A Kinkster’s Guide to Online Dating

Woman in corset and boots standing in front of a clock

Are you looking for a kinky soulmate? Worried you may never find them and die alone? While there is someone for everyone, this Kinkster Guide to Online Dating will help you whip the odds in your favor.

Finding a companion in the kink world can seem impossible. You want to find a good partner, you also want to find someone who can suit your specific kink. It can be difficult to determine which road to choose because much of the information available focuses on vanilla relationships.

We all have fantasies or fetishes that we want to see become a reality or played out. However, looking for a compatible partner who shares your sexual preferences or is prepared to fulfill your kinky needs can feel like an endless hunt, especially if you’re waiting on a barstool hoping they’ll saunter in, chat you up, and drag you off to bed!

When it comes to meeting a kinky mate, niche dating sites are the way to go. You have the luxury of being at home and exploring and speaking with people until you find someone you want to meet in person.

Best Use of Online Dating

You can remain anonymous about your quirks and desires until you feel at ease. When you tell them you want to suck their toes on a first date or ask if they want to spank you in your pet play outfit, not everyone takes it well. They will already be aware of some of your flaws before you meet.

There are niche dating services where you might find a compatible kinky mate. If you have a particular fetish, there is almost certainly a dating service that caters to it.

You can let it all hang out with those who share your interests. On a site that concentrates on BDSM and kink, you don’t have to worry about being judged. The more specific you are in your dating profile about what you’re looking for, the faster you’ll find it.

Chatting online might help you develop a community and connect with other kinksters. Like any other kind of internet dating, not everyone you meet will become your next great lover; some will become friends, while others may connect you to events and kink-related clubs.

Being Successful on Dating Sites

Man holding whip hugging woman

You’ve picked and joined a site for your specific interest, whether it’s a threesome or a latex obsession. These pointers can assist you in making the most of your online dating experience.

Create a Kink Killin’ profile – Make a statement by building the best profile you can. Fill out all fields, including images, even if they obscure your face, and make sure to place your kink up and center to attract the correct possible partners.

Be active and take advantage of all services – The finest sites provide everything from video introductions and streaming video chat to member blogs. Participate in user groups for certain fetishes and kinks, make your own video, browse member content, and enjoy the community element. The more you participate, the more opportunities you will encounter and the more noticeable you will become to other members.

Be open to what you could discover – Remember that everyone you meet has their own ideas. This allows you to find extraordinary situations and connections that you may not have considered before.

When you’re ready, you can disclose your kink. You are not required to wait until the sixth. Date to enhance your fantasies. Toss everything out there and see what sticks. Do this even before you meet, because the whole goal of online dating is to save time.

Do’s and Don’ts on the First Date

It should not be considered taboo to discuss kink and sex with a new potential partner. Discussing kink and sex too early in the game, on the other hand, may give your date the idea that you are just interested in them for sex.

If you’re interested in your date’s kinks, the simplest way to start the conversation is to ask, “How did you get into kink?” It’s astonishing what people will discuss if you ask the appropriate question and listen.

Drop the conversation if your date gives a brief response and does not bring it up again. First dates are already stressful; don’t add to the stress by obsessing over “the talk.”

Act Like a Grownup – You must act like a mature adult: grownups do not arrive late, are not intoxicated, and do not make unpleasant remarks. Not acting your age is the quickest way to get yourself a No Second Date.

You are not required to prove anything – Act self-assured and certain. When your date inquires about your life, respond in a positive and self-assured manner. You should be asking inquiries that will reveal your date’s interests. And it’s not simply their naughty interests!

Avoid appearing needy and weird – You may believe that referring to someone as a slave, Master, or Mistress is flattering. You would be incorrect. A first date’s objective is to gauge the chemistry between you and a possible partner and assess whether there is enough compatibility to meet for a second date.

Two women biting apple with a snake on it

Keep your hands to yourself (until invited) – If you’ve been in the kink world for more than a day, you’re aware that consent is a big deal. Advances must be managed properly in kinky dating so that your date does not feel like you are overstepping bounds. It also entails not pushing when your date says no.

Maintain a kind and welcome physical touch. Hold your date’s hand across the table. When strolling through a crowd, take their hand in yours. You can increase the touch after it feels normal and your date displays a willingness to move things forward.

Dress for success, but not overly so – You want to look your best because a first date is already stressful. Don’t wear fetish attire to a vanilla restaurant. Even if your date is openly kinky, they will not appreciate you causing a commotion in a restaurant.

Did You Hit It Off

First dates, no matter what will always be awkward. The good news is that if you follow the advice above, the uneasiness will fade as the date progresses.

Tell them whether you had a wonderful time on your date and would like to go out again! Not only will they value your candor, but your response will encourage them to do the same for you.

If you receive a positive reaction, such as “I had a good time” or “It was enjoyable,” that’s fantastic! If, on the other hand, your date does not respond to your declaration that you enjoyed the date, it is a good indication that they are not interested. It stinks, but it saves you from wondering later.

On the other hand, if something about your date didn’t feel right, pay attention to your inner self. Consider why you are dissatisfied. It’s fine if you weren’t into your date. If you believe you made a mistake, take some time to reflect on it. Before you go on your next date, figure out what didn’t work.

Now that you have some ideas to find the perfect kinky partner in the online dating world, start working on that profile and put yourself out there. Your kinkmate is out there looking for you, go out and find them!

Are you looking for a kinkster or searching for your Kinkmate? Check out foxtail and see if there’s someone there that fits your kink!

Checking In: Ongoing Consent and Ways to Ask for It

Can I touch you? 

This is only one of the most underrated ways to ask for Consent when you’re feeling a little bit of a vibe from this person you’re seeing. 

Someone’s finger touching a man’s face

You may think that this woke society has the art of checking in pinned down, but you’ve never been so wrong in your whole life. Granted that Consent has been thrust in the forefront of the conversation, it’s still miles away from being commonplace, which sadly says a lot about our evolution as a race. 

Consent isn’t just a one-time thing, though. It’s an ongoing process that caters to different levels of intimacy. A person might be into some hand-holding with you, but that doesn’t mean that they’d be into kissing you.

Consent, by definition, is permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. Simple, right? Yet, some people still struggle with the notion that it can easily be taken away just as it’s easily given.

ALL 👏 THE 👏 DAMN 👏 TIME.

There are no ifs or buts in this matter. You better ask for permission before you get up on anyone’s business. It’s not just in sex but in all aspects of life. It’s a sign of respect to others and yourself that you’re willing to go through the trouble – and the risk of killing the mood – to ask for Consent. And it doesn’t take much of you to have the courtesy to do so.

No Means No & Yes Means No

Consent and Sex come hand-in-hand. You can’t have Sex without Consent: that’s rape! Many skirt around this topic because it’s uncomfortable, but we need to educate people that you should always consider the feelings of others. No means No, and Yes (sometimes) also means No

Asking for Consent? Answers come in No or Yes.

Does this mean that you’ll stop having Sex altogether because Yes, apparently, means No as well? Of course not! We’re establishing the fact that when you ask for Consent, you should always make sure that it is freely given and without force

There will be times when you’ll be forced to say Yes even if you aren’t fully into it (DANGER ALERT). So it’s important to acknowledge and practice consciously checking in with your partner/s as an equally conscious participant in any sexual activity.

Pleasure from Permission

Besides, isn’t it more pleasurable to have relations when Consent is given?

When you check in with your partner/s before, during, and after Sex, it gives you a heightened feeling of trust and confidence in yourself – a pleasurable kind of validation that someone else liked what you did to them. Someone liked your touches enough that they allowed you into their body and enjoyed it.

There is pleasure from permission – remember that.

Checking In: A Questioning Art

But how do you check in without seeming like a mood-killer? Interrupting mid-kiss just to ask if you can touch a boob doesn’t sound hot, does it?

Checking in doesn’t have to kill the heat, though. It should amp it up! Asking for something from your partner/s, especially if it’s sexual in nature, should actually turn you on. They value your feelings and opinion, and that is why they are asking you if it’s go or no.

So, here are ways you can artfully ask for Consent and continuously do so during:

1. Just Ask

Explicitly ask for what you want. It doesn’t get any easier or more artful than that.

Couple in bed talking

Sometimes bluntness is hot, and you don’t have to overcomplicate everything in your head. Do you want to have Sex? Just ask. Do you want to try new kinks? Just ask. Do you want to try a new sex trick? Just Ask. You’d be surprised at the response when you ask for what you want. Do you want me to continue giving you head? Just freaking ask.

Of course, asking for sexual Consent should be because you have a current relationship or dynamic established; if there isn’t, then that’s just creepy.

2. Say What’s on Your Mind

Be upfront with what you’re thinking. Sometimes, all it takes is a few delicately chosen words from your pretty little mouth to ignite the flame. By saying what’s on your mind, you’re literally giving the other person the signal to kiss you, touch you, hug you, and a whole lot of other things. 

Here are some Subtle and Indirect Verbal Signals: 

  • Your lips look so soft. 
  • You smell really nice. 
  • You look sexy today. 

Here are some Explicit and Direct Verbal Signals: 

  • I want to kiss your sexy body. 
  • You look so hot in that shirt but even hotter when it’s off. 
  • I’m going to hit the shower, and I’d like you to join me. 

These are just some of the things you could say to your partner that would instantly turn them on and Consent to some steamy loving. 

3. Body Language

Woman leans into man (positive body language)

Verbal cues are no-brainers. Any person can ask or tell someone they like what they want to do in the sack. Now, reading body language is a different story. It takes time and patience to master this skill but considering that we’re talking about asking for Consent with a person you’re acquainted with and have that undeniable vibe, then this might be a little easier.

It’s like when you’re playing poker with your friends; you’re trying to find their tell. Think of this other person and their tells – it can be a pat on your arm, a hair flip, or a wry smile. Hey, when you know, you know. But the most obvious body language tells that you can spot are longing stares, lip biting, and being grabbed by the collar for a full-on make-out session.

Again, when you know, you know. Then again, if you suck at reading non-verbal cues – please refer to the previous entries before this one.

Let’s double back on Consent being ongoing – just because you’re half-naked and ready to seal the deal doesn’t mean one of you can’t back out.

Consent is reversible. It can be withdrawn at any moment a sexual participant chooses to do so. It can be mid-orgasm, and it’ll still be a valid withdrawal of permission. What everyone needs to get into their heads is that no one owes anyone their Consent. So if you’ve ever been turned down after they’ve undressed you, don’t go being an ass about it.

Your body is yours to give and take, just like everyone else. And if someone makes you uncomfortable, you don’t owe them politeness.

It’s important to remember that checking in exists to protect you from doing something you’ll regret or something distressing. Don’t ever feel ashamed for withdrawing Consent. Do it when you need to. Do it when you want to.

All You Have to do is Ask

Many people have a hard time verbalizing their desires and just assume that the other person is on the same page. And when you look at things with rose-colored glasses, signals get confusing from they want to be kissed to they’re just being polite and vice versa. 

It may not be easy to discern which is which, and that’s normal. But to make sure that you’re not going to step on any toes or boundaries – ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK. It’s the most effective way to rid yourself of inhibitions and fear of causing harm. 

Are you lusting for more Sex positive content? Read more on Foxxy articles here!

How to Please a Sadist, Not Just Sexually

We’ve all been to a point where we want someone to fall in love with us just because we adore them so much. And when you combine the person and the kink you’re into, then you’re probably all hands on deck to get them onboard yours. 

But think of something as outrageous as making a Sexual Sadist (think, Christian Gray in 50 Shades) fall in love with you. It’s not impossible but absurdly challenging, especially if you’ve never done BDSM before. Yet if you’re here reading this, you’ve probably made up your mind. Typically you would appreciate being with a Sexual Sadist if you’re a submissive or a fellow sadist wanting a “partner in crime”. So, let’s dive in:

WHAT IS A SADIST?

Sexual Sadism or Sadism is part of the BDSM umbrella. It refers to a specific sexual preference involving consensual acts of pain, pleasure, and various other things. 

Are Sadists Born or Made?

Usually, non-practitioners or newbies of BDSM think that relationships in this sexual bubble aren’t serious, just a phase or something that’s only about sexual gratification. It’s not. It’s a kink, and it’s a valid form of sexual expression that may or may not have emotional attachments to them. What’s important is that both (or all) parties enmeshed in any relationship – S&M or not – are in consensual agreement!  

How to Please a Sadist

DISCOVER THEIR BRAND OF SADISM

When you’ve got your target locked and loaded, the first thing to confirm is if your sexual preferences and needs align. You can’t force yourself into that love pot if you’re not open to the things they’re into. It’s just not logical! When it comes to relationships, some people prioritize sexual compatibility. That’s actually a healthy way to go about your relationships. It sets certain expectations that are non-negotiable in a way that you know you won’t be wasting time with people who just won’t work with you. 

People who are into BDSM – and even those who aren’t – should hold this practice on a pedestal. It’s high time that we are okay with setting boundaries at the onset! Especially when the sex involves getting into pleasurable pain or pain, knowing if your brand of Sadomasochism is compatible with their brand of Sadomasochism is kind of a no-brainer! S&M has different degrees, and it’s necessary to know your partner/s’ limitations. You might like it a little bit too vanilla, and they might like it a little bit too rough. You might want to keep it in the bedroom while they may want to extend it to their daily routine. Lay it all out in the open because an S&M relationship requires full consent. Clarity should be a priority! It’s key you express what you like, and they should do the same. 

CONNECT WITH THEM EMOTIONALLY

Apart from the obvious counter-checking of your sexual preferences, you should connect with them on a romantic level. The idea is to make someone fall in love with you, and that involves romance. 

While it might be tempting to just bang one out and see where it goes, that would be counter-productive if you want a romantic relationship. Emotions take time to bloom; you need to water and tend to it consistently. Luckily, a lot of Dating Guides are available for your use. You don’t have to appeal to their Sexual Sadistic side right then and there. You can start winning their favor with emotionally stimulating gestures. Take them out on a date. Have coffee together. Go for a moonlight walk. Ask about their day. Try skinny dipping. Sparking a connection with your Sadist while fostering a bond will do wonders for your emotional compatibility. Sex isn’t everything!

EXCITE THEM AND BE DEFIANT

For a Sadist, it excites them to punish you for being defiant. As a submissive, the main goal is to submit to your dominant, and that’s all well and good. Yet to catch this one’s attention and affection, you need to be different from the rest. Throw them a bone and a reason to ravage you through your S&M play. You’re not to defy them to challenge their authority, merely to provide inconveniences that would ignite arousal. 

It doesn’t have to be sexual. It can be saying no to a gift. Not pushing through with favors they of ask you. There are a million possibilities! Be creative in turning them down while being cheeky about it. The sexual tension will surely skyrocket, and a steamy session might be in the works.  

SAFE WORDS ARE SACRED

We knew from the start that this wasn’t going a steady relationship with clean-cut boundaries dictated by society. This is a special relationship. The kind that happens when the universe grants you its favor. In dealing with a Sadist partner, the way to their heart is to their need to be an authority figure. You must submit to their whims (something that should be equally gratifying for you). And sometimes, these whims can get a little carried away, so make sure that before you dive into any sexual activity, you should set your safe words. Exit routes should always exist! 

THE BOTTOM LINE

While we have talked about some of the ways a Sadist could fall for you, it does not guarantee that they will. Love is not something you can force – Sadist or not. People find their person when they do. You won’t be any better off.

A loving relationship between a Sadist and a Masochist is completely possible and exists somewhere in the world. Love, when it’s pure and true, will always find ways to its rightful owner.

If your current Sadist doesn’t feel the same about you right now, that’s okay. They might not be your Sadist soulmate, but somewhere, they’re out there.

Want to get on ahead? Meet people through Foxtail! Your Sexual Sadist lover might not be in your arms yet, but they might be waiting for you to hit them up there!

6 Most Powerful Tips To Finding A Good BDSM Partner

BDSM is one of the most powerful sexual lifestyles in the world today. It is assumed by many that participating in this lifestyle is bad, but after you learn the truth, you will discover how good it can be for couples.

Why is it important to get a good BDSM partner?

We live in a century when people have given their hearts, minds, body and soul to a character Massimo who built a notion of what BDSM should entail. Christian Grey and other movie characters shouldn’t be your only picture of who a BDSM partner is. BDSM is all about getting a partner who you can trust because of the pain involved.

Know your ABCs.

First, you must ask yourself, what does BDSM stand for? BDSM is all about a dominating partner making the submissive partner submit to them in various ways.

A common misconception is that the submissive spouse is simply a lesser person than the dominating partner.

The most powerful tips you can use are here! We lay it out just for you.

Find someone empowering.

Many people find that becoming involved in the lifestyle helps them to let go of feelings of guilt and inadequacy. When you find a BDSM partner, you will no longer feel like you are the sexual victim. Instead, you will feel like a valued member of a team.

It is possible to find someone who is also a vanilla and is looking to couple with someone like you. You can date a vanilla partner, but it may not be a suitable choice for many people.

Exploring the darker parts of this type of relationship will provide you both an opportunity to know each other.

Find someone experienced.

Make sure your BDSM partner is experienced if you want to couple up with someone who likes to be in control. They may damage you if you’re not sure what they’re capable of.

An important tip, ask for feedback from others about their experiences with people they have been dating online. You can also ask a professional dominator for advice on where to find dominant partners.

Learn what you can and cannot have.

Although it may seem like you want to touch and play with as many people as possible, you cannot. Your spouse should also be sure whether or not the gender of the character matters to them.

While many play partners are gender-specific, some kinky-sex couples are open to each other regardless of gender.

Find someone open.

Your potential BDSM partner should be willing to share their desires and fantasies. Some people do not like being submissive and do not like the idea of limiting their partner in this way.

If your kinky sex partner does not feel comfortable revealing their deepest fantasies on a dating site, you may want to consider coupling with another person.

This is something that many BDSM individuals face, and while you will still have fun dating someone, you will not be sharing intimate details with anyone.

Start with a good dating app.

When dating in general, there are many important aspects to consider before getting involved with anyone. If you are new to the concept of kink or new to dating in general, you may want to try joining one of the large BDSM internet dating sites. This website can help you find an intimate partner who shares your kinky interests. Once you have found a partner interested in BDSM activities, you will find that you can have a lot of fun dating on the internet.

There is an incredible variety of individuals you can date from different locations worldwide, meet people, go on dates and have fun. If you are ready to explore the world of kink, and meeting some hot sizzling people, go on and start building your kinky profile! ;)

Let us know if you have something you would add to our most powerful tips bank that we can share with our readers!

This is exciting! I know you will learn more and more from our experts. They love giving these kinds of most powerful tips from their experience.

Looking for someone to help you get started? Find amazing sex-positive people on Foxtail, you may just find the BDSM partner you’re looking for!

2021 Ultimate Guide to Swinging + Swinger Apps

Has your sex life become boring and monotonous? Are you ready to take the plunge to bring about change, even if it goes against the accepted norms? Then maybe you should try swinging using swinger apps?

For married couples whose love has grown into respect and habit, passion needs renewal, and that very desire needs to attract something new. In Europe, the attitude to swing has been decided long ago. More than 80% of married couples consider this to be a normal personification of intimacy in Germany. This is a natural step in the evolution of marital ties and intimacy. At first, couples are perfectly content together, no matter how and where. Later, couples may find themselves interested in the question of diversity. Some may study and try out the Kama Sutra, buy exotic items in a sex shop, or practiced sex in new places. Even with these new ways to experience sex with one another, some couples may find that nothing attracts them, turned them on, or gives them pleasure.

Some sexologists believe that swinging – the exchange of sexual partners – can save marriage. To many, it is not worth resorting to such an exchange for this reason alone. But if you and your partner are seriously considering becoming a swinger, read our material. We have collected all the most useful tips for beginners.

Swing is a short-term that means mutually agreed exchange of sexual partners. Swing is one of many deviant (that is, not aligned with strict norms of generally accepted actions) types of role-playing behavior of married couples. However, it is not a sexual perversion. Swinging implies the presence of established couples (including married ones) who exchange partners and the mutual consent of all its participants.

History

Swing history goes back to antiquity, and in some communities, it is the norm of family life. Free sexual relationships were promoted during the sexual revolt of the 1960s. To free themselves from the shackles of outdated customs. Unfortunately, this did not gain much popularity. In many countries, swinger communities would spontaneously form in close groups such as military garrisons. Naturally, swingers would carefully conceal their relationship activities from outsiders. Nowadays, swing is officially recognized as one of the existing types of sexual life.

Swinger App and how they help

Using Swinger apps is a commonly known way to meet fellow swingers. A swinger app like Foxtail has many users who are actively looking for couples to meet. In a few minutes, you and your partners can be making a couple of friends and forming connections. Foxtail has an exclusive feature that makes it easier than ever to search with your partner, which will lower the feeling of any foul play. There are several others available as well.

Finding a Pair outside a swinger app

Outside of hookup apps, potential partners are found on beaches, among friends, on camping trips, or at swinger parties. Couples may use phrases such as “vanilla” when describing a traditional sex life; eluding to the fact that they might not have a vanilla sex life and are open to swinging.

Types of Swing

  • Soft swing – foreplay with other partners, sometimes including oral sex, but no vaginal penetration. It adds “pepper” to the relationship and allows them to have fun with less risk for illness or jealousy. Many couples start with a soft swing, but not everyone continues to a full exchange.
  •  Light swing is when couples accept lesbian affections, but men are strictly forbidden to touch someone else’s wife. Some couples practice this kind of swing because it often gives sexual variety and allows jealous men to preserve their egos.
  •  Closed swing – this is a process where partners exchange but have sex in separate rooms. Closed swing gives partners a more intimate experience. Some believe it gives them more freedom and fewer distractions from pleasure.
  •  Open swing – when partners exchange and have sex in the same room or on the same bed. It usually involves orgies and is most suitable for exhibitionists and voyeurs who like to demonstrate their pleasure or watch others enjoy themselves. Some believe that open swing allows them to fully release their sexual desires and fantasies. However, it is not suitable for those who are jealous or shy.

Ethics

  • Swingers do not like assertiveness and obsession.
  • One of the basic rules in swing etiquette is the unconditional right of everyone to say no.
  • It is customary for swingers to bring all sorts of surprises, gifts, something for tea on a date. Even if it’s thru a swinger app.
  • Many lovers and couples agree not to meet alone with someone else’s partner. Keeping your distance is very important, and always remember that no matter how much you sleep in the same bed, someone else’s partner is someone else’s partner. It can only be temporary and by agreement in exchange for your partner.
  • Many couples set their own swing rules so that each partner understands what is acceptable and what is not. This is an excellent idea especially for beginners, to protect themselves. The rules can be anything from “no oral sex” to “no pain.” It all depends on what causes discomfort to each of the partners.

Ten Commandments of Swing

  1. Never try to ruin a marriage. Use honest communication beforehand.
  2. Always respect the terms of the meeting, or report in detail and in advance of a change in circumstances.
  3. Consider your first meeting as an introductory. Be prepared for a swing if it turns out to be mutually acceptable or an honest answer if something doesn’t work for you.
  4. Never, under any circumstances, put pressure on your partner.
  5. Protect the anonymity of other swingers by refraining from the unauthorized mentioning of names.
  6. Always maintain the highest standards of hygiene and appearance.
  7. Do not engage in any illegal activity that could discredit swingers as a group.
  8. Be friendly and warm with your friends, but remember that a certain type of emotion should always be reserved for your spouse.
  9. Always show respect for the attitudes, feelings, and habits of other swingers.
  10. Have the dos and don’ts of your encounter discussed before the meeting. In the scene is never a time for negotiations.

It is safe to say that it is a positive experience for most and is worth trying. It’s cool to escape from everyday life and become a different person for a while. It’s nice when strangers find you attractive and openly talk about it. This will save you from many complexities. And yes, swinging has strengthened more than one relationship. It’s not just about great sex. Swing can build trust and cohesion in a couple. You can’t do something like that and not trust each other. Do not be afraid, try it, and get the most out of sex! Joining the best swinger app now Foxtail!

*Be sure to add Swinging as one of your kinks ;)

Discussing Kink With Your Partner

Humans have so many desires that they are afraid to admit, especially kink. If you are in BDSM, kink is an integral part of your sexual identity. Different humans are sexually attracted to different kinks. Discussing kink with your partner is crucial for a healthy relationship as they make you and your partner aware of the limitations and boundaries. Talking about a kink that intrigues you might be embarrassing, but it doesn’t have to be!

If you are confused about where to begin and how-to, we are here to help you understand and share your secret sexual desires.

Why Remain Silent?

Communication is vital for any healthy relationship. Being open to your partner about your needs, desires, and experiences will lead to fulfilling sex. Your partner can only understand you if you share with them! So why do we feel shame about sharing our kinky desires and thoughts?

Being vulnerable is difficult enough in relationships, let alone when we confess our kinky dreams to our Beloved. It’s ok to feel shame and shyness when discussing your sexual needs, but practice makes perfect, and you’ll never get your needs met if you don’t speak up. Speaking up gives you and your partner the chance to tackle what’s at hand together. You might be surprised at how speaking up brings you two closer together.

Why Discussing Kink is Important?

When people don’t talk about kink, it affects their emotional intimacy, self-esteem, and trust. It can be impossible to build strong and happy relationships under false pretences and dishonesty. If partners cannot talk about their kink, needs, and even desired sex scene, this is a sign that there is a communication problem in the relationship. Dissatisfaction with sex life leads to resentment, resulting in couples’ conflicts, betrayal, or breakup.

Realizing the Importance of Kinky Conversation

Both partners need to realize that everyone has a right to secret sexual fantasies. Humans are biologically programmed to feel arousal and desire sex in different ways. It’s completely normal! Listening to your own kinky desires and sharing them with your partner opens up the relationships to more love, confidence, and respect for one another as individuals and as partners.

Fantasies and secret desires can be strong stimulants. You can share stories, images, and details with your partner. If you’re playing with your long-term, trusted partner, leave room for spontaneity and organic flow after you share your fantasies – start off simple. No need for intense protocol or analytics at first. Give yourselves room to grow and reach for more as you continue to build trust and intimacy.

You need to take some time to reflect on your own sexual desire: what gets you aroused, what do you fantasize about? Sometimes it isn’t easy to voice secret desires in the heat of the moment. Make time with your partner to have an intimate and dedicated conversation about what you’re fantasizing about. You never know, your partner may know their kinky fantasies, but they might not broadcast them.

It is also helpful to give feedback in real-time, while you’re engaged in sexual acts with your partner “I like when you touch me here” or “That feels good, keep going (harder or softer or stay the same)”.

This kind of openness sets the stage for more honesty and communication, making it easier to hear each other over time. Both in and out of the bedroom.

When to Speak?

Establishing an intimate dialogue about sex is easy if you follow these basic rules:

1. Don’t introduce a brand new idea you want to try right before having sex. If you’re already turned on and heading to Sex City, interrupting the journey by stopping and introducing something brand new can be disruptive. Your partner wants to have sex, not talk. Choose an appropriate moment for this conversation: in a hot bath, over dinner with a glass of champagne, or talking in bed. The main thing is that you two are in a good mood and fully present. Everyone is calm, happy, and content.

2. Be open and speak simply with your partner. Do not try to explain your preferences in scientific terms or the words of some famous sexologist. You do not have to defend your sexual preferences to your partner. Just be yourself! If they don’t get it, that’s ok. It’s just a preference, like wanting chocolate ice cream over cookies n cream. Work together to understand each other’s viewpoints.

3. Choose the right tone. The same thing is perceived differently depending on how you say it. When you offer your partner a new sex game or experiment, remember the voice you use should be calm, soothing, and confident. Your partner will be more receptive to your tone, allowing the conversation to go smoothly.

4. When both partners agree to sexual experimentation, you need to clearly discuss the rules in advance. Not during sex, not immediately after sex, but in advance before sex so that each of you knows what your partner is doing and why they are doing it. Describe the process you envision and discuss the desires this satisfies for both of you.

Threesome Sex: How to Bring it up?

Threesomes are very common for couples who have been partnered for some time and have developed healthy communication. The most successful couples have already mastered expressing their sexual desires, and both partners are respectful of each other’s fantasies. If you and your partner do not have a foundation for solid trust and intimacy, a threesome should be a fantasy put off for a later time. Remember, it can be important to share fantasies with your Lover without acting on them as you grow together. You can share the dream of the fantasy without immediately putting it into action. This builds up the relationship so you can work toward that experience together one day.

It is important to define the boundaries of who both partners feel comfortable inviting in for the threesome. For example, do you want it to be a one-night stand? A friend? A cute acquaintance? Realize that you or your partner may or may not want to see the person again after the act, so how does this play into your fantasy? What boundaries do you need to protect and prioritize the relationship for more sexual exploration for years to come?

But be aware of group sex with your friends! On the one hand, the idea of inviting friends into your bed can be comforting because of the established trust already present. On the other hand, an experience of this magnitude may change the dynamics of a friendship forever.

What Can Help You Discuss Kink?

If it’s too awkward to start talking about kink out of nowhere, you can give signs. For example, find a movie where a scene shows what you want to try in sex and watch it with your partner. You can find out about each other’s preferences in a game format. For example, make a list with different sexual desires, fill it out, and check what your partner chose.

Another way to scout the situation is to ask your partner what they masturbate to or imagine when they caress themselves. You can agree to masturbate in front of each other to encourage intimacy and pleasure.

All of these tricks are meant to show people that talking only makes sex better. This will make it easier for them to talk about it later. If partners cannot understand their desires or accept each other’s needs, it is worth contacting a specialist. Sex therapists and couples therapists can provide the guidance and structure needed to get your relationship to the next sexy level.

What Kind of Reaction to Expect?

There is no one-size-fits-all piece of advice or magic phrases for talking about kink. However, there are general principles that should be adhered to when discussing such sensitive topics.

Abandon Gender Stereotypes

Good sex is the responsibility of both partners. The conversation starts with the one who needs it more and not who supposedly should take the initiative.

Don’t wait!

Don’t wait for your partner to figure it out. People often expect their partners to guess what they want. However, nobody can read minds. Tell them what you want and give them a chance to explore.

Calling a Spade a Spade

To make it easier for partners to understand each other, you need to speak directly. The phrase “press harder on my clit” sounds much clearer than “I want more.”

Don’t Criticize

Most people are already embarrassed to talk about sex, so you shouldn’t create additional stress. If Your partner tells you about a certain activity different from your preferred one, don’t criticize. Criticism and “yucking their yum” will only lead to more communication hesitancy.

Focus Needs

Focus not only on your own needs but also on the needs of your partner. Healthy relationships require communication and reciprocity. You can ask your partner what position they like best, what they fantasize about, and what they would like to try. But be prepared for no’s. No one is obliged to do what they do not like and just because your partner does not like something doesn’t mean they do not like you.

Bring Each other to the Same Table

If you can present your kink desires in such a way that your partner perceives them as their own, then both of you will win. While entering this territory, you need to be aware that there is always a risk. The fear of misunderstanding might be holding you back, but your partner might be up for the kinky stuff you want to do with them. But first, you need to tell them this.

If you are worried that your kink ideas might enrage or make your partner hostile towards you, then that partner might not be with the right one for you. So don’t refuse to talk about it, and don’t withhold information from your partner. If you think that your partner’s ideas about intimacy are fundamentally different than yours, you need to:

  • Discuss this with your partner, which means expressing your thoughts and emotions, and checking if you have some common ground. 
  • Ask yourself if this is the right relationship for you?

The Bottom Line

Remember, silence about your kink(s) fences you off from unforgettable orgasms. Perhaps your partner also has a couple fantasies that they are afraid to admit. Be bold! Your life, your sex, your orgasms, and your pleasures depend on you. You create your own life, and you should not be ashamed of yourself!

If you want to explore more about kink, you can visit our blog to read out similar articles. You can also connect with other like-minded individuals in the Meet Others section.

Kink Apps and Fascinating Reasons People Are Drawn to Them

We believe the mind is a sex organ, and pleasing it requires a little imagination.

Before considering why people like kink apps, you first need to understand the term “kink.” Centuries ago, perversion meant everything that the church did not accept, but the view on this concept changed over time. Many people believed that kink is to have sex for your pleasure and not for the sake of childbirth. 

But with the development of civilization and science, the concept of sexual perversion is no longer condemned if it does not contradict the law and does not harm others. 

Before Kink Apps, Kink was Considered Perverted

In modern times, there is a specific concept of “norms” in sexual relations between people. What is a perversion for some is an ordinary sex life for others. Regular sex can be just foreplay of the genitals and other body parts that bring pleasure and direct sexual intercourse between mature people with mutual consent. Anything that crosses these “norms” is considered a perversion.

According To Sexologists, the Following Practices Are Perverted: 

  • Masochism is the enjoyment of pain caused by another person. This pain can be through lashes, spanking, strangulation, hot wax dripping on the body, binding, and subsequent numbness of the limbs. Masochism, in some cases, can be much more, which brings discomfort and pain for most people.
  • Sadism is the enjoyment of hurting another person. These are often similar methods of inflicting pain as in masochism but more brutal and may lead to injury. 
  • Transvestism is the pleasure of dressing up in women’s clothes. Sexologists attribute this type of perversion more to a violation of psychological functions and self-perception.
  • Fetishism is pleasure causes by an object directly or indirectly related to the sexual sphere. It emerges of sexual desire and satisfaction during contact with inanimate items such as panties, shoes, and much more). 
  • Exhibitionism is the pleasure of showing your naked body to another person without his consent. 
  • Voyeurism is the pleasure of looking at a naked person without their consent. This kink is on the verge of breaking the law. A great example of this is when a voyeur records a video of an underage person.

There are many sexual kinks on kink apps that have not received much study but are nevertheless widespread.

Different Kinks Found on Kink Apps: 

  • Fisting is the penetration into the genitalia or anal opening with the fingers or a fist.
  • Urophilia is a sexual pleasure urinating on a partner or from a partner.
  • Coprophilia is sexual arousal and satisfaction from manipulation with partner’s feces.
  • Enema is getting sexual pleasure by injecting liquid or medical suppositories into the rectum.
  • Necrophilia is a sexual attraction to corpses and performing sexual acts with them.
  • Exaudirism is the uncontrollable desire of a person to listen to someone else’s sexual intercourse.
  • Acrotomophilia is a fetish from which a person derives sexual pleasure or arousal from having intercourse with or sexually fantasizing to an amputee.

The listed above are only a few of the many kinks on every kink apps. 

What Does Science Say About Kink? 

At this stage of studying this topic, scientists have not reached a consensus that can induce a person to engage in atypical sex drive and behaviors. There are a number of the most common causes that lead to such kinks. Let’s take a closer look at this:

Hormonal Disruptions in the body and Various Genetic Abnormalities

  • All kinds of birth trauma can disrupt the work of the brain 
  • Hereditary factors: There is an opinion that attraction to various sexual deviations transmits at the genetic level. Still, at the present stage of science, it is not a proven fact. 

A Negative Environment of Upbringing and Psychological Trauma

  • A hostile environment can create the desire for either submission or domination over your partner.
  • Deep psychological trauma. Late separation of the child from the mother is a psychological trauma variant. This trauma leads to dire consequences such as a complete failure in social relationships, peer relationships do not work out for one reason or another, and the child does not fit into society. It can lead to a misunderstanding of sexual relations, leading to various sexual deviations, such as the pleasure of peeping or eavesdropping on someone, to multiple types of fetishes. 

Disruption of the Endocrine System and Delayed Sexual Development

Disruption of the endocrine system creates delayed sexual development and the absence or delayed receipt of sex education. It could cause a person to confuse themselves as a sexual partner and the role of sex in their lives.

Abuse 

  • Abuse from certain types of psychotropic and narcotic substances: Being under various psychotropic substances leads to an impediment of social intelligence, which leads to the emergence of perverse sexual inclinations.
  • Certain types of psychological disorders, such as manic-depressive syndrome and schizophrenia: The most common causes of kinks, for this reason, create an obsession with sexual experience and pleasure. For example, you are having sex only with virgins or desire a sexual affair with animals. The most common results of this are the manifestation of desires in sadism and masochism. 

Many kinks, desires, and fantasies resulting from those mentioned earlier and other factors do not deviate from the norm. We should consider these kinks as usual as long as they don’t harm and violate the law.

So if you get absolute pleasure from your desires and kinky fantasies, then take pride in your kink! Everyone needs sexual satisfaction. Scientists have proven that a person who is satisfied with their sex life has better mental health.

Take care of your psychological and physical health; do not give up the desire to be kinky. Join our community to meet more kinksters like you! Join Foxtail now!

Discussing Kink: 3 Steps To Bring up Kink To Your Partner

Kink is one of those topics that can be uncomfortable to talk about with your partner, right? You may find it embarrassing to bring up the subject even when you are trying to seduce them. However, since you really want to learn how to talk kink with your partner, here are three straightforward steps that can help you.

1. Open up and talk about kink with confidence

Both you and your partner must be comfortable talking about kink with each other. If you can’t be comfortable with your partner who else will you be comfortable with? While there is no right or wrong way to talk about kink, a few tricks can kick you off. Once you have mastered these techniques, you will know how to talk kink with confidence. The first thing to talk about is what kind of kink you are comfortable with discussing. This means that you need to tell your partner if you want them to wear a t-shirt that says “bondage,” “wet dream,” or similar phrases. Maybe something a bit more extreme like needle play. If you do not know what your type is yet, that’s okay. You can ask your partner for help as you explore your options. Once you realize what works for you, you can begin to discuss what kind of clothing or role-playing activities you would like to engage in with your partner.

2. Talk about situations that might trigger kink fantasies

Everyone with a kink has their own triggers. For instance, your partner loves to make love as a couple but feels trapped in the matrimonial bed. You can talk about ways to make them more physically vulnerable. You might want to float the idea of having sex on the kitchen counter, while you make them a snack. If your partner is okay with it, discuss how you might explore the different positions that turn you on. A change in environment and thinking outside the norm may be what you need.

3. Acknowledge your own sexuality

Although this is the third point, it is the most important step. Both you and your partner must be comfortable with each other’s sexuality and your own. Being comfortable with each other’s sexuality is very important because of the many kinky sexual fantasies and practices that people may be unaware of. When you and your partner are comfortable with each other’s sexuality, you will be able to discuss kink more comfortably.


One of the biggest problems people have when talking about kink is they get defensive. This can come up whenever you feel that your partner is uncomfortable with their own sexuality. Instead of talking about kink with your partner, you could first start by getting used to talking about kink yourself. In other words, if you find that your partner is uncomfortable with talking about kink, consider simply not mentioning it directly. Example: “how do you feel about being choked, does it excite you?” However, this may backfire if you and your partner are not open to discussing your sex lives. Remember, there is no shame in acknowledging your own sexuality. After all, your sexuality is important to your relationship, so it would be a good idea to at least try to talk about kink.

Finally


By learning how to talk kink with your partner, you will both experience more open and honest communication within the relationship. Who wouldn’t want that? This is important because it can help to foster a more loving and understanding relationship. When you talk about kink with your partner, make sure not to come across as insecure. This is why it is very important to accept yourself before bringing up the topic to your partner. Don’t pressurize them either. This can come up because you are projecting your insecurities on your partner. Instead, be open and honest with one another and yourself about your own experiences with kink and how you can help your partner experience kink.

That’s it from me. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. If you and your partner talk about kink comfortably, we’d love to know how you got to this point. Leave a comment below on how you brought the topic up for discussion. Sign up on Foxtail to have discussions with people with the same kink interests as you.

For more on this checkout: Discuss Kink With Your Partner 101: The Essential Guide