Sprinkling A Bit Of BDSM On Your Vanilla ?

BDSM is a phrase you’ve likely come across if you’ve ever been in a pornhole (when you start googling thanks to Rule 34). It’s possible you have come across sex articles and forums on how to turn on your lover. When considering learning how to be dominant or submissive in the bedroom, there is quite a bit of information on BDSM. The key is to know your partner and what drives them. Also, you can both discuss the kinks that lie within the BDSM lifestyle. Let’s talk about how to sprinkle a little BDSM in the bedroom.

So… will you peg me?

Wait, what?

Inquire with your partner

Ask your sex partner if they’ve heard of BDSM, what they know about it, and if they’re interested. It is critical to establish mutual interest and enthusiastic agreement.

You don’t want your sex partner to feel compelled to do something they don’t want to do. Open and honest communication and boundaries start here.

Always come up with safe words.

It’s critical to develop one or more safe words with your partner while you’re having this conversation. First, choose a phrase that will serve as a complete halt during sexual activity. Consider this safe word to be an off switch. If you or your partner uses it, even in the context of role-playing, dominance, or other kinky sex situations, you will both immediately stop. Reassess the case to ensure everyone is comfortable.

Safewords are especially useful when role-playing or practising sadism, masochism, dominance, or submission. Still, they can be used whenever someone is even slightly uncomfortable or wants to pause. Because those words may be part of the role play, especially if you’re practising extremely rough sex. Safewords are frequently used instead of partners simply saying “No” or “Stop.” Common in the BDSM community is RED and YELLOW. Red for when a limit is passed, stop. And yellow for when a limit is reached, slow down or lighten up.

Make a list of what you are and are not happy with.

Suppose this is your first time getting a little kinky. In that case, it might be helpful for each of you to make a list of kinky situations you’d like to try, as well as a list of your rigid boundaries. If you want to try anal but don’t want nipple clamps, your partner needs to know, and vice versa.

Know your MATHS

Building off the last topic is a concept we call MATHS:

  • Motivations: What do you want to try
  • A-OKs: What are you ok with doing
  • Triggers: Activites or experiences that can cause mental conflict
  • Hard limits: Things to that you should avoid at all costs
  • Safe Words

Keep these in mind during your BDSM negotiations.

Consent, consent, and more consent!

It is critical to remember that consent can be revoked at any time, notably during BDSM play. Just because you’re both kinky or have tried something before doesn’t mean you’ll be into it forever. You and your partner should maintain open and consistent communication about your boundaries, likes, and dislikes and any limitations you may have.

Remember if it’s not a Fuck Yes!!! It’s a Hell No.

Continue the conversation.

When you first start experimenting with BDSM and kinky sex, you should check in with your partner regularly to ensure that you’re both having fun sexually and emotionally. It’s important to know that you both want to move forward. Discuss what is working for both of you, what isn’t, and what you might want to try in the future in a nonjudgmental manner.

Regular check-ins are the best way to maintain enthusiastic consent. This is a must if BDSM is new to you, you’re trying a new type of sex act, or you’re with a new partner to ensure everyone is on the same page.

Aftercare is critical.

It’s also critical to tend to you and your partner’s emotional needs before and after BDSM sex acts. Especially if they’re rough or involve any role-playing, such as dominance and submission, or sadism and masochism. It may help to have a soothing conversation after a tense scene but discuss it with your partner to see what works best for both of you. BDSM can be an exciting, kinky addition to your sex life. Still, it is critical to maintaining active, enthusiastic consent and communication.

In conclusion

Exploring BDSM with your partner can be a rewarding life-changing experience. Typically people see sex as dynamic and love to switch it up. Change is exciting. The longer we’re together, we can fall into a sexual routine that can leave us feeling unfulfilled. BDSM can be the change we need.

Stay tuned to Pleasure Uncensored for BDSM and Kink content to give you and your partner(s) more ideas and add a little spice to your vanilla.

Pain & Pleasure: Why Many People Are Curious To Try BDSM

BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism, and for many these terms cause an array of emotions from curiosity to pleasure, to shame. BDSM engulfs many different sexual practices and has even found a spot in the new consensual sex movement. This article explores the reasons why people engage in BDSM and its benefits.

Why do people want to try BDSM? The most common reason is “pleasure.” We’re all a bit hedonistic, and the pursuit of pleasure is usually a top priority. BDSM offers some of us the ability to experience joy thru a myriad of practices once thought of as taboo. In the public “vanilla” world, we may have to wear masks, but in BDSM, we can let our true carnal urges take center stage. Whether you a masochist wanting to experience painful sexual stimulation or a sadist looking to inflict that pain, BDSM can provide the fulfillment you crave.

BDSM is not just about pain. Many participate in BDSM for mental play. Dominant and submissive dynamics allow us to play a role that we would not otherwise be afforded. Participating in a BDSM is also an excellent way to release pent-up emotions, such as stress.

Sadism vs. Masochism

The main difference between sadism and masochism is that sadism often involves imposing pain. This can be physical pain, such as hitting someone else, or psychological distress, such as humiliation. Sadists can give hardcore demands with the punishment for disobedience involving an assortment of BDSM tools. Sadism in the bedroom might include rough sex, takedowns (as in primal play), choking (breathe play), spanking, and much more.

Alternatively, we have the masochist (sometimes called a pain slut). As you can imagine, the masochist finds pleasure in receiving pain. Often, the masochist is looking to push their limits, a sort of edge play. They crave the excitement of the slap or the degradation of a humiliation seen. Masochists also tend to be more submissive; pleasing their master is their ultimate goal, and they are punished for disobedience.

The pairing of the sadist and masochist can be largely beneficial when they find their BDSM partner. By feeding each other desires, thru what some would not be able to handle, they can amplify their sexual pleasure. These two roles may or may not always be sexual in nature, but typically that’s the case.

Bonus: Sadomasochism

Sadomasochism is the practice of obtaining pleasure by inflicting pain on oneself as well as having pain inflicted on oneself. Sadomasochism is almost always sexual in nature. In the BDSM community, this person might be referred to as a “Switch.”

In Closing

Sadism, masochism and sadomasochism are three words that are often confused. But they have very different meanings. If you fall into one of these categories or are interesting in learning more, checkout Pleasure Uncensored. And if you’re one part of this duo looking for your match join several others on Foxtail.

BDSM Blog Poll: Why You Should Try BDSM

From what we know, BDSM play, at its core, is a form of consenting non-consensual act. Some people view this play as giving their partner control over them, thus giving the person who has been subject to domination some control over the relationship itself. As you can see, dominance or subjugation is the central theme in BDSM.

But why do some people like it and use sadomasochism to spice up their sex life? Well, we are here to find out. We asked our sex-positive community, and they had interesting reasons for including BDSM in their sex life. 

Why Should You Try BDSM?

It might be strange for some, but the most answers of our community were around the benefits that BDSM offers. The most common was that this practice could bring a new dimension to either newly blossoming or long-term relationships. 

Some say that even if you don’t know anyone who has tried it, there are numerous resources to get and read the information on making your first experience a wonderful one. It is hard to find a similar-minded individual, but when you do find it and you click, the experience is unforgettable. 

Recommended: 9 Ways to Enhance Intimacy in BDSM

Others say that a BDSM personality is a vital part of the whole experience of being in a relationship. It can determine how it will play out and whether or not you will succeed.

However, if you have been thinking about BDSM but don’t know what to expect, we surveyed our members and found out why they want to practice this sadomasochism play. Here is what they have to say.

You Don’t Necessarily Feel The Need To Be Sexually Attracted To Someone To Enjoy BDSM

As long as you are comfortable with someone, even if you do not want to have sex with them, you can still enjoy the BDSM scene. BDSM is more centered around the mind as a sexual organ. When you turn on your mind, your partner’s physical appearance is not a factor.

You Like To Choose Which toys you Want to Enjoy During sex

You can be more adventurous than usual and indulge in sex toys, which helps to boost your sexual experiences beyond the “vanilla” part of the mind. Some people even claim that having these sex toys can open up a new world they didn’t know existed, especially in sensation play.

You Are Craving A New Level Of Intimacy In Your Relationship

This technique can enhance your emotional, physical, and sexual bond with your partner with proper implementation. If your current relationship is lacking in that area, then BDSM could do wonders for your sex life! Some people claim that it can also lead to a deeper spiritual life and understanding.

You Crave A Sense Of Power

We can’t talk about BDSM without talking about power exchange. Most people, especially those who have gone through traumatic experiences use BDSM to achieve a sense of safety. For example in role-playing, people take up roles of power in situations they had been powerless before.

What some are particularly drawn to is the ability to feel safe in a situation that once made them feel small and made them feel a sense of power over themselves. This, my friend, is why some use kink to overcome trauma!

Why Do We Crave BDSM?

I know you are wondering why I’m referring to myself as ‘we’, am I right? I do consider myself a member of this community, however, belonging is as much a choice as it is given. For me, it’s how BDSM allows me to feel my pain while still being in control of it. How? Unlike other aspects of life, with BDSM you can end the pain anytime you want to.

Don’t we all want to take charge of what we feel, have the freedom of control?

And if you feel like you are ready to explore the world of BDSM, you can always find people with whom you can go through this journey by trying out the perfect kink dating app. Who knows, you might just find your Master, Mistress, or Sub! For more on this topic and other kink-related topics, check out our Foxtail Blog.