BDSM Contract: A Guide to Sub Drop and Aftercare

You want to have a spanking good time and spice things up in your sex life? We recommend BDSM. But before rushing into this lifestyle you have to know what you’re signing up for. That’s why BDSM contracts are important! There are things that you may come across that you have no clue about. And those are some of what we are handling today. We will answer the questions:

  • What are BDSM contract, negotiations?
  • What are BDSM Sub Drops and Subspace (But what Is Sub Drop?)

What Are BDSM Contracts And Negotiations

Before you commit to a business deal, don’t you draft up a contract and sign it to show that you agree to the terms set? It’s the concept when it comes to a BDSM comes to a BDSM contract. So to answer your question, this is a contract between a dominant and submissive that maps out boundaries and safety during the scene. We do know it sounds crazy to draft up a contract when it comes to sexual endeavors but it may help to reduce the awkwardness that comes with bringing some topics up to your partner.

Why Are BDSM Contract And Negotiations Important?

BDSM is all about consent and not abuse. So many people try to define kink by what it is rather than focusing on what it is not. BDSM can lead to both emotional and physical abuse if boundaries and rules are not set. A contract, written preferably, can help you amplify your voice on what is acceptable and what is not. Many people refuse to enter an agreement of this kind but for your sake, we would suggest you do.

Subspace

To understand your BDSM contract, you must first know what comes before it: subspace.

Subspace is a state of consciousness that a submissive might experience in the middle of a scene. When you’re in subspace, you may feel separated from your body and cannot share the full intensity of pain. Some submissives have described a sense of flying or floating as in an out-of-body experience. 

You may feel disoriented, your thoughts may be disorganized, and you may have trouble speaking.

Sub Drop

Sub drop is caused by the absence of the same hormones that provide the unique sensation of subspace. Because play has ended, and your body has ceased creating the chemicals that rendered you insensitive to pain and sensation during subspace, these symptoms appear suddenly. Your BDSM contract should mention if play abruptly ends for any reason, a sub drop might occur. All of the chemicals circulating in your brain to produce subspace calm down when a scene concludes.

Your body might come out of its elevated state of euphoria and flow, and you may feel very weary. Other symptoms may include the inability to regulate temperature, high or low blood pressure, unconsciousness, lethargy, nausea, pain, headaches, dizziness, weak muscles, and lack of focus. Sub drop may not occur at all times, just as you may not constantly be in subspace. It’s more likely to happen if a scene abruptly ends for any reason. However, aftercare can help alleviate these symptoms.

Aftercare

Any action that helps you reconnect after a scene and gently ease back into the “sober” world is included in this factor of safety in BDSM play. Sub drop can also be made less severe using aftercare.

Aftercare might include cuddling, as well as having some food and a drink. Some individuals give their partners energy drinks to recharge electrolytes. Your ideal sort of aftercare can be a warm blanket or your favorite movie. After a scene, focus on things that will help you relax your mind and body. Most people seem to think of aftercare as something that the top does for the submissive/bottom, but it may also benefit the top.

While much of the BDSM contract stated aftercare happens right after a session, that isn’t always the case. If your sub drop (or dom drop) requires you to revitalize first, aftercare may have to wait until after a nap. After a couple of days, checking-in may also disclose difficulties that aren’t immediately obvious after a scene finishes. This pause may also be necessary for individuals who require some alone time due to a top or sub drop, which might appear as a withdrawal that fades with time. Scenes can go smoothly yet still evoke strong emotions, which don’t necessarily manifest. After a hard session, taking your partner out for ice cream could be a nice kind of aftercare! Learn more on how to be a submissive here.

A Good BDSM Contract Addresses both Aftercare and Subspace

As you can see, partaking in a BDSM contract responsibly, particularly in the more intense forms, necessitates communication. However, discussing this may be challenging, but you can always learn how to talk about BDSM with your partner more effectively. If you’re interested in looking deeper into Dominant and Submissive lifestlye checkout our related posts!

BDSM Safe Practices During Scenes

There are risks in BDSM and Kinky Play. There’s no denying or escaping that fact, so this post isn’t about safe sex or the risks associated with certain activities. Instead, it’s about learning safe BDSM practices that guarantee the best experience with this kink play. 

If you are practising BDSM with informed consent and have the appropriate knowledge, you can co-create your desired scene. At times you will be pushing your body to its limits, and it is essential to be fully aware of what that means for you and your play partners. 

In BDSM, safety is a priority and should be the first topic to discuss before play can begin. SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) and RACK  (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) are two acronyms in BDSM that refer to principles required for safety. It is inferred in BDSM that you will be doing things considered risky so when we are talking about safety in BDSM we mean “as safe as can be in a precarious situation.” These two mantras are well-known in the community and serve as a guideline for determining whether or not a particular activity is safe and agreed-upon.

Let’s learn what practices can ensure safety in BDSM play.

Safe Words Ensure BDSM Safety During Scenes

Safe Word is a word or a short phrase a person in a BDSM or play scene uses if the scenario becomes too intense. It is a crucial element of BDSM safe practices during play. A safeword is a phrase or word that is used to stop play immediately. It can be used if a scene/play/activity participant has been injured, is uneasy, overwhelmed, or emotionally troubled. Trauma and unexplored emotions can be triggered by intense play.

The sight of a male chastity device may be enough to push some people over the limit. Also, sometimes one of the partners may awaken intense and sometimes uncomfortable emotions or experiences during a scene. Those kinds of experiences must be dealt with before proceeding.

Short and Simple Safe Words

A safeword should be short. It shouldn’t be hard to recall and pronounce during difficult positions or intense scenes. Also, it shouldn’t be “stop” or “no” because these words are used often. I will add that, whenever playing a role in a scene, “no” is a sign to continue in most cases.

Instead, some individuals prefer the traffic light system, in which “green” means go ahead, “yellow” means pause or slow down, and “red” means stop. It’s critical to keep your safe word short and simple so that you can remember it throughout your BDSM scenario. For many submissives, being in scene provides a natural high.

This is called “subspace,” which may cause you to lose your capacity to communicate. You may also use a safe action like dropping the ball instead of a safe word. It may also be helpful if you can’t make out your safe word because you’re using a ball gag.

Dom can Use Safe Words, Too

If you’re the Dominant partner in a BDSM session, establishing a safe word is also beneficial for you. Typically people think about how intense and possibly painful it can be for the submissive, but the scene can be just as fierce for the Dominant. Contrary to popular belief, both the Dominant and the submissive have control in the scene and both can interrupt the play at any time they need to.

This is why it is crucial to have a safe word or a signal to stop if the Dom(me) needs a break. This can be especially helpful for newer Dom(me)’s who are learning their limits and bounds while leading BDSM scenes.


Physical Safety

In a BDSM scene, physical and emotional safety is paramount when there is the danger of drawing blood, choking, and any other possible bodily injury. It is necessary to provide a quick way out of things in an emergency. Cuffs should have easy access to a key, and heavy-duty scissors are a must.

While pressure is usually enjoyed, be careful not to tie anything too tight as it constricts and stops the circulation. Also, knowing key spots to avoid, like arteries are easily injured places on the body is a must when doing bondage. This is necessary when using restraining tools like rope, cuffs, etc.

Impact toys such as floggers and whips can cause bleeding and compromise BDSM best practices during scenes. Not only should you be concerned about disease transmission via fluids, but you should also consider the possibility of severe accident or injury if you target a body part with insufficient protection. For example, meatier parts like the buttocks and backs of the thighs are good targets, but going for the bare lower back might impair the kidneys.

It would also be best to treat open wounds as soon as possible. Whereas some people enjoy bruises, severe buttock bruises might make it challenging to sit following a scene. Make sure you have the appropriate tools for aftercare: do you need ice after an intense impact scene? Or bandaids for any open wounds?

Important Tip on BDSM

An important BDSM tip is to avoid binding somebody’s neck without the proper tools (like this collar) as this might result in asphyxiation, which was the cause of the death of David Carradine, an actor who was apparently into autoerotic asphyxiation.

If you’re playing with more than one partner, make sure all toys are clean and sterilized. Porous materials like leather may retain germs lasting days. If used on several people, this tends to spread illnesses. On the other hand, some materials you may easily sterilize are glass, steel, plastic, and silicone.

The Final Words

Remember that kinky play can be fun and more enjoyable if followed by BDSM safe practices. Don’t let an avoidable mishap ruin your scene! Read and learn more aspects of BDSM on our site. You can also connect with other like-minded individuals in the Meet Others section.

BDSM Contracts And Negotiations: The Basics

Have you ever wondered if you really need to bother with a BDSM contract? Do BDSM contracts guarantee a healthy relationship?

Regardless of who you are playing with or if sex is a component of your playtime, BDSM contracts make relationships more manageable. These contracts have principles that can guarantee a healthy relationship. In reality, the notions of health, safety, and consent are the foundations of BDSM. These three values need to be constantly present to sustain a healthy and pleasurable BDSM relationship. Here’s why…

Importance of BDSM Contract

RACK is commonly found as the foundation to negotiating BDSM play. RACK stands for “risk-aware, consensual, kink.” Some prefer RACK over SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) since it emphasizes that whatever safety precautions you take to play responsibly, BDSM still carries some risk factors. Whichever principle you follow, safety is non-negotiable.

BDSM activities commonly occur in a scene with a specific starting and ending point; however, some components of BDSM play, such as serving your Master/Mistress, may be added to your everyday sex life. Before and after discussions about scenes, ensure you and your partner know what to anticipate and offers a means for you to reconnect and recover after a physically and emotionally hard session.

BDSM Contracts and Negotiations

The notion of consent is something that the casual viewer may not see, but safe, healthy, and agreed-upon practices defines limitations before the scene— clearly outlining what you are and are not ready to do. Although a submissive may experience pain that seems to stretch them to their boundaries, a good Dominant understands the limitations, and both of them communicate the expectations ahead.  Clear consent is a key factor in a working partnership in BDSM contracts.

Hard and Soft Limits in BDSM Contracts

You don’t have to negotiate your scene very formally. If you prefer, you can also mention that paddles are all right, but you’re not ready for canes. In BDSM contracts, hard limits are known to be things you never want to try, while soft limits are considered things you might want to try or try with caution.

BDSM Checklists

A BDSM checklist is a helpful tool to consider. You may use it to demonstrate an interest (or disinterest) in specific BDSM categories and determine where your likes intersect with your companion. You may also use the checklist to reference items you will do to your partner throughout a scene or vice versa.

Negotiations entail the signing of a contract for certain persons. The notion of a contract may seem too formal or absurd, however, some people prefer it. Your contract can also state how much time you and your partner wish to spend with each other and even outline expectations for aftercare. Some people make temporary or short-term contracts for a single play session, while others accept them for years while agreeing to review the contract when necessary.

Safe Words, Nicknames, and Health-Restrictions

The contract may also include a safe word, nicknames or titles, any restrictions, and essential health-related information. You can talk about Aftercare Practices and Safe Words in contracts. For instance, you may include any STIs, allergies, injuries, or diseases that may influence how you play, such as arthritis, anxiety, and low blood pressure.

Of course, to define some aspects, especially for basic or casual scenes, you don’t particularly need a written contract. However, you may verbally apply the contract and checklists to create more solid rules and prepare in detail ahead of your scenes.

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