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Get On Up! Get a Sex Machine!

Legs of a man sitting on top of a washing machine.

If you thought fucking machines only existed for porn, you’d be dead wrong. While machine-induced orgasms might sound too fantastic to be true, we’re here to tell you: they’re real. And you can have them anytime you want, without ever having to leave home.

It’s the year 2021, and entire cities still go on and off lockdown, sometimes with barely any warning. Getting used to intermittent quarantine and limited travel has only made it all the more necessary to be creative with your stress relief.

You might live with family or roommates, and it’s hard to find (much less bring) anyone risky home. Or what if your relationship happens to be long-distance? For those and many other reasons, people have had to turn to sex toys and masturbation just to scratch the itch.

Photo by Alex Azabache on Unsplash

Before anything else, let’s first define the terms.

What exactly is a sex machine? Does a vibrator count?

Technically, yes. A vibrator is technically a sex machine in that a vibrator is a machine you can use for sex. In your hands, it’s a piece of equipment with several moving parts that uses or applies mechanical energy to perform a task. And that task is to induce sexual stimulation… to make you orgasm. Simple, right?

But what if you didn’t have to hold it in your hands?

Let’s start with a basic dildo. Simple. Classic. Any color you want. You can go traditional or contemporary (Grooves? Bumps? Have fun!) Next, let’s add a little motor to make it vibrate. Fixed onto a frame or some kind of mount, it can stand up by itself. You can ride it, or better yet, set it at the foot of your bed, with an extending rod to push and pull and rotate.

Perhaps the oldest sex machine is the classic Sybian (a rideable, saddle-type vibrator). And all the most popular porn videos usually portray complicated devices thrusting at maximum speed. However, sex machines don’t always have to be solely penetrative. Teasing, licking, and sucking can be automated too.

What are the benefits of owning a personal sex machine?

1. Sometimes sex toys just won’t cut it.  

An assortment of sex toys on a table being picked up by a person in a suit.
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

The longer our circumstances seem to stretch, you might find even Ol’ (Purple, Vibrating) Faithful has begun to look… well, boring.

While sex toys are wonderful, it can be hard to achieve power and depth with only a handheld device. If you’re like me and you like overstimulation, it can be frustrating if being in the throes of orgasm also means losing grip strength. (Argh, I want more! But now I’ve got a cramp.)

Or what if you like the sensation of not being in control? Even if it’s only an illusion, you might miss the idea that even if you’ve already come once, some other entity just… might not feel like stopping.

If flipping between familiar settings with a switch has lost its magic, here’s a thought — what about buying a sex machine?

2. You can go solo, but it’s also fun to share.

Sex machines are perfect for when it feels like you need just a little more from your masturbatory sessions. Though you should keep in mind that they won’t always be among the quietest of your home appliances, sex machines can be a great go-to for hands-free orgasms if you ever find yourself without a partner.

On the other hand, introducing sex machines can be a great way to spice up couple, or even group, sex. There are new, modern models that can connect to apps online so you can have a partner from far away running the show. You can even download customized settings recommended by fun online communities. If that’s too high-tech for you, simply handing the remote to someone else in the room can add an entirely new level of thrill.

3. Sex machines are completely customizable.

A hand hovering over a colorful assortment of sex toys.
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

And I don’t just mean colors, materials, or even power settings. You can (and probably should) expect those things from most traditional, simpler sex toys. But with sex machines, you can have absolute control over everything — from the direction of movement to the depth of the thrust, the intensity of vibration down to what kind of attachment you want on the business end. Suckers, anyone?

4. Do it for the kink.

According to an Urban Dictionary entry from 2008, mechanophilia is “the love or sexual attraction to computers, cars, robots, or androids, washing machines and other domestic appliances, lawn mowers and other mechanized gardening equipment. Sexual relations between living organisms and machines”.

Actual sex robots might be a way off yet. But if you’ve ever fantasized about the terminator minus the Arnold Schwarzenegger part… this might just be the home investment you were looking for.

Now, if those are the pros… are there any cons?

Bare legs dangling over a washing machine
Photo by Nick from Pexels

Here’s the thing. Sex machines aren’t cheap.

In fact, they shouldn’t be. Sex machines come with a lot more components than smaller sex toys, from the attachments and the frames to the internal mechanisms. Just like with any other appliance, cheaper machines run the risk of lighter plastic to shoddy insulation, and trust me — things can go a lot worse for you than a severe electric shock.

First, it’s important to check if the components that come into contact with your skin are safe for your body. Otherwise, you should also buy protective coverings like condoms and specific, nontoxic cleaning solutions.

Check out: Your Body’s Guide to Safe Sex Toy Materials

Second, just like we’ve mentioned before, sex machines won’t be quiet by default. Unless you have a special, high-end machine, itt might be a good idea to wait until you’re alone, or at least turn up the music.

And finally: you can’t easily have sex machines returned or fixed the way you would any other appliance, for hygiene reasons. If you’re unfazed and still considering buying one, check first if there’s a warranty in place, especially if you’re thinking of ordering online.

A good model shouldn’t compromise on either your safety or your comfort. Check out the sex machines on Foxxxy if you want good use without breaking your bank!

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The content on this page including, but not limited to text, graphics, images, videos, links and other materials are for informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and does not constitute medical or other professional advice. We also do not condone any illegal activity.

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