There’s a fine line between BDSM and an abusive relationship and drawing that line can be confusing. People often ask the difference between a BDSM relationship and an abusive one. They may be surprised to learn that there are many. Do you want to find out whether a relationship involving BDSM is abusive? Read on.
Abusive BDSM Relationship
Abuse in a BDSM relationship is possible. It can include a high level of physical violence and/or verbal abuse. Examples of physical violence are slapping, hitting, or even using a broken piece of glass as a weapon. Examples of verbal abuse are put-downs, insults, and blaming the other person. BDSM can lead to this if boundaries are not and consent is thrown out of the window just because it is “meant to be’ violent.
For instance, one might tell their partner that they wished their partner was dead or injured. Other forms of abuse are death threats or threats of bodily harm. We can guarantee you that these are not part of BDSM. Eventually, this can force victims to hide in fear, relocate or leave their place of employment.
Physical Contact in Abusive Relationships vs BDSM
Physical intimacy is about touch and conveys the intentions of a connections in ways that words can not describe. Physical contact can occur in a BDSM relationship but is not the same as having sex. The people who are involved discuss consent and rules concerning physical contact on the first date. Then once they agree, physical contact can take place. But, this does not mean that all physical contact in a BDSM relationship will be non-sexual. Many people who practice BDSM enjoy making love or performing kinky sex which includes role-playing and erotic touching.
Other types of abuse in BDSM relationship
Can one person in a BDSM relationship verbally and emotionally abuse the other? Could a BDSM relationship turn into an abusive one? The answer to both questions is yes. If a BDSM couple is always angry and blaming each other then abuse could happen. Be careful about how you speak to your partner and take into account their feelings before saying anything to them. Have you heard the saying, be kind to others always for you know not the battles they fight? You’d rather hid to it lest someone unleashes their frustration on you!
The first image shows how BDSM moves from consent to aftercare. Communication, constant check-ins, and agreement ensure that players respect boundaries and each other.
The second image shows the cycle from setup and planning to guilt. The honeymoon and excuses lure the victim into a false sense of security. One has to be careful about what they choose to believe.
There are set rules in BDSM, even though the reasons for playing differ. Some couples practice BDSM because they feel neglected and sexually frustrated. Others feel they cannot please their partners because of physical limits.
Some women find sexual activities traumatic. Yet, they seek them out to escape from life problems. Note that the activities can still be abusive, especially if they are not consensual or take place in a public space.
BDSM players must set their limits, agree on safety, and then explore situations with one another. Good communication is the difference between BDSM and abusive relationships.
BDSM players use the motto ‘safe, sane, and consensual’ to describe suitable actions for sexual encounters that have violence. They reach consent through the use of long dialogues, agreed-on checklists, and safe words.
The best way to avoid an abusive scenario is to make sure that partners understand the difference between the two. Both partners should draw lines where needed and respect each other’s boundaries.
Finally, what do you do if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship? Stop, immediately. Leave the relationship. Find new people who respect your boundaries. Share this article to raise awareness and help people know more about the difference between BDSM and abuse.
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