How To Be a Sub: 7 Must-Have Aftercare Practices

If you want to be a sub in BDSM (for any long period of time anyway), you should know or learn about aftercare. BDSM aftercare is an essential component of every scene if you want no long-term damages. However, the damage may be less if the session isn’t very intense. Aftercare may help you cope with the long-term repercussions of a traumatic event on your body and mind.

Why is Aftercare Important?

Aftercare helps you reconnect with your partner. You could have felt as if you were in another universe with your partner, or you may have gone deep into your thoughts. Giving or receiving BDSM aftercare may improve your relationship. Because of the popularity of cuddling and eating after a scene, some have dubbed BDSM aftercare “cuddles and carbs.” However, several practices have also proven to be primary or essential BDSM aftercare. Let’s have a look on 7 must-have aftercare practices for a sub.

1. Taking Care of Wounds and Injuries

Although you want to be a sub and put your dom before yourself, remember bruising, lacerations, or other physical traumas require immediate attention. Disinfecting and bandaging surface injuries, spreading soothing creams or ointment on a spanked butt, or using an ice pack to alleviate irritation in any area of the body are all examples of this. In addition, your BDSM aftercare pack should include a first aid kit, which should be kept on standby in case of any accidents during play.

2. Replenishment

Hydration and electrolytes are provided by a glass of water or a bottle of sports drink. If you enjoy it, try a calming tea. Inelastic skin, sunken eyes, a dry mouth, and fast breathing are all signs of dehydration. It’s also a good idea to serve a snack to assist your body to re-balance. To refill natural sugars that may have also been depleted after a scene, the food should be light and healthy, such as bananas or strawberries. Potassium levels may have decreased as well because of dehydration, so salty food might also help. Finally, consider making a smoothie to address both blood sugar and dehydration at the same time. If not possible, eat whatever gives you strength.

3. Physical Contact and Comfort

Depending on your relationship, the amount of physical touch you require or offer as part of aftercare varies. Slow lovemaking appeals to certain people while cuddling appeals to others. A sensual massage may help partners stay connected while also working out muscles that have been sore from intense stimulation during the scene.

Anything that induces orgasm might lift your spirits, which may have been low following the scene. If you’re not a cuddle partner, a warm blanket or soft robe is an easy way to provide aftercare for your partner.  Some people like snuggling in their PJs and slippers, and hugging provides both physical touch and oxytocin stimulation.

4. Sleeply Sub

Sleep is an important part of BDSM aftercare, whether you’re tired from all the hormone activity in your body or just fatigued after a spanking. Some people only require a short sleep (often with their partners), while others require a full night’s (or more) of slumber to allow their bodies to recover and return to normal.

5. Talking and Laughter

Sometimes, when you want to be a sub, aftercare is as simple as talking and having a laugh with your partner after your scene is done. Some individuals take this opportunity to talk about what they enjoyed and what they wish to change about the scene. However, you might want to postpone criticizing right after a scene.

6. Bathing and Beauty Routines

Running a warm bath for your partner (or both of you) might be the ultimate form of aftercare. Turning it into a bubble bath with bath bombs or warm bubbles enhances the atmosphere, and the warm water relaxes tired aching muscles. To help you relax, burn some scented incense or candles. A beauty regimen may also re-stabilize many people. After a shower, redoing your hair or dressing up yourself, or even putting on lotion, might help you achieve the stress response cycle and return to your regular pretty self.

7. Other Relaxing Activities

Any pastime or activity which calms you could be an excellent aftercare approach. It could be reading for some people. Others like coloring because it is both repetitive and relaxing. You could also find that playing video games helps you re-establish your grounding. Those who want to be a sub must know, after a scene, you may also put on some soothing music or watch your favorite movie to unwind. There are no surprises in this situation since you’re familiar with the story, which can be comforting while you settle back down after a scene.

The Bottom Line

Being a sub or dom doesn’t matter in BDSM. You can take any role that appeals you the most. Consent and communication are vital to enjoy any role. So talk to your partner about the aftercare that you want to get after a play.

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BDSM Safe Practices During Scenes

There are risks in BDSM and Kinky Play. There’s no denying or escaping that fact, so this post isn’t about safe sex or the risks associated with certain activities. Instead, it’s about learning safe BDSM practices that guarantee the best experience with this kink play. 

If you are practising BDSM with informed consent and have the appropriate knowledge, you can co-create your desired scene. At times you will be pushing your body to its limits, and it is essential to be fully aware of what that means for you and your play partners. 

In BDSM, safety is a priority and should be the first topic to discuss before play can begin. SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) and RACK  (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) are two acronyms in BDSM that refer to principles required for safety. It is inferred in BDSM that you will be doing things considered risky so when we are talking about safety in BDSM we mean “as safe as can be in a precarious situation.” These two mantras are well-known in the community and serve as a guideline for determining whether or not a particular activity is safe and agreed-upon.

Let’s learn what practices can ensure safety in BDSM play.

Safe Words Ensure BDSM Safety During Scenes

Safe Word is a word or a short phrase a person in a BDSM or play scene uses if the scenario becomes too intense. It is a crucial element of BDSM safe practices during play. A safeword is a phrase or word that is used to stop play immediately. It can be used if a scene/play/activity participant has been injured, is uneasy, overwhelmed, or emotionally troubled. Trauma and unexplored emotions can be triggered by intense play.

The sight of a male chastity device may be enough to push some people over the limit. Also, sometimes one of the partners may awaken intense and sometimes uncomfortable emotions or experiences during a scene. Those kinds of experiences must be dealt with before proceeding.

Short and Simple Safe Words

A safeword should be short. It shouldn’t be hard to recall and pronounce during difficult positions or intense scenes. Also, it shouldn’t be “stop” or “no” because these words are used often. I will add that, whenever playing a role in a scene, “no” is a sign to continue in most cases.

Instead, some individuals prefer the traffic light system, in which “green” means go ahead, “yellow” means pause or slow down, and “red” means stop. It’s critical to keep your safe word short and simple so that you can remember it throughout your BDSM scenario. For many submissives, being in scene provides a natural high.

This is called “subspace,” which may cause you to lose your capacity to communicate. You may also use a safe action like dropping the ball instead of a safe word. It may also be helpful if you can’t make out your safe word because you’re using a ball gag.

Dom can Use Safe Words, Too

If you’re the Dominant partner in a BDSM session, establishing a safe word is also beneficial for you. Typically people think about how intense and possibly painful it can be for the submissive, but the scene can be just as fierce for the Dominant. Contrary to popular belief, both the Dominant and the submissive have control in the scene and both can interrupt the play at any time they need to.

This is why it is crucial to have a safe word or a signal to stop if the Dom(me) needs a break. This can be especially helpful for newer Dom(me)’s who are learning their limits and bounds while leading BDSM scenes.

Physical Safety

In a BDSM scene, physical and emotional safety is paramount when there is the danger of drawing blood, choking, and any other possible bodily injury. It is necessary to provide a quick way out of things in an emergency. Cuffs should have easy access to a key, and heavy-duty scissors are a must.

While pressure is usually enjoyed, be careful not to tie anything too tight as it constricts and stops the circulation. Also, knowing key spots to avoid, like arteries are easily injured places on the body is a must when doing bondage. This is necessary when using restraining tools like rope, cuffs, etc.

Impact toys such as floggers and whips can cause bleeding and compromise BDSM best practices during scenes. Not only should you be concerned about disease transmission via fluids, but you should also consider the possibility of severe accident or injury if you target a body part with insufficient protection. For example, meatier parts like the buttocks and backs of the thighs are good targets, but going for the bare lower back might impair the kidneys.

It would also be best to treat open wounds as soon as possible. Whereas some people enjoy bruises, severe buttock bruises might make it challenging to sit following a scene. Make sure you have the appropriate tools for aftercare: do you need ice after an intense impact scene? Or bandaids for any open wounds?

Important Tip on BDSM

An important BDSM tip is to avoid binding somebody’s neck without the proper tools (like this collar) as this might result in asphyxiation, which was the cause of the death of David Carradine, an actor who was apparently into autoerotic asphyxiation.

If you’re playing with more than one partner, make sure all toys are clean and sterilized. Porous materials like leather may retain germs lasting days. If used on several people, this tends to spread illnesses. On the other hand, some materials you may easily sterilize are glass, steel, plastic, and silicone.

The Final Words

Remember that kinky play can be fun and more enjoyable if followed by BDSM safe practices. Don’t let an avoidable mishap ruin your scene! Read and learn more aspects of BDSM on our site. You can also connect with other like-minded individuals in the Meet Others section.