A Kinkster’s Guide to Online Dating

Woman in corset and boots standing in front of a clock

Are you looking for a kinky soulmate? Worried you may never find them and die alone? While there is someone for everyone, this Kinkster Guide to Online Dating will help you whip the odds in your favor.

Finding a companion in the kink world can seem impossible. You want to find a good partner, you also want to find someone who can suit your specific kink. It can be difficult to determine which road to choose because much of the information available focuses on vanilla relationships.

We all have fantasies or fetishes that we want to see become a reality or played out. However, looking for a compatible partner who shares your sexual preferences or is prepared to fulfill your kinky needs can feel like an endless hunt, especially if you’re waiting on a barstool hoping they’ll saunter in, chat you up, and drag you off to bed!

When it comes to meeting a kinky mate, niche dating sites are the way to go. You have the luxury of being at home and exploring and speaking with people until you find someone you want to meet in person.

Best Use of Online Dating

You can remain anonymous about your quirks and desires until you feel at ease. When you tell them you want to suck their toes on a first date or ask if they want to spank you in your pet play outfit, not everyone takes it well. They will already be aware of some of your flaws before you meet.

There are niche dating services where you might find a compatible kinky mate. If you have a particular fetish, there is almost certainly a dating service that caters to it.

You can let it all hang out with those who share your interests. On a site that concentrates on BDSM and kink, you don’t have to worry about being judged. The more specific you are in your dating profile about what you’re looking for, the faster you’ll find it.

Chatting online might help you develop a community and connect with other kinksters. Like any other kind of internet dating, not everyone you meet will become your next great lover; some will become friends, while others may connect you to events and kink-related clubs.

Being Successful on Dating Sites

Man holding whip hugging woman

You’ve picked and joined a site for your specific interest, whether it’s a threesome or a latex obsession. These pointers can assist you in making the most of your online dating experience.

Create a Kink Killin’ profile – Make a statement by building the best profile you can. Fill out all fields, including images, even if they obscure your face, and make sure to place your kink up and center to attract the correct possible partners.

Be active and take advantage of all services – The finest sites provide everything from video introductions and streaming video chat to member blogs. Participate in user groups for certain fetishes and kinks, make your own video, browse member content, and enjoy the community element. The more you participate, the more opportunities you will encounter and the more noticeable you will become to other members.

Be open to what you could discover – Remember that everyone you meet has their own ideas. This allows you to find extraordinary situations and connections that you may not have considered before.

When you’re ready, you can disclose your kink. You are not required to wait until the sixth. Date to enhance your fantasies. Toss everything out there and see what sticks. Do this even before you meet, because the whole goal of online dating is to save time.

Do’s and Don’ts on the First Date

It should not be considered taboo to discuss kink and sex with a new potential partner. Discussing kink and sex too early in the game, on the other hand, may give your date the idea that you are just interested in them for sex.

If you’re interested in your date’s kinks, the simplest way to start the conversation is to ask, “How did you get into kink?” It’s astonishing what people will discuss if you ask the appropriate question and listen.

Drop the conversation if your date gives a brief response and does not bring it up again. First dates are already stressful; don’t add to the stress by obsessing over “the talk.”

Act Like a Grownup – You must act like a mature adult: grownups do not arrive late, are not intoxicated, and do not make unpleasant remarks. Not acting your age is the quickest way to get yourself a No Second Date.

You are not required to prove anything – Act self-assured and certain. When your date inquires about your life, respond in a positive and self-assured manner. You should be asking inquiries that will reveal your date’s interests. And it’s not simply their naughty interests!

Avoid appearing needy and weird – You may believe that referring to someone as a slave, Master, or Mistress is flattering. You would be incorrect. A first date’s objective is to gauge the chemistry between you and a possible partner and assess whether there is enough compatibility to meet for a second date.

Two women biting apple with a snake on it

Keep your hands to yourself (until invited) – If you’ve been in the kink world for more than a day, you’re aware that consent is a big deal. Advances must be managed properly in kinky dating so that your date does not feel like you are overstepping bounds. It also entails not pushing when your date says no.

Maintain a kind and welcome physical touch. Hold your date’s hand across the table. When strolling through a crowd, take their hand in yours. You can increase the touch after it feels normal and your date displays a willingness to move things forward.

Dress for success, but not overly so – You want to look your best because a first date is already stressful. Don’t wear fetish attire to a vanilla restaurant. Even if your date is openly kinky, they will not appreciate you causing a commotion in a restaurant.

Did You Hit It Off

First dates, no matter what will always be awkward. The good news is that if you follow the advice above, the uneasiness will fade as the date progresses.

Tell them whether you had a wonderful time on your date and would like to go out again! Not only will they value your candor, but your response will encourage them to do the same for you.

If you receive a positive reaction, such as “I had a good time” or “It was enjoyable,” that’s fantastic! If, on the other hand, your date does not respond to your declaration that you enjoyed the date, it is a good indication that they are not interested. It stinks, but it saves you from wondering later.

On the other hand, if something about your date didn’t feel right, pay attention to your inner self. Consider why you are dissatisfied. It’s fine if you weren’t into your date. If you believe you made a mistake, take some time to reflect on it. Before you go on your next date, figure out what didn’t work.

Now that you have some ideas to find the perfect kinky partner in the online dating world, start working on that profile and put yourself out there. Your kinkmate is out there looking for you, go out and find them!

Are you looking for a kinkster or searching for your Kinkmate? Check out foxtail and see if there’s someone there that fits your kink!

2021 Ultimate Guide to Swinging + Swinger Apps

Has your sex life become boring and monotonous? Are you ready to take the plunge to bring about change, even if it goes against the accepted norms? Then maybe you should try swinging using swinger apps?

For married couples whose love has grown into respect and habit, passion needs renewal, and that very desire needs to attract something new. In Europe, the attitude to swing has been decided long ago. More than 80% of married couples consider this to be a normal personification of intimacy in Germany. This is a natural step in the evolution of marital ties and intimacy. At first, couples are perfectly content together, no matter how and where. Later, couples may find themselves interested in the question of diversity. Some may study and try out the Kama Sutra, buy exotic items in a sex shop, or practiced sex in new places. Even with these new ways to experience sex with one another, some couples may find that nothing attracts them, turned them on, or gives them pleasure.

Some sexologists believe that swinging – the exchange of sexual partners – can save marriage. To many, it is not worth resorting to such an exchange for this reason alone. But if you and your partner are seriously considering becoming a swinger, read our material. We have collected all the most useful tips for beginners.

Swing is a short-term that means mutually agreed exchange of sexual partners. Swing is one of many deviant (that is, not aligned with strict norms of generally accepted actions) types of role-playing behavior of married couples. However, it is not a sexual perversion. Swinging implies the presence of established couples (including married ones) who exchange partners and the mutual consent of all its participants.

History

Swing history goes back to antiquity, and in some communities, it is the norm of family life. Free sexual relationships were promoted during the sexual revolt of the 1960s. To free themselves from the shackles of outdated customs. Unfortunately, this did not gain much popularity. In many countries, swinger communities would spontaneously form in close groups such as military garrisons. Naturally, swingers would carefully conceal their relationship activities from outsiders. Nowadays, swing is officially recognized as one of the existing types of sexual life.

Swinger App and how they help

Using Swinger apps is a commonly known way to meet fellow swingers. A swinger app like Foxtail has many users who are actively looking for couples to meet. In a few minutes, you and your partners can be making a couple of friends and forming connections. Foxtail has an exclusive feature that makes it easier than ever to search with your partner, which will lower the feeling of any foul play. There are several others available as well.

Finding a Pair outside a swinger app

Outside of hookup apps, potential partners are found on beaches, among friends, on camping trips, or at swinger parties. Couples may use phrases such as “vanilla” when describing a traditional sex life; eluding to the fact that they might not have a vanilla sex life and are open to swinging.

Types of Swing

  • Soft swing – foreplay with other partners, sometimes including oral sex, but no vaginal penetration. It adds “pepper” to the relationship and allows them to have fun with less risk for illness or jealousy. Many couples start with a soft swing, but not everyone continues to a full exchange.
  •  Light swing is when couples accept lesbian affections, but men are strictly forbidden to touch someone else’s wife. Some couples practice this kind of swing because it often gives sexual variety and allows jealous men to preserve their egos.
  •  Closed swing – this is a process where partners exchange but have sex in separate rooms. Closed swing gives partners a more intimate experience. Some believe it gives them more freedom and fewer distractions from pleasure.
  •  Open swing – when partners exchange and have sex in the same room or on the same bed. It usually involves orgies and is most suitable for exhibitionists and voyeurs who like to demonstrate their pleasure or watch others enjoy themselves. Some believe that open swing allows them to fully release their sexual desires and fantasies. However, it is not suitable for those who are jealous or shy.

Ethics

  • Swingers do not like assertiveness and obsession.
  • One of the basic rules in swing etiquette is the unconditional right of everyone to say no.
  • It is customary for swingers to bring all sorts of surprises, gifts, something for tea on a date. Even if it’s thru a swinger app.
  • Many lovers and couples agree not to meet alone with someone else’s partner. Keeping your distance is very important, and always remember that no matter how much you sleep in the same bed, someone else’s partner is someone else’s partner. It can only be temporary and by agreement in exchange for your partner.
  • Many couples set their own swing rules so that each partner understands what is acceptable and what is not. This is an excellent idea especially for beginners, to protect themselves. The rules can be anything from “no oral sex” to “no pain.” It all depends on what causes discomfort to each of the partners.

Ten Commandments of Swing

  1. Never try to ruin a marriage. Use honest communication beforehand.
  2. Always respect the terms of the meeting, or report in detail and in advance of a change in circumstances.
  3. Consider your first meeting as an introductory. Be prepared for a swing if it turns out to be mutually acceptable or an honest answer if something doesn’t work for you.
  4. Never, under any circumstances, put pressure on your partner.
  5. Protect the anonymity of other swingers by refraining from the unauthorized mentioning of names.
  6. Always maintain the highest standards of hygiene and appearance.
  7. Do not engage in any illegal activity that could discredit swingers as a group.
  8. Be friendly and warm with your friends, but remember that a certain type of emotion should always be reserved for your spouse.
  9. Always show respect for the attitudes, feelings, and habits of other swingers.
  10. Have the dos and don’ts of your encounter discussed before the meeting. In the scene is never a time for negotiations.

It is safe to say that it is a positive experience for most and is worth trying. It’s cool to escape from everyday life and become a different person for a while. It’s nice when strangers find you attractive and openly talk about it. This will save you from many complexities. And yes, swinging has strengthened more than one relationship. It’s not just about great sex. Swing can build trust and cohesion in a couple. You can’t do something like that and not trust each other. Do not be afraid, try it, and get the most out of sex! Joining the best swinger app now Foxtail!

*Be sure to add Swinging as one of your kinks ;)

Discussing Kink With Your Partner

Humans have so many desires that they are afraid to admit, especially kink. If you are in BDSM, kink is an integral part of your sexual identity. Different humans are sexually attracted to different kinks. Discussing kink with your partner is crucial for a healthy relationship as they make you and your partner aware of the limitations and boundaries. Talking about a kink that intrigues you might be embarrassing, but it doesn’t have to be!

If you are confused about where to begin and how-to, we are here to help you understand and share your secret sexual desires.

Why Remain Silent?

Communication is vital for any healthy relationship. Being open to your partner about your needs, desires, and experiences will lead to fulfilling sex. Your partner can only understand you if you share with them! So why do we feel shame about sharing our kinky desires and thoughts?

Being vulnerable is difficult enough in relationships, let alone when we confess our kinky dreams to our Beloved. It’s ok to feel shame and shyness when discussing your sexual needs, but practice makes perfect, and you’ll never get your needs met if you don’t speak up. Speaking up gives you and your partner the chance to tackle what’s at hand together. You might be surprised at how speaking up brings you two closer together.

Why Discussing Kink is Important?

When people don’t talk about kink, it affects their emotional intimacy, self-esteem, and trust. It can be impossible to build strong and happy relationships under false pretences and dishonesty. If partners cannot talk about their kink, needs, and even desired sex scene, this is a sign that there is a communication problem in the relationship. Dissatisfaction with sex life leads to resentment, resulting in couples’ conflicts, betrayal, or breakup.

Realizing the Importance of Kinky Conversation

Both partners need to realize that everyone has a right to secret sexual fantasies. Humans are biologically programmed to feel arousal and desire sex in different ways. It’s completely normal! Listening to your own kinky desires and sharing them with your partner opens up the relationships to more love, confidence, and respect for one another as individuals and as partners.

Fantasies and secret desires can be strong stimulants. You can share stories, images, and details with your partner. If you’re playing with your long-term, trusted partner, leave room for spontaneity and organic flow after you share your fantasies – start off simple. No need for intense protocol or analytics at first. Give yourselves room to grow and reach for more as you continue to build trust and intimacy.

You need to take some time to reflect on your own sexual desire: what gets you aroused, what do you fantasize about? Sometimes it isn’t easy to voice secret desires in the heat of the moment. Make time with your partner to have an intimate and dedicated conversation about what you’re fantasizing about. You never know, your partner may know their kinky fantasies, but they might not broadcast them.

It is also helpful to give feedback in real-time, while you’re engaged in sexual acts with your partner “I like when you touch me here” or “That feels good, keep going (harder or softer or stay the same)”.

This kind of openness sets the stage for more honesty and communication, making it easier to hear each other over time. Both in and out of the bedroom.

When to Speak?

Establishing an intimate dialogue about sex is easy if you follow these basic rules:

1. Don’t introduce a brand new idea you want to try right before having sex. If you’re already turned on and heading to Sex City, interrupting the journey by stopping and introducing something brand new can be disruptive. Your partner wants to have sex, not talk. Choose an appropriate moment for this conversation: in a hot bath, over dinner with a glass of champagne, or talking in bed. The main thing is that you two are in a good mood and fully present. Everyone is calm, happy, and content.

2. Be open and speak simply with your partner. Do not try to explain your preferences in scientific terms or the words of some famous sexologist. You do not have to defend your sexual preferences to your partner. Just be yourself! If they don’t get it, that’s ok. It’s just a preference, like wanting chocolate ice cream over cookies n cream. Work together to understand each other’s viewpoints.

3. Choose the right tone. The same thing is perceived differently depending on how you say it. When you offer your partner a new sex game or experiment, remember the voice you use should be calm, soothing, and confident. Your partner will be more receptive to your tone, allowing the conversation to go smoothly.

4. When both partners agree to sexual experimentation, you need to clearly discuss the rules in advance. Not during sex, not immediately after sex, but in advance before sex so that each of you knows what your partner is doing and why they are doing it. Describe the process you envision and discuss the desires this satisfies for both of you.

Threesome Sex: How to Bring it up?

Threesomes are very common for couples who have been partnered for some time and have developed healthy communication. The most successful couples have already mastered expressing their sexual desires, and both partners are respectful of each other’s fantasies. If you and your partner do not have a foundation for solid trust and intimacy, a threesome should be a fantasy put off for a later time. Remember, it can be important to share fantasies with your Lover without acting on them as you grow together. You can share the dream of the fantasy without immediately putting it into action. This builds up the relationship so you can work toward that experience together one day.

It is important to define the boundaries of who both partners feel comfortable inviting in for the threesome. For example, do you want it to be a one-night stand? A friend? A cute acquaintance? Realize that you or your partner may or may not want to see the person again after the act, so how does this play into your fantasy? What boundaries do you need to protect and prioritize the relationship for more sexual exploration for years to come?

But be aware of group sex with your friends! On the one hand, the idea of inviting friends into your bed can be comforting because of the established trust already present. On the other hand, an experience of this magnitude may change the dynamics of a friendship forever.

What Can Help You Discuss Kink?

If it’s too awkward to start talking about kink out of nowhere, you can give signs. For example, find a movie where a scene shows what you want to try in sex and watch it with your partner. You can find out about each other’s preferences in a game format. For example, make a list with different sexual desires, fill it out, and check what your partner chose.

Another way to scout the situation is to ask your partner what they masturbate to or imagine when they caress themselves. You can agree to masturbate in front of each other to encourage intimacy and pleasure.

All of these tricks are meant to show people that talking only makes sex better. This will make it easier for them to talk about it later. If partners cannot understand their desires or accept each other’s needs, it is worth contacting a specialist. Sex therapists and couples therapists can provide the guidance and structure needed to get your relationship to the next sexy level.

What Kind of Reaction to Expect?

There is no one-size-fits-all piece of advice or magic phrases for talking about kink. However, there are general principles that should be adhered to when discussing such sensitive topics.

Abandon Gender Stereotypes

Good sex is the responsibility of both partners. The conversation starts with the one who needs it more and not who supposedly should take the initiative.

Don’t wait!

Don’t wait for your partner to figure it out. People often expect their partners to guess what they want. However, nobody can read minds. Tell them what you want and give them a chance to explore.

Calling a Spade a Spade

To make it easier for partners to understand each other, you need to speak directly. The phrase “press harder on my clit” sounds much clearer than “I want more.”

Don’t Criticize

Most people are already embarrassed to talk about sex, so you shouldn’t create additional stress. If Your partner tells you about a certain activity different from your preferred one, don’t criticize. Criticism and “yucking their yum” will only lead to more communication hesitancy.

Focus Needs

Focus not only on your own needs but also on the needs of your partner. Healthy relationships require communication and reciprocity. You can ask your partner what position they like best, what they fantasize about, and what they would like to try. But be prepared for no’s. No one is obliged to do what they do not like and just because your partner does not like something doesn’t mean they do not like you.

Bring Each other to the Same Table

If you can present your kink desires in such a way that your partner perceives them as their own, then both of you will win. While entering this territory, you need to be aware that there is always a risk. The fear of misunderstanding might be holding you back, but your partner might be up for the kinky stuff you want to do with them. But first, you need to tell them this.

If you are worried that your kink ideas might enrage or make your partner hostile towards you, then that partner might not be with the right one for you. So don’t refuse to talk about it, and don’t withhold information from your partner. If you think that your partner’s ideas about intimacy are fundamentally different than yours, you need to:

  • Discuss this with your partner, which means expressing your thoughts and emotions, and checking if you have some common ground. 
  • Ask yourself if this is the right relationship for you?

The Bottom Line

Remember, silence about your kink(s) fences you off from unforgettable orgasms. Perhaps your partner also has a couple fantasies that they are afraid to admit. Be bold! Your life, your sex, your orgasms, and your pleasures depend on you. You create your own life, and you should not be ashamed of yourself!

If you want to explore more about kink, you can visit our blog to read out similar articles. You can also connect with other like-minded individuals in the Meet Others section.