BDSM And Abusive Relationships: What Are The Differences?

There’s a fine line between BDSM and an abusive relationship and drawing that line can be confusing. People often ask the difference between a BDSM relationship and an abusive one. They may be surprised to learn that there are many. Do you want to find out whether a relationship involving BDSM is abusive? Read on.

Abusive BDSM Relationship

Abuse in a BDSM relationship is possible. It can include a high level of physical violence and/or verbal abuse. Examples of physical violence are slapping, hitting, or even using a broken piece of glass as a weapon. Examples of verbal abuse are put-downs, insults, and blaming the other person. BDSM can lead to this if boundaries are not and consent is thrown out of the window just because it is “meant to be’ violent.

For instance, one might tell their partner that they wished their partner was dead or injured. Other forms of abuse are death threats or threats of bodily harm. We can guarantee you that these are not part of BDSM. Eventually, this can force victims to hide in fear, relocate or leave their place of employment.

Physical Contact in Abusive Relationships vs BDSM

Physical intimacy is about touch and conveys the intentions of a connections in ways that words can not describe. Physical contact can occur in a BDSM relationship but is not the same as having sex. The people who are involved discuss consent and rules concerning physical contact on the first date. Then once they agree, physical contact can take place. But, this does not mean that all physical contact in a BDSM relationship will be non-sexual. Many people who practice BDSM enjoy making love or performing kinky sex which includes role-playing and erotic touching.

Other types of abuse in BDSM relationship

Can one person in a BDSM relationship verbally and emotionally abuse the other? Could a BDSM relationship turn into an abusive one? The answer to both questions is yes. If a BDSM couple is always angry and blaming each other then abuse could happen. Be careful about how you speak to your partner and take into account their feelings before saying anything to them. Have you heard the saying, be kind to others always for you know not the battles they fight? You’d rather hid to it lest someone unleashes their frustration on you!

The first image shows how BDSM moves from consent to aftercare. Communication, constant check-ins, and agreement ensure that players respect boundaries and each other.

The second image shows the cycle from setup and planning to guilt. The honeymoon and excuses lure the victim into a false sense of security. One has to be careful about what they choose to believe.

There are set rules in BDSM, even though the reasons for playing differ. Some couples practice BDSM because they feel neglected and sexually frustrated. Others feel they cannot please their partners because of physical limits.

Some women find sexual activities traumatic. Yet, they seek them out to escape from life problems. Note that the activities can still be abusive, especially if they are not consensual or take place in a public space.

BDSM players must set their limits, agree on safety, and then explore situations with one another. Good communication is the difference between BDSM and abusive relationships.

In conclusion…

BDSM players use the motto ‘safe, sane, and consensual’ to describe suitable actions for sexual encounters that have violence. They reach consent through the use of long dialogues, agreed-on checklists, and safe words.

The best way to avoid an abusive scenario is to make sure that partners understand the difference between the two. Both partners should draw lines where needed and respect each other’s boundaries.

Finally, what do you do if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship? Stop, immediately. Leave the relationship. Find new people who respect your boundaries. Share this article to raise awareness and help people know more about the difference between BDSM and abuse.

Sign up on Foxtail to share your experience on BDSM and abusive relationships or to have conversations with others concerning this topic. We are not limited to one particular topic. There is a variety to choose from to satisfy your kinky needs.

All About Mental Health in BDSM Dating

BDSM dating can have an effect on a person’s mental health. To understand, you must first understand what BDSM is.

What is BDSM Dating?

BDSM dating refers to dating in a subculture based on various rules and restrictions related to the interactions between people to meet sexual needs. BDSM stands for bondage, sadism, masochism, domination, and submission.

These concepts comprise three relationship pairs: BD – bondage and discipline, DS – Dominant- submissive, and SM – sadomasochism.

In general terms, BDs are time-limited sessions with a variety of practices and strict delineation of roles. Fixation, sensory deprivation, role-playing – all this refers to the BD. But, as a rule, this type of relationship with role-playing games and educational programs doesn’t go beyond the bedroom.

DS assumes a prolonged transfer of power over all or (more often) some areas of life. Example: The big boss of the house is subordinate to his wife in everything, including the need to wear thongs with flowers and go to the gym. Submission and domination can be both in the bedroom and extended a lifetime.

SM is a painful stimulus to get pleasure. The sadist likes to torture, and the masochist enjoys to suffer.

The main thing to understand is the fundamental principles of BDSM; without rules, it can turn from an exciting game into ordinary violence.

A basic rule of BDSM is SSC which means Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

How do you interpret SSC in BDSM?


All parties involved will make every effort to preserve their physical and mental health.

Sometimes it is complicated to avoid injuries: ropes pinch nerves, and blood vessels, games with breathing are fraught with suffocation, illiterate flogging leads to skin damage and internal organs. Thus, the main thing that a sane sadist starts with is the study of anatomy and safety.

Sane = MIND.

Life is not limited to games, and the participants in the process are adequate. This means you must have responsibility for what is happening, even if you are in a lower role. For example, the principle of safety in SM is impracticable without a sober assessment of one’s own capabilities, regular monitoring of health status, and informing a partner about all potential problems.

Consensual = VOLUNTARY

Everything that happens, even the most painful and disgusting, happens according to an active and unequivocally expressed desire. This is one of the reasons why session scripts and practices are discussed in detail in advance. Otherwise, there can always be reticence, and game violence will turn into reality.

Who likes BDSM?

When psychologists began to study natural BDSM dating communities, a lot of exciting things turned out. People who practice BDSM are psychologically healthier than those around them. Typically they are more extroverted, more open to new experiences, less neurotic, and less prone to a range of mental disorders, for example, from depression to anxiety, paranoia, and (surprise!) pathological sadism.

According to various estimates, 20% of the world’s population is inclined to BDSM. These people use bondage, masks, and blindfolds. Unlike paraphilias like fetishism, BDSM attracts both women and men equally. Participation in BDSM, as a rule, does not cover the experience of childhood trauma and violence.

BDSM practices do not interfere, and in some cases, even help establish close and trusting relationships between partners.

Most people view BDSM as reckless, dangerous, and unhealthy, a phenomenon whose representatives are allegedly mentally ill people. However, this is actually not the case: BDSM is just a sexual preference that can benefit health.

BDSM Dating and Mental Health

Recent research on BDSM and its effects on the body has shown excellent results. Scientists find no evidence of harm caused by the psychosocial subculture of BDSM, but they are finding that it does have health benefits.

Funny games of dominance and submission

How do BDSM practices affect the psyche?

In addition, researchers note that such practices can have a stimulating effect on self-awareness. For example, they connect the practice and mindfulness meditation, known to have beneficial effects on mental and physical health and reduce anxiety.

Apparently, pain during BDSM practices helps focus attention on the sensations we are experiencing and immerses us in a meditative state and thereby helps to relieve tension.

Studies of people practising light BDSM practices did not reveal they have serious psychological problems. Moreover, in comparison with the control group, many respondents noted a higher level of subjective satisfaction with life. True, we are talking primarily about those who choose the dominant role or switch (they switch between dominant and submissive).

Those in the submissive (i.e., subordinate) position reported less life satisfaction compared to dominant people. This is another reason to always pay attention to the psychological state of the participants in the process – and if the practices are not enjoyable, they should definitely be abandoned.

Games of submission and domination require a certain level of intimacy. The willingness to trust a partner and allow him\her to hurt himself\herself a little (with the ability to stop at the first signal), as expected, increases the level of trust in a stable pair.

A slight fear develops into more excitement and interest in a partner.

How can BDSM help?

Fans of complex games claim that some perversions help eliminate anxiety, momentary worries, an endless stream of thoughts from which the head is spinning.

Playing BDSM games involves the person in specific spaces that affect the person’s state of consciousness.

What is sometimes called the “topspace” is a beautiful place characterized by focused attention, optimal performance, and loss of self-awareness. Try it yourself, see how much you will be focused on your partner and what is happening at the peak of arousal.

According to lovers of kinky sex, the whole room seems to disappear during their pleasures, leaving only the bed. Nevertheless, it is a poignant pleasure.

There is also an alternate state that most people know about as “subspace.” It is a light sense of submission. This condition is characterized by a decrease in pain, tension, and a return to complete peace and serenity.

If you have had problems with your nervous system, BDSM dating can be a pleasant way to relieve symptoms.

Another life hack: if a person suffers from heightened emotionality, spanking can be used for therapeutic purposes. How does it work? Impact pain creates the conditions for emotional release, for example, tears. This can be an effective but temporary solution.

Should you try BDSM? It Depends.

It would be best if you were more honest with yourself. Leave the imposed moral principles, and try for a moment to imagine yourself in the role of master or subordinate. Undoubtedly, many have experienced a slight excitement from just the thought of this, which is not surprising.

A person does not have sex for procreation but for pleasure, so why not get the most of it? Role-playing games, toys from a sex shop, submission, and domination – all this variety in bed will help you get new sensations previously unknown. So when should you try BDSM?

Long-term marriage in which people no longer feel the need to make love. This phenomenon is widespread everywhere, and it’s just that people have become boring to each other.

Lack of sex leads to moral and physical dissatisfaction, quarrels begin, and just everyday life becomes monotonous. To get a taste of life again, try BDSM.

Dissatisfaction with regular sex. Many people complain that they are not satisfied with the sex. So, it’s time not just to change the position but sexual intercourse as a whole.

As we have already found out, BDSM allows you to get more aroused and get more pleasure from sex than an ordinary act.

Stress and depression will go away if you use BDSM. Partners will be able to throw out negative energy during dominance and submission. By the way, the role doesn’t matter – dominants and submissives alike get rid of negativity, and gain pleasure.

So, what does BDSM mean?

This is a standard sexual practice used by many couples (polls have confirmed). So, nearly all people cannot have mental disorders (right?), which means that it is simply stupid to classify BDSM as a perversion. You have to ignore public opinion and give your desires to the fullest.

I recommend that you try this practice for a variety of relationships and mental relaxation. First, however, it is worth remembering a vital rule, BDSM is based on the voluntary consent of all parties involved.

To prepare for such an experience, resolve to participate and not be influenced by a partner. For more on the fun part of BDSM check out our post on “What make BDSM Fun”.

Kink Dating Apps: 3 Undeniable Ways They Boost Happiness

Kink dating apps help you find other people who are more sex-positive then those you find on other apps. These apps help connect individuals that enjoy engaging in kinky experiences. Finding people who share you erotic interests can be exhausting and sometimes dangerous. By using an app such as Foxtail, you are able to safely find those who share our kinky interests and experience the heights of our sexuality.

Finding someone who understands and accepts you on kink dating apps

Those who participate in a BDSM relationships do so because they find that they enjoy a power exchange dynamic on a sexual level. Kinksters in general are more of an accepting group of people. Due to the fact kink involves others, you will soon find there are a plethora of communities that will accept you.

The best way to find people who will help you experience the kind of kinks your prefer is to be honest. In your profile be as honest and vulnerable as possible. Honesty is sex so you have nothing to lose by bearing it all.

Knowing and accepting yourself in return

Meeting people on kink dating apps can give you that unconditional positive feeling that can changes in your life. Discovering your kink is a great way to overcome any feelings of self-consciousness or shame that you may have. By opening yourself to your true sexual tendencies, you will realize that you want to explore other parts of yourself. BDSM, for example, can improve mental health and leads to feeling more comfortable in your skin.

Taking control over your sexuality

The truth is, any lifestyle change can be good for mental health. There are some areas of BDSM that can provide excellent mental health benefits. When learning how BDSM can improve mental health, keep in mind that the reason people get involved in BDSM is that they want to have power over time and place. While this certainly can lead to some positive mental health benefits this is far from the only reason people participate in BDSM. Many people find it a release or a new path to explore and find that this lifestyle can lead to feelings of empowerment over their sexuality that they may not have had before.

Thus, knowing where to find people for BDSM play becomes crucial in your quest for increased sexual pleasure. You can control what kinds of people you speak to and share with. Controlling your sexuality with the help of a dating app like this ensures you will be able to move at your own speed.

Not sure where to start? As mentioned above, you can find and explore with people with whom you have common interests by signing up on one of the best kink dating apps today. When you decide to explore the exciting world of BDSM, you will find that the benefits can start to take effect almost immediately. <3