage, I recommend you read The Best Tantra Books: Top 10 Recommendations for 2021

12 Amazing Kinky Toys You Can Create Yourself

Variety is the spice of life, but it’s the same spice that’s always lacking from bedrooms! Whether you’re on a budget or simply don’t want to spend money on kinky toys, there are plenty of do-it-yourself alternatives that will do the job just as well.
While you may not have known it, there are numerous items in your home that are just ready to make you climax. The best tool, however, is the most convenient one. Face rollers, paperclips, and even a spatula may do a great job. All you need is a little creativity, from a cucumber that can be used as a dildo for masturbation to a spatula that can be used for spanking.

Here are 12 household items that you can transform into kinky toys, whether you’re looking for something to insert, tickle with, or something to spice up your routine.

1 Cucumber

Cucumbers, like penises, come in a wide range of forms, circumferences, and lengths! In addition, any phallic-shaped vegetable, such as maize, carrot, eggplant, or potato, can be used as a dildo. Wait, did I say potato? You are correct, potato! To spark your curiosity, learn how to carve a dildo out of a potato. To avoid bacterial infection, remember always to use a condom when using any veggies. And, no, you don’t want to eat the vegetables after they’ve been used.

2 Paperclips

If you enjoy nipple play. Paperclips are a fantastic sex toy to include in a pinch. When pulled or twisted, they can provide a burst of pain, and a rush of intense feeling, and a deep sense of release when removed. Simply clip them onto your nipples or your partner’s nipples and see if you enjoy the experience. You can adjust the paperclip to provide just the right amount of squeeze and stimulation. Have your partner tease or nibble your nipples while you’re wearing the clips to make it more exciting. Clothing pegs can also be used as a nipple clamp. Just make sure they aren’t too tight because they can walk a delicate line between pain and pleasure.

3 Rubber Band

Consider turning things up with rubber bands if you or your partner desire a swift, pinching feeling. The mild sting of a rubber band will undoubtedly draw one’s attention. An intense, fast sting is more likely to leave a mark. Use rubber bands gently on sensitive places, including the navel, nipples, and genitals. Before reaching too deep, make sure your partner is okay with a sting and the accompanying temporal marks.

4 Panties

Your panties can do incredible jobs if put to use. You can convert them into a kinky toy within a minute. Rather than purchasing a ball gag, have your spouse remove your panties, ball them up, and then force them in your mouth to mask your sounds.

5 Spatula

The spatula is another kinky toy in your home! Want to have some fun with spanking? Spanking with a spatula is simple and effective. There’s a good chance you have one lying around, and it’s a simple fix that won’t cost you much. Head to the kitchen and grab a spatula if you’re in the mood for some spanking. Depending on your partner’s desires, you can go light or hard on them. A silicone spatula is ideal, but even a good-old wooden one would suffice in most cases. Other options for a paddle include small wooden cutting boards with handles. Simply make sure the spatula is clean before using it, and wash it after each use. I recommend you buy

6 Ice Cubes

Right in your own refrigerator is one of the most thrilling experiences imaginable. Incorporating temperature play during sex, It is possible to experience tremendous stimulation of your nerve endings. Because making ice is so simple, why not give it a shot? Using an ice cube, rub it over the warm body of your partner to create a temperature contrast that will elicit a variety of wonderful feelings.

7 Coconut Oil

Sensual massage with coconut oil is pleasant. Use Coconut oil as a substitute for massage candles if none are available. It’s erotic to get oiled up. Massage can also be used as a foreplay turn-on. Begin with the feet and work your way up to the other parts of their body. Observe how your partner wriggles in your grasp while you take your time.

8 Masking tape

You can use masking tape as a kinky toy to produce improvised handcuff or ankle restraints, tie your partner’s hands down, or for various other purposes! This BDSM need is used for anything from cuffs to gags. If you’re experimenting with tape play, be extremely cautious about candles to avoid skin irritation or ripping of the skin’s top layer.

9 Mints

Provide your partner with a minty fresh sensation on their private parts. For an extra chilly tingly sensation, try sucking on a mint before giving your partner oral sex. If sucking on a mint before delivering oral isn’t as convenient as you’d like, consider swishing your mouth with mint-flavoured mouthwash before giving oral.

10 Dog leash/Collar

A dog leash/collar is a popular fetish among the kink community. Wearing one might feel emotional or even romantic for submissive partners. Just make sure this kinky toy has a velcro clasp so your partner can easily remove it if they don’t like it.

11 Face Roller

Face roller is another kinky toy that can do much more than merely remove puffiness from the face. To get the most out of it, use it sensually and softly on areas of your body that don’t generally get much attention. Examples of these are your feet, legs, tighs, hands, and even the area beneath your breasts. Be sure to thoroughly clean it before and after each use.

12 Socks

Making your own kinky toys is simple when you have socks on hand. Everyone has a sock or two lying around. Fill the sock with your favourite unscented lubricant to use when masturbating if you or your partner have a penis. To spice up the fun with your partner, have them give you a hand job with the lubed-up sock.

There are numerous items in your home that you can convert into a sex toy. Do you want additional ideas for household items that you can turn into sex toys? Read 15 everyday things that are secretly bedroom toys. Kinky toys do not have to be costly. So, whether you like bondage, role-playing, or want to masturbate, there’s a kinky toy for you right in your own home and within reach. Fortunately, you don’t have to spend a fortune to please yourself or your partner. Always wash or sanitize any object before or after using it. Remember to use a condom as necessary to prevent bacterial transmission. Join our community to meet other sex-positive people who are unapologetically exploring their sexuality.

Backdoor Fun: Anal Play, Sex Toys, and Tips To Follow

We’ve all heard of the mystical backdoor fun in whispered tones during our youth. What has once been considered taboo is now one of the most practised and celebrated sexual activities! And while you may still be skeptical about delving into Anal Play – which is understandable – there are many internet guides out there to help you get over those inhibitions…including this one. 

What is Anal Play?

peach that looks like a butt

Anal Play is the act of pleasuring yourself or your partner/s’ anus or rectum by inserting a finger, a toy, and even your tongue. It can also refer to the act of rimming or rubbing at the anal opening. 

Why should you try it?

The anus or rectum isn’t just for dispelling your bowels. It can be a pleasure point, too! There are literally thousands of nerve endings around the anus and in the rectum that you haven’t quite yet explored. Although it’s a little different from a vagina that can secrete its own lubrication, it doesn’t lessen the backdoor fun you can perform.

Enhanced Sensations

Anal Play has the potential to enhance your bodily sensations and reach new orgasmic limits. We all know of the vagina and its proverbial G-spot, but have you heard of the male rectum’s P-spot?

Prostate Pleasure

What is the Prostate?

The Prostate is the male G-spot or fondly known as the P-Spot. It is a gland that helps produce seminal fluid and can be stimulated internally (in the rectum) or externally in the space between the penis and the scrotum.

naked male body

Similarly, if you can stimulate the G-spot with strokes and massages, you can do it for the P-spot as well!

Sex Toys

Of course, Anal Play isn’t exclusive to any gender. Everyone can enjoy it!

So, if you aren’t a penis-wielding sexual being or you are but want to be on the receiving end, there are several sex toys for your backdoor fun sessions:

Butt Plugs

Butt plugs are as common as vibrators. They’re small teardrop-shaped toys with a wide base that you stick up your bum and come in various materials and colors.

Now, why are butt plugs all the rage? For starters, they preliminarily stretch you out for bigger things. Hence, if you’re preparing for anal sex, this is a good foreplay tool for you and your partner. Not to mention, it’s designed to reach your Prostate for that added pressure point.

Anal Beads

If you’re not so sure about a silicone toy plugging up your ass, you can try the smaller spheres of anal beads.

anal beads

Anal beads is a sex toy with multiple consecutive spheres inserted in the anus to the rectum and removed either slowly or quickly for a pleasurable effect.

Vibrators and Other Toys

Although butt plugs and beads are the mainstream, you can still use vibrators (there are even butt plugs that are vibrators) and other toys however you see fit. See, Anal Play is just as versatile as regular Sex Play, and you can experiment to your heart’s content.

Tips to Follow

So, you’re thinking of trying Anal Play? Here are some of our Foxxy tips for you to follow!

1. Clean

Make sure that you have emptied your bowels before you proceed with your session. Many people prefer to douche, which is an effective way to minimize – if not eliminate – encountering any fecal matter during anal sex. It’s not that advisable as it may damage the rectal lining. Others would suggest washing the area around the anus with soap and water; this may be done in the shower. Or you could opt to wipe yourself thoroughly with wet wipes.

Whatever method you choose, the important thing is to be clean! Stay hygienic, everyone!

2. Use Protection

condoms

As most of you might be afraid to contract STDs or other bacterial infections, please refer to number one. Clean the area for stimulation to ensure that (1) you won’t make a mess and (2) it’s hygienic, come on, people. The next thing you should do is to use protection. Wear a condom on your ding-dong and/or the sex toys you will be using – especially if you’re planning to use them elsewhere, like the vagina or your mouth!
Do not double-dip in different entrances!

3. Lubricate

The anus isn’t as slick as a natural vagina; therefore, you must lubricate religiously!

Most would recommend a water-based lubricant, but for the Anal Play, it’ll be best to use a silicone-based one because it lasts longer! Also, don’t forget to check if your lubricant is compatible with your toys! Some toy materials don’t agree with silicone-based lubes, and it’d be best to check it out before you purchase anything.

4. Foreplay, duh!

sexy mouth with a cherry

If you’re one to skip on the foreplay with vaginal sex, you can’t practice the same thing with Anal Sex or Anal Play.

Foreplay is the prerequisite to Anal Sex. It’s preparation for a larger object, may it be a dildo or a penis, and your anus needs a little bit of training (and a lot of lube) to make sure things go smoothly.

Do not skip foreplay! I guarantee that Anal will be off the table forever if you do.

Don’t just stick it up without warning! Consent is vital in any sex act, and you shouldn’t be going about without it in the first place!

If you’re relatively new to Anal Play, it’s best to talk about it before you engage in anything. It’s not the same as conventional sex that you know what to do and where to put everything. Some people might not be comfortable with Anal as you are, and ground rules must be in place if it ever comes up.

Always, always, always ask for your partner’s consent.

Enjoy the Experience

Anal Play and Anal Sex is a fun and saucy sexual activity that anyone can enjoy. It doesn’t have to be a scary endeavor in the bedroom and certainly not taboo. It’s a natural thing to want to explore. So you shouldn’t be ashamed of having an inclination. Live out your butt fantasies!

Just remember the tips that we’ve discussed, and you’ll be good to go! But if you still want to read about backdoor fun or other kinks, head on to our blog!

Must Read Beginner’s Guide to Electro Sex

Must Read Beginner’s Guide to Electro Sex

Do you want an electrifying orgasm? Electro sex toys could be just what you’re looking for! If you want to increase the intensity of your pleasure, this beginner’s guide to electro toys is a must-read.

Electro sex uses an electric current to excite the nerves of your genitals and skin surfaces. The human body is mostly water, making it an excellent conductor of electricity.

You can insert electro sex toys or use them on body surfaces for an orgasmic experience. 

A Word of Caution…

Electro sex toy for conducting electricity thru the body

Electro sex is completely safe; most devices use low limits of electricity. Here are a few things to remember:

• To increase sensitivity and avoid skin tenderness, use a water-based lubricant or electro-conductive gel 

• Do not use E-stim devices above the waist – electricity should never pass through your heart, so do not place devices near your nipples.

• If you have heart problems or have a pacemaker, do not use an E-stim unit

• Pregnant women should not use E-stim devices

• Do not use electro sex toys on broken or irritated skin

• Always turn off the power when inserting a dildo or butt plug.

• Take off all jewellery before you start experimenting.

Some may enjoy the new sensations, while others may find them too intense. Experiment with lower intensities before turning up the dial!

Let’s Start with Lube

Electrastim Sterile Lubricant Sachets

Lube makes sex and ElectraStim play more pleasurable and safer.

Cover your toys liberally before inserting them; lube makes them glide in easily and sterilizes them.

Medical professionals use this sterilized lube to ensure a clean and exquisite experience, knowing that you will be infection-free!

Electro-Conductive Electrode Gel

This conductive gel will make all your toys come to life. Clear and water-based, it’s safe to use with all your toys. This lube is fantastic. A little goes a long way.

Let’s Power Up the Toys

electro sex toys

*Not all toys include a control unit or power supply

https://shop.foxtailapp.com/product/bdsm-electric-shock-twilight-stick-wand-sex-kit/

BDSM Electric Shock Sex Kit

This kit includes everything you could need to get started.

The 3-inch probe for anal or vaginal play, two adjustable cock loops, sticky pads for intense sensation, conductive lube, water-based lube, a storage bag, and a three-year warranty!

If you’re new to electro play, the Flick has 24 intensities, allowing you to start low and gradually increase your intensity. It also has a whopping seven patterns!

The Stinger Electro Play Wand by Doc Johnson

This wand in cattle prod style is certainly exciting. This wand is safe, exciting to use, emits noises, and visibly sparks.

Two AA batteries power the wand. Grab the insulated hand, press the button, and the tip will send amazing sensations across your skin!

Electrastim Electros Silicone Kimodo Dildo

Are you get tired of electro sex? Grab the 6-inch dildo; use it with any harness that has a 1.5-inch O-ring! It does not come with an E-Stim unit. 

The dildo easily reaches her G-spot or his prostate for hands-free orgasms. Bi-polar contacts ensure intensity during masturbation, foreplay, and sex.

Uni-Polar Metallic Adjustable Cock Loops by ElectraStim

These electric cock loops adjust from 0.25 to 1.75 inches to fit most penises. Use the insulated grips for imaginative play.

Wear both simultaneously or share them with your partner, resulting in orgasmic experiences.

*ElectraStim power unit not included.

Toys For Both of You

The Zeus Palm Powerbox

The Palm Powerbox puts all the pleasure you need into a palm-sized device. Take it wherever you go! New to electro-sex, this Powerbox is perfect for you.

Apply the pads to your body for an exhilarating experience. Powerbox has six pulsation modes, multi-level settings, and two pads with leads for instant play. This Powerbox redefines the term “charge”!

Flogger

Zeus’s Twilight Violet Wand

This decadent wand provides a unique sensation with a dazzling light show for the eyes and senses. It includes four glass wands that send arcs that dance across your flesh! The electrifying base has an intensity-adjustable dial. 

Extreme Twilight Silicone Flogger E-Stim Attachment 

This Violet flogger made for impact play! Every touch of the flogger sends shockwaves through your partner’s body. Each sensual stroke conducts the electric current perfectly, charging each tail with electricity for many zapping bites. Let the sparks fly!

Ending Our Session…

Electro sex toys are an amazing way to spark new life into your sex play. Used alone or with a partner, they add a new and intense level of pleasure. Remember to use lots of lube, start on a low setting and enjoy the new sensations. No time like now to start your electro sex toy collection!

Want to enjoy playing with your entire body? If you’re looking for something to charge up your sex, the world of Electro is the place to start. Arc over to Foxxxy and start your electro sex collection today.

Why Leather Culture is Here to Stay

Fur-lined leather cuffs

When you hear “Leather Culture,” do you picture a dominatrix cracking a whip, wearing leather from head to toe? Two men in “Puppy play” or a dom head-to-toe in black leather? It is all of these and more. So let’s take a look at Leather culture and why it’s here to stay!


“Leather” is a catch-all term for a diverse range of sexual preferences, identities, relationship structures, and social organizations that are loosely linked by the thread of sadomasochistic sex.


Leather culture is most visible in gay communities, where it is most often associated with gay men (leathermen); it is also reflected in various ways in the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and straight communities. Many people associate BDSM practices with leather culture.

The History of Leatherfolk

The subculture is thought to have evolved from the post-World War II biker scene, characterized by uniforms, buzz cuts, and military honor codes. It was an aesthetic that gay men who couldn’t identify with the more pretentious stereotypes of the time found appealing.

‘Leather’ was a code word for men in the 1940s; it meant, are you into rough sex, bondage, S&M?’

Those men formed motorcycle clubs and dressed in leather, adopting a look of masculine independence popularized by Marlon Brando’s look in 1953. In 1958, Chicago’s Gold Coast was the first gay bar to cater to the leather scene.

Leather as Self-Expression

Men dressed for Puppy play

Leather has a practical purpose. It’s an excellent material for making durable clothes, restraints, and other sex objects. Leather pants also repel odor-causing moisture. High-quality leather wicks moisture away from your body, keeping you dry and comfortable while also preventing bad odors from forming (Sweaty Sex, Mmmmm!). It is multifaceted and leaves a lot of room for interpretation. You’re creating your look and your sex life at the same time by choosing what pieces to wear and use.

Leather is a tool for expressing toughness and invulnerability through its functions—an indestructibility to its reputation fused by the people who use it.

Leather’s traditional description of toughness, vigor, and masculinity has been reimagined as light, subtle, and sensual.

Leather’s Role in BDSM

Leather and BDSM are inextricably linked. The leather community has engaged in BDSM practices since its inception, which is a big part of why we associate them with each other. For many people, regardless of sexual orientation, leather has become a symbol of kinky sex.

Leather is used to make impact toys such as whips, floggers, and paddles. Each one bringing a new sensation. People spend a lot of money on beautiful black leather BDSM accessories.

The Subliminal Power of Leather

Leather has a well-known presence in the kink community. Unlike other kinks, it is visible to passersby; if they’re walking around in a crowd wearing a harness, people in the leather community don’t mind wearing it with pride. It’s also popular because it’s all around us. Anyone involved in bondage wears leather restraints, wearing a sexy leather thong may turn on their partner.

Wearing leather can make you feel more powerful, sexually appealing, and dominant. Leather can put you in a dominant mental state, which can lead to rougher, more exciting sex. For instance, when your dom puts on their boots and harness, they become a different version of themselves, allowing you to let go and serve them. You can also grovel while wearing a leather ball gag or restraints made of leather.

It can function as a second skin. Wearing leather can make you brave to be yourself in a new environment, such as a leather bar, or to ask someone to dance in a typical club. On the other hand, it makes you more dominant even outside of a sexual situation, so you might be able to apply it to one. All of these types of leather fetishism are legitimate, they are all represented in the leather and BDSM communities.

Leather mask, belt, and cuff

Leather Defines A Culture

The leather culture refers to sexual practices and dress styles centered on leather garments such as leather jackets, vests, boots, chaps, harnesses, and other items. Wearing leather clothing is one way this culture deliberately distinguishes itself from mainstream sexual cultures. For many, wearing black leather clothing is an erotic fashion statement that expresses heightened masculinity or the appropriation of sexual power; a love of motorcycles, motorcycle clubs, independence, or sexual kink.

Leather Culture Principles

The principles of trust, honor, and respect are a common foundation upon which the leather culture is built. In addition, leatherfolk believe that by implementing these principles in their daily lives, they will become role models for both conventional and leather families.

Leather is associated with brotherhood, self-discipline, and honor. There is a tradition of self-respect and respect for others who deserve it, an open exchange of ideas and information, and active participation in the community.

Many people believe that their involvement with leather culture has made them better, stronger, safer, more ethical, and more connected. A culture founded on these beliefs is here to stay!

The Takeaway

All of these types of leather fetishism are legitimate, they are all represented in the leather and BDSM communities.

When we bring our kinks and fetishes home at the end of the day. It’s about consenting adults elating in one of the many ways people experience their sexual identities and connecting with others who share their beliefs. There is a significant difference between those who want to spice things up and those who are part of a culture that has been around for decades; Leather Culture is here to stay.

If you want to be a part of the leather culture or if your kink is leather toys and you’re looking for a partner, Foxtail is the place to be.

Triptastic Sex on Psychedelics

A couple having psychedelic sex on the back of winged beast

Do you ever feel that your sex is lacking something? Have you ever experimented with psychedelics? Have you ever considered having sex using psychedelics? People are increasingly interested in chemsex. Let’s look into psychedelic sex and see what all the hype is about.


The use of drugs to intensify sex is known as party and play or chemsex. It has been associated with gay men and the use of “Poppers,” but couples have been having psychedelic sex for years. While this isn’t for everyone, there are some compelling arguments for it.

The Beginnings of Psychedelic Sex

Sex and drugs are cultural taboos on their own. Understanding how sex and drugs are linked is not something we should be afraid of or dismiss as deviant.

For centuries, people have used drugs to facilitate and enhance their sexual experiences. To increase sexual desire, the ancient Egyptians used extracts from the blue lotus flower. Before the ban in the 1940s, Peyote/Mescaline was used in Native American sex rituals.

The Most Common Drug, Alcohol

Most people are familiar with alcohol, many using it to unwind before having sex. Drugs are used to enhance the experience of sex, whereas alcohol is used to facilitate it. Some people will use a combination of drugs rather than a single substance.

Alcohol and cocaine are used together because cocaine, as a stimulant, counteracts the depressive effect of alcohol. Cocaine, like other stimulants like methamphetamine, extends the sexual experience.

Female on a bed with drugs on breasts

A Case for Pychedelics

Psychedelics influence the brain’s “me” regions, dampening the ego’s constant criticism. Allowing people to unwind and lessen anxieties that are known to stifle sex. Psychedelics are an excellent choice for sex as they reduce insecurities and increase physical awareness.

Frequently the user gains personal insight, has a new experience, or sees themselves from a new perspective, which can significantly impact a sexual experience. Every sexual experience has the potential to teach us something about sex, just as every drug experience has the potential to teach us something about sex.

Ecstasy

A couple having sex on psychedelic drugs

Ecstasy/Molly causes a surge of serotonin and dopamine, the brain’s “feel good” chemicals, releasing it all at once, resulting in a rush of bliss and happiness. Ecstasy can make people horny and increase the sensation of touch. It can also make getting a hard-on or cumming difficult.

Ecstacy increases emotional intimacy, making touch feel sensual and love feel ecstatic, but it can be difficult for some to maintain an erection or reach climax.

Be aware that most dealers selling illegal “molly” or “ecstasy” dilute it with other substances such as cocaine, heroin, or synthetic Ecstasy, all of which can cause seizures and death. Be cautious when using this drug!

Magic Mushrooms

Psilocybin mushrooms/Shrooms can have an effect similar to LSD. For most people, sex isn’t even a consideration when it comes to mushrooms. Most people prefer to cuddle rather than have sex with their partners. There is a sense of intimacy and sensitivity, whether cuddling or having sex. A significant benefit of using mushrooms is the emotional connection they provide.

A lower dose of mushrooms is likely to make you horny. Higher doses will make you so distracted that anything remotely sexual will be impossible to focus on. Shrooms can be difficult to dose at times since different strains have different concentrations.

LSD

Having sex on LSD/Acid is said to be the most pleasurable experience you can have. LSD can make you feel horny, increase the sensation of touch, and cause erotic hallucinations. Sex on acid can appear to last much longer than it does.

Many people regard it as the number one sex drug, with no way to tell your body apart from your partners’. The sensation is amplified, the emotional connection is intense. LSD lowers your inhibitions and alters your perception of reality, making it easier to act out sexual fantasies. Lower inhibitions can also cloud your judgment when it comes to safer sex.

Caution should be used when using any drug; inhibitions are reduced while tripping, and there is always the risk of a bad trip; sex on LSD is best done with someone you know well and trust.

Shrooms and LSD work together, creating heightened sensation and awareness, allowing users to be less self-conscious about their performance and appearance while also strengthening the emotional connection with a partner.

Who you trip with is more important than the substance. Depending on the circumstances, any psychedelic can improve emotional intimacy.

Preparing for a Trip

Drugs scattered on a table

Regardless of which psychedelic you use, set and setting are important factors in your sexual experience. To get the most out of the experience, you must feel completely safe. That safe space should exist in your surroundings, with your partner, and in your mind.

Prior to having open conversations, it’s necessary to feel calm and clear-headed. Start low and gradually increase your dose. A sexual experience will be impossible if the dose is too high.

Psychedelics, like any other substance, can impair your ability to consent. The same rules for non-altered sex apply here: enthusiastic consent, birth control, and protection against sexually transmitted infections.

Negative Views on Psychedelic Sex

Very little is known about the relationship between sex and drugs. In the past, we focused on the links between drug use and “risky” sexual behaviour, such as not using condoms or orgies.

Drug use has also been linked to “impaired” sexual function, such as difficulty maintaining an erection or achieving an orgasm. This paints a negative picture of chemsex.

Ending the Trip

You can only imagine the different experiences you could have if you mix sex and drugs. Psychedelic sex can heighten the emotional connection, intensify senses, cause a loss of time comprehension, and give you the enlightened sensation of losing yourself in another person. Be safe; we can’t stress that enough.

Do you enjoy sex while high on psychedelics? Does it freak you out? I’d like to hear your thoughts on the matter. Do you want to learn more about this topic? Leave a comment below, then head over to Foxtail to see what’s new.

40 and Sexually Active – Taking Care of Your Sensuality

Age is just a number! Just because you’re 40 doesn’t mean you aren’t sexy anymore! 

So what if you’re pruning a bit? Your wrinkles are a testament to your experience and life! It’s a call for celebration! And what better way to celebrate life than to do the deed that gave you life?

Intertwined lovers’ feet

But the thing is, sex at 40 entails a lot of new considerations that weren’t present in your youth. Menopause/Andropause might be in your near future (if it hasn’t claimed you already); its tell-tale signs are now starting to show – like being dry down there, some mood swings, or being unable to hoist up the little general for a quickie.

Although it can get distressing to accept your body, don’t let that discourage you. The changes that you’re experiencing are all part of aging. Besides, modern technology has made it possible for people to relish in pleasures of the flesh (I’m looking at you Viagra and Lube) no matter how old you are.

Aged Like Fine Wine

The 40 and sexually active terrain is a reawakening of your sensuality. Think of it as the second coming of your virginity because, let’s admit it, at some point, your raging libido mellowed down either when you had kids, when your job demanded more overtime, or both. Your priorities just changed, and getting off seemed like the least of your worries. It doesn’t help your case when you’ve stopped doing your self-care rituals; the shedding of your public persona as you build a comfortable home tends to decrease your time and energy maintaining things that make you feel confident. It’s one of the main contributors to the lack of confidence that many men and women approaching 40 or are in their 40s experience. They feel desexualized and out of touch with their sensuality. 

A glass of red wine

By choosing comfort over wellness, they let themselves go. It’s not a crime to have a break from all the fuss. However, a lasting positive relationship between you and your body requires you to get reacquainted with your ability to love yourself in all shapes and forms. 

Sexy Has No Standard 

Wellness is attained through consistency. As we age, it becomes increasingly difficult to be consistent about things you can put off, like going to the salon, the dentist, getting waxed, and so on. While these may seem like trivial things, they are contributors to your self-perception. This is why Body Positivity is so hard to manifest. The media is purposive in feeding our brains with the ideal body type across ages. Unnecessary pressure is placed on everyone to look a certain way to be called sexy, think Jennifer Lopez and Channing Tatum. Although you’re not expected to be like any of them, it makes you feel futile for even trying to take care of yourself. 

Sexy has no standard, though. All bodies are valid, and we should accept them for how they are. You’re not getting anywhere moping around about your fading youth. Think of yourself as a deliciously aged fine wine. Sure, you’re getting up there, but that doesn’t lessen the quality and texture of your person. Sex appeals are subjective. If you feel sexy, it emanates! 

Sensual Sensibilities: Taking Care of Your Sensuality at 40

Taking care of your sensuality or desire to feel and express sexual pleasure takes effort. A sexually active 40-year-old isn’t a leprechaun. But the sexual routine of an old married couple may make you think that spice is off the table. Remember that sex should always be consensual and enjoyed by the participants. You shouldn’t feel obligated to have sex. You should want to have sex.

So how do you take care of your sensuality and become an invigorated sexual being at 40?

Here are a few things you should consider:

1. Self-Care Regimens

Saddle up and Spa! 

Self-care regimens such as skin care routines, mani-pedis, waxing, or shaving are trivial rituals, but these things help make you look and feel your best! 

Woman indulging in self-care

I know, I know, it can certainly be a hassle to maintain frivolous activities like these. Basic grooming can transform into a thing of the past when you’re too comfortable with your partner, but we all know it shouldn’t be. 

Self-care is important. You need to establish a good relationship with yourself to better connect and relate with another person. So don’t hesitate! Make an effort to hold a spa day at least once a month! It’s not a girly thing to use clay masks! Involve your partner in this monthly spa day! Do it for the team, guys! 

Another great self-care regimen would be exercise! Apart from it being good for your body, it’s also a mood enhancer like sex. Research shows that people who regularly exercise are happier than those who aren’t. It can promote good mental health and improve your self-perception – this allows you to feel better about yourself and, in turn, sexier. 

2. Indulge in Romance

Couple kissing

When was the last time you and your partner had a night out or adventure? If you can’t remember, then you’re in serious need of a romantic getaway. 

Indulging in romance is a great way to boost that libido! Your connectedness with your person is an undeniable feeling that can stir fire in your heart and loins. Book a nice restaurant for no apparent occasion! Have a moonlight walk! Do the things you used to do when you guys were dating. It’ll surely bring back fond memories!

Meanwhile, for all you single 40-year-olds, go out and meet people! Stop sulking in your nice apartment. There’s a whole world outside that couch of yours. Sign up on a dating app! Ask a friend to hook you up on a blind date. Casual relationships don’t end in your 20s. You can still play the game even if you’ve been benched for years. There are a lot of singletons out there ready to bang one out! You could be one of them, too!

3. Masturbate

Masturbation is the definition of sensuality. 

Hands and a vibrator

You can totes masturbate at 40 or older, and you don’t have to be shy about it! Owning your pleasure is an empowering feeling. It basically says that you don’t need anyone else to make you feel good.

Though you can also share this experience with a partner with mutual masturbation, it’s still a comforting idea that you can own this sex act by yourself. Many people find that possession of something which cannot be taken away boosts their confidence off the roof. 

So don’t wait up! Masturbate at will! 

4. Get Kinky

Sexy Secretary Role Play

If you’ve lived all of your sexually active years without getting kinky, now is the time to try. 

There is a whole community out here that is open to new sex-periences. Try out kinks and look for something that fits you and your personality. Buy toys that would make you giggle at the thought of using them. I guarantee that trying out different kinds of play would excite both you and your partner. 

To avoid being overwhelmed by the vast roster of toys and play, try buying something basic like toy hand-cuffs and blindfolds, try out cosplay sex, or role-playing. The choices are endless! 

Keep In Mind

As a sexually active 40-year-old, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for loving the deed at your age. You can even enjoy sex when you’re 80, and it’ll still be a valid form of self-expression and self-pleasure. You can even feel pleasure without sex, and it’ll still be valid.

Owning your sensuality and taking care of it is an ongoing process. Even at 40, your sexual nature is still evolving. You might not feel sexy all the time but you should aim to feel sexy most of the time.

Want to get a head start in your sensual journey? Read more sex positive and empowering articles on Foxtail! Or you could meet people from our community!