Kink And Fetishes Ultimate Guide 2022

We don’t know if chains and whips thrill you, but we do know that kink sex may be pretty hot. Because, even if you’ve mastered all 36 positions, imagination and experimentation may keep your sex life feeling new and exciting. A cramp in some part of the body kink intransitive verb Medical Definition of kink. A tight curl, twist, or bend in a length of thin material. So, if you’ve ever considered trying new kinks with people, create a free account on Foxtail. What to dig into kink a bit more first? Keep reading!

What does any kink mean?

Peculiarities of the mind or body: eccentricity, quirks, peculiarities of the mind or body. An inventive method of accomplishing a task.

What exactly qualifies as a kink?

While kink has no medical or scientific definition, it is often defined as any sexual behaviour that defies the norm, including actions like kissing, kissing with a purpose, masturbation, etc. Anything that deviates from the “straight and narrow” might be considered a kink, although there are a few distinct subcategories.

BDSM. Most people associate kink with the acronym BDSM, which stands for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism, all of which fall under the umbrella of kink. BDSM encompasses various activities, from light spanking with a paddle to bondage parties and pain play and dominant/submissive role-playing.

Keeping Kink Safe

There are several things to keep in mind when engaging in kink, even if it’s what you and your partner want, to ensure that your play is safe, pleasurable and positive.

Before engaging in any act, especially your first time, getting your partner’s permission is essential. In the play, as well as when experimenting with dominant/submissive roles or causing pain, communication is crucial.

Kink myths, beliefs, and stereotypes

There are many myths and misunderstandings about kink since we don’t talk about it. Several frequent kink preconceptions need to be dispelled. When you think of BDSM, you might think of handcuffs, blindfolds, and Christian Grey, but the real-life kink world is far more diverse and lively than fiction. Many myths and misconceptions concerning bondage, domination, submission, and masochism.

Kink appeals to both men and women.

Although males are more interested in foot fetish play, while women are more interested in experiencing pain as part of sex, men and women desire to experiment with a kink in the same way, regardless of gender preference.

You don’t need a lot of expensive equipment.

When you think of kink, images of a leather-clad dominatrix holding a matching whip may come to mind. But honestly, all you need is your imagination and a willing companion.

There are indeed stores for those who prefer particular fetishes or want to explore the world more extensively. However, attempting a kink doesn’t require much equipment as playing in your local recreational hockey league. If you’re going to experiment with sensory deprivation or restraints, you don’t need blindfolds or handcuffs – a knot or pillowcase will suffice.

You’ll Want to Try Ideas

Our minds are filled with wild sexual thoughts, but how many dare to bring them to life in our bedrooms? There are numerous ways to change things up if you want to. We’ve compiled a list of the top kink ideas for you to try, ranging from the mild to the wild.

Talk dirty.

It is possible to increase the intensity of your dirty talk by articulating how you feel and directing your audience in the right direction. Whispering about how touch feels or being upfront about what you want may also enhance the experience. Speak shadily.

Experiment with role play.

As one of the most common forms of sex fantasies, role-playing allows you to act in ways you might not be able to do. This liberation is priceless. There’s nothing wrong with playing the part of someone else, whether you’re the boss or the secretary, the patient or the professor.

Play with sex toys.

Stock up on naughty items at a local store or online. Various choices help you get your freak on, from edible underwear to vibrators. You are having trouble figuring out where to begin without being bombarded with ads? We’ll take care of you.

Try new positions.

We all fall into routines, even when making love positions. Shake things up. Need some ideas? We’ve got plenty of suggestions for creative making love positions.

Have some strap-on fun.

Getting a strap-on and penetrating your lover is an entirely new sensation that changes the chemistry and leads to special sessions. Talk to your partner if you like the idea. As usual, honest and healthy communication is essential.

Spank them.

Spanking can be painful. That being said, it’s better not to startle your spouse and ruin the moment with a whop out of nowhere. Give them a quick smack on the buttocks with an open palm the next time you’re having that kind of passionate, animalistic intercourse. If they seem interested, spank them a little more challenging.

Try ultra-relaxing foreplay.

Naked massage is two words for you. We could all use some extra TLC in these stressful times, giving your lover a sensual massage. You only need the lotion you already have by your nightstand for this—and be prepared for things to heat up rapidly.

Ending with Aftercare

Women can experience anxiety, wrath, or motiveless tears even when engaging in non-kink intercourse. It is vital to counteract this with aftercare that includes emotional connection and communication, especially for BDSM.

Custom Made Kink

Kink might look different for everyone, and that’s just great. Exploring kink does not have to begin with purchasing a latex bodysuit and a whip. It could be as simple as trying something new in the bedroom and entering a new world of making love.

The fundamentals of kink are the same as any substantial, long-term relationship: communication, trust, understanding, and patience.

Remember that kink intercourse is what you want it to be.

Kink can appear very differently to various partners, which is fine. Getting into kink doesn’t have to start with purchasing a leather bodysuit and a whip.

If you want to share your kinks with others, create an account Foxtail. Foxtail’s member base is full of kinky people from around the world. Check it out!

BDSM Ultimate Guide 2022

BDSM can be intimidating for newbies, so let’s start with the fundamentals: “BDSM” is an acronym that stands for bondage/discipline, dominance/submission and sadomasochism—the cornerstones of kinky enjoyment.

Welcome to Foxtail, where we will guide you on some of the most used terms in BDSM. If you want to learn more about BDSM, make a free account on Foxtail and meet BDSM-curious and seasoned pros alike.

There’s an entire language for describing consensual power exchange under the BDSM umbrella. Developing this language takes time, experience and practice. There are foundational terms you can start with: words like Top/Bottom, Dominant/Submissive and one of the most important, aftercare. 

A key, often overlooked part of practicing BDSM is providing aftercare for all parties involved. Whether giving or receiving pain, impact play and so on, it requires a lot of energy and effort. At first this can make the participants feel blissful, even high! However when all is said and done, folks can experience a drop from the flooding of pleasurable emotions, called a drop. This is why it is important to not only think about what you’re going to do in scene but also after to provide comfort and appreciation afterwards. 

Dive into the vocabulary that helps describe your kinks and desires. This will help you find what’s out there and communicate clearly with people who want the same things as you so you can make your BDSM fantasies a delicious reality.

What exactly is BDSM?

BDSM is widely misunderstood. Sex is not always a part of practicing and playing with BDSM, however it is typically seen as erotic – regardless of if there is sex.  Sometimes people mistakenly claim that BDSM is abusive or wrong, however if practiced properly then it is completely consensual and safety considerations are paramount, even if people are doing risky things like knife play or bondage.

BDSM plays with power, control, submission and Dominance. Participants often enjoy a wide range of sensations exploring the relationship to giving or receiving pleasure and pain or being restricted or even controlling another person. 

Because so much of our lives are controlled, it’s excellent for many people to surrender their power and be taken control of. Consider this: External pressures determine your employment schedule, rent payments, and (ugh) taxes. BDSM provides a world of freedom to play, experiment, and let someone else take the reins. On the other hand, if you like to be in charge, you can call the shots and fully take control in a scene (consensually of course).

If you’re new to BDSM, it can be difficult to envisage it as anything other than a Red Room (thanks, Fifty Shades) with chains and whips to excite you. And while props are frequently used in practice, they are not necessary straight away. Instead, at the beginning, take things slowly discussing what sensations and scenes you imagine enjoying, until you figure out what BDSM looks like for you and your partner(s) because someone else’s approaches may not be right for you.

The BDSM Spectrum

Approximately half of the general population has participated in BDSM-related behaviours at least once. There is a wide range of ways to experience BDSM, from light, gentle play to supreme domination and inflicting pain. The beauty of BDSM is exploring what might be right for you.

BDSM is shrouded in stigma

There is a particular stigma around BDSM. This is because in pop culture associating sexuality with pain, power show, and humiliation rather than romance and tenderness is seen as “messed up” or taboo. Nonetheless, ancient cultures accepted the use of physical and mental pain play in an erotic setting considerably more than current western society.

This stigma can result in folks feeling anxious or secretive about disclosing their BDSM interest or lifestyle. This stigma also stops the spread of accurate and helpful information, which sometimes leads people to participating in acts that are dangerous because they do not fully understand the risks. This is why education, awareness and community are highly important! You would probably be surprised to know many more people are curious about BDSM than you realize! Join Foxtail to find curious BDSM goers like you.  It is a totally valid, human desire that should not be supressed or shamed.

Psychological aspects

BDSM can actually have beneficial psychological effects for it’s participants, contrary to much of the stigma that it might inflict more harm. One of the foundational practices of BDSM is consent: communicating boundaries, desires and hard limits clearly and having those limits respected. Much of life is inflicted upon us or out of our control so experiencing pleasure, surrender and/or power in a safe environment can be protective and even repair past traumas for participants – if practiced properly! Make sure you’re clearly communicating with your play partners, check out our Blog for more resources on how to do this.

Safety advise and special considerations.

It is critical that BDSM includes consent. Partnerships must ensure that everyone gives an enthusiastic YES  and establishes clear limits. Formal agreements, verbal agreements, and informal dialogues about desires and restrictions can all be used to create these boundaries. Because of the intensity of some BDSM scenes, it is imperative to agree on a Safe Word and Safe Signal before play. A safe word is a verbal cue while a safe signals should be determined if you’re participating in play that might surpress use of the voice – for example if you’re using a ball gag. 

A popular system to use is Red-Green-Yellow, like a stoplight. Red means hard stop, Green is all good to go and yellow means slow down.

Why does BDSM feel good?

Consider athletes who push the limits of their physical comfort to achieve runner’s highs or those who seek thrill through risky sports like skydiving. Consider how much joy a spicy food enthusiast feels when a pepper bite causes their lips to erupt or how terrified they feels when riding a rollercoaster or watching a horror film. BDSM is a similar stretching of your limits and experiencing a rush of accomplishment: whether that be tying someone up or receiving a flogging.

How to Practice BDSM?

You can begin by experimenting with some novel applications of BDSM. Some experts recommend taking lessons or reading books for intense erotic activities as safety is paramount. Some actions are dangerous and could result in injury if not properly safeguarded. Check out videos online, read more on our Blog and chat with season pros on Foxtail to get a taste of what’s out there.

Due to the intensity of some scenes and the sensitivity required to create them, it is critical that each person involved feels at ease and can completely express their wishes, limits, boundaries, and anything else they think is necessary to disclose.

Roleplaying with BDSM: The Possibilities Are Endless

Role playing is a popular aspect of BDSM. People are able to embody different characteristics and express themselves in ways that might be outside of their typical personality. For example, some women who embody the traditional nurturing feminine role in their day to day life can find great enjoyment in being a fierce and punishing Domme with her eager submissive. It’s quite common to find high powered, wealthy men as devoted submissives, releasing control and abandoning all of their accomplishments once they enter a scene with their Mistress.

Another way role play might show up is in power exchange scenes where there is a story playing out such as a (always consensual) kidnapping, blackmail situation, affair, or religious ritual. These storylines and the acts going on in these stories are pre-agreed by the participants. This is part of what makes BDSM taboo: the ability to explore the desires most feel embarassed or confused by.

What is the role of BDSM Sex in Relationships?

As mentioned before, BDSM and sex are not mutually exclusive. A BDSM scene or partnership does not require sex to be valid, however many times the scenes and fantasies the players are exploring are erotic in nature – even if there is no sex. The players in the scenes get to decide if they want to participate in sex acts and which ones. Part of the beauty of BDSM and why it can be healing for some, is because it builds intimacy without the implied pressure for sex. People can experience pleasure, closeness and bonding with another person without feeling forced to trade sex for the experience. That being said, there is no shame is having sex with your BDSM partner. You get to choose your own adventure!

BDSM and the law: What you need to know

Different states have different rules about various acts that you might find in BDSM. This also contributes to the behind-closed-doors nature of BDSM. Check out the laws and restrictions in your specific state and make sure wherever you are participating in BDSM it is out of sight from children and minors. Even if there is consent between two adults, authorities still may have grounds to interrupt, so make sure you’re playing in safe spaces. 

Types of BDSM

There is a vast array of BDSM acts you can play with. BDSM can use pain and humiliation or role-play scenarios of dominance or submission. On the other hand BDSM can be centered around light sensation play or even rewards for chores in the forms of spankings. The world of BDSM is your oyster, so don’t be shy to be creative!

Bondage play

Bondage is a BDSM activity in which instruments restrain one participant during sexual interaction. The most frequent restraints are rope, leather straps, bondage tape, ties, handcuffs, spreader bars, ball gags, blindfolds, and chains. These restrictions are intended to limit the subject’s senses or freedom of movement to place control in the hands of the other partner and increase trust. While in bondage, the Top can decide how to illicit different sensations in their partner: from tickling them with a feather to scratching them with spiked wheels. Some folks enjoy sensory deprivation where they are in complete bondage and cannot move, usually with their eyes and ears covered as well. 


The dominating partner establishes rules that the submissive partner must follow in the disciplinary aspect of BDSM. These regulations can be sexual or implicitly erotic. If the submissive partner violates a rule, the dominant partner will impose punishment, including withholding pleasure, inflicting pain, or imposing new regulations. In disciplinary roleplay, both partners get satisfaction in playing with power and control.

Dominance and submission

Dominance and submission are concerned with exchanging power and energy between partners. During a given interaction, one person generally dominates the other physically, cognitively, emotionally, or sexually. Switches are practitioners who enjoy switching between dominant and submissive positions in a relationship or experiencing a power exchange in a single encounter.


Sadomasochism is a form of BDSM in which individuals receive pleasure and an endorphin surge from inflicting or receiving pain. Sadists are people who take pleasure in inflicting this suffering, while masochists take pleasure in experiencing it.

What about Shibari?

Shibari is simply tying up a person for aesthetic purposes—perhaps in a gorgeous or elaborate design, usually with some rope. While Shibari is most commonly employed as a demonstration of skill and creativity, it has also been traditionally utilised as meditation, relaxation, and trust-building practice between two people.

Tell me the purpose of Shibari?

Shibari promotes self-care, self-love, self-confidence, self-exploration, and positive bodily qualities like empathy and attunement. Partners frequently describe this as “deepening their intimacy with one another and forming a stronger bond.” It can also be a way to push the rope bottom’s (persona being tied) limits by holding positions for longer than is comfortable while being tied. Upon being untied, the rope bottom or rope bunny may feel a rush of relief and relaxation from stretching out of their comfort zone.

Tell me the benefits of BDSM?

More people, including scholars, are recognising the advantages of BDSM. It can assist in relieving stress and even establishing trust in relationships, for example.

Stress Levels Reduced

According to some studies, partaking in BDSM practices might cause biological responses similar to the serenity you might feel after or after a fulfilling yoga session or the “runner’s high” you receive from intensive cardio. These exercises can lessen the amount of cortisol (also known as the stress hormone) in your body.

Lowering cortisol helps us feel better mentally and it can also improve our physical health. Lower cortisol levels protect us from health problems, such as high blood pressure, weakened immunity, and insulin resistance.

Improves Mental Health International Society for Sexual Medicine researchers undertook a study to explicitly analyse the mental well-being of those who like participating in BDSM. They did so by examining the essential personality qualities of each individual.

These characteristics included their attachment styles in relationships, general well-being, and how sensitive they were to rejection compared to a control group.

Increases Trust

In addition to improving your overall communication skills, those who use BDSM with their long-term partners generally report a greater sense of trust.

Improved Communication Skills

While some may believe the opposite, discussing parts of BDSM with your spouse can improve your sexual relationship and bring you closer together.

How many people practise BDSM?

About 47 percent of men and women fantasise about dominating sexually, whereas somewhat more females and slightly fewer guys feel intimidated. According to the survey, over 47 percent would like to have a different sexual experience, and 34 per cent have done so in the past. It’s no wonder that when you search for “BDSM” on Google, this page receives over 500 million hits.

The importance of communication, consent and using safe words

How can someone striking you not be considered a crime? It is the strength of acceptance. “Anthropologists frequently consider the importance of consent as dependent on the subject’s observed behavioural indications of curiosity or willingness.” “The BDSM community goes a step farther, needing both explicit and tacit agreement.”

The history of BDSM

Suprisingly, the church is a big part of the history of BDSM. In the 10th Century, monks participated in the practice of self-flagilation as a way to show their devotion to God. Little did they know, they were also receiving an extreme endorphin release making them enter into a blissful state, often receiving “holy visions.”

Throughout the ages you can see instances of people coming together in groups to participate in rituals that might inflict pain, bloodshed and group sex as acts of service and devotion to the Divine. 

How can you safely try Kink at home?

Before you dive into the world of kinky sex activities, here are a few things you should know:

  • Conduct research to discover more about what you or your partner want. The more you know, the better you can communicate.
  • Given the kink world’s extremes, do things slowly to avoid feeling scared and prepare yourself step by step.
  • Communicate your kinky wants clearly to your partner(s) and ensure that you have their permission, and vice versa.
  • It might not be exactly what you envisioned in your thoughts the first time, but that’s fine. There’s a difference between fantasy and reality, and that’s ok! It’s important to learn to adjust expectations so you can truly enjoy yourself. 

Responding to a ‘no’ or ‘stop.’

You can always greet the rejection or stop with thanks and acceptance when someone sets a boundary. The exploration of limits in sexual imagining is intensely personal and susceptible to individual tastes.

Consent should be freely given and reversible at any time. Many people believe that you agree until it’s done if you consent, but that’s not the case. Consent is always revokable, no matter the circumstance. Learning to accept a no gracefully is key if you are to be a trustworthy and reliable BDSM play partner. 

Final take

BDSM can help you become a better communicator and advocate for your own needs. You can gain confidence while feeling vulnerable when playing and practicing BDSM. 

You’re in charge of your BDSM ship, and that’s a massive part of its appeal. It’s up to you how it looks and what you hope to get from it. Don’t be fooled into thinking differently by mainstream culture.

If you want to make friends in the BDSM scene, visit Foxtail. Foxtail is a sex-positive social network with members worldwide. Don’t be shy it’s free to join.

Why Do People Practice Pain as a Form of Pleasure

Either severe or damaging stimuli can cause pain. The International Society of Pain describes pain as an unpleasant sensation that can cause the same or similar symptoms as a physical injury or other bodily or emotional tissue damage. Pain is a sign of underlying issues in a medical diagnosis. Pain pushes people to leave traumatic situations to protect and heal injured body parts.

We make a difference between good pain and bad pain. Bad pain indicates that something is not right, something we have to pay instant attention to. Then there’s good pain which is enjoyable.

For example, when the shoulder starts pulling during bondage, that’s potentially unsafe, so we release it.” For human beings, then, it appears that pain and pleasure have always been intertwined.

This article explores the reasons why people engage in BDSM and its benefits. To meet others who know more about pain and any related BDSM topic check out Foxtail.


It has always been assumed that pleasure can lead to healthy behaviour, whereas pain has always had the opposite impact. Evidence in both the pain research area reveals anatomical subtypes of pain and satisfaction share extensive similar traits. Recent animal research demonstrated that opioids and dopamine could modulate pleasure and pain. Understanding how pain-based rewards interact with one another is critical for reducing stress and boosting general well-being.

In this environment, the pain might induce altered states of consciousness that are comparable to those experienced during mindfulness meditation. Understanding the methods through which pain can be experienced as pleasure helps to demystify and, hopefully, destigmatize the role of pain in BDSM.

Pain and pleasure

Pain and happiness, theorists thought, where two ends of a spectrum of emotions. Evidence substantially supports the neurochemical links in neurotransmitter pathways that alter sensation and enjoyment.

BDSM is about more than just suffering. Many people indulge in BDSM for mental stimulation. Dominant and submissive dynamics allow us to perform roles that we would not be able to play otherwise. Participating in a BDSM is also an excellent method to release pent-up feelings like tension.

Pain and pleasure share the same neurobiology.

The limbic and prefrontal regions of the brain — the exact parts stimulated by passionate love affairs and music. It’s a post-pain surge akin to the high of morphine or heroin, which connect to the opioid receptors in the brain. Runners get a rush after a long run, but what happens in the brain?

Pain and pleasure are potent motivators of behaviour and have long been opposed. Emerging evidence from the pain and reward study disciplines suggests that the anatomical bases of painful and pleasant feelings are strikingly similar. Recent molecular imaging and animal investigations have shown that the opioid and dopamine systems are essential in controlling pain and pleasure. Understanding the mutually inhibiting effects of pain and reward processing on one another and the brain mechanisms underlying such modulation is critical for reducing unnecessary suffering and promoting well-being.

We know that pain and pleasure are mainly based on research with rats and primates. An electrode is inserted during Deep Brain Stimulation surgery using a stereotactic frame. Deep brain stimulation is performed. Deep brain stimulation is the electrical stimulation of deep brain structures through electrodes implanted in the brain. On the other hand, the experimenters observed activity in an area that generally responds to rewards such as money, lovely food, and sex. The nucleus accumbens is located closer to the front of the brain than the previously identified pain sensors.

Painful pleasures and pleasurable pleasures

What was your most recent scream? This was my last stay in a hotel room in France. When the big day arrived, I packed the baggage and tried to unplug the plug. It was lent to me by an upscale hotel, and it is ugly and has metal prong holes at random places that I must have messed up because it left me flat on my back and shaking. The body’s cry is excruciatingly painful. Surprisingly, the reverse of pain emerges in us: deep satisfaction, pleasant surprise, and intense delight. Are you familiar with videos of Beatles fangirls at concerts? The children screamed a lot.

When we are in pain, we shout. But, strangely, we also scream for the polar opposite of pain: extreme pleasure, happy surprise, and immense excitement. Have you seen the movies of 1960s fangirls in the presence of the Beatles? They practically scream. When we are in pain, we shout. But, strangely, we also cry for the polar opposite of pain: extreme pleasure, happy surprise, and immense excitement. Have you seen the movies of 1960s fangirls in the presence of the Beatles? They practically scream.

Involvement of dopamine and opioids in pleasure and discomfort

The ventral tegmental region (VTA) and substantial neurons that project to the ventral striatum compose the mesolimbic dopamine pathway. This mechanism mediates pleasure and goal-directed movement in response to rewarding inputs. However, while dopamine is necessary for reward processing, it is now apparent that it is not responsible for the hedonic sensation of reward “liking.” But instead of the instrumental behaviour of reward-driven activities—phasic dopamine functions as an incentive salience signal in the reinforcement learning process.

Pain is an indulgence that is unique to humans.

This is an indulgence that is unique to humans. Scientists have attempted and failed to instil a taste for chilli in rats. Animals have been taught to self-harm, but only through ‘positive reinforcement,’ which leads animals to correlate pain with a reward. “In general, when an animal has a negative experience, it avoids it.”

Pain researchers identify three concepts: nociception, pain, and suffering. The Humane Society of the United States, an animal rights organization, recognizes this designation. Consider the scenario of a patient undergoing surgery under general anaesthesia to comprehend nociception better. As this person’s skin and organs are being cut, pain sense nerves dutifully record the damage and convey it to the spinal cord, sending it to the brain.

Sadism, masochism and sadomasochism

Sadism differs from masochism in that sadism frequently entails imposing pain on the body. Physical pain, such as hurting someone else, or psychological suffering, such as humiliation, can be examples.

Sadism is the practice of deriving pleasure by causing pain and suffering to another person. Sadism may or may not be sexual. A sadist is someone who practices sadism. Sadists can make harsh demands, with disobedience punished with various BDSM implements. Rough sex, takedowns, choking, spanking, and other forms of sadism in the bedroom are all possible.

Masochism is inflicting pain and suffering on oneself to achieve pleasure. Masochism may or may not be sexual. A masochist is someone who engages in masochism.

Sadomasochism is the practice of receiving pleasure by inflicting pain on oneself and having pain inflicted on oneself. Sadism is almost invariably sexual. Sadomasochism is practised by someone who is sadomasochistic.

The ‘runner’s high’ may have helped our forefathers overcome the pain of a protracted hunt.

The experience is, known as “the runners high”, is an outstanding example of how pain may increase pleasure. Runners experience euphoria after great physical exertion, linked to the creation of opioids, a neurochemical generated in reaction to pain.

However, the hippocampus will not work until the brainstem control centre is activated. In response to pain signals, the seahorse brain produces endogenous endorphins in the body. The protein binds to opioid receptors in the brain, inhibiting the release and storage of substances that impact pain signal transmission. Endorphins excite the limbic and prefrontal brain regions, influenced by passionate love-related events and music. It has the same effect as morphine or heroin, which connect to neurotransmitter receptors

I felt like I had a swarm of hornets stinging me at the same time – Jason McNabb

The Bhut Jolokia, sometimes known as the ghost pepper, has a Scoville rating exceeding 500,000, or 200-400 times spherical. It is the hottest world, and anyone who consumes it will most likely be in excruciating pain. What’s the aim of this? What are the causes behind this? It is a well-known saying to “discover pleasure rather than pain for pleasure.”

Possible psychological benefits

Finding pleasure in pain feelings has a profound psychological component. To begin with, a person’s perception of pain can be strongly influenced by the context in which the painful stimuli occur—in most, if not all, circumstances, experiencing pain from a knife cut in the kitchen or discomfort from surgery is bound to be unpleasant.

However, when a human being is experiencing physical pain in the setting of good emotions, their experience of pain reduces. Reliable Source. So, when having sex with a trusted partner, the good feelings involved with the act may help to mask discomfort sensations caused by hard play.

Simultaneously, experiencing pain during sex or sensual play can have unanticipated positive psychological effects, the most important is interpersonal connection.

Two studies, the findings of which were published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2009, discovered that individuals who engaged in consensual sadomasochistic acts as part of erotic play experienced a more vital link with their partners and an increase in emotional trust. The analyst concluded in their study paper:

Play’s potential side effects

People might suffer from unpleasant psychological impacts after physical play, regardless of their level of experience or how carefully they set healthy limits for a romantic scenario.

When women go through their menstrual cycle, their levels of pain-related activity fluctuate more than they do when they don’t. The researchers are preparing to conduct additional experiments and analyses to pinpoint the causes of these female-specific changes.

Chronic pain affects both men and women and is a persistent ache that persists for more than six months. Anxiety, depression, and suicide ideation are real dangers for such persons. In their quest for treatment, they see a variety of specialists with varying degrees of success. The doctors feel irritated when they are unable to help.

Ways To Experiment pleasure With Pain

An important safety note first, though.

Never experiment with pain, sensation play, or BDSM without consulting your partner. Make sure that you are aware of each other’s limitations (more on that in this article on how to nominate someone). Before diving into the pool’s deep end, test the level of agony that each of you can bear. Also, always, always agree on a safe word ahead of time. Participating in pain play without one is exceedingly harmful. Everything must come to a crashing halt as soon as that safeword is stated. With these standards in place, you’ll have a far better chance of having a good time!

  • Spanking
    You’ve already stated that you enjoy spanking, so let’s get started! Spanking is typically applied to the butt cheeks. This is an ideal location because it is fleshy, and there is no risk of accidentally striking a bone or joint. Plus, getting a good swat on the ass may be hot!
    There are also a variety of spanking toys available to help you enhance your spanking game. You may tickle your lover with the silky suede strands or whip it for a hefty smack with this LELO suede whip. This paddle has a soft fuzzy side that produces relatively moderate spanks and a leather side that makes a more powerful sensation.
  • Choking
    Choking is more about dominance and power than pain, yet it is still a popular technique. When choking someone, you must be very careful not to use too much power. There’s no need to be too intense with this one because the person being choked will feel vulnerable straight immediately. It’s also critical to squeeze the sides of the throat rather than the front of the throat. The sides are far more malleable, whereas the show is more prone to cause choking or harm. Before attempting it on a partner’s neck, practice on your own.
  • Cut Off Your Sight
    Sensation play is all about increasing the intensity of your sensations, usually by shutting off your touch with other senses. Sight is one of the most straightforward senses to experiment with. Have your partner blindfold you, or try having sex in complete darkness. You won’t be able to see what they’re going to do next, and the suspense will drive you insane!
  • Pulling Hair
    You know how sensitive the scalp can be if you’ve ever had someone run their hands through your hair! In the middle of intercourse, you can ask your lover to give your hair a firm tug. This is also effective in Doggystyle. Your spouse should take your full ponytail in their palm and tug it tight. Pulling your hair at once ensures that none of your hair is pulled out.
  • Experiment With Various Forms Of Touch
    You can also have your lover stimulate the surface of your skin with various things. Feathers or a silk scarf can be attractive. The bristles of a wooden hairbrush might feel fantastic against your skin.
  • Get Restrained
    Your companion can help you restrain your arms and legs. You won’t be able to move, and you’ll be entirely dependent on them. I recommend using soft restraints to avoid injuring your wrists or ankles. A scarf or tie can suffice in a pinch, or you may purchase this incredible restraint device under your mattress.

Are pleasure and pain connected?

Researchers revealed that pain could originate within the brain while also providing pleasure. This will make you giggle and may help you comprehend chronic pain better. I’ve seen some promising results.

Human sexuality’s deep and intricate connection between pleasure and pain is well-documented. This polarity should arouse our interest. As a result, we tend to avoid situations that we believe would cause us distress. Our predisposition to avoid painful memories of sex can be replaced with a capacity for curiosity, which has the potential to unlock a hitherto untapped power for pleasure.

When pain becomes pleasure, what do you name it?

Those who hold masochistic views experience agony in their sexuality and are turned off by it. When someone observes masochism, he believes it will make him joyful amid suffering. Masochism is the polar opposite in nature, and it entails shutting down those who hurt them. Masochists are the type of people who enjoy getting harmed, albeit not significantly.

Why do we feel pleasure from pain?

When someone is in pain, they might employ substances in their system to cope. When there is a hot wings competition, endorphins, anandamide, and adrenaline are released, causing heat. They contend that feelings of despair days after erotic activity correspond to a loss of the “peak experience” of rough sexual play, which provides a human with psychological reprieve at the moment.

For example, researchers compared the post-Olympic sadness experienced by Olympic athletes to the high provided by the mix of pleasure and agony at this same now, which may be similar to the highs experienced by performing athletes.

To avoid or cope with feeling low after an intense high during sensual play, a person and their partner or partners must carefully prepare aftercare, both physically and psychologically, and discuss individual wants and concerns in detail.

Whatever human beings choose to spice up their sex life, the crucial word is always consent. All participants in a sexual experience must provide an explicit and enthusiastic agreement for all aspects of the interaction. They must be allowed to withdraw if they are no longer interested or willing.

According to research, dreams involving unorthodox or brutal sexual play are a pervasive trusted Source, and some people opt to take the fantasy out of their heads and turn it into a reality.

If you want to branch out from “vanilla” sex and explore various tastes, that’s OK; there’s nothing wrong with you. Just make sure you stay safe and only do things you enjoy and are comfortable doing.

Conclusion Thoughts

What is evident is that good health and happiness are not all about maximizing pleasure and reducing pain, despite the popular media’s emphasis on this. Concentrate on what’s real and what’s manageable to achieve your goals. Many people may experience anxiety, irritation, or motiveless tears due to these BDSM forms. BDSM sufferers, in particular, need aftercare that includes emotional connection and communication to counteract this.

If you want to meet people nearby into pain & pleasure, visit Foxtail. Foxtail’s members are looking for Fetish, BDSM, and other sex-positive relationships. Create a free account And don’t be afraid to express your thoughts or questions in the comments section!

Tantric Healing- The Healing Power of Tantric Massage and its Essential Benefits

Tantric healing is also known as sexual healing. It aims to discover and remove energy knots holding back a person’s ability to fully experience and express their sexual energy. These knots result from negative emotional and sexual trauma caused by betrayal, abuse, molestation, or murder. Releasing these knots brings back to the subject an incredible amount of sensual transfer of energy and self-actualization, as well as a healthy mind-body connection and sexual confidence.

Tantric massage is the most common method of tantric healing. It is a therapy for discovering the body, removing blockages, healing sexual traumas, and reaching a greater level of pleasure. It’s also a very sensual and sexual massage that focuses on the body’s arousing areas, such as the mouth, ears, breasts, nipples, inner thighs, penis, and anus, among others. Not all tantric massages involve the receiver’s genitals, but the results can be amazing when it does.

A tantric massage’s healing effects stem from touch, inner experience, and balancing the body’s energy. Therefore, it gives you a sense of oneness with your surroundings and a sense of well-being.
Repressed emotions and experiences retained in the body are weight that affects daily interactions with others. Tantric healing certainly unblocks repressed emotions. It helps the body to relax, feel secure and create a path to happiness and pleasure.

Related: The Exceptional Experience of Tantra and the Sexual Healing Massage

Essential Benefits

Tantric healing helps boost self confidence.

Regular tantric massage can be quite beneficial to those who have difficulty with touch and sexual expression. Getting naked and putting your body in the hands of another person can increase your confidence in the bedroom. Confidence in the bedroom helps to build self-confidence in other areas of life. Healthy self-esteem is crucial. And without it, we have a negative self-perception and are less likely to realize our potential.

Tantric massage restores sexual dysfunction.

Tantric massage activates sexual energy and distributes it through your whole body. Therefore, tantric massage can treat sexual dysfunctions such as premature ejaculation, low libido, etc. It can also improve your sex life as well. You can control premature ejaculation with regular sensual massage and breathing exercises. This makes a person feel more vibrant, but it also helps cleanse the body. The end result is that it greatly boosts a person’s libido and sex life.

Tantric massage helps in increasing orgasmic pleasure.

It’s not uncommon for many people to think of sex as only a fleeting pleasure or a moment of instant satisfaction. But, if you let it, sex has the potential to be so much more than it appears to be. It can evolve completely into a feeling of ecstasy for hours.

Your sexual energy is the one factor that will determine how long and how intense your orgasm will be. To make sex more than just a genital satisfaction experience, sensual massage helps distribute the sexual energy throughout the body. It improves sex and delivers waves of pleasure through the whole body.

Related: Tantric Sex: A Sensual Way to Rediscover Pleasure

Tantric massage improves both mental and physical wellbeing.

Tantric massage therapy reduces stress and increases well-being. It can serve as a treatment for a variety of chronic medical conditions. The most common benefits of this massage are increased strength and wellness. Touch is an excellent cure for anxiety. This is because physical touch from another person releases pleasure and happiness hormones. Regular tantric massage relaxes the mind and body, allowing you to sleep better. It can be used daily to reduce body and muscle pains, alleviate depression, increase relaxation and overall happiness.

It can help you in discovering yourself and finding fulfillment.

This amazing massage helps purify the mind and heart of fears by removing emotional and mental toxins. So that people can have a greater understanding of who they truly are and redefine the person they aspire to become. Tantric massage may bring about freedom from previous mental enslavement and welcome insight for the future. This can create pure happiness and fulfillment.

Tantric massage is enjoyable.

Yes! Tantric massage is blissful and pleasurable. Who does not like an amazing sensual massage that relaxes the nerves and gives incredible pleasure? An additional bonus could be orgasm! Above all, the after-effect makes you feel relaxed, re-energized, and confident.

In conclusion, Tantric healing has the potential to be a life-changing therapy, particularly for survivors of sexual abuse. A physical release of that pain can occur, allowing your body to finally feel free of the memory that comes with that trauma. It fulfills an important purpose and is known for its truly amazing effects. If you are looking to get a tantric massage, I recommend you read The Best Tantra Books: Top 10 Recommendations for 2021

Checking In: Ongoing Consent and Ways to Ask for It

Can I touch you? 

This is only one of the most underrated ways to ask for Consent when you’re feeling a little bit of a vibe from this person you’re seeing. 

Someone’s finger touching a man’s face

You may think that this woke society has the art of checking in pinned down, but you’ve never been so wrong in your whole life. Granted that Consent has been thrust in the forefront of the conversation, it’s still miles away from being commonplace, which sadly says a lot about our evolution as a race. 

Consent isn’t just a one-time thing, though. It’s an ongoing process that caters to different levels of intimacy. A person might be into some hand-holding with you, but that doesn’t mean that they’d be into kissing you.

Consent, by definition, is permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. Simple, right? Yet, some people still struggle with the notion that it can easily be taken away just as it’s easily given.


There are no ifs or buts in this matter. You better ask for permission before you get up on anyone’s business. It’s not just in sex but in all aspects of life. It’s a sign of respect to others and yourself that you’re willing to go through the trouble – and the risk of killing the mood – to ask for Consent. And it doesn’t take much of you to have the courtesy to do so.

No Means No & Yes Means No

Consent and Sex come hand-in-hand. You can’t have Sex without Consent: that’s rape! Many skirt around this topic because it’s uncomfortable, but we need to educate people that you should always consider the feelings of others. No means No, and Yes (sometimes) also means No

Asking for Consent? Answers come in No or Yes.

Does this mean that you’ll stop having Sex altogether because Yes, apparently, means No as well? Of course not! We’re establishing the fact that when you ask for Consent, you should always make sure that it is freely given and without force

There will be times when you’ll be forced to say Yes even if you aren’t fully into it (DANGER ALERT). So it’s important to acknowledge and practice consciously checking in with your partner/s as an equally conscious participant in any sexual activity.

Pleasure from Permission

Besides, isn’t it more pleasurable to have relations when Consent is given?

When you check in with your partner/s before, during, and after Sex, it gives you a heightened feeling of trust and confidence in yourself – a pleasurable kind of validation that someone else liked what you did to them. Someone liked your touches enough that they allowed you into their body and enjoyed it.

There is pleasure from permission – remember that.

Checking In: A Questioning Art

But how do you check in without seeming like a mood-killer? Interrupting mid-kiss just to ask if you can touch a boob doesn’t sound hot, does it?

Checking in doesn’t have to kill the heat, though. It should amp it up! Asking for something from your partner/s, especially if it’s sexual in nature, should actually turn you on. They value your feelings and opinion, and that is why they are asking you if it’s go or no.

So, here are ways you can artfully ask for Consent and continuously do so during:

1. Just Ask

Explicitly ask for what you want. It doesn’t get any easier or more artful than that.

Couple in bed talking

Sometimes bluntness is hot, and you don’t have to overcomplicate everything in your head. Do you want to have Sex? Just ask. Do you want to try new kinks? Just ask. Do you want to try a new sex trick? Just Ask. You’d be surprised at the response when you ask for what you want. Do you want me to continue giving you head? Just freaking ask.

Of course, asking for sexual Consent should be because you have a current relationship or dynamic established; if there isn’t, then that’s just creepy.

2. Say What’s on Your Mind

Be upfront with what you’re thinking. Sometimes, all it takes is a few delicately chosen words from your pretty little mouth to ignite the flame. By saying what’s on your mind, you’re literally giving the other person the signal to kiss you, touch you, hug you, and a whole lot of other things. 

Here are some Subtle and Indirect Verbal Signals: 

  • Your lips look so soft. 
  • You smell really nice. 
  • You look sexy today. 

Here are some Explicit and Direct Verbal Signals: 

  • I want to kiss your sexy body. 
  • You look so hot in that shirt but even hotter when it’s off. 
  • I’m going to hit the shower, and I’d like you to join me. 

These are just some of the things you could say to your partner that would instantly turn them on and Consent to some steamy loving. 

3. Body Language

Woman leans into man (positive body language)

Verbal cues are no-brainers. Any person can ask or tell someone they like what they want to do in the sack. Now, reading body language is a different story. It takes time and patience to master this skill but considering that we’re talking about asking for Consent with a person you’re acquainted with and have that undeniable vibe, then this might be a little easier.

It’s like when you’re playing poker with your friends; you’re trying to find their tell. Think of this other person and their tells – it can be a pat on your arm, a hair flip, or a wry smile. Hey, when you know, you know. But the most obvious body language tells that you can spot are longing stares, lip biting, and being grabbed by the collar for a full-on make-out session.

Again, when you know, you know. Then again, if you suck at reading non-verbal cues – please refer to the previous entries before this one.

Let’s double back on Consent being ongoing – just because you’re half-naked and ready to seal the deal doesn’t mean one of you can’t back out.

Consent is reversible. It can be withdrawn at any moment a sexual participant chooses to do so. It can be mid-orgasm, and it’ll still be a valid withdrawal of permission. What everyone needs to get into their heads is that no one owes anyone their Consent. So if you’ve ever been turned down after they’ve undressed you, don’t go being an ass about it.

Your body is yours to give and take, just like everyone else. And if someone makes you uncomfortable, you don’t owe them politeness.

It’s important to remember that checking in exists to protect you from doing something you’ll regret or something distressing. Don’t ever feel ashamed for withdrawing Consent. Do it when you need to. Do it when you want to.

All You Have to do is Ask

Many people have a hard time verbalizing their desires and just assume that the other person is on the same page. And when you look at things with rose-colored glasses, signals get confusing from they want to be kissed to they’re just being polite and vice versa. 

It may not be easy to discern which is which, and that’s normal. But to make sure that you’re not going to step on any toes or boundaries – ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK. It’s the most effective way to rid yourself of inhibitions and fear of causing harm. 

Are you lusting for more Sex positive content? Read more on Foxxy articles here!

40 and Sexually Active – Taking Care of Your Sensuality

Age is just a number! Just because you’re 40 doesn’t mean you aren’t sexy anymore! 

So what if you’re pruning a bit? Your wrinkles are a testament to your experience and life! It’s a call for celebration! And what better way to celebrate life than to do the deed that gave you life?

Intertwined lovers’ feet

But the thing is, sex at 40 entails a lot of new considerations that weren’t present in your youth. Menopause/Andropause might be in your near future (if it hasn’t claimed you already); its tell-tale signs are now starting to show – like being dry down there, some mood swings, or being unable to hoist up the little general for a quickie.

Although it can get distressing to accept your body, don’t let that discourage you. The changes that you’re experiencing are all part of aging. Besides, modern technology has made it possible for people to relish in pleasures of the flesh (I’m looking at you Viagra and Lube) no matter how old you are.

Aged Like Fine Wine

The 40 and sexually active terrain is a reawakening of your sensuality. Think of it as the second coming of your virginity because, let’s admit it, at some point, your raging libido mellowed down either when you had kids, when your job demanded more overtime, or both. Your priorities just changed, and getting off seemed like the least of your worries. It doesn’t help your case when you’ve stopped doing your self-care rituals; the shedding of your public persona as you build a comfortable home tends to decrease your time and energy maintaining things that make you feel confident. It’s one of the main contributors to the lack of confidence that many men and women approaching 40 or are in their 40s experience. They feel desexualized and out of touch with their sensuality. 

A glass of red wine

By choosing comfort over wellness, they let themselves go. It’s not a crime to have a break from all the fuss. However, a lasting positive relationship between you and your body requires you to get reacquainted with your ability to love yourself in all shapes and forms. 

Sexy Has No Standard 

Wellness is attained through consistency. As we age, it becomes increasingly difficult to be consistent about things you can put off, like going to the salon, the dentist, getting waxed, and so on. While these may seem like trivial things, they are contributors to your self-perception. This is why Body Positivity is so hard to manifest. The media is purposive in feeding our brains with the ideal body type across ages. Unnecessary pressure is placed on everyone to look a certain way to be called sexy, think Jennifer Lopez and Channing Tatum. Although you’re not expected to be like any of them, it makes you feel futile for even trying to take care of yourself. 

Sexy has no standard, though. All bodies are valid, and we should accept them for how they are. You’re not getting anywhere moping around about your fading youth. Think of yourself as a deliciously aged fine wine. Sure, you’re getting up there, but that doesn’t lessen the quality and texture of your person. Sex appeals are subjective. If you feel sexy, it emanates! 

Sensual Sensibilities: Taking Care of Your Sensuality at 40

Taking care of your sensuality or desire to feel and express sexual pleasure takes effort. A sexually active 40-year-old isn’t a leprechaun. But the sexual routine of an old married couple may make you think that spice is off the table. Remember that sex should always be consensual and enjoyed by the participants. You shouldn’t feel obligated to have sex. You should want to have sex.

So how do you take care of your sensuality and become an invigorated sexual being at 40?

Here are a few things you should consider:

1. Self-Care Regimens

Saddle up and Spa! 

Self-care regimens such as skin care routines, mani-pedis, waxing, or shaving are trivial rituals, but these things help make you look and feel your best! 

Woman indulging in self-care

I know, I know, it can certainly be a hassle to maintain frivolous activities like these. Basic grooming can transform into a thing of the past when you’re too comfortable with your partner, but we all know it shouldn’t be. 

Self-care is important. You need to establish a good relationship with yourself to better connect and relate with another person. So don’t hesitate! Make an effort to hold a spa day at least once a month! It’s not a girly thing to use clay masks! Involve your partner in this monthly spa day! Do it for the team, guys! 

Another great self-care regimen would be exercise! Apart from it being good for your body, it’s also a mood enhancer like sex. Research shows that people who regularly exercise are happier than those who aren’t. It can promote good mental health and improve your self-perception – this allows you to feel better about yourself and, in turn, sexier. 

2. Indulge in Romance

Couple kissing

When was the last time you and your partner had a night out or adventure? If you can’t remember, then you’re in serious need of a romantic getaway. 

Indulging in romance is a great way to boost that libido! Your connectedness with your person is an undeniable feeling that can stir fire in your heart and loins. Book a nice restaurant for no apparent occasion! Have a moonlight walk! Do the things you used to do when you guys were dating. It’ll surely bring back fond memories!

Meanwhile, for all you single 40-year-olds, go out and meet people! Stop sulking in your nice apartment. There’s a whole world outside that couch of yours. Sign up on a dating app! Ask a friend to hook you up on a blind date. Casual relationships don’t end in your 20s. You can still play the game even if you’ve been benched for years. There are a lot of singletons out there ready to bang one out! You could be one of them, too!

3. Masturbate

Masturbation is the definition of sensuality. 

Hands and a vibrator

You can totes masturbate at 40 or older, and you don’t have to be shy about it! Owning your pleasure is an empowering feeling. It basically says that you don’t need anyone else to make you feel good.

Though you can also share this experience with a partner with mutual masturbation, it’s still a comforting idea that you can own this sex act by yourself. Many people find that possession of something which cannot be taken away boosts their confidence off the roof. 

So don’t wait up! Masturbate at will! 

4. Get Kinky

Sexy Secretary Role Play

If you’ve lived all of your sexually active years without getting kinky, now is the time to try. 

There is a whole community out here that is open to new sex-periences. Try out kinks and look for something that fits you and your personality. Buy toys that would make you giggle at the thought of using them. I guarantee that trying out different kinds of play would excite both you and your partner. 

To avoid being overwhelmed by the vast roster of toys and play, try buying something basic like toy hand-cuffs and blindfolds, try out cosplay sex, or role-playing. The choices are endless! 

Keep In Mind

As a sexually active 40-year-old, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for loving the deed at your age. You can even enjoy sex when you’re 80, and it’ll still be a valid form of self-expression and self-pleasure. You can even feel pleasure without sex, and it’ll still be valid.

Owning your sensuality and taking care of it is an ongoing process. Even at 40, your sexual nature is still evolving. You might not feel sexy all the time but you should aim to feel sexy most of the time.

Want to get a head start in your sensual journey? Read more sex positive and empowering articles on Foxtail! Or you could meet people from our community!

Masturbation: 5 Great Facts about Self-Pleasure

Masturbation is the epitome of self-pleasure. It’s a connection between you and your body that encapsulates spiritual, physical, sexual, mental, and emotional self-love. It allows you to get to know your body and yourself intimately. Not to mention, it gives you and your body the attention only you know it deserves. 

As an act of self-love, masturbation empowers us to accept our most carnal needs. It explores our preferences – what we like, what we don’t like. Do I like rough play or slow and sensual? Do I like grabbing myself or not? These are the things that you get to affirm when you practice self-indulgence. And who doesn’t what to indulge in pleasure themselves by themselves? Am I right?

So in celebration of our love for self-love, here are 5 great facts about masturbation that are steaming with reasons why you should do it shamelessly:


A lot of people think that sex must always be a partnered event. News flash! You don’t have to have a partner to have sex! You can do it all by yourself!

With the right tools, you’ll be having mental arguments about whether to go out or shut yourself in and dive into a session. It’s easier to melt into your fingers (or toy) without the added pressure of pleasing someone else. Sometimes, these personified variables increase stress levels and make it impossible to enjoy yourself. Yet being your own lover, you can relax into the sensations unbridled by another’s opinion. What’s more, it is the safest sexual activity you can have with zero risks of contracting STDs and none of that pregnancy scare. Yikes.

Things can get boring after a while and we say don’t be boring! Here are 5 Ways You Can Enhance Your Masturbation Game


Masturbation is often stigmatized even in today’s society. It’s called a lot of names but what strikes the guilt and shame the worst is the phrase devil’s work. However, if you think about it from a scientific perspective, why would the devil’s work have so many health benefits?

Research has confirmed that the act of self-pleasure can actually help release sexual tension, reduce stress and help you sleep better, among many others. The act’s release of hormones, i.e., endorphins – the stress hormone; dopamine – the happy hormone, and so on, greatly contributes to managing your equilibrium. So every time you get to that sweet, sweet release, you feel invigorated and more centered. With its mood-enhancing magic, you can say goodbye to groggy and irritable work days! Slide one in before work, and you’ll find yourself super ready to take on the world!

Masturbation is healthily natural. Our bodies were made to function as well as be enjoyed. Hence, giving yourself time down there shouldn’t be something you should be guilty about after. It’s 2021 and people should own their bodies and its needs!


And what better way to own our bodies and its needs than in May? Would you believe that there’s an entire month dedicated to masturbation? Well, you better believe it! 

Good Vibrations declared the first Masturbation Day on May 7th, 1995, a year after Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders made an obscene comment that “masturbation should be incorporated in the sex education curriculum for students” (shocker). President Bill Clinton fired her for the suggestion, which only fueled the fire for sex-positive activists to honor and celebrate the right to self-pleasure. 

It has since been expanded to include the entire month of May and is fondly known as Masturbation May. 


Now, we’re not saying that partnered sex is the inferior type of pleasure. All types of pleasure are valid as long as it’s partnered with consent! It’s just that some people think that masturbation is better.

Recent surveys have shown that 27% – 40% of women prefer to go solo than with a partner/s. While that preference is subjective to each individual, let’s remember that masturbation is a form of self-care. And we can’t expect everyone to take care of us the way we take care of ourselves.

Although you can totes enjoy masturbation with a partner, perhaps, mutual masturbation or a slight ploy on voyeurism? It doesn’t change the numbers.


As a form of self-love and self-care, masturbation boosts confidence and celebrates sexual liberation. For too long, the patriarchy and society have told us that masturbation is unclean and unnatural. That the hands the roam are the hands of the devil, and we can’t have that! Our bodies are ours to do as we please. Pleasure is a part of it, and we should not be ashamed of liking our own or others’ languid touches and exciting or sensual vibrations from toys.

Masturbation boosts confidence, both in the bedroom and outside of it. The phenomenon of accepting your body and yourself starts from within. The more open the masturbation conversation, the more we become in touch with our nature as sexual beings. Sex is natural! Masturbation is natural!

Want to love yourself a little better? Visit our shop and find your new best friend!

Swingers Party: How to Enjoy Your First Sex Party

You arrive with some food and drink to share. You go around greeting people you know and meeting new people while relaxing with food and drink. The host lays out basic rules, such as where sex is permitted and where it is not (customarily explained before arrival), no unwanted force, and respect for any rules laid out by the participants prior, during, and after sexual interaction. Condoms are usually provided by the host, but you can bring your own if you prefer. Safe sex is negotiated between the parties involved.

If you have a partner, you will have your own pre-agreed-upon comfort level rules about what is and isn’t acceptable to do while at the party. When you become attracted to a person or people, you discuss (in whatever level of detail you want) what you want to happen next and during your interaction. Have a good time! When you’re ready to leave, you thank your host and either return home or continue on to other delights.

Does this sound like fun? Keep reading

Swinger party Los Angeles

What is a Swingers Party?

Few people realize that swinging as a fad in America began in the 1950s when Air Force officers in California started swapping wives. Since then, it has been more common among those 35+ years old, behind closed doors. It has become more mainstream with younger crowds, with the push being driven by women looking to call the shots. Swinger parties have become so typical there are even websites where people host swinger parties.

A swingers party is meant for individuals with a desire to: watch others have sex, swap partners (soft or full swap), be cuckolded, play in an orgy, and so much more. It’s a lower risk, higher adrenaline encounter. Low risk since the attendance is kept private and sex takes place around other respectful adults. High adrenaline, as things can move very fast!

Those familiar with the swinging world refer to it as the “Lifestyle.” People in the lifestyle typically meet online before meeting in person. They meet randomly at sex parties to avoid the possibility of an affair. Sex parties can take place at a designated sex party location or in a private area of residence. The rules are pretty standard, with consent being the highest priority.

Rules at a Swinger Party

NO means “NO” Especially At a Sex Party

This rule is paramount for obvious reasons, this is the most important of the swinger rules. If someone is violated at a party, word will travel fast. This can lead to lawsuits, “being canceled,” violence, or worse. Typically party-goers want to avoid any negativity or hostility, so it’s best to ask.

Tip: If it’s not a FUCK YES!!! It’s a Hell No.

I’ve often seen guys asking for something and being met with kind rejection only to keep pushing. Sex parties are not the place to push what you want on to others. Check your ego and pride at the door. We’re all here to have a good time!

Swinger parties are also no a place for the meek. Owning your “NO” at a sex party is your most valuable tool. Subtitles can be missed when drinks and genitals are on the table (literally lol). Practice saying and receiving no with a friend or partner before attending to get you in the habit of saying it and hearing it, and you’ll be fine.

Remember, you can always say NO. There’s never a reason to be ashamed or worried. Swinger parties are meant to be the fun, sexy experience you’re imagining. You may not get exactly what you want every time, but if you abide by the NO, you’ll be invited again.

Aggressive behavior

This rule closely follows the law, “NO means NO.” Remember that not everyone likes rough sex. Get a feel for your partner and their desires. Do not use violence if you do not get consent in advance. Do not force your partner to do anything. Even if you previously had rough sexual intercourse with a particular individual, this does not mean that the person is ready for this again. Remember, any sexual manifestations depend on the mood of the person.

Always be courteous and polite. Getting upset or “butthurt” because you were asked to leave is a sign of not being able to take rejection.

It is strictly forbidden to force or pressure someone.
Proceed only by mutual agreement!

Age limits

Anyone attending a sex party must be 18 years or older. Most swing party organizers require people over the age of 21. As we said above, consent is essential here. Swing party members must be able to legally to consent. If you’re unsure, don’t risk it. There are more fish in the orgy ??.

Why Do You Want to Attend Swing Parties?

That’s precisely what you should ask yourself before joining swinger parties. Are you doing this for yourself or to please someone else. If it’s later, you may cause yourself lasting psychological harm. If you are looking to test the waters, attend as a voyeur and clarify that you are not there to play.

Do not surprise your partner by inviting them to swinger parties. If you do this, they may act without having proper time to mentally prepare. If they don’t have any interest, unfortunately, you may have to find a new partner or come to an agreement. This may be tough to hear, but there’s no way around it. If they are working toward it, don’t bring it up often, as it can make it seem like a condition of your affections. They may not want to experience the jealously or thoughts of you and another or vice versa.

Compersion is the quality found in people who can find pleasure in watching their partner receive pleasure. This quality is scarce. It can be developed, but it will require work and compromise on both sides. Yes, if you want them to do it, be prepared to do the same for them.

A butt for a butt as they say ?.

Do not Get Entangled with other Couples

I can’t emphasize this enough. Do not get entangled with other people in the group party. Do not try to connect with someone without speaking to their partner. Unless you are building a friendship naturally, leave the party at the party.

These are often mistakes of amateur swingers who have shown the so-called “Spark of Love.” This leads to feuds in a sex party, and it can really get ugly, especially if there are drugs involved. Remember, relationships can be fragile, don’t be a homewrecker.

If you and your partner are looking to make more profound relationships. Consider going on a “couple’s date.” This will give everyone the chance to get to know each other and establish boundaries. When trust is established, there’s no limit to where things can go!


Never pull out your phone! If you must use your phone, go to the bathroom. By nature, these parties are private. Respect everyone’s privacy, and don’t bring your phone out. Some places will even take your phone and smash it. Leave the party, take your call and come back.


On the one hand, alcohol in moderation promotes relaxation and extra excitement. However, it is worth remembering that alcohol consumed more than your average amount can have the opposite effect. Alcohol is a depressant, after all.

Drink as much as you should, not as much as you could.


I strongly advise against using drugs at swing parties.

Firstly, you can run into severe problems with the authorities. Second, you can’t consent thoughtfully, which will have lasting consequences. Last, being in a state of drug intoxication will not give you the whole experience of swinging.

If a swinger party is boring, leave. Save your drugs for a better party.

Dress Code

Most swinger Parties have a theme that the organizers decide in advance. Typically, it’s some kind of clothing-based themes like a toga or costume party.

If this information is not specified, contact the event organizer and clarify all your questions. Anyway, it would be best if you were neatly dressed and well-groomed.


The swing is an exchange of partners by mutual agreement. Never offer party members sex with your partner for money. You will be instantly removed from the sex party and receive a ban from all future events.


Always be clean and have a pleasant appearance. Wear a small amount of perfume or non at all; some are allergic or sensitive to strong scents.

Wear deodorant, be squeaky clean, and brush your teeth right. You can also bring your own sex toys and don’t forget about condoms. Safety should come first.


Do not criticize, try to change, or judge anyone. Don’t judge. #DontYuckMyYum as we say.

You should discuss desires and preferences with your partner in advance. Go into the party with a game plan of what to look for and work as a team. Swinger parties can be an actual test of the strength of a relationship.

What You Need to Know About Swinging

Experienced swing couples believe that sharing intimate acts and fantasies with a partner has a colossal arousal power. Swinging with others can bring partners closer together thru compersion and fulfillment. Sex parties are a natural and enjoyable way to prevent sneaky infidelity and subsequent breakup.

Swinging is not the same as Kink. The two are close neighbors but often don’t mix. Bring toys to play with your partner, but no one is looking to be dominated or worshiped more often than not. They are there to F*#k (Fuck).

The Bottom Line

Have sex as much as you want, enjoy it, get the most out of it. Everyone should have fun, so stick to the above rules, and the world of sexual happiness will open for you. Having sex with your loved one and enjoying other partners is much better than infidelity. I recommend that you try this kind of sex and get an unforgettable experience. Discover parties going on this week on Foxtail. You will want more!

Guilty Pleasures – My Top 5 List Of Guilty Pleasures

If we were to count, how many guilty pleasures would you be charged with? How long would your list be? Would they be private or not?

This is my list of guilty pleasures! The things on this list have been giving my life meaning over the years. Here are a few guilty pleasure examples that brighten up my days when I need them most. To lift my spirits, you know. Most of them are too embarrassing to admit, but we have indulged in some if not all.

My Top 5 Guilty Pleasures

Let’s take a look at some examples of guilty pleasures, shall we?

First, let’s take a minute to understand the thought process behind this before diving into the list. Think about how it feels to finish a slice of cake only to reach out and grab another. You probably shouldn’t, but why not? You seldom do this, but when you do, it tickles your jolly.

It’s neither a blessing nor a curse but can be both at the same time. You wouldn’t overdo it occasionally. However, when you get the chance, you cease every moment like it will be your last.

Can guilty pleasures relate to any other thing apart from food? Absolutely! For one, it could be downing a whole dozen of doughnuts, while for another, it could be binge-watching Sofia the First. Everyone gets to pick their own poison.

Contrary to simple pleasures in life, we rarely partake in guilty pleasures. That’s what makes them tempting. But, occasionally indulging in guilty pleasures can lift your mood.

It’s about time I show you my top 5 guilty pleasures. Whether it’s a matter of can’t or won’t, these are things that fill me up with much joy or excitement. Also, I don’t want to give them up.

1.    I Spy With My Little Eye

Mostly people stalk exes on social media after a break up to make sure they are not moving on too quickly. For me, sometimes curiosity takes the better part of me. And social media has made it so easy to get information about people. I always do a drop-in once in a while to check on my person of interest.

2.    Accents

Is it me, or do words sound better with a British accent? Talk about a guilty pleasure. I’d listen to someone with a British accent all day. I wouldn’t understand half of what they are saying, but who cares? The heart wants what it wants.

3.    Drinking Directly From The Bottle

Something about the flavor of soda or wine hits different when you drink it directly from the bottle. No? Is it just me? Okay. I know it’s not “lady-like” and very unhygienic, especially if you have to share the drink with someone else. But it can’t be that bad to be selfish once in a while.

4.    Late Night Snack Pleasures

With my #summergoals journey, I have been dieting a lot lately. However, some nights I throw caution to the wind and treat myself to a whole bag of chips. Okay, two, but who’s counting? These are once in a blue moon kind of nights, and I’m not going to waste a second.

5.    Sweet Deals

Discount is my favorite word in the dictionary, no doubt. Who wouldn’t love saving a few bucks while still getting what they want? I can’t put the satisfaction I get from a good bargain in words. Just to see the sign of % off is a trigger for me! It’s a guilty pleasure for sure.

6.    Smell of Clean Beddings (Bonus)

Because I am feeling a little generous, I’ll leave this here for you. This pleasure comes from beddings that are straight out of the drier. Or is this an excuse for me to stay in bed? We’ll never know.

As I talk about this, I keep asking myself if men and women have similar pleasures. From what we know, men’s obsessions are points of pride, not shame. Do their not-so-normal delights count as guilty pleasures?

Join our blog and leave a comment below so we can brainstorm this together. I’d like to know what your guilty pleasures are. Are there any similar to mine?

The Best Safety Practices For Indulging In Your Choking Kink

So you want to learn everything about choking? Look no further. There are so many ways to explore choking, but it is essential to have it executed safely. It is necessary to address that choking during sex or in a BDSM scene is extremely dangerous.  If you have a choking kink and want to try it, please read on. Our safety tips will make sure you don’t make any horrific mistakes and keep you on the safe side.

What is a Choking Kink?

Choke kink is sexual arousal that comes from choking or being choked. Because it involves giving or receiving choking, this kink falls under the BDSM umbrella. It allows you and your partner to experience a rush of endorphins and adrenaline together. 

“Having a man’s hands around your neck plays into the fantasy of being taken, also known as ravishment.” says sex therapist and researcher Christine Milrod, Ph.D.

The most well-known form of breath play is choking, but in reality, these two are different. Breathplay is an act when one or both partners voluntarily restrict each other’s breathing for a short period. On the other hand, a person with a choking kink enjoys breathing restriction but having more pleasure by the feeling of submission or by being submissive.

Read this article if you are exploring and interested in finding out more about breath plays.

Why Is Choking a Thing?

Given the negative connotations of choking and the danger factor, it is fair to wonder why people may want to be choked.

There’s also a physiological reason why some swear by the chokehold while getting it on, says Ian Kerner, Ph.D. 

“The rush of breath that comes after being choked releases endorphins, which combine with the neurochemical cocktail of sex to create a feeling of heightened exhilaration,” says Kerner. 

That thrill can intensify sexual sensations. I’ve met people of all genders who enjoy the feeling of power and dominance that comes from choking, as well as people of all genders who enjoy the excitement of being choked. Anyone can derive pleasure from being the choker or the chokee.

What You Should Know Before Trying Choking

Watching someone choked on porn sites does not give any lesson on how to properly practice choking. It could lead to severe injury or even death if you do it wrong. If you plan on exploring choking, keep the following in mind.

Educate Yourself

If you have questions about choking or want to learn more about safety techniques, it’s better to do your research than engage in choking and hope for the best. If you are serious about exploring choking, make an appointment to learn the practice under the supervision of a Master, Top or Dominatrix with extensive experience.

Health conditions

This should be discussed in advance. People who have breathing problems or heart disease, asthma, a history of anxiety problems, or past trauma should be cautious.

Don’t be afraid to ask your doctor if choking is something you can explore safely. Do not explore any breath play while someone or you are under any substance influence.


Set clear expectations with your sex partner. Ask how you want to be choked, how many times over, during penetration or orgasm, or just a one-off moment.


Experiment with the agreed-upon choking, then stop and check with your partner after your first testing. You can keep it simple with a “How did is that to you? Could I adjust anything to make it even more enjoyable for you?”

Safety Precautions

Make sure you have established some basic safety with your partner. Any BDSM play should include safe words, but choking can make it difficult for the recipient to talk rather than during other acts.

In this kind of kink, hands come into play. A “safe word gesture” should be created, such as snapping your fingers or holding a finger. Another option is to give the person an item to hold, and if they drop it, you will pause and check them.


Aftercare kink is the key to any healthy sexual experience. It is the easy step by which the physical come-down after sex is supported and checked verbally. You may want to snuggle and stroke each other’s bodies under soft blankets, especially when using lots of force and possible humiliation during a scene.

Safety Disclaimer: Having a choking kink is fun, but this kind of play could be life-threatening. Please consult with a medical professional before proceeding, especially if you have breathing issues.

Alright, kinksters! Now that you know the rules, please practice safe choking if you so desire. To meet BDSM and edge-play kinksters like you, check out our sex-positive community here. Comment and let us know what you think!