Healing From Your Worst Trauma with BDSM

Many people are not aware of the healing power of BDSM. Some think that BDSM is a bizarre practice. However, it can be highly therapeutic for sexual trauma victims. BDSM helps people regain a sense of power, take control over their bodies and their sexual choices. If you or anyone in your life has experienced any sexual trauma, maybe exploring BDSM is the way to go.

There are many benefits of practising BDSM within a safe and loving environment. It can provide the courage you need to overcome any trauma or pain you may have struggled with. I’ve researched this topic extensively and I am confident this guide will help you find healing in BDSM.

Choosing BDSM for Healing

Have you set your goals for future sexual experiences? If not yet, set them as soon as possible. Setting boundaries for your sex life can help keep BDSM fun and exciting. Obviously you should know the future dynamics of your relationship. Setting limits for yourself is most important. You will have to decide how you are willing to be touched, talked to, and more. Know your MATHS (Motivations, A-OKs, Triggers, Hard-limits, Safe Word). If you keep these in mind you’ll avoid a lot of unneeded trauma.

It is equally important to set boundaries for your own body as well as setting boundaries for your relationship. For people who may be suffering from sexual trauma or are ashamed and frightened by their own sexuality, BDSM can be an amazing way to express their true self. If you are scared of harming yourself, there are people open to teaching BDSM thru an online community. They will help guide you to doing things correctly. This might mean you need to get our of your comfort zone and talk to others about what gives you pleasure and why.

Sexual Trauma and BDSM

BDSM is not gender-specific. It’s kinky and sex positive. Many people experience the empowerment that comes from being able to play out a situation that might have scarred them as the other party. That’s truly a sign of transmuting pain into pleasure. You may find yourself questioning your own identity while exploring your likes and limits in BDSM. However, learning more about yourself can only lead to further healing.

For those of you who have been sexually abused or ashamed of your past experiences, it is possible to practice BDSM to heal from inside and find new ways to connect with your partner. If you want to explore this aspect of BDSM or are one of the many trauma survivors out there, you can easily set boundaries with your partner. These boundaries can range from casual to more serious relationships. Once you are comfortable with your boundaries, you will not feel threatened by your partner’s enjoyment. Trust is a must in BDSM.

Now I hope that you are more open to the benefits of practicing BDSM. It is worth trying for anyone with a background in trauma around sex to incorporate kink into their sex lives. However, always ensure that your relationship with your partner is based on mutual love, respect, and trust. By following best practices, you can strengthen your relationships with others and find a way to bring your sexual identity into the light where it belongs.

Finally, when you are able to enjoy the benefits of BDSM, you will thank yourself for being open to learning how to set boundaries for your sexual expression and enjoyment. Start with the basics with this BDSM Tool Guide.

If you find this article helpful, feel free to check out our kinky blog. You can also connect with other like-minded individuals on Foxtail.

2021 Ultimate Guide to Swinging + Swinger Apps

Has your sex life become boring and monotonous? Are you ready to take the plunge to bring about change, even if it goes against the accepted norms? Then maybe you should try swinging using swinger apps?

For married couples whose love has grown into respect and habit, passion needs renewal, and that very desire needs to attract something new. In Europe, the attitude to swing has been decided long ago. More than 80% of married couples consider this to be a normal personification of intimacy in Germany. This is a natural step in the evolution of marital ties and intimacy. At first, couples are perfectly content together, no matter how and where. Later, couples may find themselves interested in the question of diversity. Some may study and try out the Kama Sutra, buy exotic items in a sex shop, or practiced sex in new places. Even with these new ways to experience sex with one another, some couples may find that nothing attracts them, turned them on, or gives them pleasure.

Some sexologists believe that swinging – the exchange of sexual partners – can save marriage. To many, it is not worth resorting to such an exchange for this reason alone. But if you and your partner are seriously considering becoming a swinger, read our material. We have collected all the most useful tips for beginners.

Swing is a short-term that means mutually agreed exchange of sexual partners. Swing is one of many deviant (that is, not aligned with strict norms of generally accepted actions) types of role-playing behavior of married couples. However, it is not a sexual perversion. Swinging implies the presence of established couples (including married ones) who exchange partners and the mutual consent of all its participants.


Swing history goes back to antiquity, and in some communities, it is the norm of family life. Free sexual relationships were promoted during the sexual revolt of the 1960s. To free themselves from the shackles of outdated customs. Unfortunately, this did not gain much popularity. In many countries, swinger communities would spontaneously form in close groups such as military garrisons. Naturally, swingers would carefully conceal their relationship activities from outsiders. Nowadays, swing is officially recognized as one of the existing types of sexual life.

Swinger App and how they help

Using Swinger apps is a commonly known way to meet fellow swingers. A swinger app like Foxtail has many users who are actively looking for couples to meet. In a few minutes, you and your partners can be making a couple of friends and forming connections. Foxtail has an exclusive feature that makes it easier than ever to search with your partner, which will lower the feeling of any foul play. There are several others available as well.

Finding a Pair outside a swinger app

Outside of hookup apps, potential partners are found on beaches, among friends, on camping trips, or at swinger parties. Couples may use phrases such as “vanilla” when describing a traditional sex life; eluding to the fact that they might not have a vanilla sex life and are open to swinging.

Types of Swing

  • Soft swing – foreplay with other partners, sometimes including oral sex, but no vaginal penetration. It adds “pepper” to the relationship and allows them to have fun with less risk for illness or jealousy. Many couples start with a soft swing, but not everyone continues to a full exchange.
  •  Light swing is when couples accept lesbian affections, but men are strictly forbidden to touch someone else’s wife. Some couples practice this kind of swing because it often gives sexual variety and allows jealous men to preserve their egos.
  •  Closed swing – this is a process where partners exchange but have sex in separate rooms. Closed swing gives partners a more intimate experience. Some believe it gives them more freedom and fewer distractions from pleasure.
  •  Open swing – when partners exchange and have sex in the same room or on the same bed. It usually involves orgies and is most suitable for exhibitionists and voyeurs who like to demonstrate their pleasure or watch others enjoy themselves. Some believe that open swing allows them to fully release their sexual desires and fantasies. However, it is not suitable for those who are jealous or shy.


  • Swingers do not like assertiveness and obsession.
  • One of the basic rules in swing etiquette is the unconditional right of everyone to say no.
  • It is customary for swingers to bring all sorts of surprises, gifts, something for tea on a date. Even if it’s thru a swinger app.
  • Many lovers and couples agree not to meet alone with someone else’s partner. Keeping your distance is very important, and always remember that no matter how much you sleep in the same bed, someone else’s partner is someone else’s partner. It can only be temporary and by agreement in exchange for your partner.
  • Many couples set their own swing rules so that each partner understands what is acceptable and what is not. This is an excellent idea especially for beginners, to protect themselves. The rules can be anything from “no oral sex” to “no pain.” It all depends on what causes discomfort to each of the partners.

Ten Commandments of Swing

  1. Never try to ruin a marriage. Use honest communication beforehand.
  2. Always respect the terms of the meeting, or report in detail and in advance of a change in circumstances.
  3. Consider your first meeting as an introductory. Be prepared for a swing if it turns out to be mutually acceptable or an honest answer if something doesn’t work for you.
  4. Never, under any circumstances, put pressure on your partner.
  5. Protect the anonymity of other swingers by refraining from the unauthorized mentioning of names.
  6. Always maintain the highest standards of hygiene and appearance.
  7. Do not engage in any illegal activity that could discredit swingers as a group.
  8. Be friendly and warm with your friends, but remember that a certain type of emotion should always be reserved for your spouse.
  9. Always show respect for the attitudes, feelings, and habits of other swingers.
  10. Have the dos and don’ts of your encounter discussed before the meeting. In the scene is never a time for negotiations.

It is safe to say that it is a positive experience for most and is worth trying. It’s cool to escape from everyday life and become a different person for a while. It’s nice when strangers find you attractive and openly talk about it. This will save you from many complexities. And yes, swinging has strengthened more than one relationship. It’s not just about great sex. Swing can build trust and cohesion in a couple. You can’t do something like that and not trust each other. Do not be afraid, try it, and get the most out of sex! Joining the best swinger app now Foxtail!

*Be sure to add Swinging as one of your kinks ;)

What Makes BDSM Fun?

If your tastes lean toward the vanilla side of the sexual scale, then you have probably at some point asked yourself why people love BDSM. According to a study, almost 50% of people have experimented with BDSM. Do they enjoy the suffering or is there something deeper that is not as apparent? The truth is that sexual pleasure and desire are complex. Sexual satisfaction and turn-ons are incredibly personal and varied.

The best thing about BDSM is that you get to choose what works well for you. Provided that there’s consent and all precautions are taken into consideration, there is no wrong or right way to be a sexual being. Honestly, that’s what makes BDSM fun; parties dedicated to BDSM boldly pursue what people enjoy most in the bedroom without apology. With that said, what makes BDSM enjoyable to people who participate in it? Find out!

It’s a Creative Way of Sexual Expression

Role-playing is the most creative way to enjoy BDSM. After outlining consent and precautions, the roles and story become a total escape from realism. The other surprising value while participating in role-play is that it is a creative means of expression. It triggers imagination in us, not only in the bedroom and testing the boundaries of sexual experience, but offers a good source of material for art, video game, writing, film production, and even acting.

BDSM Makes People Fully Surrender

People who often act as receivers in a BDSM exchange admit that being restrained, overpowered, yelled at, or struck, takes them out of themselves and enables them to be so overcome with a sensual stimulus that they are lost in the moment. To enjoy such total submission is perplexing yet passionate, and you’ll come out of it feeling emotionally purified. When such an exchange is done intently, the orgasms are tremendously powerful. The intimacy level left behind for both partners is unmatched in those moments. However, with such intensity can come Sub-drop, when you are asked to return to the vanilla world. Read about Sub-drop and tips for aftercare here.

Playing with Control

Even though we try to have as much control in our lives as possible, there is something behind playing with power and control in BDSM that is different and thrilling. Engaging in BDSM can foster a range of different feelings such as openness, sensuality, intensity, silliness, and uniqueness. For some, it sparks pure fascination to be at the whim of someone else’s complete control while for others, it can be empowering to be in complete control of someone else’s body in a scene. For others, it can be a relief for someone else to take charge in the bedroom after trying to control every other aspect of their lives. Whatever your position in BDSM, it can be enlightening to play with power in a range of unusual ways.

It Increases Sensation

Another reason why people enjoy BDSM is that it intensifies pleasure through attention to sensation. Engaging in a steamy, sensory scene enables the people involved to indulge in more awareness of what they are feeling and their emotions. People use rope, handcuffs, whips, riding crops, feathers, and more to stimulate the body from a tickling sensation to varying degrees of pain.

Final Thought

Although everyone may not like BDSM, it’s evident that those who find it enjoyable have compelling reasons for doing so. Erotic cravings are complex, but again, that’s one of the reasons why it’s remarkable! Meet BDSM novices or seasoned experts in our sex-positive community here.

If you are among BDSM lovers, Check out our blog to read similar posts.

7 Exciting Sex Rituals You’ve Never Heard Of

Sex rituals are more common than you think. Many believe that ancient people led a puritanical way of life, but many ancient civilizations openly embraced sex and even organized festivals and rituals in its honor. Most of which are people now consider sexual perversions.

Top 7 Ancient Sex Rituals

A lesbian holiday in Ancient Greece

The feast of Aphrodisia, the Aphrodite, celebrated in Thessaly, was a lesbian-centred holiday. It began with erotic flogging, then the women threw off their clothes and bathed in the sea. Coming ashore, the “horse-goddesses” pleased each other in all possible ways. No men were allowed in the ceremony.

Bacchanalia in Ancient Rome

Once upon a time , The Roman Empire considered March 17 the most shameless day of the year. We are talking about the spring holiday of rebirth – the Roman Bacchanalia. The sexual activities of the Romans were especially violent in the bacchanals. Married women, admirers of Bacchus, seduced young men. Over time, the Bacchantes went so far as to deprive their own sons of innocence.

During the Bacchic orgies, everyone copulated with everyone, including men with men. If you refused to participate in lewdness you were dead. The sect consisted mainly of people of high origin. The Romans were liberated in matters of sex practices such as coitus, cunnilingus, masturbation, and fellatio, passing them the down to modern times.

Roman sadists, pioneers in ancient sex

In Rome, sexual orgies were often accompanied by sadomasochism. The emperors practised savage cruelty and terrible torture. Caligula was excited only if he saw the blood and torment of other people. He’d order slaves and servants hands to be cut off, tortured, and sawed in half.

The Roman Emperor Nero would dress in animal skins and attack men and women tied to pillars, raping them. Then his lover, Dorimach, would perform homosexual acts with tyrants.

Animals did partake in sexual practices in the ancient times. In those days, bestiality was also widespread. The animals had special training to mate with females. If the girls or women resisted, then the animal attempted rape. Various animals had training for such events: bulls, giraffes, leopards and cheetahs, wild boars, zebras, stallions, donkeys, huge dogs, monkeys, and others! All these animals copulated with humans both vaginally and anally. Yikes!

The fall into sin of the clergy in Europe

The clergy violated the commandment “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” In 1501, fifty prostitutes attended a festival in the palace of Pope Alexander VI. The ladies danced with the guests, and by the end of the evening, they were completely naked. Men would throw chestnuts at their feet. The prostitutes would pick up the fruits, crawling on all fours. The reward for the one who committed the greatest number of acts with courtesans was precious jewelry.

In 1561, the Italian Priest Pietro Leon was accused of having a connection with hundreds of sisters. He made beautiful nuns undress and swim naked. The sinner watched the sisters and then, getting angry enough, covered the girls in turn.

Feast “Elysian Mysteries” in Ancient Greece

In autumn, the Greeks celebrated the Elysian Mysteries for nine days. A procession of several thousand people, decorated with myrtle branches, marched to the sea to perform bathing and cleansing. Copulation was an integral part of the ritual. On the sixth day, the participants walked from Athens to Elysium, carrying burning torches and ears of the new harvest. There began noisy, merry festivities with abundant libations. Incest was part of the celebration. The priests obliged women to refrain from sexual intercourse for nine days before the mystery: to build up their sexual tension that they would unleash to the fullest extent possible during the holiday.

Ancient Greece did not know a prohibition on masturbation either. The revered sage Diogenes, according to legend, loved to do this in the public market.

Homosexual relationships were seen as a natural complement to male love and friendship, and such an adult-adolescent relationship was seen as mentoring. Simply because it creates lively affections between the mentor and mentee.

Toys for adults in the ancient world

Archaeologists claim that toys for adults were trendy among the ancients. The oldest stone dildo is estimated to be 26,000 years old. The Egyptian Queen Cleopatra even used a vibrator made of a hollow pumpkin filled with live bees.

Ancient sex practices of Greeks and Romans not only used dildos but also tried to modernize them in every possible way. They invented leather covers for wooden and stone sex toys. According to surviving written sources, Greek women staged a sex strike during the Peloponnesian War because the import of quality leather dildos stopped.

Ancient Sex in China: Sex toys and BDSM 

Many in ancient China believed in Taoism where women and men were divided into Yin and Yang. The female and male principles respectively. The act of making love in this country was called “the art of the bedroom”. It was a present in exchange of energies.

They believed that people should not only preserve Yang but also maximize feminine Yin. Monogamy seemed to be a cultural norm among the poor, while the rich believed it would lead to serious illness or death. Men did not hesitate to use the services of prostitutes, called the givers of Yang.

Virgins were considered the personification of evil on earth because they did not want to share their energy. The Chinese aristocrats considered sadism a way to release negative energy – it was available to both women and men.

Attitudes towards masturbation were quite different between genders. For a man, it is forbidden because it promised unnecessary waste of Yang while for a woman it is considered an inexhaustible source of Yin. Women from wealthy families used ivory dildos while cheaper options were made of noble wood and varnish.

There is nothing shameful in satisfying your desires because it is natural in human nature. The very desire to satisfy ourselves has been present within us for centuries. It is the acceptance of pursuing our desires by cultural norms that changes over time. Therefore, do not try to adapt to modern public opinion. We have a history of practising unusual ways of self-satisfaction and even whole holidays and events dedicated to this. Be yourself, enjoy your life and try new or ancient sex practices. After all, your sexual desires should be a priority for you.

Wanna try some sexy rituals of your own? Check out our other posts!

Kink Apps and Fascinating Reasons People Are Drawn to Them

We believe the mind is a sex organ, and pleasing it requires a little imagination.

Before considering why people like kink apps, you first need to understand the term “kink.” Centuries ago, perversion meant everything that the church did not accept, but the view on this concept changed over time. Many people believed that kink is to have sex for your pleasure and not for the sake of childbirth. 

But with the development of civilization and science, the concept of sexual perversion is no longer condemned if it does not contradict the law and does not harm others. 

Before Kink Apps, Kink was Considered Perverted

In modern times, there is a specific concept of “norms” in sexual relations between people. What is a perversion for some is an ordinary sex life for others. Regular sex can be just foreplay of the genitals and other body parts that bring pleasure and direct sexual intercourse between mature people with mutual consent. Anything that crosses these “norms” is considered a perversion.

According To Sexologists, the Following Practices Are Perverted: 

  • Masochism is the enjoyment of pain caused by another person. This pain can be through lashes, spanking, strangulation, hot wax dripping on the body, binding, and subsequent numbness of the limbs. Masochism, in some cases, can be much more, which brings discomfort and pain for most people.
  • Sadism is the enjoyment of hurting another person. These are often similar methods of inflicting pain as in masochism but more brutal and may lead to injury. 
  • Transvestism is the pleasure of dressing up in women’s clothes. Sexologists attribute this type of perversion more to a violation of psychological functions and self-perception.
  • Fetishism is pleasure causes by an object directly or indirectly related to the sexual sphere. It emerges of sexual desire and satisfaction during contact with inanimate items such as panties, shoes, and much more). 
  • Exhibitionism is the pleasure of showing your naked body to another person without his consent. 
  • Voyeurism is the pleasure of looking at a naked person without their consent. This kink is on the verge of breaking the law. A great example of this is when a voyeur records a video of an underage person.

There are many sexual kinks on kink apps that have not received much study but are nevertheless widespread.

Different Kinks Found on Kink Apps: 

  • Fisting is the penetration into the genitalia or anal opening with the fingers or a fist.
  • Urophilia is a sexual pleasure urinating on a partner or from a partner.
  • Coprophilia is sexual arousal and satisfaction from manipulation with partner’s feces.
  • Enema is getting sexual pleasure by injecting liquid or medical suppositories into the rectum.
  • Necrophilia is a sexual attraction to corpses and performing sexual acts with them.
  • Exaudirism is the uncontrollable desire of a person to listen to someone else’s sexual intercourse.
  • Acrotomophilia is a fetish from which a person derives sexual pleasure or arousal from having intercourse with or sexually fantasizing to an amputee.

The listed above are only a few of the many kinks on every kink apps. 

What Does Science Say About Kink? 

At this stage of studying this topic, scientists have not reached a consensus that can induce a person to engage in atypical sex drive and behaviors. There are a number of the most common causes that lead to such kinks. Let’s take a closer look at this:

Hormonal Disruptions in the body and Various Genetic Abnormalities

  • All kinds of birth trauma can disrupt the work of the brain 
  • Hereditary factors: There is an opinion that attraction to various sexual deviations transmits at the genetic level. Still, at the present stage of science, it is not a proven fact. 

A Negative Environment of Upbringing and Psychological Trauma

  • A hostile environment can create the desire for either submission or domination over your partner.
  • Deep psychological trauma. Late separation of the child from the mother is a psychological trauma variant. This trauma leads to dire consequences such as a complete failure in social relationships, peer relationships do not work out for one reason or another, and the child does not fit into society. It can lead to a misunderstanding of sexual relations, leading to various sexual deviations, such as the pleasure of peeping or eavesdropping on someone, to multiple types of fetishes. 

Disruption of the Endocrine System and Delayed Sexual Development

Disruption of the endocrine system creates delayed sexual development and the absence or delayed receipt of sex education. It could cause a person to confuse themselves as a sexual partner and the role of sex in their lives.


  • Abuse from certain types of psychotropic and narcotic substances: Being under various psychotropic substances leads to an impediment of social intelligence, which leads to the emergence of perverse sexual inclinations.
  • Certain types of psychological disorders, such as manic-depressive syndrome and schizophrenia: The most common causes of kinks, for this reason, create an obsession with sexual experience and pleasure. For example, you are having sex only with virgins or desire a sexual affair with animals. The most common results of this are the manifestation of desires in sadism and masochism. 

Many kinks, desires, and fantasies resulting from those mentioned earlier and other factors do not deviate from the norm. We should consider these kinks as usual as long as they don’t harm and violate the law.

So if you get absolute pleasure from your desires and kinky fantasies, then take pride in your kink! Everyone needs sexual satisfaction. Scientists have proven that a person who is satisfied with their sex life has better mental health.

Take care of your psychological and physical health; do not give up the desire to be kinky. Join our community to meet more kinksters like you! Join Foxtail now!

Discussing Kink: 3 Steps To Bring up Kink To Your Partner

Kink is one of those topics that can be uncomfortable to talk about with your partner, right? You may find it embarrassing to bring up the subject even when you are trying to seduce them. However, since you really want to learn how to talk kink with your partner, here are three straightforward steps that can help you.

1. Open up and talk about kink with confidence

Both you and your partner must be comfortable talking about kink with each other. If you can’t be comfortable with your partner who else will you be comfortable with? While there is no right or wrong way to talk about kink, a few tricks can kick you off. Once you have mastered these techniques, you will know how to talk kink with confidence. The first thing to talk about is what kind of kink you are comfortable with discussing. This means that you need to tell your partner if you want them to wear a t-shirt that says “bondage,” “wet dream,” or similar phrases. Maybe something a bit more extreme like needle play. If you do not know what your type is yet, that’s okay. You can ask your partner for help as you explore your options. Once you realize what works for you, you can begin to discuss what kind of clothing or role-playing activities you would like to engage in with your partner.

2. Talk about situations that might trigger kink fantasies

Everyone with a kink has their own triggers. For instance, your partner loves to make love as a couple but feels trapped in the matrimonial bed. You can talk about ways to make them more physically vulnerable. You might want to float the idea of having sex on the kitchen counter, while you make them a snack. If your partner is okay with it, discuss how you might explore the different positions that turn you on. A change in environment and thinking outside the norm may be what you need.

3. Acknowledge your own sexuality

Although this is the third point, it is the most important step. Both you and your partner must be comfortable with each other’s sexuality and your own. Being comfortable with each other’s sexuality is very important because of the many kinky sexual fantasies and practices that people may be unaware of. When you and your partner are comfortable with each other’s sexuality, you will be able to discuss kink more comfortably.

One of the biggest problems people have when talking about kink is they get defensive. This can come up whenever you feel that your partner is uncomfortable with their own sexuality. Instead of talking about kink with your partner, you could first start by getting used to talking about kink yourself. In other words, if you find that your partner is uncomfortable with talking about kink, consider simply not mentioning it directly. Example: “how do you feel about being choked, does it excite you?” However, this may backfire if you and your partner are not open to discussing your sex lives. Remember, there is no shame in acknowledging your own sexuality. After all, your sexuality is important to your relationship, so it would be a good idea to at least try to talk about kink.


By learning how to talk kink with your partner, you will both experience more open and honest communication within the relationship. Who wouldn’t want that? This is important because it can help to foster a more loving and understanding relationship. When you talk about kink with your partner, make sure not to come across as insecure. This is why it is very important to accept yourself before bringing up the topic to your partner. Don’t pressurize them either. This can come up because you are projecting your insecurities on your partner. Instead, be open and honest with one another and yourself about your own experiences with kink and how you can help your partner experience kink.

That’s it from me. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. If you and your partner talk about kink comfortably, we’d love to know how you got to this point. Leave a comment below on how you brought the topic up for discussion. Sign up on Foxtail to have discussions with people with the same kink interests as you.

For more on this checkout: Discuss Kink With Your Partner 101: The Essential Guide

Telltale Signs You Might Be A Swinger

Swingers battle lots of stigmas and stereotypes associated with the lifestyle. This is why many swingers keep their choices private. So someone who is swinger-curious might be at a loss with who to ask about the lifestyle. Never fear! Foxtail is here to help you out with your sexual quandary. If you are curious about swinging and are wondering whether you have it you to try it, keep reading.

Swingers love a themed party. 

Once you’re in the lifestyle, you can always find parties and events where swingers gather to socialize, tell juicy tales of adventure, find new partners, and chat about their fetishes. All while under a blacklight getting glow painted or wearing head to toe lace. This is very common, and most swingers would probably describe the parties as fun and enjoyable. Swingers love a good themed event to dress sexy for (or get naked for). If you go to just one or two of these parties, you will probably realize how much they are all about relaxation, sharing, and sex-positive communication while expressing yourself and just plain feeling cute. Compliments abound at swinger parties. You’ll see what I mean. :)

Fantasies about group sex.

Monogamy is lovely, but so are non-traditional relationship structures! It is okay if you want to have sex with other people, experience group sex, see your partner have sex with someone else, or explore your sexual curiosity! You can have all of those fantasies and still be committed to your relationship. Many couples say that swinging further enhances their intimacy and happiness together. Non-traditional, am I right?

Are you truly a swinger or is it just fantasy?

Some people wonder whether they can be swingers or if they’re just having sexual fantasies that are meant to stay in their heads, not their beds. The truth is that fantasies and feelings are just part of being human and sexual development. Even though you can have such fantasies never act on them, it does not mean that they are not real!

Feelings, especially about sex, can sometimes develop into actions. First, try talking about it with your partner. Discuss how it might feel to explore your relationship, share the fantasy with them. Let them know you don’t need to act on it yet, you’re just curious about the wet dream! Creating a safe space to explore your fantasy together will help you figure out if it’s really right for your relationship.

Final Thoughts

Truly discovering the swinger in you can be achieved by sharing your swinger fantasies with your partner and looking for others within the swinging community to chat with. You can find lots of swinging cuties in our sex-positive community here.

Visit our blog today to explore more. Good or bad, leave a comment below. We appreciate your thoughts.

Trouble In Paradise?-5 Easy Sex Tips To Spice Things Up

There comes a time in every relationship, regardless of how happy we are, that we need some sex tips to keep that magic in the bedroom. And FYI there’s nothing wrong with that. Many things like stress, change in hormones, or fading intimacy affect our sex life. Are you at a point where no amount of pillow talk or date nights can bring the intimacy back? We’ve all been there, so you need not worry. We have put together a list of sex tips experts believe will help spice things up. Well, as I always say, “it’s getting hot in here, so mind taking off your clothes?”. On second thoughts, consider leaving them on. Read on and you’ll understand why.

5 Easy Sex Tips

Keep Your Clothes On

For most people, taking off their clothes when having sex is normal. But as Dr. Juliana Morris suggests, leaving something on, maybe some heels or pantyhose can bring out the sexy side of you. Men, try unzipping your jeans, it is hotter than leaving your socks on. Sometimes going against the norm adds to the excitement, right?

Have Fun Together

This is one of our most important sex tips. Sometimes, having fun together helps keep the intimacy. Plan to go on a hike together, try out new restaurants, or other activities you both enjoy. Try engaging in an activity that does not involve sex with your partner. This will help you pay attention to one another and build desire. Activities outside the bedroom can be equally intimate and can act as a form of foreplay, which will help ignite your desire and increase pleasure.


When was the last time you sent a provocative text? Do you let your partner know what is on your mind? You might not know where to start, but an excellent place to start is, “want me to wear my fuck heels tonight?”. You may have to consider getting those fuck heels! You are not limited to heels alone, get creative!

Try a Lubricant

This one of the most underrated sex tips, the power of lubricants. A flavoured oral lubricant can enhance oral, vaginal, and anal sex. Even if you are not an orally aroused kind of person, a sweet lubricant will be a game-changer. Always discuss with your partner their preferences so you can choose a lube you love that will not irritate or cause an allergic reaction.

Switch Locations

Try the kitchen counter, the hallway, the balcony, or even on the couch. A friend once recommended the bedroom closet. The place does not necessarily matter as long as you pick a place that is not your usual spot. You never know; the environmental change, the smells, sounds will keep your sex life and intimacy going.

Sex Tips Bonus: Hire A Sex Coach

our list is quite helpful but may not get the job done. If you find it difficult to have a sex-related conversation with your partner, a third party just may be a lifesaver. This might be embarrassing to many, especially those that prefer to keep their sex life private. There are many sex coaches you can hire online or in-person who will help add extra insights to your sex life. The best tip for this is to know that it is okay to ask for help sometimes. It does not undermine you, your character, or your relationship.

It is very important to go the extra mile in your relationship especially when you hit a slump. Let it be a team effort between you and your partner. These tips are not gender-specific and will work best with teamwork. If you ask me, working on your relationship should be a major turn-on for your partner!

Well, there you have it. These tips are what you need for the best sex life you have been longing for. If there is a sex tip that has worked for you and is not on our list, leave a comment, we’d love to hear from you. There’s no such thing as too much help, yes? If you’re interested in going the extra mile to spice things up in the boudoir, check out our blog to learn about all things kink.

BDSM And Sexual Trauma – BDSM Blog

“Can interest in BDSM  arise from sexual trauma?” This is a common question, especially for those new to the lifestyle. They wonder whether their interest in being “in the mood” for BDSM is really genuine or influenced by their past. 

Well, let’s find out together! Shall we?

What is Sexual Trauma?

Trauma, particularly the one stemming from sex, can unconsciously fuel an exciting and potent sexual energy. Most people never experience any form of trauma in their lifetime, but some do. For example, sexual abuse survivors experience stress and anxiety. This can drive them to turn to pornography to escape the pain and stress. 

Sexual trauma can also lead someone to develop an intense interest in BDSM. If you have been the victim of some form of trauma or know someone who has, you can benefit from exploring the possibilities that BDSM offers.  

Does BDSM Cause Sexual Trauma?

One of the primary questions people ask about BDSM is how much can it hurt? In my experience, BDSM is a very intimate form of relationship. Some people view it as a form of slavery or a relationship between a master and slave. Others, however, view it as a romantic or sexual fantasy.

Regardless of what you view as the truth behind the question, one thing is true: trauma can bring a person into a state of “hyper-realism.” This state can be mentally and emotionally healing. It can lead to creativity and imagination. It can even lead to a desire for trauma. 

And once you begin to explore the possibilities that BDSM can offer, you may start to deeply understand the trauma that created your sexual interest in BDSM.

Does this mean that you should avoid sex because you are afraid of trauma? Of course not. If you have been abused as a child, threatened with violence or harm, or been the subject of ridicule because of your sexual orientation, then your sexuality can undoubtedly be tinged with trauma. Similarly, if you were the victim of rape as a child, or if you were the target of hate crimes, then your sexuality can also indeed be riddled with trauma. 

If you have faced any of these things in your life, my advice is to seek therapeutic help and work through them.

I can tell you that there are sane, informed professionals or experienced people in BDSM. They have been practising this lifestyle long enough to know what’s what and can offer genuine help to couples and individuals struggling with these issues. 

They can help you deal with your anxiety about exploring BDSM, and they can give you the tools to analyze it successfully. You can find them and know more about how they can help you on Foxtail.