BDSM And Abusive Relationships: What Are The Differences?

There’s a fine line between BDSM and an abusive relationship and drawing that line can be confusing. People often ask the difference between a BDSM relationship and an abusive one. They may be surprised to learn that there are many. Do you want to find out whether a relationship involving BDSM is abusive? Read on.

Abusive BDSM Relationship

Abuse in a BDSM relationship is possible. It can include a high level of physical violence and/or verbal abuse. Examples of physical violence are slapping, hitting, or even using a broken piece of glass as a weapon. Examples of verbal abuse are put-downs, insults, and blaming the other person. BDSM can lead to this if boundaries are not and consent is thrown out of the window just because it is “meant to be’ violent.

For instance, one might tell their partner that they wished their partner was dead or injured. Other forms of abuse are death threats or threats of bodily harm. We can guarantee you that these are not part of BDSM. Eventually, this can force victims to hide in fear, relocate or leave their place of employment.

Physical Contact in Abusive Relationships vs BDSM

Physical intimacy is about touch and conveys the intentions of a connections in ways that words can not describe. Physical contact can occur in a BDSM relationship but is not the same as having sex. The people who are involved discuss consent and rules concerning physical contact on the first date. Then once they agree, physical contact can take place. But, this does not mean that all physical contact in a BDSM relationship will be non-sexual. Many people who practice BDSM enjoy making love or performing kinky sex which includes role-playing and erotic touching.

Other types of abuse in BDSM relationship

Can one person in a BDSM relationship verbally and emotionally abuse the other? Could a BDSM relationship turn into an abusive one? The answer to both questions is yes. If a BDSM couple is always angry and blaming each other then abuse could happen. Be careful about how you speak to your partner and take into account their feelings before saying anything to them. Have you heard the saying, be kind to others always for you know not the battles they fight? You’d rather hid to it lest someone unleashes their frustration on you!

The first image shows how BDSM moves from consent to aftercare. Communication, constant check-ins, and agreement ensure that players respect boundaries and each other.

The second image shows the cycle from setup and planning to guilt. The honeymoon and excuses lure the victim into a false sense of security. One has to be careful about what they choose to believe.

There are set rules in BDSM, even though the reasons for playing differ. Some couples practice BDSM because they feel neglected and sexually frustrated. Others feel they cannot please their partners because of physical limits.

Some women find sexual activities traumatic. Yet, they seek them out to escape from life problems. Note that the activities can still be abusive, especially if they are not consensual or take place in a public space.

BDSM players must set their limits, agree on safety, and then explore situations with one another. Good communication is the difference between BDSM and abusive relationships.

In conclusion…

BDSM players use the motto ‘safe, sane, and consensual’ to describe suitable actions for sexual encounters that have violence. They reach consent through the use of long dialogues, agreed-on checklists, and safe words.

The best way to avoid an abusive scenario is to make sure that partners understand the difference between the two. Both partners should draw lines where needed and respect each other’s boundaries.

Finally, what do you do if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship? Stop, immediately. Leave the relationship. Find new people who respect your boundaries. Share this article to raise awareness and help people know more about the difference between BDSM and abuse.

Sign up on Foxtail to share your experience on BDSM and abusive relationships or to have conversations with others concerning this topic. We are not limited to one particular topic. There is a variety to choose from to satisfy your kinky needs.

Healing From Your Worst Trauma with BDSM

Many people are not aware of the healing power of BDSM. Some think that BDSM is a bizarre practice. However, it can be highly therapeutic for sexual trauma victims. BDSM helps people regain a sense of power, take control over their bodies and their sexual choices. If you or anyone in your life has experienced any sexual trauma, maybe exploring BDSM is the way to go.

There are many benefits of practising BDSM within a safe and loving environment. It can provide the courage you need to overcome any trauma or pain you may have struggled with. I’ve researched this topic extensively and I am confident this guide will help you find healing in BDSM.

Choosing BDSM for Healing

Have you set your goals for future sexual experiences? If not yet, set them as soon as possible. Setting boundaries for your sex life can help keep BDSM fun and exciting. Obviously you should know the future dynamics of your relationship. Setting limits for yourself is most important. You will have to decide how you are willing to be touched, talked to, and more. Know your MATHS (Motivations, A-OKs, Triggers, Hard-limits, Safe Word). If you keep these in mind you’ll avoid a lot of unneeded trauma.

It is equally important to set boundaries for your own body as well as setting boundaries for your relationship. For people who may be suffering from sexual trauma or are ashamed and frightened by their own sexuality, BDSM can be an amazing way to express their true self. If you are scared of harming yourself, there are people open to teaching BDSM thru an online community. They will help guide you to doing things correctly. This might mean you need to get our of your comfort zone and talk to others about what gives you pleasure and why.

Sexual Trauma and BDSM

BDSM is not gender-specific. It’s kinky and sex positive. Many people experience the empowerment that comes from being able to play out a situation that might have scarred them as the other party. That’s truly a sign of transmuting pain into pleasure. You may find yourself questioning your own identity while exploring your likes and limits in BDSM. However, learning more about yourself can only lead to further healing.

For those of you who have been sexually abused or ashamed of your past experiences, it is possible to practice BDSM to heal from inside and find new ways to connect with your partner. If you want to explore this aspect of BDSM or are one of the many trauma survivors out there, you can easily set boundaries with your partner. These boundaries can range from casual to more serious relationships. Once you are comfortable with your boundaries, you will not feel threatened by your partner’s enjoyment. Trust is a must in BDSM.

Now I hope that you are more open to the benefits of practicing BDSM. It is worth trying for anyone with a background in trauma around sex to incorporate kink into their sex lives. However, always ensure that your relationship with your partner is based on mutual love, respect, and trust. By following best practices, you can strengthen your relationships with others and find a way to bring your sexual identity into the light where it belongs.

Finally, when you are able to enjoy the benefits of BDSM, you will thank yourself for being open to learning how to set boundaries for your sexual expression and enjoyment. Start with the basics with this BDSM Tool Guide.

If you find this article helpful, feel free to check out our kinky blog. You can also connect with other like-minded individuals on Foxtail.

How To: BDSM Sex Tools for Beginners

Were you thinking about spicing up your sex life? We are here to support beginners like you as you explore the wonderful world of BDSM. Since the realm of BDSM can seem overwhelming, it is best to start with understanding what does BDSM means. BDSM is an umbrella term for Bondage and Restraint, Dominance and Submissive and Sadism, and Masochism.

On the surface, these terms might sound daunting and scary. However, the BDSM culture and lifestyle are safe and consensual. The goal is to boost pleasure and to make your partner feel happy.

BDSM is erotic and adds spice to the bedroom. Incorporating aspects of this into your bedroom doesn’t take much effort or money. The Fifty Shades of Grey franchise shined a light into this world, and it was a success. This movie showcases a variety of BDSM sex tools and shows how to use them.

We’ve listed some recommendations for you to tiptoe into the BDSM world! Ready?

Quick BDSM Tip:

BDSM kits

If you are a newbie, you might want to do some homework first. Research some BDSM tutorials and articles from our blog that can help you understand how BDSM works. Aside from that, look out for sex-positive workshops and events.

Scenarios and boundaries require a discussion with your partner before you start this play. It is essential to examine the intensity and extremes you want to experience and the safe words you want to use.  Before entering this kind of activity, you and your partner needed to understand each other’s perspectives, reactions, and feelings towards this session.



Recommendation: BDSM Sex Tools for Beginners | $2.90

If there’s one thing all sensation sluts in BDSM love, it is the blindfold. Blindfolds are one of the many things that come to mind each time anyone hears the word submission. A blindfold helps to maximize a sensual experience. Experts say that restricting one’s senses opens doors to the other senses.

Collars and Chokers

collars and chokers for BDSM

Recommendation: Genuine Leather BDSM Bondage Set | $26.38

Collars are part of a visual accouterment of BDSM, Submissives usually wear these to show they are owned. Dominants use this as a symbol of ownership similar to wedding rings ;). A Submissive that wears a collar signifies consensual ownership between a dominant and a submissive.

Unlike collars, chokers do not symbolized committed relationships. They signify a dominant or a submissive relation. Chokers are often used to create a specific physical sensation around the neck.



Recommendation: Breathable Open Mouth Ball Gag | $9.75 – $15.15

These are great for people who have oral fixations. Gags are often combined with bindings during BDSM play and are often used by the submissive to give the dominant partner more control. Dominants are using gags to make the submissive feel more helpless or as punishment or humiliation.

Pro Tip:  It is essential to establish a safe word gesture when using gags. A safeword gestures such as snapping fingers or giving an item to hold that they can drop in case they needed to speak.



Recommendation: Soft Adjustable Erotic Bondage Rope Handcuffs | $12.25

Restrainers are perhaps the bread and butter of the BDSM world. Restraints can range from simple to complex. If you are a beginner, you should start with a simple tool like cuffs. Cuffs are a great introduction to constraints. Keep the cuffs loose in a way that you can slip them off without the keys.

As you gain experience, confidence, and trust in your partner, ropes are excellent in BDSM play. Don’t go into rope tying before proper instruction as it can lead to permanent damage.



Recommendation: 7-18 pcs Premium BDSM Set | $28.25

These add a bit of versatility to BDSM play. Floggers are made of multiple strips of fabric, commonly leather or suede. These are used to gently stroke your partner and increase the intensity of play. Floggers are an excellent tool for beginners because the multiple strips help dull the impact.

Pro Tip: Test the flogger first onto your skin before you do it to your partner. In that case, you will know much impact you can only inflict on your partner. Avoid flogging near the face or genitals.

Nipple Clamps

Nipple clamps

Recommendation: Magnetic Ball Nipple Clamps | $2.48 – $3.98

Just like the name implies, these are used to stimulate sensation on the nipples. These are good for people who associate pain with pleasure. For starters, be sure to look for adjustable clamps. You can start on the lowest pressure by placing the clamp on the base of the nipple.

Pro Tip: You feel the most pain once you take it off. Monitor and minimize the time you have them on. For starters, it is recommended to clamp nipples for a few seconds then continue with 15-minute intervals.

Explore the world of BDSM to spice up your sex life. Do not settle for vanilla; enjoy other flavours too!

Have you chosen a suitable BDSM toy for you and your partner? Feel free to check our shop, where you can find various items for your BDSM play tonight!

Trouble In Paradise?-5 Easy Sex Tips To Spice Things Up

There comes a time in every relationship, regardless of how happy we are, that we need some sex tips to keep that magic in the bedroom. And FYI there’s nothing wrong with that. Many things like stress, change in hormones, or fading intimacy affect our sex life. Are you at a point where no amount of pillow talk or date nights can bring the intimacy back? We’ve all been there, so you need not worry. We have put together a list of sex tips experts believe will help spice things up. Well, as I always say, “it’s getting hot in here, so mind taking off your clothes?”. On second thoughts, consider leaving them on. Read on and you’ll understand why.

5 Easy Sex Tips

Keep Your Clothes On

For most people, taking off their clothes when having sex is normal. But as Dr. Juliana Morris suggests, leaving something on, maybe some heels or pantyhose can bring out the sexy side of you. Men, try unzipping your jeans, it is hotter than leaving your socks on. Sometimes going against the norm adds to the excitement, right?

Have Fun Together

This is one of our most important sex tips. Sometimes, having fun together helps keep the intimacy. Plan to go on a hike together, try out new restaurants, or other activities you both enjoy. Try engaging in an activity that does not involve sex with your partner. This will help you pay attention to one another and build desire. Activities outside the bedroom can be equally intimate and can act as a form of foreplay, which will help ignite your desire and increase pleasure.


When was the last time you sent a provocative text? Do you let your partner know what is on your mind? You might not know where to start, but an excellent place to start is, “want me to wear my fuck heels tonight?”. You may have to consider getting those fuck heels! You are not limited to heels alone, get creative!

Try a Lubricant

This one of the most underrated sex tips, the power of lubricants. A flavoured oral lubricant can enhance oral, vaginal, and anal sex. Even if you are not an orally aroused kind of person, a sweet lubricant will be a game-changer. Always discuss with your partner their preferences so you can choose a lube you love that will not irritate or cause an allergic reaction.

Switch Locations

Try the kitchen counter, the hallway, the balcony, or even on the couch. A friend once recommended the bedroom closet. The place does not necessarily matter as long as you pick a place that is not your usual spot. You never know; the environmental change, the smells, sounds will keep your sex life and intimacy going.

Sex Tips Bonus: Hire A Sex Coach

our list is quite helpful but may not get the job done. If you find it difficult to have a sex-related conversation with your partner, a third party just may be a lifesaver. This might be embarrassing to many, especially those that prefer to keep their sex life private. There are many sex coaches you can hire online or in-person who will help add extra insights to your sex life. The best tip for this is to know that it is okay to ask for help sometimes. It does not undermine you, your character, or your relationship.

It is very important to go the extra mile in your relationship especially when you hit a slump. Let it be a team effort between you and your partner. These tips are not gender-specific and will work best with teamwork. If you ask me, working on your relationship should be a major turn-on for your partner!

Well, there you have it. These tips are what you need for the best sex life you have been longing for. If there is a sex tip that has worked for you and is not on our list, leave a comment, we’d love to hear from you. There’s no such thing as too much help, yes? If you’re interested in going the extra mile to spice things up in the boudoir, check out our blog to learn about all things kink.

BDSM And Sexual Trauma – BDSM Blog

“Can interest in BDSM  arise from sexual trauma?” This is a common question, especially for those new to the lifestyle. They wonder whether their interest in being “in the mood” for BDSM is really genuine or influenced by their past. 

Well, let’s find out together! Shall we?

What is Sexual Trauma?

Trauma, particularly the one stemming from sex, can unconsciously fuel an exciting and potent sexual energy. Most people never experience any form of trauma in their lifetime, but some do. For example, sexual abuse survivors experience stress and anxiety. This can drive them to turn to pornography to escape the pain and stress. 

Sexual trauma can also lead someone to develop an intense interest in BDSM. If you have been the victim of some form of trauma or know someone who has, you can benefit from exploring the possibilities that BDSM offers.  

Does BDSM Cause Sexual Trauma?

One of the primary questions people ask about BDSM is how much can it hurt? In my experience, BDSM is a very intimate form of relationship. Some people view it as a form of slavery or a relationship between a master and slave. Others, however, view it as a romantic or sexual fantasy.

Regardless of what you view as the truth behind the question, one thing is true: trauma can bring a person into a state of “hyper-realism.” This state can be mentally and emotionally healing. It can lead to creativity and imagination. It can even lead to a desire for trauma. 

And once you begin to explore the possibilities that BDSM can offer, you may start to deeply understand the trauma that created your sexual interest in BDSM.

Does this mean that you should avoid sex because you are afraid of trauma? Of course not. If you have been abused as a child, threatened with violence or harm, or been the subject of ridicule because of your sexual orientation, then your sexuality can undoubtedly be tinged with trauma. Similarly, if you were the victim of rape as a child, or if you were the target of hate crimes, then your sexuality can also indeed be riddled with trauma. 

If you have faced any of these things in your life, my advice is to seek therapeutic help and work through them.

I can tell you that there are sane, informed professionals or experienced people in BDSM. They have been practising this lifestyle long enough to know what’s what and can offer genuine help to couples and individuals struggling with these issues. 

They can help you deal with your anxiety about exploring BDSM, and they can give you the tools to analyze it successfully. You can find them and know more about how they can help you on Foxtail.

Kink Dating Apps: 3 Undeniable Ways They Boost Happiness

Kink dating apps help you find other people who are more sex-positive then those you find on other apps. These apps help connect individuals that enjoy engaging in kinky experiences. Finding people who share you erotic interests can be exhausting and sometimes dangerous. By using an app such as Foxtail, you are able to safely find those who share our kinky interests and experience the heights of our sexuality.

Finding someone who understands and accepts you on kink dating apps

Those who participate in a BDSM relationships do so because they find that they enjoy a power exchange dynamic on a sexual level. Kinksters in general are more of an accepting group of people. Due to the fact kink involves others, you will soon find there are a plethora of communities that will accept you.

The best way to find people who will help you experience the kind of kinks your prefer is to be honest. In your profile be as honest and vulnerable as possible. Honesty is sex so you have nothing to lose by bearing it all.

Knowing and accepting yourself in return

Meeting people on kink dating apps can give you that unconditional positive feeling that can changes in your life. Discovering your kink is a great way to overcome any feelings of self-consciousness or shame that you may have. By opening yourself to your true sexual tendencies, you will realize that you want to explore other parts of yourself. BDSM, for example, can improve mental health and leads to feeling more comfortable in your skin.

Taking control over your sexuality

The truth is, any lifestyle change can be good for mental health. There are some areas of BDSM that can provide excellent mental health benefits. When learning how BDSM can improve mental health, keep in mind that the reason people get involved in BDSM is that they want to have power over time and place. While this certainly can lead to some positive mental health benefits this is far from the only reason people participate in BDSM. Many people find it a release or a new path to explore and find that this lifestyle can lead to feelings of empowerment over their sexuality that they may not have had before.

Thus, knowing where to find people for BDSM play becomes crucial in your quest for increased sexual pleasure. You can control what kinds of people you speak to and share with. Controlling your sexuality with the help of a dating app like this ensures you will be able to move at your own speed.

Not sure where to start? As mentioned above, you can find and explore with people with whom you have common interests by signing up on one of the best kink dating apps today. When you decide to explore the exciting world of BDSM, you will find that the benefits can start to take effect almost immediately. <3

How To Make Your Sub Happy: 4 Sex Skills To Keep Them Coming Back

Sex skills are essential in BDSM play. Sensual play is finding its way into the mainstream, with studies showing advantages like reducing stress and better relationships among couples. From gentle tickles to extreme nipple torture, BDSM has evolved through time, but the basis of a BDSM relationship is the connection between the Dom and Sub.

Tips on Making Your Sub Happy

If you are a Dom and looking for a way to keeping your Sub happy and coming back, you might want to consider these tips.

1. Use Your Mouth to Give Shivers All Over

Your mouth can inflict more excitement or arousal than any other area of your body. You can do numerous things to your partner’s body and various locations you can do it, whether you do it by licking, sucking, or biting.

Even if the part you chose is not that sexually sensitive, biting will have the same impact as scratching, but on a different level.

2.   Grope, Pin, or Grind 

Grope your partner as if you are claiming every inch of them as your property. Do not be hesitant. If you want something, take control and snatch them. They’ll get a sense of helplessness that’ll boost arousal.

You can pin them on the couch, against the wall, on the bed, hunched over a table or counter. If nothing else is available, the floor will have to do. This behavior is common in Primal Play where ‘take downs’ are more common. Whatever you do, keep in mind that this is not to attack your sub, but just another way of claiming them to be yours and no one else’s.

These kinds of sex skills allow you to exhibit your true alpha nature.

3.  Let Them Pleasure You

Just because you’re in control doesn’t imply you’re the only one who should make all the moves. You can let them kneel on the floor and tell them to give you pleasure. If they are lying on their back, move around, so you’re over their head and urge them to keep making those sexy sounds.

Keeping them occupied, this is key to keep them interested.

4. Control Their Orgasms

You may use this in various ways, like teasing, delaying, or repeatedly causing them to orgasm. Make them beg for it as you draw it out, this will ensure a mind-blowing climax.

On the other hand, you can also tell your sub when they should cum. This usually requires knowing enough about your submissive and knowing when they are ready. If yoursub sees you as the master of their orgasm, you’ll have a control over their mind you never imagined possible.

Participating in an intense D/s play session may be emotionally and physically draining for a submissive, leaving them weary and experiencing “sub drop.”

Mastering and freely giving aftercare to your sub, from communication to hugging to caring for their body, is one of the best ways to ensure they stay happy and keep coming back to you.

For more tips on managing and enjoying a BDSM relationship, you can check out our blog! You can also visit our shop for BDSM products to add spice to your sexual activities.

How To Be a Dom: 4 Steps To Tame Top Drop (Aftercare)

If you’ve wanted to be a dom, you may have heard the term “aftercare“. Conscientious kinksters use this practice after an intense sex BDSM session. In most cases, it ensures the sub is brought back to reality with care and affection. Doms get them drinks, food, blankets, cuddles, or whatever else they need. 

But this physical, mental, and emotional aftermath of BDSM play can lead to unstable states of consciousness, and people think that this only happens to subs, but that is not always the case. Doms also experience emotional drops, so this post will explain the four steps you need to follow to resolve top drops.

What is Dom Drop or Top Drop?

Tops have different altered states compared to bottoms, but they also exist. That intense focus on carrying out a scene, making sure it’s safe, and keeping it hot can cause a crash afterward. Tops occasionally enact forbidden desires, portraying the “bad guy” and doing prohibited things in everyday life. The act can flow perfectly, and still, the top may feel guilty, ashamed, or disgusted about their actions in the end. It might happen immediately, or a couple of hours or days later, and it’s called a top drop or dom drop.

You must know that top drops, like sub drops, come in different forms to be a dom. As the adrenaline reaches its limit and slowly or suddenly drops, you may feel unstable. You could feel embarrassed by how “rough” you were just now. You can be self-conscious, afraid that you weren’t “good enough.” You can criticize yourself for not being “perfect” if the scene didn’t quite work out. Or you can simply be in a terrible mood after a scene, party, or event. So what can you do?

4 Steps for Dom Aftercare

If you find yourself in this situation, you should never forget that feeling this way and seeking to be cared for would never make you less of a dom. So here are some ideas that you can catch to cope with a top-drop or dom-drop.

1. Be Open to Communicating Your Needs

Communication is key. First and foremost, speak with your partner. Make sure to discuss each other’s needs after playtime. If you’re inexperienced or if it’s your first time looking to be a dom as BDSM partners, you might need a bit more time together before you could ultimately find out who needs what. Feeling held and noticed by your partner might help you avoid top drop altogether. If it does, obtaining aftercare might assist you in regaining control of your mind.

So, before you start playing, make sure to have the answers to your thoughts on aftercare. The common questions that come to your mind can be:

  • Why is there a need for aftercare?
  • How would it be carried out?
  • How soon do you require it (immediately, the following day, etc.)?
  • Who will carry it out?

2. Make a Plan

Devise a strategy based on the questions above, this can vary greatly. Your demands may occasionally coincide in terms of timing and style, and you’ll be able to support each other. However, following a scene, either partner may opt to self-soothe or seek aftercare from someone who did not engage in the scene. Put some techniques in place ahead of time, whether you tend to feel drop shortly after a scene or hours or days after.

3. Execute Your Required Aftercare Practices

You could, for example, be insecure about your skills or embarrassed with what you have done. Your partner may require some tender loving care as well as feedback on how well they performed. Cuddling and affirming each other about the scene may create an atmosphere that can put both partner’s insecurities to rest.

You can, however, take turns. Perhaps some nibbles and a drink, as well as some caressing, is necessary. When they have returned to a more normal state of mind, you can also ask them ahead of time to look after you (and explain how). Thus aftercare practices will help you build strong post play relationships.

4. Have Constants

Finally, to be a dom make sure you have support if you have top drop frequently. Especially if there is a strong sense of guilt or insecurity and it lasts more than a few hours. Have a friend or two nearby who are just a text or call away. And, if you know you’ll have difficulties in the hours or days after a scene, ask your partner to check in on you, even if they’re not your usual partner.

However, if you are still in search of one, there are also groups that you can check out. They can be your local kink groups, or you can find some on Foxtail and discover people with similar interests and struggles to chat to online or in person. The things we perform may be emotionally draining, socially unacceptable, but physically demanding at times! You are not alone. Take care of yourself and your partner, and remember that you, too, deserve to be taken care of!

If you want to read out similar articles, feel free to check out our site. You can also connect with sex-positive neighbours check out Foxtail.

How To Be A Submissive

Well, I’m just going to assume that you are a newbie sub and wondering how an excellent submissive behaves. And I guess you are not familiar with the entire BDSM lifestyle and wondering how to satisfy and please your Master. Well, by doing your homework, you’re off to a good start!

Do you have what it takes to be a good submissive? Do you obey orders strictly like a well-behaved little bitch and let your master to use you as long as they like, or is it more complicated than that? If you want to know more, continue reading!

What Does Being Submissive Mean?

Submissive, often referred to as a sub, are sexual participants who voluntarily hand over some or all of their control to the dominant partner. This type of partnership is often referred to as a Domination/Submission (D/s) relationship in the BDSM community.

Submissive being dominated

Subs are sometimes referred to as “bottoms,” and their leading partner is the “top.” The sub can classify as any gender or sexuality. In LGBTQI+ relationships, gender is irrelevant, and one partner can still choose to take the dom role while the other takes the sub role.

Being submissive can mean different things to different people. To be submissive is to obey or yield to someone else. It may also involve various tasks given by the top. By submitting themselves to their dominant, subs enjoy pleasure from the knowledge that they are pleasing their dom.

If you want to start this kind of relationship without prior knowledge or experience, I would suggest you have a long talk about boundaries and your exceptions in a BDSM relationship. Try creating a BDSM contract and having negotiations with your dom.

What makes a Good Submissive

Every person is different, so are submissives. Many things can contribute to being a good submissive, and it is a personal development that occurs within each submissive. Having the right person to help make the journey can help accomplish the road for a submissive, but there are certain features found in many successful submissive.

Woman Being Submissive

If you aim to be a good and successful sub, we prepared some essential things that you need to keep in mind.

Learn What Drives Your Dom Crazy

To be a good submissive, you need to spend some time learning what drives your dom crazy —like knowing their fetishes and kink. It is essential to understand how to please your dom well. Understanding what gets the dom aroused will enable you to focus your efforts on doing the right things. Repeat this process to understand what annoys them about submissives or generally frustrates them in the bedroom so that you can avoid making any mistakes.

Express Your Preferences and Limits

If you are hesitant, you should explain to your dom what you would like to try and what you would not want to try under any circumstances — this is called your hard limit. One example of a hard limit is breath play. Hard limits do not have to be permanent, and you can change them in the future. Having a hard limit does not mean you cannot fully submit yourself to your dom; it just keeps both of you safe and happy.

Prepare Your Body and Environment

It is essential to ensure that your body is preparing for any activities you agreed with your dom. These activities can mean many different things like tied, gagging, and spanking.

Change Your Way of Thinking

To be a submissive, you need to learn to change your mindset completely. It may take some time to determine what to do, when, and how to respond to the needs of your dom — this process needs continuous reinforcement. There are cases that some submissives will undergo training led by their dom to prepare them psychologically before anything physical happens.

Request Permission

Being with your dom for a while will get you a bit comfortable and relaxed, but you must never try to do things impulsively. Always seek permission before you do anything to or with your dom — before you touch him or anything you want to do.

Surprise your Dom

It may seem unreasonable to surprise your dom when you have the rules to ask for permission before doing anything else. However, good submissives recognize the difference between a good surprise and a bad surprise. One example is giving a romantic or sexual service that you do not usually offer, such as a massage or making their favorite food or drink.

Ready To Accept Punishment

A D/s relationship begins with outlined the rules and the consequences when you break them. It is essential that you readily accept the punishment if you violate these rules. It is also needed for you to respond in the way your dom wants you to — to cry and beg them to stop and some not to utter a word.

Don’t Get Jealous

Although the common is to have just one submissive, it’s not unheard of that dom desires to have multiple submissives. One reason for this is because each person can cater to a different fetish. Do not get jealous or interrogate your dom about who their other subs are. A good submissive respects their dom’s decision.

Be Obedient

Well, this is the obvious tip! Obedience is usually the most difficult initially or for a few months, when a submissive may try to push the boundaries. A good submissive recognizes that you will never push any boundaries.


Real-life D/s is not you all see Fifty Shades of Grey. BDSM is a mutually beneficial experience that should be comforting, fun, thrilling, and orgasmic in most cases. If you are entering into it with reservations, then that is the sign that you shouldn’t be there at all!

Now, with all that said… bend over!

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