BDSM Ultimate Guide 2022

BDSM can be intimidating for newbies, so let’s start with the fundamentals: “BDSM” is an acronym that stands for bondage/discipline, dominance/submission and sadomasochism—the cornerstones of kinky enjoyment.

Welcome to Foxtail, where we will guide you on some of the most used terms in BDSM. If you want to learn more about BDSM, make a free account on Foxtail and meet BDSM-curious and seasoned pros alike.

There’s an entire language for describing consensual power exchange under the BDSM umbrella. Developing this language takes time, experience and practice. There are foundational terms you can start with: words like Top/Bottom, Dominant/Submissive and one of the most important, aftercare. 

A key, often overlooked part of practicing BDSM is providing aftercare for all parties involved. Whether giving or receiving pain, impact play and so on, it requires a lot of energy and effort. At first this can make the participants feel blissful, even high! However when all is said and done, folks can experience a drop from the flooding of pleasurable emotions, called a drop. This is why it is important to not only think about what you’re going to do in scene but also after to provide comfort and appreciation afterwards. 

Dive into the vocabulary that helps describe your kinks and desires. This will help you find what’s out there and communicate clearly with people who want the same things as you so you can make your BDSM fantasies a delicious reality.


What exactly is BDSM?

BDSM is widely misunderstood. Sex is not always a part of practicing and playing with BDSM, however it is typically seen as erotic – regardless of if there is sex.  Sometimes people mistakenly claim that BDSM is abusive or wrong, however if practiced properly then it is completely consensual and safety considerations are paramount, even if people are doing risky things like knife play or bondage.

BDSM plays with power, control, submission and Dominance. Participants often enjoy a wide range of sensations exploring the relationship to giving or receiving pleasure and pain or being restricted or even controlling another person. 

Because so much of our lives are controlled, it’s excellent for many people to surrender their power and be taken control of. Consider this: External pressures determine your employment schedule, rent payments, and (ugh) taxes. BDSM provides a world of freedom to play, experiment, and let someone else take the reins. On the other hand, if you like to be in charge, you can call the shots and fully take control in a scene (consensually of course).

If you’re new to BDSM, it can be difficult to envisage it as anything other than a Red Room (thanks, Fifty Shades) with chains and whips to excite you. And while props are frequently used in practice, they are not necessary straight away. Instead, at the beginning, take things slowly discussing what sensations and scenes you imagine enjoying, until you figure out what BDSM looks like for you and your partner(s) because someone else’s approaches may not be right for you.

The BDSM Spectrum

Approximately half of the general population has participated in BDSM-related behaviours at least once. There is a wide range of ways to experience BDSM, from light, gentle play to supreme domination and inflicting pain. The beauty of BDSM is exploring what might be right for you.

BDSM is shrouded in stigma

There is a particular stigma around BDSM. This is because in pop culture associating sexuality with pain, power show, and humiliation rather than romance and tenderness is seen as “messed up” or taboo. Nonetheless, ancient cultures accepted the use of physical and mental pain play in an erotic setting considerably more than current western society.

This stigma can result in folks feeling anxious or secretive about disclosing their BDSM interest or lifestyle. This stigma also stops the spread of accurate and helpful information, which sometimes leads people to participating in acts that are dangerous because they do not fully understand the risks. This is why education, awareness and community are highly important! You would probably be surprised to know many more people are curious about BDSM than you realize! Join Foxtail to find curious BDSM goers like you.  It is a totally valid, human desire that should not be supressed or shamed.

Psychological aspects

BDSM can actually have beneficial psychological effects for it’s participants, contrary to much of the stigma that it might inflict more harm. One of the foundational practices of BDSM is consent: communicating boundaries, desires and hard limits clearly and having those limits respected. Much of life is inflicted upon us or out of our control so experiencing pleasure, surrender and/or power in a safe environment can be protective and even repair past traumas for participants – if practiced properly! Make sure you’re clearly communicating with your play partners, check out our Blog for more resources on how to do this.

Safety advise and special considerations.

It is critical that BDSM includes consent. Partnerships must ensure that everyone gives an enthusiastic YES  and establishes clear limits. Formal agreements, verbal agreements, and informal dialogues about desires and restrictions can all be used to create these boundaries. Because of the intensity of some BDSM scenes, it is imperative to agree on a Safe Word and Safe Signal before play. A safe word is a verbal cue while a safe signals should be determined if you’re participating in play that might surpress use of the voice – for example if you’re using a ball gag. 

A popular system to use is Red-Green-Yellow, like a stoplight. Red means hard stop, Green is all good to go and yellow means slow down.

Why does BDSM feel good?

Consider athletes who push the limits of their physical comfort to achieve runner’s highs or those who seek thrill through risky sports like skydiving. Consider how much joy a spicy food enthusiast feels when a pepper bite causes their lips to erupt or how terrified they feels when riding a rollercoaster or watching a horror film. BDSM is a similar stretching of your limits and experiencing a rush of accomplishment: whether that be tying someone up or receiving a flogging.

How to Practice BDSM?

You can begin by experimenting with some novel applications of BDSM. Some experts recommend taking lessons or reading books for intense erotic activities as safety is paramount. Some actions are dangerous and could result in injury if not properly safeguarded. Check out videos online, read more on our Blog and chat with season pros on Foxtail to get a taste of what’s out there.

Due to the intensity of some scenes and the sensitivity required to create them, it is critical that each person involved feels at ease and can completely express their wishes, limits, boundaries, and anything else they think is necessary to disclose.

Roleplaying with BDSM: The Possibilities Are Endless

Role playing is a popular aspect of BDSM. People are able to embody different characteristics and express themselves in ways that might be outside of their typical personality. For example, some women who embody the traditional nurturing feminine role in their day to day life can find great enjoyment in being a fierce and punishing Domme with her eager submissive. It’s quite common to find high powered, wealthy men as devoted submissives, releasing control and abandoning all of their accomplishments once they enter a scene with their Mistress.

Another way role play might show up is in power exchange scenes where there is a story playing out such as a (always consensual) kidnapping, blackmail situation, affair, or religious ritual. These storylines and the acts going on in these stories are pre-agreed by the participants. This is part of what makes BDSM taboo: the ability to explore the desires most feel embarassed or confused by.

What is the role of BDSM Sex in Relationships?

As mentioned before, BDSM and sex are not mutually exclusive. A BDSM scene or partnership does not require sex to be valid, however many times the scenes and fantasies the players are exploring are erotic in nature – even if there is no sex. The players in the scenes get to decide if they want to participate in sex acts and which ones. Part of the beauty of BDSM and why it can be healing for some, is because it builds intimacy without the implied pressure for sex. People can experience pleasure, closeness and bonding with another person without feeling forced to trade sex for the experience. That being said, there is no shame is having sex with your BDSM partner. You get to choose your own adventure!

BDSM and the law: What you need to know

Different states have different rules about various acts that you might find in BDSM. This also contributes to the behind-closed-doors nature of BDSM. Check out the laws and restrictions in your specific state and make sure wherever you are participating in BDSM it is out of sight from children and minors. Even if there is consent between two adults, authorities still may have grounds to interrupt, so make sure you’re playing in safe spaces. 

Types of BDSM

There is a vast array of BDSM acts you can play with. BDSM can use pain and humiliation or role-play scenarios of dominance or submission. On the other hand BDSM can be centered around light sensation play or even rewards for chores in the forms of spankings. The world of BDSM is your oyster, so don’t be shy to be creative!

Bondage play

Bondage is a BDSM activity in which instruments restrain one participant during sexual interaction. The most frequent restraints are rope, leather straps, bondage tape, ties, handcuffs, spreader bars, ball gags, blindfolds, and chains. These restrictions are intended to limit the subject’s senses or freedom of movement to place control in the hands of the other partner and increase trust. While in bondage, the Top can decide how to illicit different sensations in their partner: from tickling them with a feather to scratching them with spiked wheels. Some folks enjoy sensory deprivation where they are in complete bondage and cannot move, usually with their eyes and ears covered as well. 


The dominating partner establishes rules that the submissive partner must follow in the disciplinary aspect of BDSM. These regulations can be sexual or implicitly erotic. If the submissive partner violates a rule, the dominant partner will impose punishment, including withholding pleasure, inflicting pain, or imposing new regulations. In disciplinary roleplay, both partners get satisfaction in playing with power and control.

Dominance and submission

Dominance and submission are concerned with exchanging power and energy between partners. During a given interaction, one person generally dominates the other physically, cognitively, emotionally, or sexually. Switches are practitioners who enjoy switching between dominant and submissive positions in a relationship or experiencing a power exchange in a single encounter.


Sadomasochism is a form of BDSM in which individuals receive pleasure and an endorphin surge from inflicting or receiving pain. Sadists are people who take pleasure in inflicting this suffering, while masochists take pleasure in experiencing it.

What about Shibari?

Shibari is simply tying up a person for aesthetic purposes—perhaps in a gorgeous or elaborate design, usually with some rope. While Shibari is most commonly employed as a demonstration of skill and creativity, it has also been traditionally utilised as meditation, relaxation, and trust-building practice between two people.

Tell me the purpose of Shibari?

Shibari promotes self-care, self-love, self-confidence, self-exploration, and positive bodily qualities like empathy and attunement. Partners frequently describe this as “deepening their intimacy with one another and forming a stronger bond.” It can also be a way to push the rope bottom’s (persona being tied) limits by holding positions for longer than is comfortable while being tied. Upon being untied, the rope bottom or rope bunny may feel a rush of relief and relaxation from stretching out of their comfort zone.

Tell me the benefits of BDSM?

More people, including scholars, are recognising the advantages of BDSM. It can assist in relieving stress and even establishing trust in relationships, for example.

Stress Levels Reduced

According to some studies, partaking in BDSM practices might cause biological responses similar to the serenity you might feel after or after a fulfilling yoga session or the “runner’s high” you receive from intensive cardio. These exercises can lessen the amount of cortisol (also known as the stress hormone) in your body.

Lowering cortisol helps us feel better mentally and it can also improve our physical health. Lower cortisol levels protect us from health problems, such as high blood pressure, weakened immunity, and insulin resistance.

Improves Mental Health International Society for Sexual Medicine researchers undertook a study to explicitly analyse the mental well-being of those who like participating in BDSM. They did so by examining the essential personality qualities of each individual.

These characteristics included their attachment styles in relationships, general well-being, and how sensitive they were to rejection compared to a control group.

Increases Trust

In addition to improving your overall communication skills, those who use BDSM with their long-term partners generally report a greater sense of trust.

Improved Communication Skills

While some may believe the opposite, discussing parts of BDSM with your spouse can improve your sexual relationship and bring you closer together.

How many people practise BDSM?

About 47 percent of men and women fantasise about dominating sexually, whereas somewhat more females and slightly fewer guys feel intimidated. According to the survey, over 47 percent would like to have a different sexual experience, and 34 per cent have done so in the past. It’s no wonder that when you search for “BDSM” on Google, this page receives over 500 million hits.

The importance of communication, consent and using safe words

How can someone striking you not be considered a crime? It is the strength of acceptance. “Anthropologists frequently consider the importance of consent as dependent on the subject’s observed behavioural indications of curiosity or willingness.” “The BDSM community goes a step farther, needing both explicit and tacit agreement.”

The history of BDSM

Suprisingly, the church is a big part of the history of BDSM. In the 10th Century, monks participated in the practice of self-flagilation as a way to show their devotion to God. Little did they know, they were also receiving an extreme endorphin release making them enter into a blissful state, often receiving “holy visions.”

Throughout the ages you can see instances of people coming together in groups to participate in rituals that might inflict pain, bloodshed and group sex as acts of service and devotion to the Divine. 

How can you safely try Kink at home?

Before you dive into the world of kinky sex activities, here are a few things you should know:

  • Conduct research to discover more about what you or your partner want. The more you know, the better you can communicate.
  • Given the kink world’s extremes, do things slowly to avoid feeling scared and prepare yourself step by step.
  • Communicate your kinky wants clearly to your partner(s) and ensure that you have their permission, and vice versa.
  • It might not be exactly what you envisioned in your thoughts the first time, but that’s fine. There’s a difference between fantasy and reality, and that’s ok! It’s important to learn to adjust expectations so you can truly enjoy yourself. 

Responding to a ‘no’ or ‘stop.’

You can always greet the rejection or stop with thanks and acceptance when someone sets a boundary. The exploration of limits in sexual imagining is intensely personal and susceptible to individual tastes.

Consent should be freely given and reversible at any time. Many people believe that you agree until it’s done if you consent, but that’s not the case. Consent is always revokable, no matter the circumstance. Learning to accept a no gracefully is key if you are to be a trustworthy and reliable BDSM play partner. 

Final take

BDSM can help you become a better communicator and advocate for your own needs. You can gain confidence while feeling vulnerable when playing and practicing BDSM. 

You’re in charge of your BDSM ship, and that’s a massive part of its appeal. It’s up to you how it looks and what you hope to get from it. Don’t be fooled into thinking differently by mainstream culture.

If you want to make friends in the BDSM scene, visit Foxtail. Foxtail is a sex-positive social network with members worldwide. Don’t be shy it’s free to join.

Senior Sex Toys…A New Way to Play

Sex should be enjoyed at ANY age. Single or in a relationship, there is a toy out there that will have you coming all night long!

If you are a senior (and I don’t mean 12th grade). I’ve got a list of the best senior sex toys to enjoy alone or with a partner for years to CUM.

Erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness, and decreased sexual sensations aren’t an excuse to stop pleasuring yourself; they’re the reason to get creative in bed, the kitchen, and especially the shower!

Experimenting with sex toys, different positions, or changes to your sex play is a great way to reinvent your intimacy, even without penetration.

As you get older and shed those inhibitions, it’s a great time to add a touch of kink to your sex life. If you haven’t had a partner for a while, it’s time to spark up your alone time with a new toy, a newfound pleasure to improves your sexual health. 

Remember that bigger is not always better! Starting with a less intimidating, smaller-sized vibrator doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice power. Start with low settings and work your way to the big “O.”

The Ins and Outs of Sex Toys

An Ode to the Clitoris: Vibrators

Most vibrators are great for both external and internal stimulation. If you struggle to enjoy orgasm through penetration, smaller clitoral sex toys are ideal. The sensations they provide will have you cumming over and over. Most are simple to use, with one-button controls.

Bullet-style vibrators are simple to use, have a one-button control, and are small enough to massage over your clitoris during sex or for solo play. Rechargeable, pebble-sized clitoral stimulators won’t be recognized as vibrators at first glance.

Rabbit vibrators provide both clitoral and vaginal stimulation. Many can be controlled remotely, giving hands-free clitoral stimulation, vaginal stimulation, or both.

None-vibratory, air pulse, and sonic wave technology gently tease and caress the clitoris. These are to be left in place, making them easier to use if you have wrist issues.

There is a huge selection of vibrators and dildos that can accommodate people who prefer the sensation of larger sex toys. Use plenty of lube, especially with larger products, to make them feel even more pleasurable. 

Everyone Needs a Massager

Doxy: The Most Powerful Massager

The  Doxy Massager uses all standard wand attachments and comes with a silicone headcover. 

The Doxy’s head rolls and rumbles rather than buzz. Use it as a general body massager or for intimate intentions, with powerful vibrations penetrating deep into the body. This sturdy electric wand comes with an escalating pulse setting and a 12-month warranty.

Body massagers are excellent for relieving aching muscles and providing intense clitoral stimulation, especially if you are experiencing decreased sexual stimulation. These are excellent sex toys for seniors!

The Ultimate Couples Play Wand

Seniors in bed kissing

A great wand for couples who enjoy intense, sensual, and full-on vibrational contact. The sensory velvet touch silicone, easy controls, and flexible head ensure that you receive deep vibrations exactly where you want them. This wand niches to your body’s curves and trigger points. Tease your senses, feel your passion rise, and then let it go. The wand is a rechargeable lightweight massager that is ideal for those with limited wrist movement.

Many women prefer a dildo that does not vibrate. Dildos, made of glass, metal, or silicone, provide a broader range of sexual sensations. Glass and metal sex toys can be gently heated in warm water or cooled in the refrigerator for a different sensation.

Let’s Hear It for Hands-Free

This vibrator is a wearable sex toy providing vibrations similar to oral sex. These toys stay in place, making them hands-free! As a sex toy for a senior, it can’t get much better than this!

*Some of these sex toys contain magnets; they are not suitable for those with a pacemaker.

Rings Around the Penis

Cock Rings

When it comes to your penis and prostate gland, there’s a wide range of sexual stimulation, including vibrators, cock rings, penis sleeves and male masturbators, prostate massagers, and anal toys. Sex toys designed for women can also be used on the penis.

*Cock rings should not be worn for more than 30 minutes or by men with circulatory problems.

Cock rings are great for extending ejaculation and allowing the penis to stay hard; they reduce blood flow to the penis, resulting in harder and longer erections. 

Vibrating Cock Ring

This cock ring with dual integrated motors, providing intense stimulation to both the perineum and the top penis.

The unique sensation provided by perineum stimulation during masturbation can lead to a more pleasurable experience, resulting in a powerful orgasm. The ergonomically shaped contact area will have your partner grinding against you; the stretchy ring promotes strong, firm erections and intense orgasm.

Vibrating cock ring

Foxxxy’s vibrating cock ring has a unique shape that can be used while flaccid and allows the wearer to orgasm even without an erection, making it ideal for those with erectile dysfunction (Now there’s a ring every guy should own!).

Vibrating cock rings are designed to vibrate against the clitoris, providing both amazing clitoral stimulations, ideal for strong clitoral orgasms, and the satisfying sensation of a partner’s firmer penis.

Je Joue Mio- Rechargeable Cock Ring.

Make your penis hard, apply a dab of water-based lube, and slide it down to the base where the vibrating section is positioned upwards. Turn it on, experiment with its five vibration levels and patterns to find your favorite as a couple – and pursue that simultaneous orgasm!

Salute to the Male Masturbator!

Hot Octopuss’ Pulse Solo Essential

This male vibrator has five pre-set vibration modes and unique oscillating PulsePlates. It can be used whether soft or hard, so those with ED can still enjoy the scintillating sensations.

Rocks Off – Hand Solo 

The vibrating, open-sleeved design conceals secret ridges and contours in its inner sleeve, providing pleasurable sensations with every stroke. The device is completely waterproof. It can provide a variety of sensations when used with or without lubricant. Hands Solo is powered by a bullet, incredibly simple to use, and can be used for clitoral stimulation (sensational sex toy for men and women). Remove the vibrator for thorough cleaning.

Manta by Fun Factory

The Manta is designed for partner sex and solo play; slide it between your bodies and turning your penis into a vibrator. Manta’s ridges hold lube for a better stroking sensation, making it ideal for solo pleasure as well.

The manta ray shape adds movement to the vibration allowing you to enjoy precision stimulation over and under the head, along the shaft, and against the base. When used with a flaccid penis, the deep vibrations can help to promote your erection by providing pleasurable sexual stimulation.

Old School Masturbating Reinvented


Penis sleeves have a life-size exterior, molded on real body features (Imagine a flashlight handle with a pussy replica where the light should be!), replicating vaginal, anal, and oral sex sensations with molded internal sleeves, all packed neatly into a discreet canister for easy use and storage. 

Just Feels Damn Good!

This clitoral stimulator is ideal when penetrative sex is not possible. It can be worn by the man during sex play even if he has erectile dysfunction. It comes with remote control, intensity levels, and a soft vibrating underside, sending waves of intense pleasure to the clitoris, bringing new levels of intimacy to foreplay.

Bondage offers a new sexual sensation in the form of ticklers, ties, and blindfolds. Add in a few of these senior sex toys; it doesn’t have to be intense; it just has to be FUN!

Anal play

Sex toys for anal play include vibrating toys to anal plugs and beads. Used alone or with other toys, they increase your pleasure. It is a truly amazing sensation! While enjoying anal play, use plenty of lubricants and start slowly. When using anal toys during sex, clean a product you have used anally before using it vaginally to prevent spreading bacteria.

Heated Prostate Massage

Yosposs-Prostate Massager

 Not only will this massager feel fantastic, but it also improves erectile function and circulation of seminal fluid. It is made of body-safe velvety silicone for extremely comfortable insertion. The anal stimulator targets pleasure, hitting your percent spot like no other! The vibrating butt plug has massage modes for the most powerful orgasms ever! It’s hands-free, remote-controlled waterproof, and USB rechargeable.

Enjoy Your Toys More…Use Lube

Lubricants used for both men and women are a MUST with sex toys; they prevent irritation and increase your pleasure. Don’t be afraid to Lube up!

Water-based lubricants are the most versatile of all the lubricant types; they are safe for all sexual activities, even for use with all silicone toys.

Oil-based lubricants moisturize and enhance the comfort of your sexual play, encouraging long-lasting pleasure.

The thicker consistency of oil-based lubricants makes them ideal and safe for play with anal toys. They are perfect for water play.

Silicone-based lubricants should not be used with a silicone sex to; they may damage silicone but are ideal for glass and metal sex toys.

*NEVER use oil-based lubricants with latex condoms.

If sharing a sex toy, always put a condom on the toy…. ALWAYS PLAY SAFE!

You’re never too old to enjoy sex, spice up your sex play, let go of your inhibitions, and start enjoying the best sex ever. Not sure where to buy your new senior sex toys? Head on over to Foxxxy right now!

Healing From Your Worst Trauma with BDSM

Many people are not aware of the healing power of BDSM. Some think that BDSM is a bizarre practice. However, it can be highly therapeutic for sexual trauma victims. BDSM helps people regain a sense of power, take control over their bodies and their sexual choices. If you or anyone in your life has experienced any sexual trauma, maybe exploring BDSM is the way to go.

There are many benefits of practising BDSM within a safe and loving environment. It can provide the courage you need to overcome any trauma or pain you may have struggled with. I’ve researched this topic extensively and I am confident this guide will help you find healing in BDSM.

Choosing BDSM for Healing

Have you set your goals for future sexual experiences? If not yet, set them as soon as possible. Setting boundaries for your sex life can help keep BDSM fun and exciting. Obviously you should know the future dynamics of your relationship. Setting limits for yourself is most important. You will have to decide how you are willing to be touched, talked to, and more. Know your MATHS (Motivations, A-OKs, Triggers, Hard-limits, Safe Word). If you keep these in mind you’ll avoid a lot of unneeded trauma.

It is equally important to set boundaries for your own body as well as setting boundaries for your relationship. For people who may be suffering from sexual trauma or are ashamed and frightened by their own sexuality, BDSM can be an amazing way to express their true self. If you are scared of harming yourself, there are people open to teaching BDSM thru an online community. They will help guide you to doing things correctly. This might mean you need to get our of your comfort zone and talk to others about what gives you pleasure and why.

Sexual Trauma and BDSM

BDSM is not gender-specific. It’s kinky and sex positive. Many people experience the empowerment that comes from being able to play out a situation that might have scarred them as the other party. That’s truly a sign of transmuting pain into pleasure. You may find yourself questioning your own identity while exploring your likes and limits in BDSM. However, learning more about yourself can only lead to further healing.

For those of you who have been sexually abused or ashamed of your past experiences, it is possible to practice BDSM to heal from inside and find new ways to connect with your partner. If you want to explore this aspect of BDSM or are one of the many trauma survivors out there, you can easily set boundaries with your partner. These boundaries can range from casual to more serious relationships. Once you are comfortable with your boundaries, you will not feel threatened by your partner’s enjoyment. Trust is a must in BDSM.

Now I hope that you are more open to the benefits of practicing BDSM. It is worth trying for anyone with a background in trauma around sex to incorporate kink into their sex lives. However, always ensure that your relationship with your partner is based on mutual love, respect, and trust. By following best practices, you can strengthen your relationships with others and find a way to bring your sexual identity into the light where it belongs.

Finally, when you are able to enjoy the benefits of BDSM, you will thank yourself for being open to learning how to set boundaries for your sexual expression and enjoyment. Start with the basics with this BDSM Tool Guide.

If you find this article helpful, feel free to check out our kinky blog. You can also connect with other like-minded individuals on Foxtail.

How To Keep Your Fetish A Secret?

Most people have a secret fetish that they love but are too concerned about judgment from family, friends, and sexual partners to share it. If you fall into this category, then you’re not alone.

According to a survey by OnePoll, 49% of 2,000 respondents admitted to having secret fetishes they are yet to share. We understand if you want to keep your secret safe, so here are some tips to keep your kinky dreams under wraps until you’re ready to explore them in the flesh.

We Don’t Judge, We Understand You

Frankly, it’s common because as you know many people may not understand your desire to try wax play, knife play or wanting to get dominated by the mean girl of your dreams. Hence, the need to explore your pleasures discreetly until you’re comfortable to explore them with another person.

Watch Porn With The Theme of Your Secret Fetish

Keeping your sexual secret doesn’t mean you can’t get satisfaction from it. If you’re not ready to open up to your partner, you can try some porn with the specific theme. There are so many categories of porn with sexual fetishes such as diapers, fur, feet, fat fetishes, etc. Surf the internet and get the satisfaction you need while your imagination runs wild. This way, when you are ready to talk to your partner about it, you’ll  be clear on what you’re really interested in trying.

Work With A Schedule

You might have never envisioned working with a schedule to act out your newfound fetish, but it can be helpful. For instance, if you’re a straight man who’s typically quite masculine but you’re interested in wearing heels, lingerie and exploring Sissy Play, you will need your space to do that. Consider your roommates or partner’s schedule, and pick a time when you know everyone will be out to try on your naughty girl tights and have fun freely.

Avoid Discussing It with Judgmental People

Sexual fetishes are totally normal, but many people are still skeptical. Thank goodness they are becoming more socially acceptable these days! It can be difficult listening to other people, especially friends and family, demonize what you enjoy. Don’t bring up your desires to folks in your community who are judgmental and petty until you are ready to stand strong in what you want. It’s ok to have some interests be just for you and the bedroom.

Visit Fetish Sites

Keeping your sexual fetishes a secret can be lonely as you may want to connect to like-minded kinksters like you. Sure, porn can help, but interacting with someone who shares the same interests is more exciting and fulfilling. If you’re searching for others to engage with, why not try out different fetish sites? Fetish sites like Foxtail have multiple categories to search and message people who are into the same stuff  you are: anal, latex, submission and so much more. You can have fun and explore while protecting your identity. 

Our Thoughts

Secret fetishes are normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Whether you don’t feel comfortable sharing your interests yet, or are sure your partner might not be intrigued, it is yours to keep. Use these tips mentioned above to keep yours a secret while you keep exploring your sexuality safely until you’re ready for what’s next.

Do you have a secret fetish? If you’re open about it, share it below and discuss it with other kinksters! Sign up ito be a part of our community now to meet more kinksters like you!

Discussing Kink: 3 Steps To Bring up Kink To Your Partner

Kink is one of those topics that can be uncomfortable to talk about with your partner, right? You may find it embarrassing to bring up the subject even when you are trying to seduce them. However, since you really want to learn how to talk kink with your partner, here are three straightforward steps that can help you.

1. Open up and talk about kink with confidence

Both you and your partner must be comfortable talking about kink with each other. If you can’t be comfortable with your partner who else will you be comfortable with? While there is no right or wrong way to talk about kink, a few tricks can kick you off. Once you have mastered these techniques, you will know how to talk kink with confidence. The first thing to talk about is what kind of kink you are comfortable with discussing. This means that you need to tell your partner if you want them to wear a t-shirt that says “bondage,” “wet dream,” or similar phrases. Maybe something a bit more extreme like needle play. If you do not know what your type is yet, that’s okay. You can ask your partner for help as you explore your options. Once you realize what works for you, you can begin to discuss what kind of clothing or role-playing activities you would like to engage in with your partner.

2. Talk about situations that might trigger kink fantasies

Everyone with a kink has their own triggers. For instance, your partner loves to make love as a couple but feels trapped in the matrimonial bed. You can talk about ways to make them more physically vulnerable. You might want to float the idea of having sex on the kitchen counter, while you make them a snack. If your partner is okay with it, discuss how you might explore the different positions that turn you on. A change in environment and thinking outside the norm may be what you need.

3. Acknowledge your own sexuality

Although this is the third point, it is the most important step. Both you and your partner must be comfortable with each other’s sexuality and your own. Being comfortable with each other’s sexuality is very important because of the many kinky sexual fantasies and practices that people may be unaware of. When you and your partner are comfortable with each other’s sexuality, you will be able to discuss kink more comfortably.

One of the biggest problems people have when talking about kink is they get defensive. This can come up whenever you feel that your partner is uncomfortable with their own sexuality. Instead of talking about kink with your partner, you could first start by getting used to talking about kink yourself. In other words, if you find that your partner is uncomfortable with talking about kink, consider simply not mentioning it directly. Example: “how do you feel about being choked, does it excite you?” However, this may backfire if you and your partner are not open to discussing your sex lives. Remember, there is no shame in acknowledging your own sexuality. After all, your sexuality is important to your relationship, so it would be a good idea to at least try to talk about kink.


By learning how to talk kink with your partner, you will both experience more open and honest communication within the relationship. Who wouldn’t want that? This is important because it can help to foster a more loving and understanding relationship. When you talk about kink with your partner, make sure not to come across as insecure. This is why it is very important to accept yourself before bringing up the topic to your partner. Don’t pressurize them either. This can come up because you are projecting your insecurities on your partner. Instead, be open and honest with one another and yourself about your own experiences with kink and how you can help your partner experience kink.

That’s it from me. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. If you and your partner talk about kink comfortably, we’d love to know how you got to this point. Leave a comment below on how you brought the topic up for discussion. Sign up on Foxtail to have discussions with people with the same kink interests as you.

For more on this checkout: Discuss Kink With Your Partner 101: The Essential Guide

9 Ways to Enhance Intimacy in BDSM

The concept of intimacy in BDSM is the desire for two people to be sexually intimate and it is not limited to sexual intercourse. In a vanilla relationship, intimacy means being passionate with your partner. However, in BDSM, it often means being more intimate with your partner than with just your body. This can be dangerous because you are playing with your partner’s feelings and violating their trust. You must carefully choose intimacy in BDSM if you want to experience this type of relationship play.

Both you and your partner must be comfortable with being intimate. The person who initiates intimacy must know that their partner will not like the new intimate behavior immediately and may even react negatively. Don’t force the issue if they don’t want to, or you will end up hurting your partner emotionally. If you are having problems initiating intimacy in BDSM with your partner, you need to work on these nine communication issues before proceeding further.

1. Be Patient.

This may take time, and it can be hard at first to let go of your inhibitions and fears. However, it would be best if you become comfortable with sharing your feelings with your partner. When you feel safe enough to talk about your feelings, you can share deeper, more intimate thoughts and feelings, which result in stronger intimacy.

2. Be specific.

Always tell your partner what exactly makes you happy and satisfied. This will help you avoid engaging in intimate behavior that you are uncomfortable with when you are not sure that your partner’s desires are the same as yours.

3. Be vocal.

This means that you must let your partner know what you are feeling and thinking, and you must be vocal about it. Being a silent partner is often a key to avoiding boredom and can cause your partner to become frustrated with your lack of communication. Also, part of the appeal of role-playing games is the ability to express your sexuality while having fun with your partner. Be vocal about your desires and your needs. Let your partner know what is happening in your head and on your body. Allow them to experience what you are feeling.

4. Learn to listen.

This is often one of the most challenging things to do when one is involved in an intimate relationship. However, learning how to listen properly is a skill that will significantly enhance intimacy. By listening to what your partner has to say, you will become a better lover because you will pick up your partner’s needs.

5. Use the space around you.

BDSM practitioners often find that their relationships grow stronger when they can give time to each other. By giving yourself time to listen to your partner, your feelings, and your own needs, you become more tuned in to each other, and the process becomes less complicated. As a result, intimacy is more easily developed and maintained.

6. Never discount your feelings.

Your emotions are valuable, they are essential, and they should never be ignored or passed over. When you are actively engaging in sex, your feelings and desires will be genuine to you. Be sure to share them with your partner. Remember, emotions are integral to intimacy.

7. Explore fantasies.

The most exciting aspect of role-playing is finding ones that you can engage in together. Find fantasies you’d enjoy engaging in with your partner and start exploring those together. By sharing these fantasies, you will increase your passion for each other and will have more fun when you make love to each other.

8. Take a role.

Some people assume that when they engage in a BDSM relationship, their partner will automatically take on all of the responsibilities and skills associated with such a lifestyle. This is not the case. Take on some of the responsibility yourself. When you are enthusiastic about your sexual relationship, your skills will grow, and you will better meet your needs.

9. Develop boundaries.

If you both have a strong sense of boundaries, you are less likely to experience non-consensual sex or “rape.” When there is no clear sexual boundary, there is a greater chance for things to get out of hand. Take a role in how much of the physical intimacy you share. It will make your relationship stronger in the long run.

Would you like to meet more sex-positive people around you? Click here to join our growing community today.

BDSM And Sexual Trauma – BDSM Blog

“Can interest in BDSM  arise from sexual trauma?” This is a common question, especially for those new to the lifestyle. They wonder whether their interest in being “in the mood” for BDSM is really genuine or influenced by their past. 

Well, let’s find out together! Shall we?

What is Sexual Trauma?

Trauma, particularly the one stemming from sex, can unconsciously fuel an exciting and potent sexual energy. Most people never experience any form of trauma in their lifetime, but some do. For example, sexual abuse survivors experience stress and anxiety. This can drive them to turn to pornography to escape the pain and stress. 

Sexual trauma can also lead someone to develop an intense interest in BDSM. If you have been the victim of some form of trauma or know someone who has, you can benefit from exploring the possibilities that BDSM offers.  

Does BDSM Cause Sexual Trauma?

One of the primary questions people ask about BDSM is how much can it hurt? In my experience, BDSM is a very intimate form of relationship. Some people view it as a form of slavery or a relationship between a master and slave. Others, however, view it as a romantic or sexual fantasy.

Regardless of what you view as the truth behind the question, one thing is true: trauma can bring a person into a state of “hyper-realism.” This state can be mentally and emotionally healing. It can lead to creativity and imagination. It can even lead to a desire for trauma. 

And once you begin to explore the possibilities that BDSM can offer, you may start to deeply understand the trauma that created your sexual interest in BDSM.

Does this mean that you should avoid sex because you are afraid of trauma? Of course not. If you have been abused as a child, threatened with violence or harm, or been the subject of ridicule because of your sexual orientation, then your sexuality can undoubtedly be tinged with trauma. Similarly, if you were the victim of rape as a child, or if you were the target of hate crimes, then your sexuality can also indeed be riddled with trauma. 

If you have faced any of these things in your life, my advice is to seek therapeutic help and work through them.

I can tell you that there are sane, informed professionals or experienced people in BDSM. They have been practising this lifestyle long enough to know what’s what and can offer genuine help to couples and individuals struggling with these issues. 

They can help you deal with your anxiety about exploring BDSM, and they can give you the tools to analyze it successfully. You can find them and know more about how they can help you on Foxtail.

Kink Dating Apps: 3 Undeniable Ways They Boost Happiness

Kink dating apps help you find other people who are more sex-positive then those you find on other apps. These apps help connect individuals that enjoy engaging in kinky experiences. Finding people who share you erotic interests can be exhausting and sometimes dangerous. By using an app such as Foxtail, you are able to safely find those who share our kinky interests and experience the heights of our sexuality.

Finding someone who understands and accepts you on kink dating apps

Those who participate in a BDSM relationships do so because they find that they enjoy a power exchange dynamic on a sexual level. Kinksters in general are more of an accepting group of people. Due to the fact kink involves others, you will soon find there are a plethora of communities that will accept you.

The best way to find people who will help you experience the kind of kinks your prefer is to be honest. In your profile be as honest and vulnerable as possible. Honesty is sex so you have nothing to lose by bearing it all.

Knowing and accepting yourself in return

Meeting people on kink dating apps can give you that unconditional positive feeling that can changes in your life. Discovering your kink is a great way to overcome any feelings of self-consciousness or shame that you may have. By opening yourself to your true sexual tendencies, you will realize that you want to explore other parts of yourself. BDSM, for example, can improve mental health and leads to feeling more comfortable in your skin.

Taking control over your sexuality

The truth is, any lifestyle change can be good for mental health. There are some areas of BDSM that can provide excellent mental health benefits. When learning how BDSM can improve mental health, keep in mind that the reason people get involved in BDSM is that they want to have power over time and place. While this certainly can lead to some positive mental health benefits this is far from the only reason people participate in BDSM. Many people find it a release or a new path to explore and find that this lifestyle can lead to feelings of empowerment over their sexuality that they may not have had before.

Thus, knowing where to find people for BDSM play becomes crucial in your quest for increased sexual pleasure. You can control what kinds of people you speak to and share with. Controlling your sexuality with the help of a dating app like this ensures you will be able to move at your own speed.

Not sure where to start? As mentioned above, you can find and explore with people with whom you have common interests by signing up on one of the best kink dating apps today. When you decide to explore the exciting world of BDSM, you will find that the benefits can start to take effect almost immediately. <3

How To Be a Dom: 4 Steps To Tame Top Drop (Aftercare)

If you’ve wanted to be a dom, you may have heard the term “aftercare“. Conscientious kinksters use this practice after an intense sex BDSM session. In most cases, it ensures the sub is brought back to reality with care and affection. Doms get them drinks, food, blankets, cuddles, or whatever else they need. 

But this physical, mental, and emotional aftermath of BDSM play can lead to unstable states of consciousness, and people think that this only happens to subs, but that is not always the case. Doms also experience emotional drops, so this post will explain the four steps you need to follow to resolve top drops.

What is Dom Drop or Top Drop?

Tops have different altered states compared to bottoms, but they also exist. That intense focus on carrying out a scene, making sure it’s safe, and keeping it hot can cause a crash afterward. Tops occasionally enact forbidden desires, portraying the “bad guy” and doing prohibited things in everyday life. The act can flow perfectly, and still, the top may feel guilty, ashamed, or disgusted about their actions in the end. It might happen immediately, or a couple of hours or days later, and it’s called a top drop or dom drop.

You must know that top drops, like sub drops, come in different forms to be a dom. As the adrenaline reaches its limit and slowly or suddenly drops, you may feel unstable. You could feel embarrassed by how “rough” you were just now. You can be self-conscious, afraid that you weren’t “good enough.” You can criticize yourself for not being “perfect” if the scene didn’t quite work out. Or you can simply be in a terrible mood after a scene, party, or event. So what can you do?

4 Steps for Dom Aftercare

If you find yourself in this situation, you should never forget that feeling this way and seeking to be cared for would never make you less of a dom. So here are some ideas that you can catch to cope with a top-drop or dom-drop.

1. Be Open to Communicating Your Needs

Communication is key. First and foremost, speak with your partner. Make sure to discuss each other’s needs after playtime. If you’re inexperienced or if it’s your first time looking to be a dom as BDSM partners, you might need a bit more time together before you could ultimately find out who needs what. Feeling held and noticed by your partner might help you avoid top drop altogether. If it does, obtaining aftercare might assist you in regaining control of your mind.

So, before you start playing, make sure to have the answers to your thoughts on aftercare. The common questions that come to your mind can be:

  • Why is there a need for aftercare?
  • How would it be carried out?
  • How soon do you require it (immediately, the following day, etc.)?
  • Who will carry it out?

2. Make a Plan

Devise a strategy based on the questions above, this can vary greatly. Your demands may occasionally coincide in terms of timing and style, and you’ll be able to support each other. However, following a scene, either partner may opt to self-soothe or seek aftercare from someone who did not engage in the scene. Put some techniques in place ahead of time, whether you tend to feel drop shortly after a scene or hours or days after.

3. Execute Your Required Aftercare Practices

You could, for example, be insecure about your skills or embarrassed with what you have done. Your partner may require some tender loving care as well as feedback on how well they performed. Cuddling and affirming each other about the scene may create an atmosphere that can put both partner’s insecurities to rest.

You can, however, take turns. Perhaps some nibbles and a drink, as well as some caressing, is necessary. When they have returned to a more normal state of mind, you can also ask them ahead of time to look after you (and explain how). Thus aftercare practices will help you build strong post play relationships.

4. Have Constants

Finally, to be a dom make sure you have support if you have top drop frequently. Especially if there is a strong sense of guilt or insecurity and it lasts more than a few hours. Have a friend or two nearby who are just a text or call away. And, if you know you’ll have difficulties in the hours or days after a scene, ask your partner to check in on you, even if they’re not your usual partner.

However, if you are still in search of one, there are also groups that you can check out. They can be your local kink groups, or you can find some on Foxtail and discover people with similar interests and struggles to chat to online or in person. The things we perform may be emotionally draining, socially unacceptable, but physically demanding at times! You are not alone. Take care of yourself and your partner, and remember that you, too, deserve to be taken care of!

If you want to read out similar articles, feel free to check out our site. You can also connect with sex-positive neighbours check out Foxtail.

How To Be A Submissive

Well, I’m just going to assume that you are a newbie sub and wondering how an excellent submissive behaves. And I guess you are not familiar with the entire BDSM lifestyle and wondering how to satisfy and please your Master. Well, by doing your homework, you’re off to a good start!

Do you have what it takes to be a good submissive? Do you obey orders strictly like a well-behaved little bitch and let your master to use you as long as they like, or is it more complicated than that? If you want to know more, continue reading!

What Does Being Submissive Mean?

Submissive, often referred to as a sub, are sexual participants who voluntarily hand over some or all of their control to the dominant partner. This type of partnership is often referred to as a Domination/Submission (D/s) relationship in the BDSM community.

Submissive being dominated

Subs are sometimes referred to as “bottoms,” and their leading partner is the “top.” The sub can classify as any gender or sexuality. In LGBTQI+ relationships, gender is irrelevant, and one partner can still choose to take the dom role while the other takes the sub role.

Being submissive can mean different things to different people. To be submissive is to obey or yield to someone else. It may also involve various tasks given by the top. By submitting themselves to their dominant, subs enjoy pleasure from the knowledge that they are pleasing their dom.

If you want to start this kind of relationship without prior knowledge or experience, I would suggest you have a long talk about boundaries and your exceptions in a BDSM relationship. Try creating a BDSM contract and having negotiations with your dom.

What makes a Good Submissive

Every person is different, so are submissives. Many things can contribute to being a good submissive, and it is a personal development that occurs within each submissive. Having the right person to help make the journey can help accomplish the road for a submissive, but there are certain features found in many successful submissive.

Woman Being Submissive

If you aim to be a good and successful sub, we prepared some essential things that you need to keep in mind.

Learn What Drives Your Dom Crazy

To be a good submissive, you need to spend some time learning what drives your dom crazy —like knowing their fetishes and kink. It is essential to understand how to please your dom well. Understanding what gets the dom aroused will enable you to focus your efforts on doing the right things. Repeat this process to understand what annoys them about submissives or generally frustrates them in the bedroom so that you can avoid making any mistakes.

Express Your Preferences and Limits

If you are hesitant, you should explain to your dom what you would like to try and what you would not want to try under any circumstances — this is called your hard limit. One example of a hard limit is breath play. Hard limits do not have to be permanent, and you can change them in the future. Having a hard limit does not mean you cannot fully submit yourself to your dom; it just keeps both of you safe and happy.

Prepare Your Body and Environment

It is essential to ensure that your body is preparing for any activities you agreed with your dom. These activities can mean many different things like tied, gagging, and spanking.

Change Your Way of Thinking

To be a submissive, you need to learn to change your mindset completely. It may take some time to determine what to do, when, and how to respond to the needs of your dom — this process needs continuous reinforcement. There are cases that some submissives will undergo training led by their dom to prepare them psychologically before anything physical happens.

Request Permission

Being with your dom for a while will get you a bit comfortable and relaxed, but you must never try to do things impulsively. Always seek permission before you do anything to or with your dom — before you touch him or anything you want to do.

Surprise your Dom

It may seem unreasonable to surprise your dom when you have the rules to ask for permission before doing anything else. However, good submissives recognize the difference between a good surprise and a bad surprise. One example is giving a romantic or sexual service that you do not usually offer, such as a massage or making their favorite food or drink.

Ready To Accept Punishment

A D/s relationship begins with outlined the rules and the consequences when you break them. It is essential that you readily accept the punishment if you violate these rules. It is also needed for you to respond in the way your dom wants you to — to cry and beg them to stop and some not to utter a word.

Don’t Get Jealous

Although the common is to have just one submissive, it’s not unheard of that dom desires to have multiple submissives. One reason for this is because each person can cater to a different fetish. Do not get jealous or interrogate your dom about who their other subs are. A good submissive respects their dom’s decision.

Be Obedient

Well, this is the obvious tip! Obedience is usually the most difficult initially or for a few months, when a submissive may try to push the boundaries. A good submissive recognizes that you will never push any boundaries.


Real-life D/s is not you all see Fifty Shades of Grey. BDSM is a mutually beneficial experience that should be comforting, fun, thrilling, and orgasmic in most cases. If you are entering into it with reservations, then that is the sign that you shouldn’t be there at all!

Now, with all that said… bend over!

Do not let preconceived notions about the D/s hold you back; you already barely scratched the surface! Sign up now to join our community and, by any chance, meet your desire, Dom.