BDSM is a phrase you’ve likely come across if you’ve ever been in a pornhole (when you start googling thanks to Rule 34). It’s possible you have come across sex articles and forums on how to turn on your lover. When considering learning how to be dominant or submissive in the bedroom, there is quite a bit of information on BDSM. The key is to know your partner and what drives them. Also, you can both discuss the kinks that lie within the BDSM lifestyle. Let’s talk about how to sprinkle a little BDSM in the bedroom.
So… will you peg me?
Inquire with your partner
Ask your sex partner if they’ve heard of BDSM, what they know about it, and if they’re interested. It is critical to establish mutual interest and enthusiastic agreement.
You don’t want your sex partner to feel compelled to do something they don’t want to do. Open and honest communication and boundaries start here.
Always come up with safe words.
It’s critical to develop one or more safe words with your partner while you’re having this conversation. First, choose a phrase that will serve as a complete halt during sexual activity. Consider this safe word to be an off switch. If you or your partner uses it, even in the context of role-playing, dominance, or other kinky sex situations, you will both immediately stop. Reassess the case to ensure everyone is comfortable.
Safewords are especially useful when role-playing or practising sadism, masochism, dominance, or submission. Still, they can be used whenever someone is even slightly uncomfortable or wants to pause. Because those words may be part of the role play, especially if you’re practising extremely rough sex. Safewords are frequently used instead of partners simply saying “No” or “Stop.” Common in the BDSM community is RED and YELLOW. Red for when a limit is passed, stop. And yellow for when a limit is reached, slow down or lighten up.
Make a list of what you are and are not happy with.
Suppose this is your first time getting a little kinky. In that case, it might be helpful for each of you to make a list of kinky situations you’d like to try, as well as a list of your rigid boundaries. If you want to try anal but don’t want nipple clamps, your partner needs to know, and vice versa.
Know your MATHS
Building off the last topic is a concept we call MATHS:
- Motivations: What do you want to try
- A-OKs: What are you ok with doing
- Triggers: Activites or experiences that can cause mental conflict
- Hard limits: Things to that you should avoid at all costs
- Safe Words
Keep these in mind during your BDSM negotiations.
Consent, consent, and more consent!
It is critical to remember that consent can be revoked at any time, notably during BDSM play. Just because you’re both kinky or have tried something before doesn’t mean you’ll be into it forever. You and your partner should maintain open and consistent communication about your boundaries, likes, and dislikes and any limitations you may have.
Remember if it’s not a Fuck Yes!!! It’s a Hell No.
Continue the conversation.
When you first start experimenting with BDSM and kinky sex, you should check in with your partner regularly to ensure that you’re both having fun sexually and emotionally. It’s important to know that you both want to move forward. Discuss what is working for both of you, what isn’t, and what you might want to try in the future in a nonjudgmental manner.
Regular check-ins are the best way to maintain enthusiastic consent. This is a must if BDSM is new to you, you’re trying a new type of sex act, or you’re with a new partner to ensure everyone is on the same page.
Aftercare is critical.
It’s also critical to tend to you and your partner’s emotional needs before and after BDSM sex acts. Especially if they’re rough or involve any role-playing, such as dominance and submission, or sadism and masochism. It may help to have a soothing conversation after a tense scene but discuss it with your partner to see what works best for both of you. BDSM can be an exciting, kinky addition to your sex life. Still, it is critical to maintaining active, enthusiastic consent and communication.
Exploring BDSM with your partner can be a rewarding life-changing experience. Typically people see sex as dynamic and love to switch it up. Change is exciting. The longer we’re together, we can fall into a sexual routine that can leave us feeling unfulfilled. BDSM can be the change we need.
Stay tuned to Pleasure Uncensored for BDSM and Kink content to give you and your partner(s) more ideas and add a little spice to your vanilla.